Jean-Marc ("Chief Grape) will be in New-York this coming March 8th–or during his 2012 US wine tour (Photo taken in Le Castellet Village, at the restaurant Le Pied de Nez – painting by Christian Pieroni)
WIN ANOTHER PRIZE (click here to enter this drawing): Today, help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Enter today's drawing and WIN a telephone call from me (Kristin) in France! (Well, maybe not as exciting an offer as the previous one, but then… it is better than a kick in the pants!) Read on, in today's missive… or enter right away, via this link.
une causette (koh-zet)
: a chat
un brin de causette = a little chat
Audio file…
(Sorry, all the Francophones in our house are asleep–that means you are stuck with me! Listen, at your own péril, to the following recording: Download MP3 or Wav file
Une causette c'est aussi de la communication informelle entre plusieurs personnes, sur l'internet, par échange de messages affichés sur leurs écrans. A 'causette' is also informal communication between many people, on the internet, by the exchange of messages posted to their computer screens.
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Grande Bouche
To not get a word in edgewise. This English expression is too delightful, la preuve that the French do not have the monopoly on charming expressions.
Visualize, pour une minute, the edgewise idiom. Can't you just see so many exasperated Words trying, in vain, to slip into The Conversation? At their wit's end, the weary Words must throw up their arms and fall back… so as to sneak in, edgewise, to the lively, one-sided Conversation.
Though the can't get a word in edgewise expression amuses me to no end, it is no fun being Blabbermouth. I'd rather be Good Listener. But when conversation gets going… I can't help but take flight, until, once again, I am steering this chatty vessel–Conversation–through the maze of Off Topic. Wheeeee!———
"C'est HS," my kids say, eyes-rollingly, and I listen in time to understand some teen slang (HS = "Hors Sujet" or Off Topic).
"Let me just finish my thought here…" my Mom suggests, gently, as we fly from one subject to the next. She is game to ride with me on the Ferris wheel of WORDS, and our daily cross-Atlantic conversations are as thrilling as any fairground ride.
"Oh, don't worry about it!" says my friend Claire, who spent the weekend with me. "It's a French thing!" Claire should know, as she has studied the topic for her forthcoming opus.
I'd love to believe that so much word-butting and edging in to conversation is evidence of intercultural advancement, that, once and for all, in that far-off horizon known as French Integration, I am finally making headway… Alas, the truth may very well be, that I am only making "edgeway".
***
Help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Let me call one of you on the phone–for at least 20 minutes–anywhere in the world! Enter a comment (maybe a tip on how to be a better listener?) in the comments box and I –or MamaJules–will choose a winner on Friday, February 24th. Maybe I could even share our conversation–in an upcoming story? Click here to enter this drawing. I hope to talk to you very soon!
French Vocabulary
grande bouche = big mouth
la preuve = the proof
pour une minute = for a minute
=> also "grande gueule" (though this term may be offensive!)
H.S. = hors sujet = off topic
There's Blabbermouth, there on the left (in red). From left to right: Kristin, Virginia, Casey, Chief Grape, Adrienne. (Thank you, Cecil, for taking the photo–wish you were in it!)
Don't Forget to enter this drawing!
Let me call you one the phone! Should you hear heavy breathing in the background… never fear! (That's just me hyperventalating. I am very nervous about calling you, so please enter here and let me know that you would really like to talk to me!)
And now, can anyone end this edition with the lyrics… in French.. of Blondie's Call Me? 🙂
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Oh, how wonderful!! What a great idea!!! I would love to chat with you!! I have a lot of questions to ask you about life in France that would take too long in an email.
Also, I have to say…reading what your mom wrote was so inspiring! It put a very large smile on my face. One day I have to try that too! 🙂
Talk soon!
Lisa
I would love to talk with you…but I have the same problem that plagues you. I haven’t the gift of listening. My sweet husband always tells me I would learn more if I was silent. But oh boy howdie that just isn’t me. If you solve this twisted knot, please share with me your miracle.
Love Suzie
Dear Kristin, It would be truly lovely to hear your voice even though I might become a little tongue-tied due to excitement. Is there a French expression for “tongue-tied”?
After reading FWAD for some years now, I hardly believe,with your sensitive personality, that you need any advice on how to be a better listener. Bonne soirée, Cynthia
Did you ever notice than when you have been silent and the other person has talked a lot at and to you (like on a plane with your seatmate being a stranger) when you are parting, the talker says “that was a good conversation. I enjoyed meeting you”? Ah, yes. I think good conversation is measured by the listening! Still working on it, one of the challenges is to eliminate the word “I” as much as possible. It’s harder than it sounds!
Kristin,
It would be a honor to speak with you by phone. Your stories have let readers into your heart so I feel as if I know a small part of you. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. It is a blessing. I think to be a good listener it is important to listen with love in your heart because love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered… And aren’t these the issues that get us to stop listening and start blowing our own horns? And… Love never fails. Another good reason to listen with love in your heart.
Bonjour, Kristin,
I think that to listen well means to open one’s heart to the other person with whom one is conversing, and to regard them with with respect and kindness. The same is true for the other person in the conversation, d’accord. And most of all, to enjoy each other and have fun. I would enjoy talking with you sometime. I appreciated your kind email reply a few months ago, when I emailed you (after reading one of you Day in the Life postings) to wish you well regarding your skin cancer recovery, and told you about my recovery efforts for one of my sons–the one who has autism and PANDAS. It’s so nice to have mutual understanding of and from others half way across the world, as well as right next door.
Cate
Call me, call me anytime…not in French, but …….!
Congrats to Claire on her new book. It sounds like an inspiring read.
Blessed day!
I think a genuine listener is a person who cares as much for the other as for themselves. Or at least the effort is there!
What a great idea! I’m a Psych teacher and listening is one of our main lessons. I wish you well on this newest adventure. Don’t forget to listen to yourself, also. Our bodies and brains give us great information.
appelez-moi sur la ligne
appelez-moi, appelez-moi chacun, en tout temps ~ via blondie
One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy… chuckle, chuckle, tee hee…I’m picking up the phone. It would be grand to talk and listen with you. 🙂 I always ask ‘for’ (before I engage) “words to speak, silence to keep”. But sometimes it doesn’t work as my exubers take over.
Hello Kristin,
I’d love to talk with you about your gardening, about skin surgery (I had 2 of them, one on the face, 2 years ago), but most of all, I am curious to know the colloquial meaning of the restaurant named Le Pied de Nez. The foot to nose? The foot of the nose? From nose to foot? Please explain……….
Our dear Kristin,
Hearing your voice would not only be a pleasure (!!!Understatement!),but also a privilege –you have made us feel included in your family and a part of your life.
A gift! Just as your writing is!
I remember something Jackie Kennedy once said on how to be an attentive listener (she was known for that):make the person you are listening to feel like THE most interesting and important person anywhere,one you care about and one who has your COMPLETE attention. It’s amazing that when you do this to them,they will reciprocate it back to you(!)Some really memorable conversations
begin and end this way.
You look beautiful! (as always!)Blessings to you and your dear family,XO
What a fun idea! I’d be nervous, too, but I hope I get to talk to you on the phone someday! I’m a good listener for the most part, but sometimes I do have to rehearse in my mind the reminder to be silent sometimes, and to remember to ask the other person about herself, her life, challenges, family, etc. ~Have a wonderful week~Jen
If I don’t edge (push, shove, slam, shoehorn) my words into our conversations at the dinner table, my four “yackety-yaks” (who DO TALK BACK), who call themselves my loving children — and I cannot leave out their father who ALWAYS has sage advice to impart, even when not needed — I am sure to forget whatever it is that I wanted to add to the lively debate (not that it would be heeded). Which leads me back to why I am writing this, for I must confess, I forget . . .
Something that helps me when I realize I may not be listening well enough is to consider that the other person’s viewpoint or opinion are equally or more important than mine. That makes me take my attention off what I want to say and listen to them. I learn new things by doing this. Actually, it gives me more affection for the person I am listening to, as well.
Since I have had the pleasure of une causette with you en Provence chez vous (do you recall the dentist who had to undergo a root canal while vacationing in Provence?), maybe I shouldn’t enter this, but I must tell you that you are a delightful conversationalist and the easiest of people to chat with. As to my thoughts on being a good listener–switch off the multitask button, close the mouth and open the mind!
Kristin,
I’m a hopeless case and would need more than a 20 minute call with a friend. Of course I listen but a conversation is a two-way street of give and take preferably over cake and tea. So I’ll listen, respond with a suggestion, affirmation, exclamation – maybe ask a question or continue the discourse in the general direction until I see a detour. At that point I’ll probably take over as I’ll think it’s my turn. After a brief period I’ll hand over the steering to the other person and let them guide while I move along with them. It’s kind of a balance that comes naturally to good friends who care about each other.
I’m hoping to see JM in NYC in March. Please assure him I will be on my best behavior and promise to listen (while sitting on my hands).
Listening is the first obligation of love.
Hi Kristin,
I’m happy to see that you are looking absolutely stunning once again. Radiant, even, like on your wedding day.
Take care.
Kristin, the best way I find to listen to someone is just to simply let your heart do all the work . If you listen with your heart it will feel all the words .
Bises ;
Cynthia ~
Kristin,
It appears that all the clever things to say have already been said. So, it would be very nice to hear your voice- you can even reverse the charges.
Chere Kristi, est-ce que te souviens?
Comme toujours!
Hi Kristi – Well, you have certainly found the secret to getting reader input – all that is required is to give a little of yourself! And that also is what mekes a good listener … that, combined with an open mind and a closed mouth.
Whether you know it or not, we have our own little conversation 3 days a week, when your inner thoughts converse with mine. Wishing you the best from once again sunny Southern California,
Jim from Carlsbad
Practice feedback, restating what you have just heard with some modification via your own words. Being able to do so accurately requires close concentration and gives the other person pleasure knowing that she/he has been really heard. It also helps the listener to refrain from thinking about how to respond. Cool!!!
Love de moi
Not being a native speaker, the difference between dessous and dessus is difficult. Here is a poem about the difference between
these two words:
AU DESSOUS/AU DESSUS
La pluie tombe sur le trottoir gris
Créante un miroir profund et glis.
Je ne me suis distrait par les milles parapluies multicolorés et ouverts,
Ni par les milles feuilles mouillés et tombés par terre.
Ce que je vois sont les images des nuages volants
Qui se trouvent au dessous des pieds des gens passants.
Je ne remarque sur quelle route ces gens se promener,
Ni sur la direction le train-train des gens s’emmener.
J’observe pensivement qu’il soit tout extraordinaire
Comment ce petit leçon de la pluie
A rendu comme ordinaire
L’expèrience de l’astronomie.
Sans une lentille exceptionnelle,
Seulement par les yeux humains
On peut voir ce qui est au ciel
En regardant le terrain.
Hi, Kristin,
Compassionate listening takes practice. I practice every
week in a meditation group in a Presbyterian Church and it
is always difficult for me to listen to someone else without
my own thoughts interrupting, but I keep trying.
I love your mum – she is 65 years young and going for it imaginery boyfriends and all!!! Would love a chat – I am told I am a good listener – sometimes I wish I would talk more….
Je vous ai entendu, si comme l’a demandé …
Call Me
tel qu’il est interprété par Blondie
Appelez-moi (french translation)
Moi la couleur de votre couleur, bébé
Colorez-moi votre voiture
Colorez-moi ta couleur, ma chérie
Je sais qui vous êtes
Montez de votre nuancier
Je sais d’où vous venez de
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) sur la ligne
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi tout, à tout moment
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) mon amour
Vous pouvez m’appeler n’importe quel jour ou de nuit
Appelez-moi
Couvrez-moi de baisers, bébé
Couvrez-moi avec amour
Qu’on me roule dans les draps de designer
Je vais jamais assez
Les émotions viennent, je ne sais pas pourquoi
Couvrez-vous un alibi de l’amour
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) sur la ligne
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi tout, à tout moment
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) Oh l’amour
Lorsque vous êtes prêt, nous pouvons partager le vin
Appelez-moi
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, il parle les langues de l’amour
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, amore, chiamami, chiamami
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Appelle-moi, mon cherie, Appelle-moi
A tout moment, n’importe où, n’importe où, n’importe comment
A tout moment, n’importe où, n’importe où, n’importe quel journée
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) mon amour
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi tout, à tout moment
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) pour un tour
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi pour des heures supplémentaires
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) mon amour
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi dans un design doux
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi), me contacter pour alibi l’amant de votre amant de
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) sur la ligne
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi tout, à tout moment
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi)
Oh, appelez-moi, oh, oh, ah
Appelez-moi (appelez-moi) mon amour
Appelez-moi, appelez-moi tout, à tout moment
espérons que cette aide, Jackie, ou Max?
Hi Kristin,
A phone call would be fun, I am in : )
Be well and thank you for French word a day,
Patty
p.s. if you called all 128 of us commentors and took notes, there you’d have a new book for us 🙂
Hi
I would enjoy a chat with you. We live semi pararel lives. Half the year I live in a hamlet Paillargues, france. A farming community in the lot. My children are grown. I have a wonderful french mutt,I could write a book about her. She travels with me back to Ca every winter. I bought a 17th C. Farm house with holes in the roof, never had indoor convinces ,but unspoiled. I have done most of the work, and now love my grand old dame of a house. So call me would be fun to chat. Bis Bayje
As a quiet(ish) person who has experienced occasional frustration with feeling as if I am not listened to, I would have to say that thoughtful questions and the time to answer them are a gift from my listening friends. I would treasure a call from you, Kristin! We have in common that we are both married to un francais, though I live here in sunny Southern Oregon, and you there in sunny Southern France! Gros Bisous to you and votre Maman!
I love to tell my stories of things that happened to me. When I hear someone say something, I think of all the great stories I have and want to “butt in”. I try to pause though, and think that as much pleasure I get out of telling my story, the other person is getting out of telling theirs, and let them have their pleasure!
If I get a call from you I would let my mother talk to you I think. She is in her 80’s and is of French ancestry several generations past. I always hoped I could afford to take her to France, but so far I have not been able to. If she could overcome her shyness in talking to someone she does not know (no difficulty for me) I am sure she would treasure the experience.
Kristen – scanning the gobs of comments left by your internet friends must surely convince you that God has called you to do the very thing you are doing…sharing a passion for cross-cultural observations and communications. Thank you for being you.
You already know how to listen because you are innately CURIOUS about others instead of wrapped up in yourself.
Maria Cochrane in Newport News, Virginia
Forgive me for my typo – KrisTIN – I do know it’s -In and not En
Maria, desperately looking for a way to undo…since I know that a person’s name is the most important word to him or her…..
Maria in Newport News, VA
Bonjour Krisitin!
I would love to have the opportunity to speak with you! I always look forward to reading your vignettes of French life. As for being a good listener, my best advice would be to really concentrate on what the other person is saying (not just the words but tone of voice, grammar etc) as well and make sure not to get distracted by other activities or thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful stories with all of us.
Sincerement,
~ Dana
I have read that a Buddhist admonition is to ask yourself these 3 questions before speaking:
1. Is it kind?
2. Is it true?
3. Is it helpful?
I’ve tried and it’s not so easy. and I wonder how a conversation would go if both parties followed these suggestions! (Somebody has to speak so the other one can listen – n’est-ce pas?)
Use eye contact, nod your head, say mmm..hmmm a lot, and ask questions to clarify. Pretty soon you’ll be completely focused on what your companion is saying and you won’t feel such an urge to dip your own oars into the conversational waters!
I respect your thinking and I would like to talk to you about patience. I think patience and humility are two rather overlooked virtues– not exactly the fun, hot topic you might be hoping to practice with. But patience has been given more talking time lately with the publication of the book called something like Bringing up Bebe, Why the French Make Better Parents, a title which suggests a wealth of material, beyond patience, for us to discuss.
best, Amie
It would be a privilege to converse with you after reading your posts for several years! As a mom in the US who talks to her daughter and now her granddaughter in the UK several times a week, my goal is to always be fully present in the moment (not always attained with distractions on either side of the Atlantic!). I can’t be there in person and see with my eyes the details and expressions that would add so much, so I try to listen with my heart.
Bonjour Kristin,
I hail from sunny California and would love to have a conversation with you! As a matter of fact, I was wondering if “Skyping” were actually possible! That would be the best experience of all, because then it would almost feel as though we’re in the same room! That would be so personal and rewarding! But I would be thrilled with a phone conversation, too!
One of the biggest benefits of being a good listener is that you can make people feel good about themselves. By giving them your undivided attention, you validate their importance, and they feel your respect. That’s worth focusing on! Someone once said that people will like you for how you make them feel about themselves. I say it’s a win-win for both sides of the conversation!!
A bientot, Kristin, et j’espere entendre bientot ta voix!
Bonjour, Kristin!
What makes a good listener? The ability to hear what the heart is saying as well as the lips – to listen with your ears and heart – to hear and empathize. I don’t always manage this fully – but I hope I always strive to be a good listener. Your stories are so full of love and empathy – I imagine that you must be a very good listener!
I will be in Aix-en-Provence for two weeks this October to live out, though briefly, one of my life-long dreams – to study abroad. Where better to study French than in Provence? C’est possible de render une visite a vous? Une causette travers une table serait meme meilleur qu’une par telephone:-)
Hello from chilly Canada. I would love to win a chat with you for a prize. What a neat idea!
As for listening…it’s more than simply being quiet and waiting for the other person to stop talking. You really must hear what he or she says before making a response. Your response must be exactly that…a response to what he or she said rather than just a statement about what you think yourself.
Petra (Ancaster, ON)
Kristin, a few years back I almost had un brin de causette avec vous et votre mere. We were visiting the town of Rousillon on a beautiful sunny afternoon in September. In a main square there happened to be a pottery fair, music from a funky french trio, a book fair with two beautiful women seated at a table with their books. Even though I thought “they” did not look French. My language skills en francais are not the best so I passed by the oportunity pour un brin de causette .
I never made the connection until one time I saw your photo from that day with your mum in Rousillon.La prochaine fois je vous promets d’écouter et de discuter (un brin de causette)
Kristen, It would be such a thrill to chat with you. One trait of a good listener is to look the speaker in the eye and maintain that eye contact while they are speaking.
Dear Kristin,
Bon Soir, greetings from beautiful Joliet Illinois. I own and operate a studio and art gallery here, and I have a fairly steady stream of visitors all day long. Local folks know there is always a hot pot of coffee or tea in my kitchen, and something interesting on my easel or in my frame shop. Over the years my place has become a replacement for the old general store where meeting new friends who soon become regulars happens all the time.
I never know what my next guest will want to talk about. Sometimes I am not part of the discussion at all. If the telephone rings I have to answer. After all I am supposed to be working.
So, I have my dream job and I love it. You can call me anytime. I believe you are about seven or eight hours ahead of Central standard time.
Peace,
Hi Kristin,
I’ve been following your posts for a long time now and I just love your posts. Good to know that you’re trying to practice “listening”. It is probably one of thee toughest skills to develop because we’re most often thinking of an intelligent reply and framing our reply that we miss what the other person is trying to say. Inspiredby your post, I too would like to practice “listening”…..
Chère Kristin,
Vous pouvez m’appeler lorsque vous avez envie de parler français! J’ai Skype aussi.
Votre Maman et votre Papa sont vraiment charmants – chacun dans son style –
Avec tous ces messages ci-dessus vous pouvez être sûre que bien des gens vous aiment beaucoup !!!
nadine, de Napa, Californie
As a midwife supporting low-intervention birth, I have learned to listen to the language of the birthing body – the most beautiful sight imaginable. Listening is respecting rhythms, of language, movement, breathing – being aware of a change in tone, speed – and allowing all of the thoughts, images, pictures, ideas that enter ones own mind while listening to take root. What do I really need to say? What do I really want to share? What can I share that will give strength and empower, rather than take over and weaken? I now also research birth, listening to stories told by midwives and women. This is how I am learning French – interviewing midwives, asking all the French women I meet to tell me their birth stories. The gift of interaction, so vividly present in the FWAD posts, can only be won through listening!
Kristin, you should call me…..since I live in Aix, it’s not even long distance.
Tantot,
Bill
Kristen
I listen best when I avoid judging what I hear.
Adding in a healthy dose of respectful curiosity about the speaker does wonders for my understanding of whatever they are saying.
Thank you for yet another opportunity to muse about how to enhance my life experience.