Jean-Marc ("Chief Grape) will be in New-York this coming March 8th–or during his 2012 US wine tour (Photo taken in Le Castellet Village, at the restaurant Le Pied de Nez – painting by Christian Pieroni)
WIN ANOTHER PRIZE (click here to enter this drawing): Today, help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Enter today's drawing and WIN a telephone call from me (Kristin) in France! (Well, maybe not as exciting an offer as the previous one, but then… it is better than a kick in the pants!) Read on, in today's missive… or enter right away, via this link.
une causette (koh-zet)
: a chat
un brin de causette = a little chat
Audio file…
(Sorry, all the Francophones in our house are asleep–that means you are stuck with me! Listen, at your own péril, to the following recording: Download MP3 or Wav file
Une causette c'est aussi de la communication informelle entre plusieurs personnes, sur l'internet, par échange de messages affichés sur leurs écrans. A 'causette' is also informal communication between many people, on the internet, by the exchange of messages posted to their computer screens.
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Grande Bouche
To not get a word in edgewise. This English expression is too delightful, la preuve that the French do not have the monopoly on charming expressions.
Visualize, pour une minute, the edgewise idiom. Can't you just see so many exasperated Words trying, in vain, to slip into The Conversation? At their wit's end, the weary Words must throw up their arms and fall back… so as to sneak in, edgewise, to the lively, one-sided Conversation.
Though the can't get a word in edgewise expression amuses me to no end, it is no fun being Blabbermouth. I'd rather be Good Listener. But when conversation gets going… I can't help but take flight, until, once again, I am steering this chatty vessel–Conversation–through the maze of Off Topic. Wheeeee!———
"C'est HS," my kids say, eyes-rollingly, and I listen in time to understand some teen slang (HS = "Hors Sujet" or Off Topic).
"Let me just finish my thought here…" my Mom suggests, gently, as we fly from one subject to the next. She is game to ride with me on the Ferris wheel of WORDS, and our daily cross-Atlantic conversations are as thrilling as any fairground ride.
"Oh, don't worry about it!" says my friend Claire, who spent the weekend with me. "It's a French thing!" Claire should know, as she has studied the topic for her forthcoming opus.
I'd love to believe that so much word-butting and edging in to conversation is evidence of intercultural advancement, that, once and for all, in that far-off horizon known as French Integration, I am finally making headway… Alas, the truth may very well be, that I am only making "edgeway".
***
Help me practice The Noble Art of Listening… Let me call one of you on the phone–for at least 20 minutes–anywhere in the world! Enter a comment (maybe a tip on how to be a better listener?) in the comments box and I –or MamaJules–will choose a winner on Friday, February 24th. Maybe I could even share our conversation–in an upcoming story? Click here to enter this drawing. I hope to talk to you very soon!
French Vocabulary
grande bouche = big mouth
la preuve = the proof
pour une minute = for a minute
=> also "grande gueule" (though this term may be offensive!)
H.S. = hors sujet = off topic
There's Blabbermouth, there on the left (in red). From left to right: Kristin, Virginia, Casey, Chief Grape, Adrienne. (Thank you, Cecil, for taking the photo–wish you were in it!)
Don't Forget to enter this drawing!
Let me call you one the phone! Should you hear heavy breathing in the background… never fear! (That's just me hyperventalating. I am very nervous about calling you, so please enter here and let me know that you would really like to talk to me!)
And now, can anyone end this edition with the lyrics… in French.. of Blondie's Call Me? 🙂
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Tip for being a better listner: Focus on the content the speaker in speaking (grammer,voice etc) this may help you to keep your attention & listen carefully.
Oh Bonjour dear Kristin,
I would LOVE to speak with you . How exciting . Of course, I would be thrilled and a little anxieuse at the same time .
As for being a good listerner – I find for myself. stop looking on the computer screen or reading something. No multi-tasking.
It is hard – but I think you can really focus on the person. Also, I would try not to drive (handsfree ) if I had a really important conversation.
Wishing you a happy day – It’s Presidfent’s Day here .
It would be great to speak to you.I enjoy your commentary so I can gain perspective on French life and culture to help me better understand my Frech counterparts.
Bonjour Kristin,I too am accused oftern of
not letting others get a word in edgewise. I do struggle to listern more & say less.I am still a work in progress.Love Joan
Using a painfully slow internet connection in Vanuatu to skype friends and family in France and Australia is teaching me the discipline of being a good listener – as I need to strain to catch their every word! When we can chat face to face it is such a luxury that I am happy to sit and listen to their stories for hours – even when they wander HS 🙂
Bonjour Kristin
Mon marie Jon and I have just returned from trois mois in France. Jon parle le francais assez bien, but I can only listen and sometimes understand – if people speak simply and slowly.
Nous avons eu un echange de maison a Pezenas et Argeles-Gazost. Nouse avons egalement passé un certain temps a Paris qui etait merveilleux.
As you can probably tell, I am using Google translate to write the French bits of this.
This last visit I tended to only listen, and if I wanted to say anything, asked Jon to say it for me. So now I’m inspired to try to learn enough French to be able to converse with people myself next time.
Hi Kristin, it is a great pleasure to have a chat with you. Well to be a good listener, I would say that my mind is really focused on the communicator, no distraction. Body language and the tone of speach of the person communicating is primordial. For instance the eye contact, nodding, smile and even the movement of the hands and body posture would contribute to be a good listener, without interupting the latter.
It always seems to be the great listener who is triumphant in any conversation with that perfectly timed, perfectly appropriate remark or reply. In our uber-fast world, this is even a grander accomplishment than ever before because it requires an infinite amount of patience. Aloha!
Bonjour Kristin, I would like to converse with you as you make life so fascinating. I was happily surprised at your wonderful accent. To my untrained Aussie ears, you sound quite delightful. Merci beaucoup, Amicablement, Ann Marie
Hi Kristin,
I sometimes feel that I can’t get a word in edgewise, but that is generally when I am with a number of close friends, or with multiple members of my very large family. If they weren’t fun friends or family, I probably would not care as much whether I made my point in the conversation! So, I’m probably a better listener in less friendly situations, where it doesn’t really matter to me whether I enter the conversation or not. In any case, Kristin, I would love to “causer” with you. I would hope to be a good listener with you, Kristin, but since I like you so much, watch out!
Being a good listener is one of the rarest talents I see among humans. Not launching into a self-obsessed monologue-actually LISTENING to what someone is saying, not just speaking, isn’t an easy task, but well worth the effort. My simplest advice: when talking in person, look at them directly in the eyes, have a pleasant expression on your face, and DON’T USE THE WORD “I”. Bonne Chance! J’espere de gagner le concurrence!
~Terri Dimon, Lincoln Nebraska
I would love to speak with you! I love reading your blog and a chance to speak with you would be great. Thanks!
Chere Kristin,
The great listener in my life was my Grandmother. She was an intuitive listener. There was a rhythm to our many conversations that were so enjoyable. Her questions were thought out and didn’t require a quick “yes” or “no” answer.
Not to be “Cst HS”, but it was my grandmother who has inspired me to immerse myself in the French Culture and language . She left Europe for the US when she married but was still fluent in French until she died at 98.
I am facing my fears and traveling alone this time to Paris for a couple of months for the experience of being independent and to imagine what it would have been like to have been her in the 1920’s – 30’s
(a real “Midnight in Paris” movie…)
I am enjoying your blog.
I would welcome your phone call.
warmly,
Lauren
I think being a good listener arises out of being truly interested in the person you are talking to. I think that empathy is starting point. And ask questions rather than responding with your own views and stories. The readers had lots of good thoughts on this subject.
Chere Kristin,
I would feel very lucky to talk to you since you have enriched my life and provided so much comfort and happiness over the years. I would be a bit anxious as well but we can always talk about our doggies (I have 2 black labs) which makes any conversation easy!
I am definitely an interrupter during conversations and I am always trying harder to be a better listener. I just get so excited about things I can wait to interject a thought. But I would love to not be so impulsive and really focus on my husband’s words as I love him dearly.
Here’s hoping that I’m the one who gets to chat with you. In any case, I will definitely do so one day when we visit your vineyard in Provence on our next trip abroad.
Have a wonderful day with you family and give big hugs and kisses to the Smokey and Braise. Lady and Rory (our dogs) say hello! One of these days, I’ll send a picture.
Bises,
Carolyn
KRISTI DARLING – THIS IS THE GREATEST IDEA !!! I CAN’T BEGIN TO TELL ALL OF OUR PRECIOUS FRIENDS HERE AT FWAD HOW MUCH I TREASURE OUR TELEPHONE CALLS SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK.
KRISTI AND I LAUGH AND LAUGH AT EACH OTHERS IDEAS, DREAMS AND DEFEATS…OUR PHONE CALLS ARE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENTS IN MY LIFE EACH WEEK.
OF COURSE KRISTI I HOPE EVERYONE REALIZES THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO SPEAK FRENCH ….THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD BE ABLE TO PLY KRISTI WITH ALL OF MY PERSONAL ADVENTURES IN MY DAILY QUEST TO LIVE LIFE HAVING AS MUCH FUN AS I CAN EACH DAY.
I HAVE A GREAT STORY WAITING FOR YOU TODAY KRISTI WHEN YOU CALL ME….I MAY BE GOING BACK TO WORK!!! ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS (it’s easy to have lots of boyfriends when you are my age, after 65 years on earth my husband understands that i just like to play with people and ideas…) ANYWAY ONE OF MY BOYFRIENDS, LUIS, KEEPS TWO BOATS HERE IN THE MARINA AND JUST BOUGHT 10 WAVE-RUNNERS/JET SKI’S. YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I USED TO LOVE TO RIDE AND JUMP MY HORSES – WHY NOT RIDE ALONG WITH A BIG GROUP OF PEOPLE ON JET SKI’S ALONG THE COAST OF PUERTO VALLARTA….A PERFECT JOB FOR ME…MY JOB WOULD JUST TO BE MYSELF AND HAVE FUN….LUIS SAID THAT COULD BE VERY INSPIRING TO THE REST OF THE TOURISTS.
I’M OFF TO THE MARINA TO TALK TO ALL OF MY CAPTAINS THIS MORNING…THERE ARE 400 YACHTS AND FISHING BOATS HERE SO THIS REALLY KEEPS ME BUSY…YES I AM WORKING ON A LITTLE BOOK ABOUT THEM CALLED ‘ CAPTAINS ON THE BAY OF BANDARAS.’
OF COURSE I HAD TO TELL THEM I WAS WRITING A BOOK – THAT WAS MY BAIT TO GET THEM TO SHARE ALL OF THEIR FISH STORIES WITH ME….I’M SURE I’LL BE CRUISING ON ALOT OF BOATS THIS SEASON.
WELL, I SURELY GOT MY PHONE CALL INTO ALL OF YOU THIS MORNING….THANKS FOR BEING SO PATIENT AND LISTENING….ESPECIALLY AS I AM ALWAYS OFF TOPIC FOR THIS POST FROM KRISTI.
I LOVE EVERYONE OF YOU…..XOXO
XOXO
JULES
Hi Kristin – Listening to your voice would add a whole new texture to your blog for me; and give me a more personal chance to apologize to you for that stupid response to the session about the fixer-upper when I screwed up the euro to dollar rate.
If we were able to bring any joy into your life like you do for all of us, that would truly become “la vie en rose”. – Ed W
It’s easy to be a good listener when you have a good story to listen to. Asking thought provoking questions to someone telling a story gets you hooked nearly every time. When someone’s life could be written about in a Tennessee Williams play, you’ve got a great start to a story waiting to be listen to. Please excuse me dear Kristin, I think I’m getting the vapors.
Dear Kristin,
A call from you would be much better than any present wrapped in a package. You bring France to our lives which we expect from French Word A Day, but there are many more unexpected bonuses. Your generous personality,beautiful insight to life and modesty are the extras that make your posts and books a regular “go to” for me. Yes, please ring me up anytime! But be ready, I want to hear a few girlfriend stories and more about your writing techniques.
Learning to be a good listener is a challenge of life. Je parle francais tout les jours, mais un petit peu. Listening is a challenge as is the learning of the language francais!
Focus on the speaker, do not think about yourself.
Hi Kristin,
I would love to chat with you. When I read your first book on a camping trip in Cape Breton many years ago I felt that we shared so much in common! And now, years later as a subscriber to your blog, I feel that you are like a sister. Let’s be friends!
My listening tip: to shut out all distractions from my mind and look deeply into the person’s eyes…or if by telephone, imagine their face as they are speaking.
xoxoedie
I have been accused of being quiet, but the truth is that I try to wait until the current speaker finishes their thought before I express mine. Try that sometime and you’ll find that you tend to be a good listener and also quiet as others tend to jump into a conversation before the other speaker is finished. My wife is a good listener but she’s also much faster than I to fill a void in any conversation.
Hi Kristin,
I love the expression “can’t get a word in edgewise”. It reminded me of my mohter who died 10 years ago last week, as it was one of her favorites. My husband always said that whenever my mother, sister, and I had a conversation, we all talked at once,YET, he was most amazed that we all heard everything each person said. A gift I believe. Don’t apologize for the lively art of conversation and cherish those around you with whom you can do this. On the other hand, I am SURE that you are a good listener when the conversation is one that deserves it. Have a wonderful week.
Chere Kristin! Who WOULDN’T want une causette with you! (Although my daughter was disappointed that I didn’t win the key – she has a passion for them – French and antique only sent it over the top!) It would be an honor to speak with you. You have brightened my days and enriched my understanding of French language and culture. Merci! (I have even secretly dreamed of visiting to help with la vendage.)I found it funny you chose “Call Me” – took me back to high school French when we sang “Appelle Moi” for our performance in the cultural show – LOL! I understand your situation though. Many say I am the original prototype for the Chatty Cathy doll. 😉 Keep on posting! Kathy
Hi Kristin, This is definitely something I struggle with on a daily basis. When you have so many ideas floating around in your head and you get around other inspiring people it’s difficult to keep quiet! You are an intelligent, kind person and I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I have a feeling you are too hard on yourself. I, too, add my name to the list of those who would love a call from la France and you!
Merhaba, Kristin!
Someone once said we are meant to listen twice as much as we speak. That’s why we have one mouth (grande ou non) and two ears…
I’d love to talk to you..or your dear mother (who is as rare a vintage as I am).
Thanks to you both for helping me to feel at home whereever I am.
Hi Kristin, My friends must think I am a good listener because they often call to talk over “a problem” they are having with another friend or family member. As I listen, I can hear that God has blessed me and my own relationships with relatively few problems…maybe that’s why I listen well. I would love to listen to your voice and chat a bit about our mutual love of Provence.
Kristin,
I could listen to you talk all day! I am not much of a talker unless I have a topic I really enjoy talking about. My favorite topic is travel! Once I get started it is hard to shut me off. Most of the time I have to search out kindred souls who enjoy travel also to talk much about it. I love to talke about my first love, France. I would love to talke with you about France! At any rate I am just happy to read your Blog several days a week! Thank you so much.
AJR
Hi Kristin,
What a cute post. I’ve never considered the ‘edgewise’ expression, but now I see that it’s wonderful. That’s one thing about learning a new language, it makes you reconsider your own. And I love to learn the latest slang from your kids, more of that please, even if it’s HS.
Meanwhile, my dear Jules, your comment had me in stitches. Of course you would do your causette-ing in all caps. I will read this to my 84-year-old mother who is visiting today. A kindred spirit, she has 3 boyfriends. Keep us posted on your adventures, please.
I studied journalism, and it seemed like a perfect career for me since I prefer to ask the questions and let the other person talk. So that is my tip. Instead of stating your own opinion, keep asking the other person questions and, by listening closely to each answer given, new questions will arise, and you’ll be able to keep the other person talking for as long as you like.
Funny your topic is about being a good listener, because my hubby and I just completed a 24 hour course on learning to coach couples on improving marriages, where good listening skills are essential. Unfortunately most of us are only waiting for that pause (or impolitely interrupting) in order to state OUR thoughts on the subject.
The first evening of class focused on using “I” statements, which most of us are familiar with, and being an “active” listener — one’s whose job is to understand what is being said. The listener is to wait for the speaker to finish, then restate the speaker’s thoughts and ask if they got it right. Not as easy as it sounds, but great for getting both people on the same page.
Love you Kristin! Sure would be great to pick up my phone and hear your lovely voice.
Would love to hear from you, as your sunny perspective bring many smiles across the miles.
Hi Kristin,
You’re posts are always enjoyable and help keep my vocabulary intact. To listen well is hard. One of the best lessons I learned, is to let the silence speak. If you don’t rush in to fill the silence, the person talking will often go to a much more serious/important place.
I don’t know how much listening you would get on a call with me, I will probably have too many questions for you!, especially as we’re going to be on France at the end of March. However, I’d love to give it a try!
If you called me,you would probably at least be in the same time zone.
I can be a good listener,but also tend to interrupt more than I would like.But I forget what I was going to say is the biggest reason.
How to be a good listener.I think alot depends on who you are listening to.What they are talking about.Etc.
Like I can hear about your problems,but it is harder for me to listen to detailed info about the inside of a computer………
Je suis un psychologue et même j’ai de la difficulté écouter quelquefois.
Bonjour Kristin, I too have the “Gift of Gab” in the sense that I love to listen to stories of other peoples lives but then I get so excited that I can’t help but join in sometimes forgetting to let them get a word in edgewise. I especially love to read about your daily adventures of living in France. They remind me that it is a journey filled with adventures and that I should just enjoy the ride. It encourages me to look forward to my husband Steve and myself retiring to France in the next few years and starting our own journey filled with many wonderful adventures and new friends. You and I share a similar style of writing and reading your stories encourages and inspires me as I write mine. Thank you for being the special lady that you are and sharing your life so openly with us. It would an incredible experience to be able to speak with you on the phone and share our stories ~ each of us allowing the other to “Get a word in edgewise”Have a Great Day.
What do I know about listening? Um! Good topic. Seems that listening to another persons words is powerful – it shows you respect them; by listening to their thoughts and responding thoughtfully you validate their individuality. I have also learned a lot about my own assumptions and how wrong they can be even made unknowingly. I seem to make assumptions everyday without even thinking about it based upon previous experiences. It is not until I listen to someone that I really learn about what is going on in their head. I also learned that while listening to not stare the speaker in the eyes but rather to look at the space between the eyes – seems to keep words flowing more freely. Enough. Have a great day and my Yogi says “hi” to your beautiful dogs.
After being the umpteenth person to comment, I feel like I can’t get a comment in edgewise!!!!( hahahaha) I’m always amazed at the time it must take you to read all your viewers’ delightful writings inspired by yours!
And, lucky me, I’m privileged to have had wonderful chats with you in person, so I won’t enter this contest as someone else needs that chance.
Good luck, whoever you are, Kristi is a wonderful listener as well as writer!!! And bonne guerison. Hope chief Grape is coming to DC…
Bonjour, Madame! Look forward to your post every day! Give me a call and we can chat in French or English. If I’m speaking to you face to face I would look into your eyes and pay attention. If we are communicating by letter I would concentrate on what you are saying. If you write me a letter in French, I would concentrate harder! My French teacher here recently received a prize for spreading French culture…just like you.
Your blog is always a ray of sunshine, Kristin and you look radiant and as beautiful as ever in your photo, scarring not visible at all. AND I think you’re being too tough on yourself: you are so naturally compassionate I can’t believe you would dominate a conversation. Your powers of observation, both visual and aural, are too finely tuned for you to be a conversation hogger…..HOW could you possibly retain all those glorious details in your vignettes if you didn’t listen properly? hugs from Maureen xxx
Hi Kristin,
I’d be happy to speak with you. My French is very rusty but I’ll try. That’s why I signed up for French Word-A-Day and stream FIP all day long.
WZ
Salut Kristin
Here in the American Southwest, a Native American tradition is the use of a “Talking Stick” at meetings and story telling circles. Only the person holding the talking stick is permitted to talk. He also has an “Answering Feather” which he passes to a person asked a question so he can respond.
For more info check….
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TraditionalTalkingStick-Unknown.html
À bientôt
You are already in my thoughts and prayers, as are the others that comment here. It would be good if I were the one to receive your phone call, but I would also be happy for anyone else that would receive it. I think it is a great idea!
Blessings, Mary in NM
The key to being a good listener is to listen when the other person is talking instead of thinking up what you’re going to say next.
What do we have to do to win a phone call from Jules?
Does that count as two … er … three entries?
In conversation, with our own words eager to march in- edgewise if necessary!- we overlook one useful listening technique:a pause. This may be most useful in an interviewing, or question/answer session, but it works!
After the person has finished answering a question, don’t say anything. It is difficult to do at first, but if you can resist speaking, the person may elaborate on what they said, or reveal something unexpected.
How I wish I could speak to you en francais mais il sera en anglais. I have my best conversations in french in my head when I have time to figure out what I want to say and then how to say it! Merci beaucoup!
I too suffer from HS. I am reminded daily that I am off with the ‘ squirrels’, from the movie ‘up’ I listen, but then my mind gets excited and goes off in another direction. Call me, we can learn to listen together….. (smile)