My one and only beau-père, John.
My step-father passed away on Sunday. We are all in shock and facing the reality of life without this tender and loving man who knew the power of gratitude.
"You and your sister are really nice," my mom said over the phone, as she tried to process the news. "But John–he was the kindest person I have ever met. He was an angel!" Mom's words hung in the air as another, familiar sound, began to fill my head.
Kristi, don't worry about a thing. I recognized John's voice, which was now echoing in my mind. Just enjoy life! How many times had my beau-père repeated this to me?
John exemplified this trust-the-universe attitude. Day after day he got up, fed the neighborhood cats (which were lined up at his front door), then carefully combed his hair and dressed his best before taking the rickety bus across down town Puerto Vallarta to go to work. In a beautiful resort by the Bay of Banderas, John shared his experience and knowledge with a sales force of young Mexicans. He loved his job! He turned 74 on July 4th, and continued his feed-the-homeless-head-to-work schedule up until Thursday. He died of heart failure, days later, in Javier hospital. He must have shared his trust-the-universe attitude with the nurses, too, as my mom heard laughter each time John called her from room 107. He dialed her up one more time before falling to sleep, to tell her he loved her.
"He told me he loved me 50 times a day!" Mom shared, in one of many fragmented conversations we would have over the next 24 hours–until my sister, Heidi, could fly in from Colorado, to help Mom put one foot in front of the other.
***
Before I went to Mexico, last March, I told my family that yes, I was going to see my Mom. But that I was really making the trip to see my step-dad! I had a feeling I needed to get over there and spend time with John.
My father-in-law picked me up from the airport, then returned an hour later to pick up Heidi and my niece and nephew when they flew in, from Denver. John cooked for us, entertained us, and asked us, often, "How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Is everything alright?"
And he always had the same, from-the-heart response. "I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy life." He would then disappear, in his neatly-ironed shorts and bright blue golf shirt (the color of his eyes) and leave us to spend time with our mother.
On the telephone with the hospital reception, Sunday, I tried to locate my mom, who had rushed to the hospital a few hours before. As I repeated to the secretary who I was looking for, a light went off and she said, "Oh, yes. Mr. John."
Mr. John. I knew he had passed, but her words made it seem that he was present. And her adorable (accidental) name, "Mr John," let loose another flood of tender emotions and regrets. I could hear my beau-père's reassuring voice, once again. Don't worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
The day my father-in-law, "Mr John," passed away, I walked around in a haze until I found a better project. I hurried outside to rescue the neglected laurier, or bay leaf tree (bought months ago), and finally planted it–in honor of a man who loved to serve others and who was a great cook!
I knelt beside the little bay leaf tree and made a promise to a certain angel: "I will, once and for all, try my best not to worry about things! And I will enjoy life! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. John. I miss you so much."
My thoughts go out to John's family, and to my dear Mom who is lost right now and who has 50 stray cats pounding on her door each morning. And she is all out of cat food.
COMMENTS
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I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. How blessed you have been to have this lovely man in your life and my prayers and my heart are with all of you.
Deepest condolences to you and your family
Dearest Kristi, beautiful Jules and family,
I would like to add myself to this long list of heart felt condolences for your loss. I will always remember Jules telling us at lunch how John took care of her and was her personal shopper and dresser. She claimed he was the credit for all her flowing fabrics and hats, that he loved to do this for her. So precious. He must have been an extraordinary human being and will be deeply missed by many.
Thank you for sharing his simple, yet profound message of happiness. “Just enjoy life”.
May be peace be with you all,
Kim and (Jack)
Portland, Oregon
To so love and to be so loved!!! Such gifts!!! Jesus’ sweet peace to all, especially to your Mom. God bless, C-Marie
I think it’s lovely that “beau-pere” means both “father-in-law” and “step father.”
‘Beautiful father’ en anglais.
I lost my own beautiful father 12 years ago, but I dream about him at least 3 times a week.
Yours is not lost forever. He will remain with you for eternity.
Prayers sent your way.
I’m so sorry, Jules, Kristi, and your whole family – I am so sorry to hear this news and sad that you have to go through this. Mr. John sounds like he was such lovely human being, and his life attitude will live on in you. May love and comfort surround your family during this time and always.
I am so sorry to read this sad news. I am thinking of you and sending your family a big hug from San Diego! Jules, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Many blessings and positive thoughts are coming your way. Take good care.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Jules, I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Oh, Kristi – I was lucky enough to also have a wonderful step-father and my mother was very lucky to have him as her husband after my father’s death (and many years of illness). He was the blessing of her late life and certainly of mine and my family’s. Your Mr. John reminds me so much of Tom – a wonderful, kind and loving man who shared so much of himself with you and your family. My sincerest condolences….especially in light of Jean-Marc’s recent spate of illness. But you have a secret weapon – Smokey! My best to you and yours…Susan
Oh, Kristin, my heart aches for all of you who have so abruptly lost this gentle man from your lives. From what you have so beautifully written about him, I know he and the wisdom, kindness and love he shared will live on in your hearts. You are all in my prayers as you deal with the sorrow that comes with his passing.
Dear Kristi, Jules and family,
Such a big loss for you all. But he did leave you with such wonderful words, “Don’t worry and enjoy life”! We are only here for a time, some longer, some shorter. John’s time was too soon for a family who loved him so much and who loved others in return.
May you find comfort and peace from his words, and from the many people who send their condolences and sympathy as I do as well.
Dear Jules, Kristi and Heidi,
I am so saddened to hear of John’s passing. He sounded like a wonderful, kind and loving man, and he will be missed. I hope that fond memories of him will give you all a bit of comfort during this sad time.
Sending prayers and hugs your way.
Sue Lathrop
I am so sorry for your loss! Mr.John was a wonderful person. You, Heidi and Jules are so fortunate to have had him as part of your lives. The immediate devastation you feel will pass in time, but the memories will remain forever in your hearts. Please take comfort from one of my favourite quotes: Life is eternal, love is immortal, death is only a horizon. And a horizon is nothing, save the limit of our sight. Peace be unto you and your family.
Kristi, I’m so sorry to hear about your beau-pere passing. He sounds like such a wonderful, loving man. Your family was blessed by having shared a life with him, and I hope that brings you all some comfort in the days to come.
Thinking of you and your mom and praying for the Lord to bring her comfort in her mourning. Thank you for sharing this with your reader family.
deep condolences from korea!
God bless you, Kristin. My prayers are with your mom and with you.
Kristi and Jules, sorry for your loss, his LOVE will be with you forever, was hoping to have a chance to meet them both next year when I will be visiting in Sept. my Best to you and yours. Lou
Kristi and Jules, sorry for your loss, HIS LOVE for you will be with you forever, was hoping to meet Him and Jules on my visit next sept. My best to you and yours, Lou
Chères Kristi et Jules,
Prenant part à votre douleur, je vous présente mes sincères condoléances à vous et à votre famille.
Kristi, I am so very sorry for the loss of your stepfather. I am saying plenty of prayers for your momma and your family during this time of grief. God bless you and yours.
“Mr John” was obviously loved by many and I’m sure he knew that. How lucky you all were to have been loved by him. I will feed the neighborhood cats who hang around my house tomorrow and not worry about a thing in his honor. 💫
Je suis desoles pour ta mere et la famille. John est avec les anges…et nous sommes triste sans Lui.
I am so sorry for your loss, so I send you prayers. Often, it seems such a special person as Mr. John gives instructions to the escorting angels to help us in such a heartbreaking time. Mr.John and the angels have given you the hungry cats to feed every morning. It will help get through this time where, due to our hurting, we can so easily loose track of daily rituals. It isn’t a chore, it is a blessing from your beloved….and the angels. Prayers, Sandra
Dearest Jules, it is with a sad heart that I send my condolences to you upon the loss of your dear John. No mere words can soften the blow or ease the pain of his sudden passing. May your many loving memories of time spent together help to ease the sorrow you now feel. You have many friends here who are holding you in their hearts.
Kristi, your tribute to your step-dad was lovely. I am so sorry for your loss.
Dreariest Jules, I send my deepest condolences for your loss. John sounds like such a lovely man who will be greatly missed.
With kindness,
Virginia
Dear Kristin, dear Jules,
My deepest condolences to you — your love and sorrow for Mr John is palpable. May Mr John live on in our kind acts towards one another. Sending much love.
Dear Kristi,
My condolences on the loss of John. I too have lost a John recently – in body only I think, his mind had gone a little while ago. My Father-in-Law passed on June 30. He too was a lovely bloke and had an army of hungry magpies he used to feed (rather than cats) so they had much in common there it seems. I hope life continues and your memories of John never dim.
My John is back dancing with his wife, Betty, my Mother-in-Law.
With Love
H
This time in our lives has so many periods of sadness and despair. Know that we all share your pain and wish we could be closer physically with our support. For your mom, please tell her that the pain will fade away but the glorious memories will live forever. This, I know.
Un ” gros gros bisou ” to you Jules and to your family from South of France . Yvon .
Kristi, my family is not French, but my children call my husband beau-pere. I’m pretty sure we decided that this would be an appropriate name for him after reading your blog. I don’t like the sound of stepdad, but the kids didn’t want to call another man dad, so beau-pere it is.
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful man who made an impact on everyone around him. He rests in peace awaiting a call from Jesus during the resurrection.
Your posts about him also give me hope that someday my children will have warm feelings towards their beau-pere. They get along well now, but being in a stepfamily is hard, and there aren’t the natural feelings of affection that spring up between biologically related people. I hope someday they’ll view my husband the way you view your stepfather.
Sending sympathy to your family. He left you so suddenly, still young, so active and full of life.
Chere Kristi~
Love & hugs to you and Mama Jules!
❤️🙏
Amber
Deepest condolences to you Jules and your family.
John knew the secret to living a beautiful life,
love and kindness. Wishing you all comfort
and peace.
How very sad for all of you left behind..but he accomplished that which so few of us are able to do , he left a legacy, he lived his life to the fullest, he lived the life he was sent to fulfill. He was a happy thoughtful man.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Dear Kristi & Family & Smokey
My heart, thoughts and prayers for your family & Smokey are with you.
Thinking of you all and remembering all the lovely stories over the years ~ your stepfather was such a beautiful man in every way.
Many Hugs for your Mom, your family & Smokey
Sincerely,
Vada Hendrickson
Bon courage.
I am so sorry for your loss! I never met John, but half-way through your wonderful tribute, I was crying, and still am. He sounds like the sort of special fellow we all want and need in our lives. How fortunate you were to know him, and to have his wise advice to comfort you now. Heartfelt hugs to you and to Jules.
“There’s a great spirit gone” His smile says it all .My deepest sympathy to you all at this sad time. .If thoughts can help many of us are with you Jules .
So sad to read about your step father and Jules’ husband. I love the advice that Mr. John gave you, Kristi. Everyday is a gift, so enjoy every moment.
Angie
Dear Kristi & Family,
So sorry to hear of your loss. Your Step-Father sounds like a true gentleman in every sense of the word. Thinking of you and sending love & hugs.
The wonderful memories he has left to you, your mom and family, will keep him alive in your hearts forever.
My mom used to say to me,”Marti do not worry about small stuff” everything has a solution, but death, How true.
My sincere condolences to your beautiful mom and family.
So very sorry! My deepest sympathy and love to you, your mom, and your extended famille. Comme toujours, Fred
Sending you loving, warm hugs to comfort you, I am so sorry to hear of Johns passing. He seems like a blessing to you and all who knew him, including your loving daughter Kristi. His love remains, yet I can only imagine that his loss is also felt just as deeply as his lingering presence. Let those who surround you hold you up as we all do day in and day out throughout our presence on this earth. with love.
Dearest Kristi and Jules, to you and all the family, my deepest condolences. What an honor, a joy, and such a pleasure to have known one such as John, to have lived with a man who loved you so dearly. My love and prayers, Patty
Your daughter Kristi has written a beautiful tribute to her beau pere. I am heartbroken for your loss – John must have been a wonderful light in your life. I hope that light gives you strength to go through what you must and give you peace eventually.
So Sorry for your Loss. Knowing him you were all truly blessed. Prayers are sent your way.
Your step dad’s words “don’t worry about a thing, enjoy life”, are words to live by. He obviously enjoyed his, and enjoyed having all of you in it.
Take care and know my thoughts are with you and your family.