My one and only beau-père, John.
My step-father passed away on Sunday. We are all in shock and facing the reality of life without this tender and loving man who knew the power of gratitude.
"You and your sister are really nice," my mom said over the phone, as she tried to process the news. "But John–he was the kindest person I have ever met. He was an angel!" Mom's words hung in the air as another, familiar sound, began to fill my head.
Kristi, don't worry about a thing. I recognized John's voice, which was now echoing in my mind. Just enjoy life! How many times had my beau-père repeated this to me?
John exemplified this trust-the-universe attitude. Day after day he got up, fed the neighborhood cats (which were lined up at his front door), then carefully combed his hair and dressed his best before taking the rickety bus across down town Puerto Vallarta to go to work. In a beautiful resort by the Bay of Banderas, John shared his experience and knowledge with a sales force of young Mexicans. He loved his job! He turned 74 on July 4th, and continued his feed-the-homeless-head-to-work schedule up until Thursday. He died of heart failure, days later, in Javier hospital. He must have shared his trust-the-universe attitude with the nurses, too, as my mom heard laughter each time John called her from room 107. He dialed her up one more time before falling to sleep, to tell her he loved her.
"He told me he loved me 50 times a day!" Mom shared, in one of many fragmented conversations we would have over the next 24 hours–until my sister, Heidi, could fly in from Colorado, to help Mom put one foot in front of the other.
***
Before I went to Mexico, last March, I told my family that yes, I was going to see my Mom. But that I was really making the trip to see my step-dad! I had a feeling I needed to get over there and spend time with John.
My father-in-law picked me up from the airport, then returned an hour later to pick up Heidi and my niece and nephew when they flew in, from Denver. John cooked for us, entertained us, and asked us, often, "How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Is everything alright?"
And he always had the same, from-the-heart response. "I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy life." He would then disappear, in his neatly-ironed shorts and bright blue golf shirt (the color of his eyes) and leave us to spend time with our mother.
On the telephone with the hospital reception, Sunday, I tried to locate my mom, who had rushed to the hospital a few hours before. As I repeated to the secretary who I was looking for, a light went off and she said, "Oh, yes. Mr. John."
Mr. John. I knew he had passed, but her words made it seem that he was present. And her adorable (accidental) name, "Mr John," let loose another flood of tender emotions and regrets. I could hear my beau-père's reassuring voice, once again. Don't worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
The day my father-in-law, "Mr John," passed away, I walked around in a haze until I found a better project. I hurried outside to rescue the neglected laurier, or bay leaf tree (bought months ago), and finally planted it–in honor of a man who loved to serve others and who was a great cook!
I knelt beside the little bay leaf tree and made a promise to a certain angel: "I will, once and for all, try my best not to worry about things! And I will enjoy life! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. John. I miss you so much."
My thoughts go out to John's family, and to my dear Mom who is lost right now and who has 50 stray cats pounding on her door each morning. And she is all out of cat food.
COMMENTS
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Dear Jules et Kristi:
I am sending you my condolences on the loss of your husband and beau-pere.
He will be forever remembered for the loving man he was and the light he brought into so many lives. Janine
Dear Jules,
I know how your heart must be aching right now, but take some solace in the fact that he lived a wonderful giving life and died without pain and suffering. Hugs and prayers to all of you at this difficult time.
Kristen, may you be comforted in your loss by knowing you loved him deeply to the very end of his days…and THAT is worth a lot! That we should all share his admirable quality of compassion for “the other”!
Sincerely,
Bonnie in Colorado
Kristi, Jules and family,
I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. What a blessing he must have been! Just seeing his picture you can tell he was a very kind man! Grateful that you have such wonderful memories to hold on to as you navigate life without him.
Offering up prayers for comfort now.
I am so sorry to read about the loss of Mr. John. Sounds like he was a truly loving, sincere man. Thank you for sharing this painfully sad, but full of joy, story, Kristi.
Kristi, Jules, and family,
Please accept my condolences to you all for the loss of such a wonderful man. He seems to have known how to fill the world with kindness and joy.
Susan
Very sorry for your loss, my condolences .
I lost my father-in-law last year. It was such a blessing to know him. Some people accept you for who you are and he was one of them. It sounds like John was one of those people too. Je vous adresse mes sincères condoléances.
My condolences to you, your mother and your stepfather’s near and dear. He looks and sounds like he was a lovely person. Thank you for sharing him and his words of wisdom with us.
So sorry to hear of the passing of someone who enriched every life he touched. You were blessed to have his love and share his life. Live the message he gave to you- do not worry, let your light shine for others, so his love lives on through your life. What a delight it must have been to know him. Jo-Anne
Praying for you. God is your refuge and strength, an ever-present help. Sue
Dear Kristi and family: So sorry to hear of ‘Mr John’s’ passing, You will all remember him for the lovely man he was, don’t be afraid to be reminded of him, embrace remembering and talking about him, that way he lives in your hearts forever and his goodness can be passed on to others.
Prayers for comfort and peace for you all. I’m a bit confused though. Is he your step dad or father in law?
Oh, Kristi, I am so sorry for your loss! It’s so hard on those left behind when someone leaves so suddenly but a comfort to know he didn’t suffer. And he got to tell your mom one last time that he loved her. What a blessing to have such wonderful memories of a loving and generous man. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Sending loving hugs your way……
My deepest condolences to you, your mom, and his family…I feel how much you loved him and how much he loved all of you. Love is such a powerful thing. Another reminder of how short life is and how quickly it goes by. I will look up at the starry sky tonight and think of him and all of you.
What a terribly sad thing to have happened. Please know that I will pray for “Mr. John”, for you and for your family as you work through the sadness. May God’s choicest blessings be with you all.
What a perfectly lovely tribute, Kristi, starting with the ebullient, so-very-alive portrait. Much sympathy to all of you as you deal with this enormous loss. Kate and Bill in Vermont
Dear Kristi, dear Jules, toutes mes condoleances. Very beautiful, touching writing.
Rest in peace, Mr. John: I’ll follow your advice and I’ll make my best to worry less and enjoy life more.
Our dear Kristi,
Psalm 33:22. “Lord,be upon us,just as we hope in you”.
There are no words to convey our very deepest sympathy to dear Jules,to you,and to Heidi.
You honor John by trying to follow his words in not worrying about anything and enjoying life.And!You have given all of us a precious gift in knowing this man,and his wisdom, shared with us through your beautiful words and,always, inspiration.
We send courage and strenth.
Love
Natalia. xo
Dear Kristi,
Very sorry to hear of your loss; life seems so fleeting now as we all age. I was confused at first in reading of your loss in re of ‘my father in law’ but believe John, being the husband of your mother, is actually your ‘step father’ and not your ‘father in law’ but loss is loss and pain is pain so we grieve with you.
Phil & Sharon in California
Please accept my deepest condolences. We are only what we are remembered by others. And by that account, your father in law he was a man much loved. Take comfort in the fact that both you and he were lucky to have been in this life together. Peace be with you and with his spirit.
So sorry for your loss – my condolences to you and your family. May you find comfort in your memories.
TO KRISTI’S MOTHER. I KNOW YOU ARE LOST WITHOUT “MR JOHN”, BUT IN MY OLD AGE, ( I AM 84) I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO PRECIOUS,,,, GOD JUST THINKS,,, ” THEY HAVE HAD HIM LONG ENOUGH” ” I NEED HIM UP HERE TO KEEP ME COMPANY”. AS FAR AS YOUR SORROW, SOME ONE ONCE TOLD ME,,,, TIME HELPS, WHICH IS TRUE, BUT IT DOES TAKE TIME. GOD BLESS YOU, AS YOU STRUGGLE THROUGH THE NEXT DAYS,,,, THINKING OF YOU, JOY WOOD
Kristi- I am sovery sorry to hear this. May you all find peace as you move forward without your sweet John.
He said “I love you” 50 times a day….wow! must be wonderful to be the recipient of that. We can all step-up our games to follow in John’s loving ways.
So sorry for you and your mom and all of your family.
I was so sorry to read about the loss of your beau-pere. He will surely live on in your heart. My deepest sympathy to your mother, especially, because the sudden losses pierce us so. Your whole family is in my thoughts. Sending you wishes of comfort, release of tears, arms around each other, and finally laughter and gratitude that he was in all of your lives.
I’m really sorry to heart that – he looked like a beautiful man. Kim
Dear Jules,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have followed you on FB and enjoyed your posts & comments. Please take care of yourself, and remember he will always be in your heart.
Chère Kristi I am terribly terribly sorry to hear this sad news. Please give Jules my love. Tell her she is in my thoughts and my prayers. God bless. Cindy
Kristi —
I’m so, so sorry. My deepest condolences to you and to Jules.
Dear Jules, I am so sorry to hear about John. I have been to PV a million times and if I were not going to Paris for the month of September I would come to PV TO help you with whatever. Even to sit with you in silence in remembrance of your dearly beloved John and of course to feed the cats. My thoughts are with you. Jennie Quinn San Francisco
Wow what a beautiful tribute to your Father in Law and how very blessed you were to have him in your life. We look to the heavens often to talk to God and the Angels and sometimes we are walking amongst them – how grateful you must be.
Blessings and Peace to you and your loved ones
Kristi, I’m sure your Mom realizes what a treasure she attracted when she met John. But it’s in reading your story today about how YOU felt about him — and a stepdad to boot — that his gentle soul is mirrored. Great stepdads are God’s angels sent to give you a hand. How lucky were you all to have him in your life. I offer my condolences but in fact, he’ll stay with you always.
Cher Kristi et Jules, our hearts and prayers go out. To you, your sister and especially Jules. Mr John sounds like a wonderful gentleman with a great attitude toward life.
Our time here is so very short and fragile so we try to “make the most of everyday”!!
When you speak to your mom again give her our love and prayers, from the “crazy Americans” that disturbed her nap back during her visit to Provence in 2008.
Lots of hugs,
Lee & Maureen
John is my step-father. I made a mistake, writing father-in-law (though beau-père is the translation for both)
I’m so sorry to hear about Mr. John! Hugs and prayers for all of you!
Mes condoleances, So very sorry for the loss of your dear beau-pere,
My sympathies to you and your family. May you be comforted by your memories.
… Derar Kristi and extended family…Mr. John certainly sounded like a very special man to each and everyone he came in contact with. Apparently he lived life to the fullest every day with all of his caring and giving to others. Losing someone you care about is just about the hardest event we all have to go thru on this earth. Your Mom will need all the love and support you and your family can summon up and give to her. She seems to be another special person from all we have seen and read about her. It is time to focus deep inside of yourselves and find the courage you will need to help her thru this time of sorrow. My sincere condolences to you Mom and your family. Bon courage, Judi Dunn, tallahassee, Fl.
I’m so sorry to hear of John’s passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. <3
What an elegant, distinguished looking man. Your life and the world, is much better for having known him and his love. My sincere condolences.
Dearest Jules,
Words cannot express the heartache, no, the heart-loss — the complete emptiness — you must be feeling right now. No salve for your pain. John must have been an extraordinary gentleman and gentle man. You must call yourself rich for having had the privilege of holding his love in your hands. I grieve for you.
My love to you,
Diane Scott
So sorry for your loss.
Your vivid depiction of your step-father brought tears to my eyes, Kristi. I felt I could see and hear Mr. John myself, his encouragement exhorting us all to be positive and savor life. Each day is precious, he might say. My sympathy is with you, your mom, your sister,and his other loved ones during this sad time. May your memories of his cheerful and caring ways bring comfort.
Oh so enjoyed reading your story but sorry to learn of your loss. Yes your step daddy taught you well, don’t worry and to live life. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time of loss.
Beth /Okoboji Iowa
Toutes mes condoléances from here in New Zealand.
I had a cup of coffee almost every morning at Victors with John. He took such wonderful care of Jules, and loved her so much. I lost another best friend on Sunday. I Had known him since I was 14. Oh Dear, so many memories and feelings. Bless you and your family, especially sweet Jules.
So sorry for your loss. What beautiful words from Mr John you have shared with us
Blessings to all of the family.