Jean-Marc ("Chief Grape) will be in New-York this coming March 8th–or during his 2012 US wine tour (Photo taken in Le Castellet Village, at the restaurant Le Pied de Nez – painting by Christian Pieroni)
WIN ANOTHER PRIZE (click here to enter this drawing): Today, help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Enter today's drawing and WIN a telephone call from me (Kristin) in France! (Well, maybe not as exciting an offer as the previous one, but then… it is better than a kick in the pants!) Read on, in today's missive… or enter right away, via this link.
une causette (koh-zet)
: a chat
un brin de causette = a little chat
Audio file…
(Sorry, all the Francophones in our house are asleep–that means you are stuck with me! Listen, at your own péril, to the following recording: Download MP3 or Wav file
Une causette c'est aussi de la communication informelle entre plusieurs personnes, sur l'internet, par échange de messages affichés sur leurs écrans. A 'causette' is also informal communication between many people, on the internet, by the exchange of messages posted to their computer screens.
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Grande Bouche
To not get a word in edgewise. This English expression is too delightful, la preuve that the French do not have the monopoly on charming expressions.
Visualize, pour une minute, the edgewise idiom. Can't you just see so many exasperated Words trying, in vain, to slip into The Conversation? At their wit's end, the weary Words must throw up their arms and fall back… so as to sneak in, edgewise, to the lively, one-sided Conversation.
Though the can't get a word in edgewise expression amuses me to no end, it is no fun being Blabbermouth. I'd rather be Good Listener. But when conversation gets going… I can't help but take flight, until, once again, I am steering this chatty vessel–Conversation–through the maze of Off Topic. Wheeeee!———
"C'est HS," my kids say, eyes-rollingly, and I listen in time to understand some teen slang (HS = "Hors Sujet" or Off Topic).
"Let me just finish my thought here…" my Mom suggests, gently, as we fly from one subject to the next. She is game to ride with me on the Ferris wheel of WORDS, and our daily cross-Atlantic conversations are as thrilling as any fairground ride.
"Oh, don't worry about it!" says my friend Claire, who spent the weekend with me. "It's a French thing!" Claire should know, as she has studied the topic for her forthcoming opus.
I'd love to believe that so much word-butting and edging in to conversation is evidence of intercultural advancement, that, once and for all, in that far-off horizon known as French Integration, I am finally making headway… Alas, the truth may very well be, that I am only making "edgeway".
***
Help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Let me call one of you on the phone–for at least 20 minutes–anywhere in the world! Enter a comment (maybe a tip on how to be a better listener?) in the comments box and I –or MamaJules–will choose a winner on Friday, February 24th. Maybe I could even share our conversation–in an upcoming story? Click here to enter this drawing. I hope to talk to you very soon!
French Vocabulary
grande bouche = big mouth
la preuve = the proof
pour une minute = for a minute
=> also "grande gueule" (though this term may be offensive!)
H.S. = hors sujet = off topic
There's Blabbermouth, there on the left (in red). From left to right: Kristin, Virginia, Casey, Chief Grape, Adrienne. (Thank you, Cecil, for taking the photo–wish you were in it!)
Don't Forget to enter this drawing!
Let me call you one the phone! Should you hear heavy breathing in the background… never fear! (That's just me hyperventalating. I am very nervous about calling you, so please enter here and let me know that you would really like to talk to me!)
And now, can anyone end this edition with the lyrics… in French.. of Blondie's Call Me? 🙂
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Hopefully the call includes a chance to say hello to Smokey!
Dear Kristin,
I read your post every day and can see from your pictures that you have a wonderful eye for detail and imagine that your attention to conversation is the same. What always stands out to me is the amazing love that you have for your family and when I read your mother’s encouraging words each day I can see how one person can make an incredible difference in the lives of others. I would like to listen to the both of you.
Being a better listener is very difficult, especially when one (like you!) has such a vivid imagination. If being a better listener requires sacrificing some of that creativity, I suggest you forget about getting your word in edgewise and instead continue to muse while the other Chatty Cathys (and gregarious Gregs?) ramble on. Toodeloo! (À tout à l’heure!)
Bonjour Kristin. J’aimerais de parler avec toi! Perhaps we could make plans for the summer because I’m determined to get south of Burgundy this year. I’m also with Bruce (above) – we need a contest of a phone call with Jules.
While in this post you’re fretting about not letting anyone get a word in edgewise (I love your image of all the jostling words), have you ever thought about how great you are at starting conversations here? You have a gift for it.
I have been told (more than once and not in a complimentary way) that I talk in paragraphs. I’m trying to learn the hard lesson of getting in and getting out of my thought quickly. I’ve become more observant of my husband’s expression as he waits to answer the question I had asked him 36 sentences ago. You are not alone.
Good Morning,
I agree with everyone else; it would be great to talk with you! I have often been accussed, even by my closest friend’s of talking too much. I especially seem to go from one thing to the next. There are a few friend’s who can actually keep up with me haha. I am also a good listener who tries not to interject my opinion too much. For what authority am I on relationship’s, kid’s, or just life in general.
Take care and enjoy the week!
In addition to the useful listening tips above, I suggest really endeavoring to notice the particular, even unique, ideas of the speaker. When we are too ready to jump into a reply, we may overlook something truly worthwhile the other person has said (or cut off what he or she was about to say), and miss something that could be of value to us.
I’d be delighted to talk with you, Kristin, or with your mother. I can speak in either French, without hesitation, or in English. I’d love to learn even more about you that I’ve picked up on the blog. Again, I appreciate all the efforts you make for your “fans.”
This prize is one that could be awarded periodically, so over time, more than one person would have a chance to win. Most of us have cell phones, so a time could be set, and the winner could call you, if cost of phone calls at your end is a consideration.
Suzanne, J-M will be in the D.C. area on March 10-11. I had the impression last year that he was thinking of taking a break from a U.S. tour in 2012, so am very glad he will be back dans nos lieux, and look forward to seeing him next month.
I am trying to instill the same bonhomie in Coupar Angus, here in windy Sctland as I find when in Saint yrieix la Perche, but to no avail. Folk neither want to listen or speak. Oh for the kisses I receive when visiting Chez Bernadette for lunch. I am sure you have noticed the same Anglo saxon froideur.,
Kristin, To speak with you about your courage that took you to France permanently, your family and life in France would be appreciated and amazing. Sometimes I sit on our back deck that looks through the dense woods at Lake Michigan and imagine that I am in France – pretending is not the same. Give a call and we’ll chat. Thank you.
Alors! What would we talk about? What couldn’t we talk about? Nothing could possibly be H.S. That is one of the keys to good listening I believe, hearing the words, but understanding what is trying to be communicated by the speaker. So seemingly off topic remarks may be more important to the topic than originally perceived. All good conversation is a meandering waterway that sometimes swirls in deep pools and other times glides over smooth stones or rushes in torrents. Whatever the speed or intensity, it is at least two people traveling thought streams together, and always enriched by the experience.
Gab away! Have a great day!
Kristin,
Since I wasn’t able to talk to you at Shakespeare and Co. after your presentation there (I had a flight home bright and very early the next morning), I would LOVE to have this chance to causer un peu!
As a teacher, I learned very early on that good listening ears on my part were very important! How can I expect my students to listen if I don’t?
Hello- and thanks for bringing a little bit of France to my days… until i can visit there again.
Also, even though it is supposed to be a social faux pas, I love it when someone finishes my sentence for me with just the right word. Often I flounder for words & appreciate when a listener is so engaged in the conversation that they can complete my thoughts.
hi kristin!
to be a better listener, you must learn to “juste etre” (the tao of pooh) . . .
take care, francesca
Jules, you took the words right out of my mouth! (Another colorful expression in English?) Whew! If I don’t have to speak French, I would LOVE a phone call or skype with Kristin! I was so bummed when our plans changed and we weren’t able to visit last fall — it would be delightful to finally ‘meet’ by phone. What is it that Brenda Ueland said about listening? (I looked it up because I liked it so much!): “When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created.”
Would love to have you call me. I am a talker and am guilty of interrupting conversations. Working on that. Jean
Would love to have you call me. I am a talker and am guilty of interrupting conversations. Working on that. Jean
Yeah! I would love a phone call with you! I’m so scared to actually speak french, that perhaps I would be forced to with you. As for listening, well…I find it takes practice. When my husband is on a roll, I just shut up and let him go. I figure sometimes I get on a roll too about certain topics and he just lets me go too 🙂
To be a good listener one needs to be able to hear. My wife says I need a hearing aid, and I fear that she is correct! That way I can just turn it off when someone is talking too much about themselves.
To all your respondents:
Please put where you are from next to your name…thanks!
Oh, that would be so much fun…with little ones I don’t talk nearly as much on the phone as I used to…too many people to listen to at once :). Wish I could say it has made me a better listener, but I’m afraid I tune too much out! I’d love to find a quiet time pour une causette. Bonne idée!
Hi Kristin,
I think just trying to focus on the message the other person is trying to get across and quieting one’s own mind to be able to hear the message helps. I struggle with the same thing as you. I got a Master’s Degree in counseling and I had to really work during our practices. I think just the fact that you are aware of the issue means that you are working to overcome it. I have to admit that I don’t really like to chat on the phone because it seems so limiting to me. I would much rather talk in person, but sometimes it is the best we can do.
Julie
(From sunny San Diego, California)
Hi Kristin. I LOVE all of the comments about how to be a good listener. You have to genuinely be present to the other person, to pretend that you are in his or her “movie” and can’t wait to find out how the story ends. It takes true commitment and lots of energy, but is so powerful. I believe good listening is the foundation of all good relationships.
Kathy – Milwaukee, WI USA
I’m commenting but please don’t choose me because I’ve have had delightful conversations in person with both you and Jean Marc. I consider both you and Jean Marc to be easy conversationalists–not too much and not too little and always lots of interesting topics to keep things going. At one wine tasting at your house, I remember one couple with whom we needed edgewise words, but never you. (BTW, thanks for helping me visualize those words slipping in edgewise!) If you were truly in need of advice on how not to dominate conversations, I’m probably not the one to ask because I love to tell stories, sometimes long ones. Nevertheless, here is some advice: pretend you are spy. You must listen to the other as much as you can in order to acquire clues, many of which you won’t know how they fit together until you have listened to many. At the same time, as a spy, you don’t want to reveal too much about yourself so you won’t be detected as a spy.
But Kristin, my real advice to you is just to be your delightful self!
Hi, Kristin, I would love to hear your voice. You’ve given me some wonderful things to ponder and enjoy! My French is too rusty to be of any use, but I love to hear it! Hope to hear your lovely voice this cold winter day (in Upstate NY).
Caroline
Oh after all these years of being a FWAD devotee I would so love une causette with you; I am trying so hard to be a better listener but sometimes I get excited with the thoughts being exchanged and talk too much. I have been told that I am a good listener but have become aware of people who talk AT me and how draining that is!Note to Jules; love what you said about having fun each day; my motto (taken from a sign in a Paris store window) is that “I have passed the age of taking myself seriously!!” Hugs to both of you!
Oops! Hi to your Dad from Dev in Madison, Alabama!
Bonjour Kristin – for me being a good listener is having my ears on and paying attention to what the person is saying,not trying to do something else at the same time (which is usually the case)!
Tish – from Powhatan VA where the 6 inches of snow we received overnight is quickly melting. C’est bien because I have to go to work tomorrow.
Appelle-moi, ma cherie, Kristin! What a fun way to shake up a life! Now, in case you do not know this version of the song, and you feel like a hearty giggle, crank up the volume for:
Thanks for the smiles this morning – and so many mornings.
Adéu-siau – aloha – tschüß – from the Mushroom Capital, Morgan Hill, California
Hi Kristin,
I will be in your country soon, so you can call me and tell me how to get to your home and to purchase some of that delicious wine. Good luck with the contest. GREAT IDEA!!
Ktee
P.S. If you call, don’t forget to put Chief on the phone.
And what happens when two good listeners meet for a conversation?
Claudine
Talk about HS…
Cherie – querida – Jules,
I just read your comment and am so excited about your new job (and book, too). It gives me hope for my future retirement from teaching – jet ski tour guide – what a kick! It’s got to be right up there with motorcycling from Florida to Tierra del Fuego. Have fun – like, duh!
You rock!
Bonjour Kristin,
I hope you are recovering, and doing much better.
I am so excited — I am going to meet your Chief in Portland, OR. Can’t wait to taste your wines.
Be well, and thanks for your great columns. I have now told 4 people about your site.
A good listener has to pay attention, and truly be interested in the person —-and have great body language.
Salut!
There is a big difference between “listening” and “not talking” (that is, not talking, but also not hearing what the other person is saying).
Listening requires that you pay attention to what is being said. My tip is that to pay attention with intent of being able to ask a question about what is being said. Even if you don’t ask the question, it will help you focus. However, actually, asking the question makes the other person feel validated. Another way to think of it is as if you are back in school and the speaker is your professor who may call on you at any second with a question about what they just said.
Unfortunately, sometimes people can be immensely boring. Then, all you can do is count the lizards on the wall. (It’s a long story that comes from another couple’s visit to India.)
Wow!! Do I stand a chance of winning? It would make a great birthday call!!! And, I could ask you about the composting you are doing and how you decide on the pictures you use. Maybe on thing could lead to another..
Well, phooey! I hope this is how we enter because I’d REALLY love to hear your voice! I’ve scraped together enough money to drag a best friend to Paris for her first visit. I truly love the French people, the country and the language so much, it’s like a part of me, very deep and familiar. And you are such an inspiration. Keep it up, s’il vous plait?
A chat with you would be a lovely honor. We lived in France in the 80’s, so a 20 minute phone chat in French would likely be a challenge. I’m hoping for a conversation in English! One help for listening on the phone is taking notes. One help for improving listening in person is reflective listening: “What I hear you saying is…”.
Hope your day is blessed. Nancy in Fort Worth, TX
Kristin… I pray each night for you to be okay with your ‘bumps’! I am the classic, ‘dont ask her what time itis, as she will tell you how the clock is made’! I try and also be a good listener, by looking straight at te person and not interrupting ( hard!) until they have finished their thought. I would love for you to dall my French friend Anne Nelson, 1-850-668-4742, here in Tallahassee. She is 84, my tutor and lives alone.. she would be thrilled! thanks you for all you do foe all of us….. bisous, Judi Dunn , Tallahassee, Fl.
… Kristin….. I am sorry for not having proofed my note. truly I can spell.. just moving fast today… je suis desole… Judi
Hello Kristin,
I really appreciate all the hard work that you do to help us understand this amazing language called French.
How do I listen? I use the Right side of my brain and picture everything that is being said. With that area of the brain engaged, I am not trying to analyzed each word, but stay focused on their words and my feelings become intertwined with their’s. Listening is like creating a painting with each other. Each spoken word is a stoke of color. My job as a listener is to let the strokes of colors build up to beautiful images that we both can envision together.
Thanks for enlightening all of us, one newsletter at a time!
Susan
Coucou de Minnesota! Merci de tout vos bons blog entries. 🙂 Ils me plaisent tres bien! Je veux gagner!!! Je gagne jamais! 🙂
Bonjour, Kristin – So many inspiring responses – I can’t hope to “gagner ton voix”, but I add my thanks for your wit and wisdom via your posts and my gratitude to you and Jean-Marc for welcoming us all into your lives. Your generosity is overwhelming. When listening, I try to follow a “hear big, speak little” rule – hard to do when communications are online – but even in person, i find you almost have to listen with your whole skin, not just eyes and ears, in order to truly understand someone else’s message, especially when tensions and stakes are high. Nancy and I are hoping to see Jean-Marc in Washington, DC in March, as much as I hope to hear your lovely voice in person again one day.
Amicalement,
Linda in Silver Spring, MD
Bonjour Kristin;
C’est Moi, Romeo! Romeo in New Hampshire, and, I would enjoy speaking with you about all the fantastic photos you present in your communiqués with us.
Now, about how to not interrupt when someone else is speaking. I know this will sound silly, but, it works. Sit on your hands! Its terribly difficult to interrupt someone or to get your words in if your sitting on your hands.
See, it works!
So, now, all you need to do is call me and we’ll chat.
Romeo
I’m not the person to give advice on listening but I promise to listen well if I win the wonderful chance to talk with you on the phone. In the fall, three of us plan to visit a very good friend who will soon move to L’Isle-sur-la-Sorgue from Avignon. Jack was my husband’s roommate before our marriage 45 years ago. We have remained close though he has lived in Europe for almost 40 years. I love your emails and your books and would love to come visit you then. We could talk over the possibilities.
Kristin. What a brave and inspired prize. It seems that the gift of the “key” has opened the door to THIS. And here you are, standing at the portal, wanting to hear. I, too, am at this place. For my whole life, I thought I was a GREAT listener. I prided myself on this. But, Life being the wonderful teacher it is, has shown me otherwise. I listened like an actress par excellente. Eyes trained on the speaker, cocked head, remarkably cheery smile, and (seemingly) very, very “there” for the other person. Yet the whole time (and I wasn’t fully aware of this until recently) a circus of acrobatic fears and insecurities would be doing somersaults in my head. Am I willing to drop all that stuff with a thud and bare myself completely to the heart of another? Until I can do so, I will not be fully engaged with life. I’ll remain once-removed.
Alors, here is my new frontier. I’m not particulary in love with growing pains (it would be awfully nice to skip the pain part!) But I know that I need to grow. Because on the other side of all this is a life all the richer – and so completely nourishing. May I live it with utter enjoyment and total abandon:)
Bonjour Kristin,
I am around your age and have noticed some similarities in our lives (except the France/French husband part!), and have always felt if we met we would be fast friends, so of course, it would be lovely to speak with you!! : )
In terms of listening, I was a communication major and in fact, am in grad school now attempting a M.A. in communication studies, so my thoughts on listening skills is to concentrate on what is being said by the speaker without thinking about what you the receiver might say in response, focusing your mind on the other person and what they are attempting to convey. Seek to listen with your soul, the core of your being, and listen with your heart and not just your mind.
It’s President’s Day in the U.S., so Happy President’s Day!!
I think I would immediately hand over the phone to my two daughters in order to have you tell them directly that they need to keep reading French Word-A-Day that I send to them. Maybe they would listen to you…
I thought of 2 things to share regarding your post this morning. The first thing that came to mind is a passage from Peter Mayle’s “A Year in Provence”. In talking about his neighbor he wrote, “He never approached a subject directly, but edged toward it, crabwise and cautious.” Well, that certainly is not me! ha! The second thing that I thought of to share is that in my move (back to CO) I came across a photo of my brownie troup. We are all positioned in a formal photo so that we can all be seen. Everyone is facing the camera with a big smile – except for me. I’m turned profile to say something (I’m sure it was extremely important to my seven year old self) to the little girl next to me. So, chere Kristin, I too, enjoy a good chat! It’s beautiful here today with a soupcon of snow on the ground and that glorious Colorado blue sky!
Kristin, talking to you would be an extension of our visit last spring (“our” meaning you, Marti and me). And if we could plan carefully, it could be another threeway conversation. I’m sure I could entice Marti to drive 3 1/2 hours to my house in order to have a third of a phone visit with YOU! A year ago now, we were planning to visit you! What fun it was for us. Especially our getting lost, and your finding us!! Do you remember? That memory still makes me smile.
“The heart of the wise one causes his mouth to show insight, and to his lips it adds persuasiveness.
Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.”–Proverbs 16:23, 24
As une coiffeuse, I listen all day as I do my work. The key to being a good listener has been understanding that people like talking about themselves. I ask questions about their lives, their families and what interesting things they have been doing. I enjoy going into their world.
I would love une causette with you! Your coaching for my annual trip to France in the Fall would be AMAZING! Thank you for your wonderful blog which was an unexpected gift from a friend. I love your style, your photos and all that you share of your life in France.
Merc!
Debra
San Francisco, California
“Listening well” is such an admirable trait and I think you have it in spades – always ‘listening’ to us and sharing. I think listening goes well when it is a ‘two-way street’ and there is true interest in what the other one has to say (and you have that). I would love a chat from you! Our trip to France may be postponed, due to a family health problem so, it could be a year before we can visit you. I just love and await each day to see if there is a FWAD post – and I just treasure each one! And, so many of the wonderful comments I read – it may be a little ‘practice in listening’ – this reading business!