TODAY'S WORD: avoir la niaque (also: avoir la gnaque)
French: Être très motivé, être capable de soulever des montagnes. (Wikipedia)
English : To be very motivated, to be capable of moving mountains
ECOUTEZ – Listen to Jean-Marc pronounce today's French word:
Avoir la niaque. Aujourd'hui, je n'ai pas la niaque pour continuer ce projet de vignoble au Mas des Brun.
To be motivated. Today, I am no longer motivated to continue this vineyard project as Mas des Brun.
JEAN-MARC'S OPEN LETTER
Kristi's last post about our interrogations on our future have generated a lot of comments and we would like to thank you for the kindness and thoughtfulness of all of them. Even if some of you have supported us in our thoughts, true is that some of you did not understand the reasons of a potential move to the US which can actually be questioned and debated for many reasons.
But first things first : Why do I feel the high need to discontinue this wonderful venture with Mas des Brun ? Well, to summarize it, this is the story of somebody who somehow thought that most difficult part of the job had been done when we moved here (after a lot of searching, we had finally found the right place) and who has been totally blinded by the enormous amount of work needed to create this winery. I have so wanted to root down in this area that once we found this "promise land" and had the chance to create a vineyard, I did not see the immensity of the work needed. Because I was in a sort of "euphoria" phase, I kept telling myself that one way or another, I would find the solutions, all the while discovering the immensity of the tasks. After 4 years of working hard, most of the time taking bad decisions on problems to solve, I have the feeling that I totally burned my wings, especially when, since last year, we are having to face a very difficult and potentially very big problem with administration after the decision I took to clear a parcel (removing many trees) in order to plant vineyards so as to move on with this difficult project to build a vineyard. This case has also corresponded to when I broke my elbow and when the first signs of depression hit me as I started to realize that I was meeting more and more problematic issues on my project.
After almost a year of thinking black and even some very low moments, I now realize that I am 50 years old, that I don't have the financial means to make this project happen (at least to reach its initial goal which is to plant 10 acres of vines), I would need to hire somebody to help me which I can't (I am not paying myself already) and that it will take me another 10 years to eventually put this vineyard to orbit. By then, I will probably have totally broken my back, worried most of the time, praying for sun when rain comes in the Spring, for rain while the summer drought hits the vines… And then, I tell myself : I hopefully have 25 years to enjoy life on this beautiful planet… Of course France, and especially where we live, is gorgeous but there are so much more places that I would like to discover. Since I certainly don't want to continue being depressed and anxious ("je n'ai ni la niaque, ni les moyens), I now feel the need to turn the page, while staying positive, which explains our decision to sell. After all, the sweat, the broken back, the worries might be compensated by a little profit since we did pick our first grapes this year, built a small winemaking facility and made our first official wine to now have on the ground 10 000 vines when there was nothing growing 4 years ago.
Now, why the US ? Well, because this is also our family's culture. Even if we have always lived in France, we feel the US is home too. Kristi's family live there and we have not seen them often. We want to be able to enjoy them more often. We also have very good friends and it is indeed a country where I could express my wine knowledge. I only had great times while visiting with our family or touring the different States with Domaine Rouge-Bleu.
I know well that social security is not the same but we have the chance to still benefit of the French social security in case of serious emergency. Some people tell us that USA is not secure. Well, I am not sure, which is safer: Europe (situated at the door of a potential third world war that can happen in Syria, Israel, Turkey…) or the US. I am not mentioning here the potential issues with war migrants and terrorism which I think is much more worrisome in France than in the US.
Some readers are concerned about our kids : Our plan to is to bring Jackie with us and find her an Art School to develop her fashion skills. Max is currently in a Business school with one year to spend overseas and he is almost 22… About my own family and my Mom, my sister now lives 30 mns away and my brother 1 hour away. I have taken care of my Mom since I was 20 and I don't feel bad if I have leave her, coming to visit her probably once or two times a year.
Colorado ? OK, no more sea urchins but Nature is just splendid there and I love the mountains as much as I love the sea. Also, global warming will certainly make the winters smoother. Heidi and her kids live there and it is very central to go visit family in other States with even a direct flight to Puerto Vallarta where Jules lives. But if it was my call, I would choose Portland, OR which is my preferred city in the US. The only restriction for not moving to the US would be a total unexpected and very worrisome election result on November 8th….
But we are still here, thinking about options in our lives and so far nobody has made an offer to buy our place. You, Dear readers with your kind comments are helping us make the eventual decision. Nothing will happen if we don't sell this place and we might not sell it if we don't get the price we want. We also might ending up 2 miles away if we sell (see this update written 10 months later…) and we also might live here forever. Only God knows, let Him guide us.
In a field of ancient olive trees, Jean-Marc waters his baby vines during the drought
RELATED POSTS: Click on the titles, below, to read the blog entries
If We Left France, Where We Could Move
To Come to a Decision: On Turning the Page of Our Vineyard Dream
Accidental Cassoulet : An update on Depression
Photo of me and our daughter, Jackie, taken behind our home.
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Jean-Marc, everything in life that is worthwhile usually happens with a lot of blood sweat and tears being shed to accomplish. Don’t be a quitter but instead wake up in the morning with a renewed vow to make your dream come true. France is a wonderful country with wonderful people, don’t give it up! Have you ever thought about asking for help? You have a lot of land.How about sharing your dream with other people who would be willing to work the land in exchange for a chance to live and explore France? No wages payed, they would have to be funded by having a pension or other means. You might think of sharing some of the profit if the venture succeeds. The possibilities are endless limited only by imagination. I think of myself when I say there must be others who are on a pension, do not need a wage to live if the expenses are kept to a minimum, I.E. you have land, create yourself a small village. Be it medieval in nature it would still offer shelter at no expense to the occupant unless they wished to invest in improvements. If you wish to talk more about this please feel free to contact me.
Jean-Marc & Kristi – you are both such courageous people. Thank you for sharing your dreams and feelings with all of “us”, your extended family around the world. So glad to hear that Jackie will be coming with you, wherever you decide to land.
Der Kristi and Jean-Marc,
Your heartfelt honesty in sharing your pain and upheaval is truly moving. I have been a faithful reader for ten years, and wanted to suggest a meet-up this summer when I was in Aix, but didn’t want to add to your burden when Jean-Marc was going through his terrible depression. The way you have shared your lives is immensely honest, open and inspiring, often bringing laughter (and sometimes tears) to our home. My husband and I live near Denver, so maybe that meet-up can happen if you decide to settle there. I wish you the best as you work towards your decision.
What a great explanatory letter. I am delighted you love Portland which is where we met you and Kristi on your first wine tour at a place called Cork. I still have the two bottles of your first vintage laying down waiting for the right time to be opened. We live in Hood River, sixty miles up the Columbia River, where wine has become one of the ways of life here although most of the wine is Pinot Noir which is not my favorite.
I share with you the feeling of suddenly realizing that the time to do certain things has passed without them having been done. The realization that there are many other wonderful things left to do is a saving grace that I very much hope comes to you.
Have you thought of Idaho? Some good wines are coming out of here. We are close(kinda) to Portland. Denver isn’t that far away. And the best thing you have family here. Just a thought. You kids should just find great Joy in your journey. Life always works out for the best.
Dear Kristi and Jean-Marc ~ As we all know, life can change when we least expect it. You both are facing your current challenges with candid honesty. Keep believing that the proper path for you will unfold and, in the end, all will be well. Change takes time and is seldom without bumps. As you can see, you only have to reach out and support is there. We believe in you.
Dear Jean- Marc and Kristi
What a beautiful and heartfelt letter. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification for your decisions, but thank you for letting us in on your thoughts and dreams. May you find the best next step for you both, and have peace as you make whatever decisions you need to.
God bless you richly
Charlotte
Dear Kristi and Jean-Mark….I can only repeat the positive thoughts the others have written here. I know how hard it is to make serious life changes at your age. My husband at age 55 said one night we were moving to L.A. 3,000 miles across the country.
I , at 45 was faced with the task of doing that move and not very enthusiastic. I had a wonderful life and was quite happy right where I was.
We did the move. His new job turned out to be right for him and I found my own path here. I think I cried for the first 10 years but I
grew and discovered I had strengths and capabilities I never dreamed of. After he passed away I found a way to
buy a grandmothers house back in Vermont next door to my daughter. I spend the school year in L.A. And the summers in Vermont.
I’ll always be a New Englander. California is great in February. I ! have two children on the East Coast and two children on the West Coast. Life plays tricks on us all.
I met you both in L.A. The year you were here. I have followed Kristi’s blog for a gazillions years and watched your children grow
up. So jump,swim, hop over here. Live close to Heidi and her children and have a great life!
Fondly,
Patience T. In L.A.
Trust your vision of the BIG PICTURE…..it will unfold & you will find your way forward….whether it will be today-tomorrow-or next year…your
future will be the right decision you both will make together……your family will be in a RIGHT place….and all will be good. Keep your love for each other and stay strong . Patience is required, but the doors will open for you. All of us are keeping you in our thoughts & prayers….in our own way!
I was touched by Jean Marc’s letter and fully understand now the struggles you and the families are dealing with. Please, whatever you do, don’t forget Smokey.
Best of luck to you and your family! Can you post this open letter in French?
Well if you move your family to the States I hope Kristi will continue her blogs and her writing. I have thoroughly enjoyed the weekly distraction. And yes, Portland Oregon is quite nice. It is one of my favorite cities. Good luck.
Je dis: Venez. Bienvenu.
Jean-Marc, Your thoughts were beautifully expressed. Portland Oregon is a beautiful, clean city with lots of trees and great public transportation. We live in Eugene, about 2.5 hours south of Portland. There are so many vineyards in Oregon that the whole family would feel at home. One problem, though. Unlike the south of France, it rains a lot here. You might want to spend a few months renting a place during the winter months to be sure you like the rain. We wish you and Kristi and your children good luck.
After November 8, we may all want to move to France!!!!!
you are so kind and generous to share your experiences and perspective in this open manner. I deeply admire and respect your reflections and courage to charge forward on a new chapter. Being in our 50’s offers many new opportunities and you have worked hard. I appreciate and feel inspired by your thoughts here. thank you and Kristi for these glimpses into your hearts and minds.
Great things are in store for you. I highly recommend the book Transitions by Bill Bridges. I read it many times when I was going through a major life transition and it helped make sense of it all. Different parts of it will speak to you at different times as you go through a journey of transitions.
It would be sweet if you and family moved to PDX! I met Jean-Marc at Pasta Works in Portland a few years ago (Domaine Rouge/Bleu tasting). I remember being impressed with Jean-Marc’s advice! There is a great art school/scene in Portland, and so many Willamette Valley wineries that could surely use your expertise. But one day at a time….
It is a privilege to be allowed to share your very personal journey. It takes courage to be so open. Thank you and best wishes that a new dream brings you happiness and peace.
Jean-Marc and Kristi,
Your heartfelt letter touches me deeply. You are being honest with yourself and each other…trust that you will find your way to happiness and a good life if you continue to be open and listen to your heart. You are limitless. Best wishes to you both as your life journey continues.
You may already know this , but we have a budding wine and lavender industry here in the Texas ” hill country . I think the weather and land may be very much like Provence — which could be good and bad , I guess . We have a shortage of water here and mostly rely on our aquifer , but we have droughts . In addition , I understand many Californians are selling their million-dollar homes and moving here , with enough money to buy a ranch with a lot of land . That may be driving up our costs of living here . San Antonio is a booming , cosmopolitan city , also with old stone homes in the countryside , built by the German immigrants 100 years ago . Austin is where everyone wants to live , ” the music capital of . . . the Southwest , I guess . But living is expensive there . We are a hop , skip , and a jump from la Louisiane , a place I love . As for Oregon , I love it , but I understand that it can be depressing to live there because of the long rainy season . I have been there several times and found it to be very progressive and like France in some ways , with traffic circles , or roundabouts , and signs proclaiming that you are leaving a speed limit area , but no sign telling you what the new speed limit will be . They are trying to protect their countryside by limiting urban sprawl , something that we are not doing here ( We are ” loving our countryside to death “, but lack of water may put an end to that at some point ). The nights are cool here because we are on the edge of the Balcones fault line that runs from Uvalde and past Waco . That is what caused the ” hill country “. The cities on the coast are unbearably humid most of the year. Oh , and we are creating more and more traffic circle here as well. And miles and miles of walking trails , which is what I really love . Hope that helps . Good luck with your move .
So , Kristi , will you be starting American English word-of-the-day ? :^)
Hello Jean-Marc,
I am writing to you from Portland OR, where this very moment it is pouring buckets. I would trade places with you in an instant (at least in my dreams). The good news is that Portland has a very active Alliance Francaise, and a fairly large community of francophones and francophiles. As you know, the food and wine here is spectacular (not to mention the beer). I wish you and your family the best in making this very difficult decision.
Some people tell us that USA is not secure? The only security issues I’m aware of are a.)we’re #1 in gun ownership (112 per 100 person, ahead of places like Yemen and Serbia) and b.) if your IQ is larger than the caliber of your weapon, you can carry the damn thing anywhere.
Dear Jean-Marc and Kristi
I enjoy your blog from the other side of the world – Tasmania (Australia). It has an internationally acclaimed wine industry, a temperate climate and a safe and welcoming culture. Sydney and Melbourne both have renowned fashion schools for Jacqui to attend – only an hour or hour and a half’s flight away. It’s equidistant from France and the US and such an extraordinarily beautiful place to live. I encourage you to cut your losses and consider a move to Tasmania!
I hope you are both taking the time to relax and enjoy some leisure time together now. You have worked out what kind of future you want, the details just aren’t completely clear yet. So enjoy each day as it unveils.
Jean-Marc,
We met this summer in June. The concept of owning a producing vineyard and making wine has always seemed *romantic* to me, but I’ve always shied away from it simply because I have come to realize that it is a *lot* of work, even if you can hire people, and that it would take several buckets of money. To attempt this yourself… I give you umpteen brownie points for courage (ask Kristi about brownie points) and for starting on the road to your dream.
I understand what you’re trying to do, and i applaud it. Maybe I did the same thing when I turned 50 and quit my day job. It’s 20 years later now, and I am hoping for another 20 here. Who knows? I’m able to indulge my desire to travel and to see different places (and that means we need to visit Bandol again).
I share your worry about the election in 25 days.
Thank you for your thoughts and for reminding me that making wine is not for the faint-of-heart or sprit. I applaud your courage for starting this endeavor, and then for going through the thought process to turn the page. I think I will continue to buy and drink my wine, and to get my wine thrills by visiting the vineyards that make the wine that I drink.
Colorado is a nice place, but too cold in the winter (I don’t do snow well). Portland might just be a bit more like Provence.
Merci, a bientot,
–rick chinn
Well said. I remain in awe of J-M & Kristi – lovely, open interesting people, with hearts as big as the sky…”les coeurs aussi grands que le ciel.” (Ha! My attempt at French!) (You too, KC!)
Move to Canada….it’s beautiful, safer, we speak French, we have Healthcare, and our politics are about real issues.😉
We moved to Portland nearly three years ago and love it! There are many vineyards nearby, as I’m sure you know. The people are so friendly and welcoming, and the weather is good (no worries about drought, as there are in California where we used to live).
Kristi and Jean-Marc,
Your hearts will guide you. And you can find joy and comfort wherever you are. Your posts are full of optimism. The thing is to live it.
I wish you both the best through your transition.
Chris Webb-Curtis
Dear Jean-Marc,
If you don’t have your health, life is more difficult regardless of where you live. Enjoy today for none of us know what tomorrow may bring. Home is where you hang your hat. Relish the adventure with your family, it is a big world out there, go and get it.
Pauline, d’Adelaide en Australie de Sud
Thank you for sharing your decision with us, although we do not know each other, through Kristi’s writing, we do feel like we know your family a little bit. Many of us are interested in your lives, because many people think of changing their own lives drastically, but few actually so it. While you certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation, it is valuable to understand the motivations of others.
Don’t worry about our election, it will be a cold day in Hell before someone drives me from my own country. If I go it is because I too want to see and explore the world. My great-grandparents did not leave Southern Italy to break their backs on railroads, in coal mines and as washerwomen to make a better life only to have a foolish loudmouth scare me away. It shouldn’t scare you either. Bah, no where does “safety” exist. Go where you want and let the fates swirl as they will. While the south of France has legendary beauty, so does the US, Canada, Mexico. Go, try new things, you are wise to see that sometimes a dream can in reality become a prison. Bon chance et bienvenue!
Bonne Chance Jean-Marc et Kristin,
Your courage and honesty is inspiring. I am sure everything will work out well for you no matter what you choose to do or what life chooses for you. You are devoted to each other and your beautiful children, the rest will fall into place I am sure. In all the years I have been reading your blog I have never read a complaint or lack of enthusiasm and it is pure joy to follow you. I wish you much happiness and peace and just hope you remain so positive and motivating to all your followers. Thank you.
Dear Jean-Marc,
The many beautiful messages above are just a small indication of how many people carry you and Kristi and your family in our hearts and prayers. I so admire your courage and openness in sharing what you are going through — you expressed it with such eloquence and insight. Please know that there are many people who empathize and are sending support and positive thoughts for you. Wishing you the best in the next adventure. Wherever and whatever it may be, I believe all will be good. You are special people, and it is a privilege to know you and Kristi through this wonderful blog. Peace. <3
Yes, come to the Portland area, but more specifically the Willamette Valley, such as McMinnville. The wine scene is happening! The lifestyle is very much like agricultural Europe – laid back, friendly, etc. C’mon Down!
Before taking any leap or considering any action, have a look at this and imagine a post-election America.
https://youtu.be/R9YPYRaeTW0
Congratulations on your decision to make a hard, hard change. As long as you have your family and health everything else will fall into place. Having the burden of the vineyard off of your shoulders will relieve the immense pressures. I hope your beautiful home sells and you can move forward…to the town of your choice in the United States. You both are such wonderful and thoughtful honest writers, inviting us into your hearts. I wish you a speedy sale. You are smart to take it day by day.
Dear Friends,
It is not easy to find a common response to your sweet comments
Just wanted to send Love to all of you
Your messages touched us at the bottom of our hearts
Love and Peace
Your blog is so inspirational, filled with such an outpouring of love from readers all over the planet … prompted through the wise and wonderful J & K sharing their divine souls. MERCI.
Un tresor to observe the real life metamorphosis and wisdom of so many.
Steeped in faith, love, and trust, one’s success is already assured.
I second the many great comments on this momentous decision. And I offer a suggestion for fashion school: Otis College of Art and Design in Los Angeles. It has a very vibrant fashion design program, and not so far from Colorado and Oregon. All the best to the family.
Well then, how about if UC Davis or Cal Poly would take a lease on the property for those “young winemakers” (students) to take their year abroad working in a real French Vineyard? THINK BIG!
Jean-Marc:
Thank you for sharing your story. My prayers are with you. And don’t worry – Trump is imploding!
Ed
My brother lived on North Shore Rd in Lake Oswego outside of Portland, darling downtown area, very family/health centric. Cannon Beach is charming and 45 minutes away. Other family lives in Colorado, have spent much time on the ski slopes there, all the very wealthy are moving to the mountain towns and building wine/bomb shelters. I believe there will be a WWIII because too many hot heads in power want it. The only safe places will be New Zealand, coastal Patagonia, Switzerland, Iceland, Finland as each has protective elements either of air currents/distance/ high mountains. You are right re the destabilizing floods of war refugees. But the US economy will tank, and bring civil war. The USG is already planning for that. Highly militarized police and take a look on images.google ‘US FEMA Camps” they are all over and not built for a lark.
I lived in Carmel-by-the-Sea many wineries in Carmel Valley. Loved it’s small size. Under 4,000 population but in reality only 1/2 live there full time, great beach and amenities.
DO NOT keep $$ in US bank….look very carefully into banks. Buy physical silver and gold, stock up on food and water and do not be near population centers as when the US market crashes it will be far worse than 2008 (which I predicted as watch derivatives) and there will be a civil war. Perhaps just big cities and regional but it’s coming. Unfortunately. Canada! Salt Spring Island. Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia.
Dear Kristi and John Marc,
Sometimes well-wishing isn’t all that’s needed. How about a marketing plan? From a practical standpoint, why not contact someone who has both the desire and the funds to invest in a superior area like yours in Bandol? My suggestion would be to contact Francis Ford Coppola, who , some years back, acquired one of the oldest and finest vineyards in the state of California. The man knows quality and has foresight. Do your research, and make the connection! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Warm wishes from Florida!
Thank you for your thoughtful letter. You have come a long way in wisdom and we pray that the best thing for your family and future presents itself. If you end up in the US, I would like to suggest Washington University in St Louis, where I graduated in the Fashion Design Program. Check it out here. Hugs, Cerelle https://admissions.wustl.edu/majors_academics/majors_programs/Pages/Fashion-Design.aspx