My one and only beau-père, John.
My step-father passed away on Sunday. We are all in shock and facing the reality of life without this tender and loving man who knew the power of gratitude.
"You and your sister are really nice," my mom said over the phone, as she tried to process the news. "But John–he was the kindest person I have ever met. He was an angel!" Mom's words hung in the air as another, familiar sound, began to fill my head.
Kristi, don't worry about a thing. I recognized John's voice, which was now echoing in my mind. Just enjoy life! How many times had my beau-père repeated this to me?
John exemplified this trust-the-universe attitude. Day after day he got up, fed the neighborhood cats (which were lined up at his front door), then carefully combed his hair and dressed his best before taking the rickety bus across down town Puerto Vallarta to go to work. In a beautiful resort by the Bay of Banderas, John shared his experience and knowledge with a sales force of young Mexicans. He loved his job! He turned 74 on July 4th, and continued his feed-the-homeless-head-to-work schedule up until Thursday. He died of heart failure, days later, in Javier hospital. He must have shared his trust-the-universe attitude with the nurses, too, as my mom heard laughter each time John called her from room 107. He dialed her up one more time before falling to sleep, to tell her he loved her.
"He told me he loved me 50 times a day!" Mom shared, in one of many fragmented conversations we would have over the next 24 hours–until my sister, Heidi, could fly in from Colorado, to help Mom put one foot in front of the other.
***
Before I went to Mexico, last March, I told my family that yes, I was going to see my Mom. But that I was really making the trip to see my step-dad! I had a feeling I needed to get over there and spend time with John.
My father-in-law picked me up from the airport, then returned an hour later to pick up Heidi and my niece and nephew when they flew in, from Denver. John cooked for us, entertained us, and asked us, often, "How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Is everything alright?"
And he always had the same, from-the-heart response. "I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy life." He would then disappear, in his neatly-ironed shorts and bright blue golf shirt (the color of his eyes) and leave us to spend time with our mother.
On the telephone with the hospital reception, Sunday, I tried to locate my mom, who had rushed to the hospital a few hours before. As I repeated to the secretary who I was looking for, a light went off and she said, "Oh, yes. Mr. John."
Mr. John. I knew he had passed, but her words made it seem that he was present. And her adorable (accidental) name, "Mr John," let loose another flood of tender emotions and regrets. I could hear my beau-père's reassuring voice, once again. Don't worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
The day my father-in-law, "Mr John," passed away, I walked around in a haze until I found a better project. I hurried outside to rescue the neglected laurier, or bay leaf tree (bought months ago), and finally planted it–in honor of a man who loved to serve others and who was a great cook!
I knelt beside the little bay leaf tree and made a promise to a certain angel: "I will, once and for all, try my best not to worry about things! And I will enjoy life! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. John. I miss you so much."
My thoughts go out to John's family, and to my dear Mom who is lost right now and who has 50 stray cats pounding on her door each morning. And she is all out of cat food.
COMMENTS
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So sorry to read about your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Praying for comfort and peace for you, for Jules and your family. I give thanks for John’s amazing outlook, his generous spirit, and for the life he lived. Thanks for sharing him with us.
Hugs from Houston,
Carmen
You have written the most beautiful tribute to a wonderful man. The world is poorer for his passing. Your lives were so enriched by having him in your family. I will pray for God’s own comfort to surround you, and bring you Peace.
DEAR JULES, HAVING KNOWN SUCH SORROW, WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT OUR THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AT THIS TIME OF GREAT PERSONAL LOSS..
OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
PAULETTE AND GUS
I have a small place in PV and am glad you are in a friendly space while you deal with a terrible loss. My prayers for you and his cats.
Dear Kristin
So sorry to hear your sad news. I agree with Marge’s posting earlier….it’s the dash between when our liife starts and ends that is important.
I heard this at a friend’s funeral in January and it really hits home. Take care.
Lots of love Angela
I am so sorry. Mr. John sounds like a wonderful person. I know that your family will miss him dearly.
Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs and prayers to you your mom and family for the comfort that only the Lord can bring right now. John sounds like a true gem and I am so glad your mom had somebody like him to share her life with.
Such a beautifully written tribute to a very special man. You brightened our day with his positive thoughts. He is spreading his love somewhere else now.
Take care and feel his love,
Diane
Don’t worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
This will be my mantra.
His advice is a gift to all.
Big kiss.
I am so sorry for your loss. John was a wonderful person and loved not only Jules but you as well.
My dearest Jules, I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how much his passing hurts. Know that we are all here for you and send you much love.
I am sending my deepest condolences to all. I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Through your blog, we all got to know John, and learned what a sweet man he was. My sympathies to you and your family, especially to your dear mother, who must be so heartbroken. I know that your loving community of French Word a day readers wish all of you healing and courage in the days to come
Dear Kristi: I am so sorry for your loss, but now you must be brave for your Mother. With love and prayer. Vivian
Prayers for you dear mom, God
bless and keep you in his care❤️🙏
Madame,
J’ai perdu mon epoux, il y a deux ans. Je sais comment dur c’est être seule comme ça, sans l’homme que voux aimez. Mon amour était toujours comme les français….il aimes l’amour même il était seulement un Québequer de ce nouvelle monde, et sa famille était ici seulement de le siècle 1600 en nouvelle France (Québec, Canada maintenant)!
Pour votre fille, je veux dire que j’aime en français les noms pour votre beau père, votre belle mère, votre belle fille, et votre beau fils. Je suis Americaine d’Etats Unis et les noms de ces gens sont seulement avec les lois ici…..father-in-law, mother-in-law, daughter-in law, son-in law, mais vous et moi, nous savons la difference. Nous eux avons aimé le même comme nos vraies mères et nos vrais pères naturelles! Mon Coeur est avec vous et sa famille dans ce temp de perdu. (Je ne parles pas le français bien. Je sais seulement avec les livres et je ne sais pas si vous comprennez ce que je veux dire de tout!)
Avec affection pour vous et votre famille,
Nancy Casillas
de Saint Clair, Michigan
USA
Condolances to you and your entire family. You wrote such a beautiful tribute . Please give my love to your mom and let her know she and John will both be in my prayers. xoN
Sorry for your Mom and you, Kristi.
Dear Kristi,
Your beautiful writing about John continues his gift, as it shares this outstanding person with us once again. I am very sorry that he did not have more time living in his earthly body but very grateful for his life well lived. Please accept my condolences as you, Jules and your family grapple with the shock and sadness of his passing. May his goodness and inspiration, and all else that he gave, give you comfort. Love to you all, Leslie
Dear Jules,
Heaven has become a little brighter since your precious husband got there. He is probably already checking to be sure everyone ia all right. Give thanks to the Lord for the years you were together and know that you will meet again in an even more beautiful place than Mexico. I wish for you the comfort of your family and friends.
Dear Krisrie and Jules,
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel like I know the two of you and “Mr. John” thanks to Kristie and I share your grief. Please try to find comfort in all the wonderful memories that you share of him.
Dear Jules, Kristin and family,
My condolences on the passing of your husband, Jules and stepfather, Kristin. A sweet and gentle man has passed on and left his spirit in all of you. Continue his love of life and good deeds.
Kathleen
Dear Kristin, je suis desolée. Your step-father must have been a wonderful man, a gentle man and gentleman with a heart of gold. I’m so sorry for your loss and your mother’s loss. – Lorena
Dear Kristi and Jules,
My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to say goodbye to a loving, kind man and so suddenly to be without a big part of you, physically. I miss my Chris every day and am just thinking that John and Chris might make very good friends and are both looking down and wanting us all to be ok.! Not to forget them, but to know how much we were loved and we will all be together again and all will shine bright again. Love doesn’t go away, it’s all still in our hearts. I wish you both strength and love. Bisous, Judi
May you find comfort knowing that you have so many friends who share your
sorrow and are keeping you in their prayers.
DON’T CRY BECAUSE IT’S OVER. SMILE BECAUSE IT HAPPENED.
There must be a cloudburst of prayers raining down on Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at this time for “Mr John” !!!!
My deepest sympathy to all of you. If only we all had a “Mr. John” in our lives. Heaven has just become a better place. Jules it sounds like you were both very lucky to have found each other.
Shocked to learn of the tragedy of Jules’ death. i have known him only from these pages, but I felt his kindness,calm and love through your words. Peace to you and family and rejoice that you knew him.
We extend our heartfelt condolences to your beloved mother, and to you and all your family, Kristi.
Perhaps you will wear your “angel-wing” poncho in honor of the fine beau-père who gifted it to you.
In deepest sympathy,
Trish and JeanClaude
Deepest sympathies for you and your family. While you are grieving please remember to breath. I am sure Mr. John would like that.
Si triste perdre une personne qui nous est si chère.
Mes sympathies.Et votre maman..cela est si pénible..un époux..c’est notre bras droit.
Quel beau couple en amour.
Dear Kristi
I’m so sorry to hear of your beau pere’s passing away. May God bless you all, as He takes John to be with Him. And may you all truly feel His healing love at this time
warm wishes
Charlotte
I, too, am very sorry to hear about the passing of your Beau-Pere, Kristin. Please give my condolences to your Mother. You write so wonderfully about your family. I am always sorry when misfortune strikes any of you!
Sincerely, Ann Raven
If found these lines from author Rossiter Worthington Raymond to be of great comfort when I first read them, when my mother died. I pass them on to grief-stricken friends in hopes that they too will find comfort therein. “Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.” ― Rossiter Worthington Raymond
With sincere condolences,
Denise
Dear Kristi and Jules. I am sitting here fighting back tears for you both…but especially for Jules who must be devastated without her other half, and I think.. “the love of her life”.He sounded like a special person and seems like he accomplishes his mission….to spread love and hope around. What a wonderful legacy to leave everyone who’s life he touched. Big hugs to you all XXOOOO
I am so very sorry about the loss of your cherished beau-père, John. Fifty times a day, he sincerely spoke the most important word in any language … a measure of the grand person he was. My genuine sympathy for Jules, too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Kristi. I hope you and Heidi and Jules feel the arms of your readers across the globe embracing you in a loving hug. I teared up reading your tribute to Mr. John, both because it was it was so lovely and because someone who was important to my family passed away in exactly the same way on Monday. Just last week my daughter was visiting us in France with her boyfriend that we are just getting to know. She was trying to find a time that we could travel to meet his parents. The day after T & N returned home they got the bad news about his father. That death as well as Mr. John’s touched me because even if you have never met a person it is so easy to know them through the qualities of the people who loved them. A million bisous to you and your family.
Dear Kristi and Jean-Marc – Nancy and I are so sorry for your loss, and so happy for all the years of love you shared with John. We are thinking of you with much love. XXOO
I am very sorry about the news! What a wonderful person John must have been and anyone who feeds that many cats is a star in my eyes! I really know you and your family are sad and I wish your mom a peaceful transition and feel so much for you all right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes or rather often, we don’t understand these things but remember what you had with him and how much he gave to everyone he knew! I don’t believe he’ll ever really be gone from you and your family.
Warmest and sincerest thoughts for you and yours!
My thoughts are with your family, especially your mother. I’m thankful his passing was not lengthy or painful. How lucky you both are to have had him in your life! Peace to you and your family.
Kristi and Jules:
So very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers
Dear Kristin, Jules and family, we are so sorry about your loss our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Love Paulette &Gus
Dear Jules,
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved John. I hope you find some solace in the beautiful words your daughter Kristi wrote about him. He must have been an extraordinary person. With love from Northern California.
Kristi & Jules,
I’m so very sorry to read this. My heart is heavy in knowing you are all grieving. May God’s comfort and everlasting arms comfort you, hold you and restore peace to your souls.
Much, much love,
Gail (Gaelle) in AZ
I am so sorry for your loss. He was so young. It’s never fair, is it. I can tell from your daughter’s words and his picture, he was a kind, generous and loving person. A very happy man who loved life and loved his family. Her description of “Mr. John,” could have just been written about my Dad, also gone too soon. Please know i am praying for you and yours. Many prayers for you, Robbie Lane
Positive thoughts and rays of love coming to you, your mom, and all his loved ones. xoxo
He taught you the most valuable lesson of all – a wise man.
Carpe Diem!
You write so beautifully, and from the heart Kristi. I send healing wishes to your family.
Dear Jules,
As I write to you I am thinking of you, in beautiful Puerto Vallarta, and wishing you the best as those long languid waves roll up to the shore. I always feel such calm there, even though the life is vibrant there it always gives me an assurance of the beauty of life and people. I am so sorry for your immense loss and know that sweet love which was shown to you by John will be wrapped around your heart always.
Best wishes, Carole
Kristi,
A most beautiful posting. Though I didn’t know your beau-pere in person, your loving writing today causes me to feel I did know him and feel love for him too. I’m sorry about the great loss to you all. However, I trust you will know him again.