I think I could live anywhere…as long as there is a garden to call my own. Or is it time to share another's garden? To contribute and to humbly accept a portion of the harvest? These things cross my mind. Meantime, we continue in limbo, until the day our vineyard sells and another decision is made. Read on. (Photo taken on the island of Port Cros, at Le Manoir).
TODAY'S QUOTE:
Il arrive que les grandes décisions ne se prennent pas, mais se forment d'elles-mêmes.
It happens that big decisions don't make themselves, but are formed of themselves. -Henri Bosco
ECOUTEZ – Listen to Jean-Marc read today's quote:
Improve your spoken French. Try Pronounce it Perfectly in French or Exercises in French Phonetics
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
I am beginning to understand that one of the most difficult things, since deciding to sell our home, is not whether we are making a mistake–the most difficult thing is to "keep it in the day."
"It" refers to the wild mind projecting itself forward into the unknown, down to the most absurd details ("Can you grow an avocado tree in Denver?" I actually googled this. Along with "greenhouses, Denver" and "permaculture Denver"). Yes, we are thinking of moving to Colorado. As hard as it will be for me to leave France and my garden-in-progress, I will be closer to my family if we move to the States. So which is more important? To tighten my grip on this French dream, now 24 years in the making–or to let go and float with the choppy current that is pulling us towards a new horizon, one dotted with all my loving family members–rays of sunshine sparkling at the edge of the sky?
These past weeks have been a maelstrom of emotion over this decision to move on (I want to stay. Jean-Marc needs to turn the page. We both want to remain together). Amidst all the confusion and mind chatter, I have decided to enjoy my garden (instead of grieve it) for as long as we are here (three months? three years?). Today I have the pleasure of being in the company of seven baby avocado trees, grown from pits, or discarded seeds. Their glossy new leaves inspire me. Any gloomy mind-chatter is being slowly replaced by a hopeful conviction: There is nothing absurd about an avocado tree, in Denver City!
No matter where we end up (a week ago we visited a home up the road, in La Ciotat…), I will remember that one thing is certain, tangible, and growing like a rescued pit. That certainty is called "Today." May you enjoy every single moment because, as they say here in France, On ne sait pas de quoi demain sera fait. We don't know what tomorrow will be made of. And as I recently said to my mom, Chances are it will be something even better than we could think up ourselves.
Amicalement,
Kristi
Not long after we moved here to St Cyr-sur-Mer, in 2012, Jean-Marc had rock beds made for me, in which to plant our potager, or kitchen garden.
RELATED POSTS: Click on the titles to read the posts
Is Jean-Marc Single? Can I Buy Your Home?
To Come to a Decision: On Turning the Page of our Vineyard dream. (Story here).
Moving to Mexico: To Fly with One's Own Wings. (Story here).
The Previous Move Which Brought us Here to The Sea near Bandol….
It was an endless lesson and endlessly amusing to grow things in these four beds and beyond.
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Oh Joy! A new adventure. Hold your spouses hand take a deep breath….and jump! Enjoy the journey!
I agree that moving THAT far away is not a good idea for Jean-mark. Remember over here in the US there is no national health care. Health insurance is VERY expensive. I would consult with a trusted health care professional regarding a move and his depression. Denver has severe winters. There is no perfect place. I think we all have this idea that the grass is greener on the other side. That being said, no doubt no matter where YOU are, you will find a positive spin in which to involve yourself in a new community.
Dear Kristi,
I really enjoy your blog and its contents. Thanks to your enthusiastic report, I am now the proud owner of one of those lovely Turkish towels. I wouldn’t have about them without you!
Stay in France.
Seems you have plenty of options, but if you are thinking of the U.S., have you considered central Texas? There are lots of small vineyards being started there, generally west or northwest of Austin. I’m sure they could benefit from your husband’s expertise.
It looks like you did a great job and worked miracles with your current home and land. REALLY a lot of hard work I’m sure. You have a wonderful attitude and I wish you and Jean-Marc all the best wherever you decide to move. XO
Try not to worry. You will grow where you’re planted!
Were you and Jean-Marc to land in Denver, I will be happy to introduce you to other gardeners and J-M to an amazing community of cyclists and triathletes. I wouldn’t recommend growing avocados here (and besides we now seem to have a great supply in local stores). If you do head this way, do not hesitate to ask me for help with anything. Warm and supportive thoughts as you sort through all this.
We’re headed the other direction, and I feel your pain. We left California behind, left our college kids in New York, and are traveling a bit before settling down in Paris. I miss my children so much it hurts, but am really looking forward to Christmas with them! Please keep writing about your adventure–it gives me hope.
Yvonne
Hi Kristi
Just reading through all the notes to you, it’s easy to see how much your words have given joy and inspiration over the years you’ve been writing for us. I hope you are able to hear the love, prayers and blessings sent your way in these notes and take heart and comfort from them. You’ve written so sensitively and thoughtfully about the challenges of difficult times and situations, and given so much wisdom, I pray that God will show you what your next steps are, in a way that makes perfect sense to you. Also, that you’re able to experience peace as you wait. One thing is certain: it will be the best move for you both, and your family.
Blessings
Charlotte
Sometimes what one is looking for is in one’s own backyard..there is a saying something like this. You don’t have to go far, uproot your whole life, to find peace… It could be very close….like Ciotat.
“On ne sait pas de quoi demain sera fait. We don’t know what tomorrow will be made of. And as I recently said to my mom, Chances are it will be something even better than we could think up ourselves.” This is the best decision. It’s not easy to live ‘for today,’ in the moment, but I have found that when I approach each day with that intention, I worry a bit less about the future, and that makes a big difference. I know this feels like a precarious time in your lives, but I suspect it will lead to exciting new, joyful adventures. What’s most important is that you and Jean-Marc have so much love and support for each other at this time.
Wherever you are is HOME!
Hi Kristi
I live in Capitol Hill in Denver and love it! I’ve been following your blog for a year, fantasizing about the life you describe in Southern France. I lived in Paris in the 70’s and haven’t gotten France out of my system yet! You’ll find Denver quite different from Provence but you can find good bread, good cheese and good wine — alors….
Best of luck in your move. Feel free to contact me with questions, etc.
Ed
Hi Kristi
I live in Capitol Hill in Denver and love it! I’ve been following your blog for a year, fantasizing about the life you describe in Southern France. I lived in Paris in the 70’s and haven’t gotten France out of my system yet! You’ll find Denver quite different from Provence but you can find good bread, good cheese and good wine — alors….
Best of luck in your move. Feel free to contact me with questions, etc.
Ed
There are lots of saying that apply to your situation. I am thinking of the one about finding your heart’s desire in your own backyard. Looking at a house in Ciotat sounded like a great idea! Why uproot your whole life when what you are looking for may be close by.
It will probably be for the best that you are selling your current property. It was getting to be too much. That doesn’t mean that you need to leave France. Whatever J-M decides to do (and some folks “tournent la page” by doing something entirely different from what they did before), knowing how hard he works, I expect he’ll be successful. Before moving, it would be good if he has an idea of what path he might follow. Would there be any issues with him living in the States? Many people do, and as the spouse of an American, I don’t think he would have any difficulties staying indefinitely. As far as where to live, if you will be in the USA, which would be logical, Colorado or somewhere near some of your family would make the most sense. It is hard enough to leave a country, and harder still to come to a new one and be isolated. Of course you’ll make new friends wherever you go, but having family within, say, reasonable driving distance would make your lives easier and richer. And you can give thought to visiting France regularly if you are based elsewhere, particularly because, as far as I know, J-M has not spent a lot of time in any other country. Since your children are nearly grown, they could remain in France and visit you, or you could visit them, as well as visiting France itself.
I will pray for your decisions in the weeks and months ahead. I encourage you to take all the time you need, and not rush, so that whatever you eventually do, it will feel right for you and work out well.
Ah Kristi… Such difficult decisions. At least you have your family to discuss them with, pros and cons, even yes votes and no votes. I hate making decisions now because I have to make them alone!
Would be so sorry to lose your peeks into French life, but I was coming to the blog today to suggest the Boise, ID area, as Melinda did. There are several successful vineyards here if Jean Marc wants to pursue that on a smaller scale.
Great area for gardening, we are famous for potatoes, and I have grown some EXTRAORDINARY tomates here. Have lived in Colo as well and it is beautiful but MUCH more snow!
So surprised to see another post from Boise, Could you possibly send my e-mail to Melinda so that two Francophiles can get together and wish for chats about why we love to travel to France?
Bon chance, Jacki
Hi Kristi,
My heart goes out to you. I have bought all of your books and I love them. Will you keep blogging? I hope so. I love the French.
Hi Kristi, You are going through a very difficult decision time. Do not get sick with worry…
Have you thought of staying in France but moving to another town? That could satisfy Jean Marc’s need to make a change and your desire to stay in the country and culture you both love. More importantly, you would keep enjoying your children who have a lifetime ahead of them. Moving to the Western U.S. would make it difficult and expensive to visit your children.
I hope and pray that you will make the best choice for your family. Bonne chance!!
Dear Kristi,
You and Jean-Marc will thoughtfully “consider all angles” and come up with the right plan for the two of you. When you write that J-M “needs to turn the page”, I know that a change will benefit both of you. I and your many, many readers have you and your family in their hearts and wish for you the very best … move forward with a light and adventuresome outlook!
We too are waiting to sell our house, which we have had for 7years in sleepy Creuse. I too love my garden and will be sad to leave it. We love to travel in our motorhome and we love the beautiful coast around you, particularly Six Four.
As I approach 60years and my husband 65yrs we have decided travel is to come before home and garden. We will rent a small apartment so we have a base to return to but the rest of the time we will explore France and the rest of Europe. Renting also means we can change our minds if we decide to live elsewhere without too much problem. Life is too short and we do not know what is around the corner.
It is good to realise there is more to life and its a big world out there.
Agree. To me the most important line in today’s entry is “We both want to remain together.” All the best.
One of Nancy’s favorite thoughts regarding serious indecisions that she adopted along life’s way — live the question until you find the answer (or the answer finds you). Love and blessings as you struggle with a potential move!
As a long time reader of your wonderful blog, I think you could write it from anywhere and it would delight us. But it has been my connection to France. A couple of years ago, I almost settled there, yet an family emergency forced me to return to the States.
I so longed to return to where my heart calls me. Due to an inheritance I have been able to start look for property in France. Where may I find details of your wonderful home? I admit, it’s your garden that dares me to ask. After years of having a vegetable garden every year, I now live in an apartment. I’m just biding time till I can get back to gardening.
Yours, Joan And here is my mantra: Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
Are you separating? Would Jean Marc move to US with you? Your kids will miss you and vice versa. Denver is one of the best cities to live in right now, but beware the very expensive home market. The type of place you would like could be tres cher. I live in Florida now and the home I sold in Denver 8 years ago is priced at twice what I sold it for.
Have faith, Kristi. Your cup truly does runneth over with friends unknown to you and Jean Marc. Peace.
Have faith, Kristi. Your cup truly does runneth over. You have the love and support of friends known and unknown around the world. Reach out to this community you have created. The right decisions will come to you, Jean Marc and your family.
As a long time resident of Denver, I can tell you I have only grown avocados on my kitchen window sill. But Denver and its environs is a wonderful place to explore. Just returned from Westcliffe, Colorado where I had the fun of painting beautiful gold, found in the quaking aspens. It is, I read in the papers expensive here. Have you explored the western slope where wine vines are grown?
Dear Kristin,
My wish for you, Jon Marc and your family is that you find happiness and love wherever you are!! I’ve followed you faithfully for many years and #1 on my bucket list was to visit you before I die. I had thought it would be in France but if you end up moving to the US, it will be just that much easier to get there. I’ve been to France several times, met Jon Marc at a wine tasting he was doing in Portland, Oregon a long time ago! He spoke so sweetly of you and called you Krissy. I loved that! He also invited me for lunch with the two of you the next time I was in France. Now if you move here, we can still have lunch. My treat for all the pleasure you have given me over the years!!! Love, Diana Harestad
Dear Kristi,
As one who has left many gardens behind I feel your sadness and also your hopefulness about the future.
I live in Wyoming so know the challenges of gardening at higher altitudes. Here is a link to a permaculture nursery here in Casper, Wyoming that you may enjoy reading: https://www.facebook.com/Tara-Farm-and-Nursery-206362586064658/ Laurel Graham is the proprietor of of Tara Farms & Nursery, it is a small operation but she posts many thoughtful and informational musings about permaculture which you could apply to whatever gardening you do in Denver. Denver and Casper are at roughly the same altitude and gardening zone.
There are many nice places in the Denver area where you could settle. The further south you go the warmer Colorado gets so I wouldn’t rule out south east Colorado. Over on the west side of the state in Grand Junction and Palisade there are vineyards, so perhaps…? Best wishes to you wherever you end up living.
Dear Kristi,
You and Jean-Marc are certainly facing some major decisions. I can only imagine the see-saw back and forth between anxiety and excitement!! A whole new life may be opening up to you, but I’m sure it must be very difficult to leave all that you two have accomplished together -but you two did it and you will do it again, just in a different fashion. It’s a bit hard to think of you not being at Mas de Brun in France just because that’s where I have ‘placed you’ in my mind. But, you’ll grow in my heart, just in a different place, maybe Colorado, maybe Bandol, then again, maybe Crete!! Who knows -you will still be Kristi and Jean-Marc!! Two wonderful people whom I would love to get to know better, face-to-face. Our tea time was just too short! I do wish you the very best in selling your beautiful property-what a gift you will be leaving some very fortunate people!!! You’ve both made it so beautiful.
Jean-Marc and Kristin-
I have lived in many of the places that I am aware of you living and even in those you contemplate moving to in the future. I read the latest post by Jean-Marc and felt compelled to offer up my two cents worth of unsolicited advise. I have lived in France (4.5 years) Phoenix (5 years) Denver (born there and lived there for 40 years) Portland (2 years) Toronto (6 months) San Francisco (4 years) and currently in a small village overlooking the Mediterranean Sea in southwestern Turkey. When it comes to the issue of safety it is often an illusory subject in the current media barrage. I have lived in Turkey collectively for 6 years and never felt any concern for my safety – neither in years past or currently. I have always told friends of mine in the US that there is far less violence in Turkey than there is in the United States. When I lived in any of the US cities there were numerous news stories on the 6PM News programs in a single night about homicides than there were of murders occurring in Turkey in half a year. But, dispelling the myth of America being safer and better that anywhere else in the world is a hard-sell to the average American. Another factor is that of the coming US elections which graphically show the huge division in the American people and thier almost rabid defense of their sides viewpoint. So much so that the US military has been conducting training exercises for civilian population control. The US that existed back when Kristin lived there has been replaced by a different climate of high stress and tension. I think that the outcome of the upcoming election is going to be the tipping point for a large number of disenfranchised American people. My wife and I moved there in 2013 to see if we could work and set aside some more savings, but found that between the un-easiness we felt there to the rediculous nonsense the US government subjected my Dutch wife to in order to get a greencard was the final straw and we canceled the immigration application and departed for Turkey. In effect, I would advise against moving to America and to find another country better suited to a fresh start. And where that is – only the both of you can decide. But if America wins I would agree with Jean-Marc that the better choice would be in the Portland area. My brother has lived there for decades and aside from the weather, he loves it. Should Kristin’s preference win out then I would definitely nix Denver and think about someplace in the mountains like Glenwood Springs, Dillon, Breckinridge or even Steamboat or Durango down south.
Whatever your choice is I wish you a smooth, successful and positive experience. – Cheers
As much as Jean Marc loves vineyards and you love unfettered gardens, consider the Sonoma Valley area. It’s also close to the ocean. Having lived no farther than a mile from the ocean my entire life, I don’t think I could be at peace without seeing it daily. Colorado has mountains but nothing is a substitute when the sea is a part of you.
I recently moved from Littleton Colorado to st George, Utah with my husband. We found ourselves in need of a change and have been very happy. Wherever you land I hope to someday introduce my collies to Smokey
Kristi:
Where ever you go and whatever you do next keep writing and sharing!
Best wishes to you and your family,
Edie from Savannah
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so pull up your skirt and be positive, if you do stay in France please don’t take on a huge project. Life is too short and you both have a young family to enjoy, So take each day at a time and hug each other often xx
Hi,
I sort of feel like I was the male version of you, but in Spain. I brought my wife (Spanish) back to the States and we’ve moved around a bit here, trying out new places.
Now, California’s home and probably always will be from this point on, as long as we’re here.
But, Colorado is gorgeous too!
You’re mentioning Denver and Portland, OR, but, if you can deal with smaller cities/towns, there are a bunch of very nice ones in CO that have a better quality of life than the “big city”.
By the way, there is “wine country” in CO out by Grand Junction, if that is still important to you.
Durango, Glenwood Springs, Breckenridge, or Telluride are great towns to explore.
We ended up in Mendocino County, which is laid back, with clean air, and beautiful beaches and coast.
Wherever you end up, best of luck!
John
At times like this I am reminded of a geranium that had stopped growing and blooming. It fell several from the shelf to the ground but fortunately th pot was undamaged. A few months afterwards, it began to bloom again. In my experience we humans are like that. Sometimes when we are root bound in routine and location, a little shock is called for. What we fear the most is often where the most opportunity lies, no matter where you ultimately land, you will surely thrive. You seem like you make every effort to focus on this positive. This will serve you well and you will bloom in new and unexpected ways. Blessings on your journey to the next phase.
Washington and Oregon wines are receiving a lot of awards. The Willamette Valley in Oregon and vinyards in Waashington state are beautiful and make lovely wine. Come see our area too. Bless you and your choices. I am sure it will be what it is meant to be for you all.
Bonjour!
I was very moved by Jean-Marc’s post. I wish you both the best on this, your new path in life’s journey.
Ecoutez: j’habite a PDX (aka Portland, OR). If you have questions, I’m happy to field them. I am librarian here and foisting, erm, providing peeps with info is what I do.
All best to you and yours,
gina
🙂
For some unknown reason, this has appeared on my screen.
I am wondering what you decided to do next in your life.
Rainy in California today.
Take good care,
Marjorie Cannon
Hi, Marjorie,
We moved to La Ciotat:
http://www.french-word-a-day.com/2017/08/bonjour-de-la-ciotat-la-remoulade.html