Best tips for speaking in public–share them (or see them) here in the comments box and help those who plan to give a speech in the coming year!
Photo, above: A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to talk at Shakespeare and Company bookshop in Paris, in 2010. See the right-hand corner of the screen, where the video camera captured a part of the speaker. The video follows, after today's story column.
Today's word: parler en public
: to speak in public
Audio file: listen to Jean-Marc read the French words, below Download MP3 or Wav file
La bouche sèche, les mains moites, des sueurs froides, et la voix coincée ou les balbutiements–le trou de mémoire–adieu, maintenant, la peur de parler en public! Dry mouth, clammy hands, cold sweats, the voice that's stuck or stammering–the mind that draws a blank–good riddance, now, to the fear of public speaking!
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
Reader Debbie Ambrous wrote with good news: after publishing her first book A French Opportunity (available in paperback or Kindle), she will present it to a live audience! Only, like 99 percent of the population, Debbie is uncertain about her upcoming presentation. In her email, she asks if I have any tips for her presentation?
As someone who has passed out (twice) before a live audience I'm not sure I'm the one to answer Debbie's question. So I am asking readers, now, to please share helpful public speaking tips–and pointers on how to organize and prepare for an upcoming talk–here. Meantime, I will tell you about a very positive public speaking experience with you. The following story was written three years ago….
* * *
Désaxé refers to a "mentally disoriented" person. It also means off-centered. I might have been both on Monday night, while speaking before an audience in Paris. Instead, I did not feel the familiar disorientation, at least not mentally. There was calm, peace, and deliverance on the day of my discours.
Oh to be delivered from the chains that bind us! Troubled and tortured no more! Free to enjoy daily life without the nagging nerves that keep us from the present moment, detached from those oft-crossed connections that cry feed me, fill me, comfort the out-of-control me.
By grace I have been set free in other areas of my life and so recognized the miracle on Monday night. And it didn't even matter that my body trailed behind, still smarting from injuries of times past. As my skin sweat, as my nose ran, as my hands searched for a place to rest behind the mic and the brightly lit stand… my mind juggled, with ease, enough inner conversations to amuse even Docteur Freud et Cie.
There, in a second story arrière boutique packed with books and book lovers, I stood. My back to Notre Dame, which lit the rippling River Seine below, I looked out over the hushed room, far as my blurry eyes could see. That is when that proverbial pin dropped, giving volume and clarity to the clatter of voices within me.
Untroubled yet astonished by the mind's ability to juggle, I listened to the handful of conversations in my head… and marveled at how words marched out of my mouth, by memory.
As my speech continued to deliver itself I tuned in, now and then, to the other speakers within. One of them was saying: You need to wipe your nose. In about thirty seconds it will drip, you have another twenty seconds to talk, but, I'm warning you, get ready to pull out that Kleenex in your pocket.
Another voice, busy taking account of the number of frozen faces in the room, went like this: they look so serious. They may be bored. Yes, the audience looks bored! Get ready to bifurcate at the next paragraph… Lighten up, speed up, or perhaps a joke? No, don't take the risk. Steady goes…
Meantime, the first voice reminded, Okay, time now to search for that Kleenex. Perhaps you can turn your head, toward Notre Dame? No, that would be even more conspicuous. Why not use your scarf? Just act as if you are drying your sweaty brow.
A third voice suggested: Indeed, you are going to look very bad wiping your nose. This voice was dismissed by another, which argued, You'll be horrified if it drips! It is okay to wipe your nose.Blow it if you have to!
While one voice monitored my vital signs and another, my speech—getting all my memorized points across to the audience, a fourth voice monitored the obstacle course beneath me: Careful not to trip over the mic cord, it said. Keep your lips close to the mic, but don't burn your chin on the light bulb, just beneath.
If the look on my face was one of amusement and delight, the video camera (there on a bookshelf to my right) was sure to be capturing it all. I would later learn that the captured image was completely désaxé (with the sweaty speaker all the way to the right of the screen. Looking at her, I watch her wipe her brow, her nose. I watch as she runs her hand through her hair. I watch as she takes in a deep breath before stepping up to the mic, at which point she nearly steps off screen. It doesn't matter that her body has not yet caught up with her mind. Off-centered or désaxé, she is doing, after all, just fine.
***
(The following clip begins with an explanation on how I managed to book a talk at the famous Parisian bookstore…. If you cannot see the video, below, click over to the blog to view it. )
Related stories:
"Ange" – about George Whitman's passing, and meeting this beloved character for the first time.
Jean-Marc and I are hosting the AMA Waterways Paris to Normandy cruise on this ship, the Amalegro. More information on this November getaway, here in this brochure.
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Hi Kristin,
I haven’t had to speak in public that often, but when I have it is always nerve wracking and my heart starts racing, I feel weak in the knees, etc. Did you really pass out a couple of times?
I think being well prepared is key and also smiling and maybe connecting with the audience before you begin your talk. Maybe a little story or something that people can relate to. I think being passionate and confident in what you are speaking about is the key. I remember when I was helping with the Picture Lady program in the elementary schools when the kids were younger. Once a month I would pick an artist and a few of his/her works to bring to the classes. I would talk about the artist, the paintings and sometimes have a little art project for the kids. I loved art so much that I would forget to be nervous and just have a good time.
Hi Kristin,
I haven’t had to speak in public that often, but when I have it is always nerve wracking and my heart starts racing, I feel weak in the knees, etc. Did you really pass out a couple of times?
I think being well prepared is key and also smiling and maybe connecting with the audience before you begin your talk. Maybe a little story or something that people can relate to. I think being passionate and confident in what you are speaking about is the key. I remember when I was helping with the Picture Lady program in the elementary schools when the kids were younger. Once a month I would pick an artist and a few of his/her works to bring to the classes. I would talk about the artist, the paintings and sometimes have a little art project for the kids. I loved art so much that I would forget to be nervous and just have a good time.
Paul, Re the frowners — glad you bring this up. I could not figure out why this was–why the frown? Since, I have noticed that some of us lose awareness of our facial expressions… which sometimes settle into a frown — and that this does not mean the person is unhappy or bored or angered by the talk. Best to wait until the tomatoes arrive, en force, before believing the audience is displeased.
Paul, Re the frowners — glad you bring this up. I could not figure out why this was–why the frown? Since, I have noticed that some of us lose awareness of our facial expressions… which sometimes settle into a frown — and that this does not mean the person is unhappy or bored or angered by the talk. Best to wait until the tomatoes arrive, en force, before believing the audience is displeased.
oh, what good comments here! I think so much can be accomplished in the first 5 seconds before you even start talking by smiling warmly at the audience, making eye contact with a few folks, and welcoming them and thanking them for coming–as though they were guests in your home. they will immediatly respond to your warmth and charm and will be on your side from the very next word.
oh, what good comments here! I think so much can be accomplished in the first 5 seconds before you even start talking by smiling warmly at the audience, making eye contact with a few folks, and welcoming them and thanking them for coming–as though they were guests in your home. they will immediatly respond to your warmth and charm and will be on your side from the very next word.
I have found it helpful to memorize my first few lines of introduction and greeting. I deliver those from memory, and of course they go well, so then I feel that I am well on my way.
I have found it helpful to memorize my first few lines of introduction and greeting. I deliver those from memory, and of course they go well, so then I feel that I am well on my way.
So touched by my belle-mères message (thanks, Marsha. Hug Dad for me!). P.S. I will never forget hearing you speak before an audience at the opera in Sun Valley. I was so impressed, and never believed I could do the same. There is a time for everything. Fear does leave us completely and we can, indeed, grow to love public speaking!
So touched by my belle-mères message (thanks, Marsha. Hug Dad for me!). P.S. I will never forget hearing you speak before an audience at the opera in Sun Valley. I was so impressed, and never believed I could do the same. There is a time for everything. Fear does leave us completely and we can, indeed, grow to love public speaking!
Yeah! Now I have seen my cousin Freds comment! This is like a reunion 🙂 I agreed with Fred, memorize the opening lines… it will help center the speaker. Great idea, one I will use (last time I memorize ALL the lines and it was too much!)
Eileen, yes, I really did pass out two times. Once in high school (so embarrasing to pass out in front of peers!) and once in college (ditto!). I was not prepared enough. And I had not eaten a sustaining breakfast! (Make sure to have a snack a little while before standing up to speak!)
Yeah! Now I have seen my cousin Freds comment! This is like a reunion 🙂 I agreed with Fred, memorize the opening lines… it will help center the speaker. Great idea, one I will use (last time I memorize ALL the lines and it was too much!)
Eileen, yes, I really did pass out two times. Once in high school (so embarrasing to pass out in front of peers!) and once in college (ditto!). I was not prepared enough. And I had not eaten a sustaining breakfast! (Make sure to have a snack a little while before standing up to speak!)
I recently had to talk to about 50 people about dealing with healing from grief, and writing the talk was the best help. I always feel, as I’m sure you do, that the words must come from my heart. Once they’re on paper, the hard part is over for me. If I’m happy with the written words, the talk goes o.k. My two biggest problems are a paralyzed vocal cord (which a mike takes care of) and getting emotional. I was so concerned that I would cry during the talk, as I did during the rehearsal, but by the time I started, I had gotten through the teary stage and stayed dry during the talk. Most of the time, I’ve not had an emotional subject to address, so it’s write, write, write until you’re satisfied with the talk. You seemed very natural during your talk, and that’s what an audience really wants. Humor, honesty and preparation stood you in good stead and you can start looking for another speaking gig now!
I recently had to talk to about 50 people about dealing with healing from grief, and writing the talk was the best help. I always feel, as I’m sure you do, that the words must come from my heart. Once they’re on paper, the hard part is over for me. If I’m happy with the written words, the talk goes o.k. My two biggest problems are a paralyzed vocal cord (which a mike takes care of) and getting emotional. I was so concerned that I would cry during the talk, as I did during the rehearsal, but by the time I started, I had gotten through the teary stage and stayed dry during the talk. Most of the time, I’ve not had an emotional subject to address, so it’s write, write, write until you’re satisfied with the talk. You seemed very natural during your talk, and that’s what an audience really wants. Humor, honesty and preparation stood you in good stead and you can start looking for another speaking gig now!
Be yourself…and pretend the audience is not wearing clothes.
Be yourself…and pretend the audience is not wearing clothes.
One would never know you are fearful of public speaking by your excellent performance, Kristin. And to speak at Shakespeare and Company…you are surely still basking in the glow and triumph of that special moment! However, I must cry “foul” over the fact you have that elegant “sweeping hand through hair motion” which gives you unfair advantage over the majority of us. Very few are trained in the specific Kung Fu art of “Sweeping Hand” .. designed to grasp the listeners attention while establishing an air of authority and wisdom. Oh, that I could gain the wisdom and master the move…you are so fortunate! Methinks thou art more astute in the art of public discourse than one wishes to reveal…fantastic job!
One would never know you are fearful of public speaking by your excellent performance, Kristin. And to speak at Shakespeare and Company…you are surely still basking in the glow and triumph of that special moment! However, I must cry “foul” over the fact you have that elegant “sweeping hand through hair motion” which gives you unfair advantage over the majority of us. Very few are trained in the specific Kung Fu art of “Sweeping Hand” .. designed to grasp the listeners attention while establishing an air of authority and wisdom. Oh, that I could gain the wisdom and master the move…you are so fortunate! Methinks thou art more astute in the art of public discourse than one wishes to reveal…fantastic job!
DEBBIE…Be yourself, your everyday self. Don’t attempt to embellish “You” simply because it is a new and unfamiliar arena. “They” will respond to the honesty of that “inaction”. Aloha, Bill Facker
DEBBIE…Be yourself, your everyday self. Don’t attempt to embellish “You” simply because it is a new and unfamiliar arena. “They” will respond to the honesty of that “inaction”. Aloha, Bill Facker
Debbie…sometimes it helps to find a friendly face or two in your audience
and to focus on the smile or nod that
comes your way while you are speaking. Amazing how reassuring that can be.
The others are right…don’t worry about the
scowl or frown. For many, such expressions
happen while they are concentrating and processing the information they are hearing,
which, ironically, can reflect intense interest in what you are saying!
Debbie…sometimes it helps to find a friendly face or two in your audience
and to focus on the smile or nod that
comes your way while you are speaking. Amazing how reassuring that can be.
The others are right…don’t worry about the
scowl or frown. For many, such expressions
happen while they are concentrating and processing the information they are hearing,
which, ironically, can reflect intense interest in what you are saying!
I remember having to speak to a large group of school teachers back around 1998. I was working as the mgr of the Barnes & Nobles Junior Department and it was teacher’s night. I had just taken on the position a month earlier and I was on the shy side, even though I had worked there for several years as a bookseller. I did fine, organization and preparation was everything. The manager before I took the position had been an acting student in Chicago, and it really helped to have seen her prepare, as she rehearsed what she would say. Even when we prepared for story time, I would see her rehearsing in a corner.
I remember having to speak to a large group of school teachers back around 1998. I was working as the mgr of the Barnes & Nobles Junior Department and it was teacher’s night. I had just taken on the position a month earlier and I was on the shy side, even though I had worked there for several years as a bookseller. I did fine, organization and preparation was everything. The manager before I took the position had been an acting student in Chicago, and it really helped to have seen her prepare, as she rehearsed what she would say. Even when we prepared for story time, I would see her rehearsing in a corner.
I am reading and seeing helpful information in each comment. From Bill’s comment with an “Aloha” I realize that I must be sincere with no pretension of being anyone but myself. My biggest worry is having a “hot flash” and turning red as a tomato. Maybe I should warn them in advance!
Debbie Ambrous
http://www.AFrenchOpportunity.com
I am reading and seeing helpful information in each comment. From Bill’s comment with an “Aloha” I realize that I must be sincere with no pretension of being anyone but myself. My biggest worry is having a “hot flash” and turning red as a tomato. Maybe I should warn them in advance!
Debbie Ambrous
http://www.AFrenchOpportunity.com
Our dear Kristi,
You were so poised,sincere, and sweet during your speech! I am just as impressed now as I was then.
IMPOSSIBLE to believe that you passed out twice!!!!!!
You have given us inspiration that when we face such a challenge, just take a deep breath,have faith and go for it!
Also,dear Kristi, your kindness in trying to help all the speakers-to-be tells volumes of the truly wonderful soul that you are.
How privileged WE are!
THANK YOU!!!!!!
Love, Natalia XO
Our dear Kristi,
You were so poised,sincere, and sweet during your speech! I am just as impressed now as I was then.
IMPOSSIBLE to believe that you passed out twice!!!!!!
You have given us inspiration that when we face such a challenge, just take a deep breath,have faith and go for it!
Also,dear Kristi, your kindness in trying to help all the speakers-to-be tells volumes of the truly wonderful soul that you are.
How privileged WE are!
THANK YOU!!!!!!
Love, Natalia XO
I have seen a comment about “faltering voice” and the recent one about “hot flash”. There is a book on reflexology “Hand Reflexology Revised & Expanded” by Mildred Carter, Tammy Weber with the chapter 14, page 107 named “Many Speaker Turn to Reflexology for Relief of Vocal Stain”.. and the whole two pages on the specific points follow. And another chapter (just another page) “Reflexology Used by Opera Singer to Keep voice Beautiful”. Chapter 37 “Relaxing Nervous Tension with Reflexology” p.257-265.
I am sure there are some other books on reflexology as well, if one gets interested.
Hope it helps.
I have seen a comment about “faltering voice” and the recent one about “hot flash”. There is a book on reflexology “Hand Reflexology Revised & Expanded” by Mildred Carter, Tammy Weber with the chapter 14, page 107 named “Many Speaker Turn to Reflexology for Relief of Vocal Stain”.. and the whole two pages on the specific points follow. And another chapter (just another page) “Reflexology Used by Opera Singer to Keep voice Beautiful”. Chapter 37 “Relaxing Nervous Tension with Reflexology” p.257-265.
I am sure there are some other books on reflexology as well, if one gets interested.
Hope it helps.
Before I became a teacher, I trembled during graduate school presentations, and I wondered if I would ever feel comfortable in front of a group. Imagine my relief upon discovering that focusing on the comfort of the classroom audience instead of my own discomfort would completely eliminate my anxiety.
It’s really not so different from writing preparation–know your purpose and audience; then make content and delivery decisions accordingly. Arriving early to meet individuals also makes it easier to think of the audience as guests in your home when the presentation begins, which also shifts your focus to graciously meeting needs instead of performing.
You appear to be a natural communicator. Your good will and responsiveness to nonverbal cues come through in the video. According to Darren LaCroix, a world champion of public speaking, the best prescription for anxiety is stage time, so the more stage time you accumulate, the more comfortable you will feel.
I look forward to seeing more of your presentations on video. Best wishes to your friend. I’m sure you have helped her more than you realize.
Before I became a teacher, I trembled during graduate school presentations, and I wondered if I would ever feel comfortable in front of a group. Imagine my relief upon discovering that focusing on the comfort of the classroom audience instead of my own discomfort would completely eliminate my anxiety.
It’s really not so different from writing preparation–know your purpose and audience; then make content and delivery decisions accordingly. Arriving early to meet individuals also makes it easier to think of the audience as guests in your home when the presentation begins, which also shifts your focus to graciously meeting needs instead of performing.
You appear to be a natural communicator. Your good will and responsiveness to nonverbal cues come through in the video. According to Darren LaCroix, a world champion of public speaking, the best prescription for anxiety is stage time, so the more stage time you accumulate, the more comfortable you will feel.
I look forward to seeing more of your presentations on video. Best wishes to your friend. I’m sure you have helped her more than you realize.
Whenever I give a book reading, I always start out with something humorous, which relaxes both the audience and myself. It worked very well for you, Kristin, as we can see in this video clip. Preparation is key, but also don’t be afraid to loosen up and adlib, while keeping an eye on the clock.
Whenever I give a book reading, I always start out with something humorous, which relaxes both the audience and myself. It worked very well for you, Kristin, as we can see in this video clip. Preparation is key, but also don’t be afraid to loosen up and adlib, while keeping an eye on the clock.
Wow, this has come at a great time for me as I have to give a talk on Feb 6 – also about my writing (but as a journalist). I am absorbing all these tips too. My fear is that my voice will get reedy and thin. I have read about the Alexander Technique, and know it is a matter of relaxing the head and not stretching the neck forwards, but it is a matter of trying to remember all this advice at the time. Good preparation, smiles, and a way of bringing the audience with you is my tip. Kristi does this when she asks the audience questions. Kristi, you did so well and no-one would have known the nerves behind the smile. Best of luck, Debbie.
Wow, this has come at a great time for me as I have to give a talk on Feb 6 – also about my writing (but as a journalist). I am absorbing all these tips too. My fear is that my voice will get reedy and thin. I have read about the Alexander Technique, and know it is a matter of relaxing the head and not stretching the neck forwards, but it is a matter of trying to remember all this advice at the time. Good preparation, smiles, and a way of bringing the audience with you is my tip. Kristi does this when she asks the audience questions. Kristi, you did so well and no-one would have known the nerves behind the smile. Best of luck, Debbie.
Mme. Espinasse . . . First of all, you are absolutely charming; you are your own harshest critic. You can feel secure knowing that you can be yourself and everyone will love you. You are well prepared and speaking on a subject you know in depth.
Everybody’s nose runs. Do look at Notre Dame though. Focus on a gargoyle and pick out a look-alike in your audience. Try not to giggle.
Seriously, you’re great. The more you put yourself out there the easier it will be. According to some lists, people fear speaking in public more than they fear death itself. C’est normal.
Thank you for the bit of cheer you bring to my emailbox every morning.
Mme. Espinasse . . . First of all, you are absolutely charming; you are your own harshest critic. You can feel secure knowing that you can be yourself and everyone will love you. You are well prepared and speaking on a subject you know in depth.
Everybody’s nose runs. Do look at Notre Dame though. Focus on a gargoyle and pick out a look-alike in your audience. Try not to giggle.
Seriously, you’re great. The more you put yourself out there the easier it will be. According to some lists, people fear speaking in public more than they fear death itself. C’est normal.
Thank you for the bit of cheer you bring to my emailbox every morning.
DEBBIE .. at the beginning of your “talk”, tell the audience you are blessed with a gift of heightened perception which notifies you when in the presence of those possessing superior intellect. Further, inform them “the gift”, once initiated, bestows upon your body the rare and highly pleasureable “Receptor Red” enzyme, which is immediately conveyed and shared with those in the group who have incredibly high IQ’s. When your fears mount and you turn red, smile inwardly as you enjoy the spectacle of watching everyone cast brief glances at their own extremeties as they hope, wish, and pray for the gift of “Receptor Red”…AND intelligence. 🙂
DEBBIE .. at the beginning of your “talk”, tell the audience you are blessed with a gift of heightened perception which notifies you when in the presence of those possessing superior intellect. Further, inform them “the gift”, once initiated, bestows upon your body the rare and highly pleasureable “Receptor Red” enzyme, which is immediately conveyed and shared with those in the group who have incredibly high IQ’s. When your fears mount and you turn red, smile inwardly as you enjoy the spectacle of watching everyone cast brief glances at their own extremeties as they hope, wish, and pray for the gift of “Receptor Red”…AND intelligence. 🙂
Find someone in the audience who looks pleasant and interested (or bring someone!), particularly midway back, and speak to them.
Smile.
Find someone in the audience who looks pleasant and interested (or bring someone!), particularly midway back, and speak to them.
Smile.
There are a lot of good comments here, and I would say the most important thing to me is to KNOW the story you want to tell and the point you want to make. It is not unlike you, Kristi, and the video you have just shared on your writing career. You were never sure about wanting to write and never had confidence that was your place in life. Once you come to that realization, you are much more comfortable with relating it.
Bonne chance.
There are a lot of good comments here, and I would say the most important thing to me is to KNOW the story you want to tell and the point you want to make. It is not unlike you, Kristi, and the video you have just shared on your writing career. You were never sure about wanting to write and never had confidence that was your place in life. Once you come to that realization, you are much more comfortable with relating it.
Bonne chance.
As a physician, I occasionally have the opportunity to hear of the travails of individuals and their anxiety over public speaking. Anxiety sparks surges of adrenaline that accounts for the sweating, racing pulse, cracked voice and mild confusion…even hyperventilation! A small dose of beta blocker medication before ‘show time’ blunts all of these reactions. The symphony violinist, assistant minister, and junior executive have all found benefit from this simple pharmacological trick….Kind regards/Wells
As a physician, I occasionally have the opportunity to hear of the travails of individuals and their anxiety over public speaking. Anxiety sparks surges of adrenaline that accounts for the sweating, racing pulse, cracked voice and mild confusion…even hyperventilation! A small dose of beta blocker medication before ‘show time’ blunts all of these reactions. The symphony violinist, assistant minister, and junior executive have all found benefit from this simple pharmacological trick….Kind regards/Wells
I am loving all of these comments – maybe I’ll be back later to tell you about all of the phone calls Kristi and I shared before her big event three years ago.
XOXO
JULES
I am loving all of these comments – maybe I’ll be back later to tell you about all of the phone calls Kristi and I shared before her big event three years ago.
XOXO
JULES
Hi Mom, speaking of phone calls, I tried calling you yesterday and today — just so you know… I am thinking of you! Would love to read your memories of that public speaking pep talk you gave me.
Other tips I thought of, for public speaking: to memorize my speech outline for Shakespeare and Company, I sang it!–alone in the car while running errands, etc. Another astuce: I used my video recorder to film the practice sessions (my poor Mom got a dozen of these, via email. Mom would write back pointers such as, Jump up and down several times (in private) to get that blood flowing and to release the nervous tension!
And did anyone mention prayer?
Hi Mom, speaking of phone calls, I tried calling you yesterday and today — just so you know… I am thinking of you! Would love to read your memories of that public speaking pep talk you gave me.
Other tips I thought of, for public speaking: to memorize my speech outline for Shakespeare and Company, I sang it!–alone in the car while running errands, etc. Another astuce: I used my video recorder to film the practice sessions (my poor Mom got a dozen of these, via email. Mom would write back pointers such as, Jump up and down several times (in private) to get that blood flowing and to release the nervous tension!
And did anyone mention prayer?