My one and only beau-père, John.
My step-father passed away on Sunday. We are all in shock and facing the reality of life without this tender and loving man who knew the power of gratitude.
"You and your sister are really nice," my mom said over the phone, as she tried to process the news. "But John–he was the kindest person I have ever met. He was an angel!" Mom's words hung in the air as another, familiar sound, began to fill my head.
Kristi, don't worry about a thing. I recognized John's voice, which was now echoing in my mind. Just enjoy life! How many times had my beau-père repeated this to me?
John exemplified this trust-the-universe attitude. Day after day he got up, fed the neighborhood cats (which were lined up at his front door), then carefully combed his hair and dressed his best before taking the rickety bus across down town Puerto Vallarta to go to work. In a beautiful resort by the Bay of Banderas, John shared his experience and knowledge with a sales force of young Mexicans. He loved his job! He turned 74 on July 4th, and continued his feed-the-homeless-head-to-work schedule up until Thursday. He died of heart failure, days later, in Javier hospital. He must have shared his trust-the-universe attitude with the nurses, too, as my mom heard laughter each time John called her from room 107. He dialed her up one more time before falling to sleep, to tell her he loved her.
"He told me he loved me 50 times a day!" Mom shared, in one of many fragmented conversations we would have over the next 24 hours–until my sister, Heidi, could fly in from Colorado, to help Mom put one foot in front of the other.
***
Before I went to Mexico, last March, I told my family that yes, I was going to see my Mom. But that I was really making the trip to see my step-dad! I had a feeling I needed to get over there and spend time with John.
My father-in-law picked me up from the airport, then returned an hour later to pick up Heidi and my niece and nephew when they flew in, from Denver. John cooked for us, entertained us, and asked us, often, "How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Is everything alright?"
And he always had the same, from-the-heart response. "I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy life." He would then disappear, in his neatly-ironed shorts and bright blue golf shirt (the color of his eyes) and leave us to spend time with our mother.
On the telephone with the hospital reception, Sunday, I tried to locate my mom, who had rushed to the hospital a few hours before. As I repeated to the secretary who I was looking for, a light went off and she said, "Oh, yes. Mr. John."
Mr. John. I knew he had passed, but her words made it seem that he was present. And her adorable (accidental) name, "Mr John," let loose another flood of tender emotions and regrets. I could hear my beau-père's reassuring voice, once again. Don't worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
The day my father-in-law, "Mr John," passed away, I walked around in a haze until I found a better project. I hurried outside to rescue the neglected laurier, or bay leaf tree (bought months ago), and finally planted it–in honor of a man who loved to serve others and who was a great cook!
I knelt beside the little bay leaf tree and made a promise to a certain angel: "I will, once and for all, try my best not to worry about things! And I will enjoy life! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. John. I miss you so much."
My thoughts go out to John's family, and to my dear Mom who is lost right now and who has 50 stray cats pounding on her door each morning. And she is all out of cat food.
COMMENTS
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Dear Kristi,
Jules sent me an email and my heart goes out to her and the whole family. I am so sorry, but he is in Heaven now and we have to be happy for him. He will be missed but there are many beautiful memories to keep him close to you.
My love to you, your Mom and Heidi.
Big hugs to all of you!!!
Marika
My condolences. He was a shining star.
Oh I am so sorry for your loss! My best wishes to you and your sweet family. XO Sally
Words cannot ease the pain of losing a loved one/ I know your mom will miss him dearly as will you all but know people care and will be praying for the repose of his soul as well as those left behind that they find happiness in the near future.
Please accept our sincere condolences for the loss of your Step-Father. I am sure he will leave a large hole in your life and especially in that of your mother. It is so hard when you are thousands of miles away.
Kris and Eric
Dear Jules:
Love and sympathy to you from Scottsdale….so very sorry for your loss
Sorry to hear about your step dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank you for writing about your dear beau pere, Kristi. It’s good that you have such fond memories of him and his kind, inspiring ways. I’m so sorry for your loss. God bless.
So sorry for your loss. Your post about him is simply beautiful and I am sure he’s reveling in it now.
Big hugs for Jules and all of the family.
Kristi…Jules…Way too young to pass. So sorry to hear thismshocking news. Please take some comfort in knowing that your family and friends are thinking of you all in this sad time. My condolences to you and your entire family for mourning a life that was so full of life. Be thankful that he passed while still enjoying life…no sickness, no suffering.
There is a saying….John: 1942-2016. What is the most important part of those dates? It is the “Dash” between. His “Dash” was full of life and love.
Take care, my friends…
Deepest sympathies – so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you all.
Dear Kristi and Jules, please accent my condolences. Sending my warmest wishes to you and your family!
I am so sorry to hear that sad news. It’s even harder when family is spread far and wide. My condolences to Jules and I hope she honors John by keeping that special sparkle she has, that joy in so many things. I think from what you have written, John would want that.
Ah, another of life’s passages. Often they are difficult but there is still joy to be found. Enjoy every day and I agree, don’t worry. I have wasted so many days filled with worry. John had the right way of living.
I am so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathies.
So sorry for your loss; I’m sure you are feeling helpless so far away. May the influence he had on you and others remind you that he is still present, just in another form.
Heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved husband and stepfather. I pray that your fond memories will sustain you and your family during this time of bereavement. One day at a time!
Dear Jules,
I am so sorry to read of John’s passing in Kristi’s blog today. In this online world we share, you all seem familiar, warm & real & we will miss him here with you. He seemed (and I know he must have been in the real world) the loveliest of men. Now he is making his spiritual journey where there really are no worries. I send you my best thoughts & hopes for strength & a way to enjoy your life again. From North Carolina to you, love.
So very sorry to hear about your step-father. He must have been an amazing man! (And anyone who feeds stray cats is always a hero in my book). Condolences to your mother and to you.
So sorry for your loss. Some people are sent into our lives to be our guides and others our rewards. He sounds like he was both rolled into one lovely gentleman.
Kristi,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Peace to you, Jules and family.
Tish
I am a new reader of your blog, and your beautiful writing brings me in. Condolences to you, your mother, and all of John’s acquaintances. — Susan in Aix-en-Provence
I am so, so sorry for your and your Mom’s loss. He will remain always in your heart and will be watching over your Mom from above.
Dear Jules, My heart aches for you that you have lost your angel. He must still be watching you and asking you to buy more cat food and telling you not to worry. It will be OK but it will take time. Sending you courage, strength and love, Judi Wallner
PS You have the best daughter anyone could have.
Toutes mes condoleances. Just remember, he is now telling the angels: “Don’t worry about a thing!”
I am so sorry for your family. I will pray for all of you during this difficult time, but especially for your mother who must be lost without this dear man.
So sorry to hear this. My prayers and thoughts for all your famil
Dear Kristi, Jules and entire family,
Our deepest sympathy & HUGE love from Seattle for all of you. Thank you for sharing the spirit of incredible “Mr. John” with us. What a wonderful philosophy he had for all of us – “Don’t worry – enjoy life!” We wrap you all in love, warmth, peace and blessings. Annie and Mike
How wonderful to have had such a man in your lives. I am sorry for your loss and celebrating the energy he shared with your family that will last among you.
Your beautiful family is in my prayers. I met Kristen and Jean-Marc this summer in St. Cyr. They are so lovely and special.
Kristi and Jules, I am SO sorry; losing John must still seem like a nightmare. John was way too young is leave this world, and obviously he will be missed by many, including the Mexicans he worked with. And the cats. Jules, I hope we can get together this next winter when we come to Sayulita. In the meantime take good care of yourself!
Sorry to hear about your beau pere. What a wonderful man! He’s still with your Mom and you in spirit so heed his words, enjoy life, the best advice in the world. Love, Marilina
I’m sending my deepest sympathy to you and your family, Kristi. Your posts about your step-father were always so filled with love. You truly shared with us his beautiful philosophy about life. He has has left a legacy of light, love and wonderful memories for all of you. “You will never forget someone who gave you so much to remember.” Je t’embrasse.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find peace in the love of your family.
Dear Kristi and Jules,
So sorry to hear of John’s passing but what an inspiration he was. Be grateful and thankful for the wonderful time spent with a wonderful human being.
Big hugs, Rachel
Dear Kristi,
My heart goes out to you, your mom and all your family in the loss of a beloved family member. May wonderful memories as well as the love and prayers of family and friends surround you and yours at this time.
So very sorry for your loss. How fortunate you are to have such kindness and love in your life. It does not end with death. The love and kindness continues as Kristi’s post demonstrates. Her remarks about John and his impact on others touched me, and I am sure all of those who read the post. May your sadness not overwhelm you. May you find comfort and joy in the love that remains.
Kristi- I’m so sad to hear your news. I can tell that John touched so many people in his life. They remember him, too. Condolences to you and your mother.
I am so sorry to read of ‘Mr. John’s’ passing. It sounds like he was a special person and will be missed by all who met him. I, too, lost my husband over 14 years ago. He will always be thought of and missed, but the pain lessens and just leaves the gratitude and appreciation for the time you did have. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
my lovely friend – a beautiful posting – you’ve done him proud & reminded us all at the same time of the importance of living in the current moment, because it’s actually the only one we all have. Big hugs xoxox
So sorry to hear of John’s passing. Be well. XOXO
my deepest sympathies with the loss of your John. wishing you courage and strength.
So sorry to hear of the loss of such a gentle giant – may all your family take some comfort in your wonderful memories
Dear Kristi, Jules and family,
I’m so sorry to hear we have lost another “earth angel”. I’m typing through tears, so very touched and saddened by your family’s loss. Mr. John certainly lived with grace and a tenderness of heart, a precious gift to all.
Even through such sadness you manage to lift our spirits with your beautiful words, another precious gift. I’m sending prayers and lots of love your family’s way, especially to dear Jules.
With love,
Stacy
Wishing you the peace and comfort of your memories of John’s love and the hope that those memories will
keep you safe and comfort you in your bereavement. With the passage of healing time, may those memories
of the love you received from John be the model for the love you give to others. You have been blessed by
the daily love of an extraordinary human being. Count your blessings and make your blessings count!
Dear Kristi,
Hoping that happy memories of John will help your family through this and sustain you all as you move forward. Such a loss is difficult enough, an unexpected loss is devastating.
And to Jules ~ John must have been the light of your life as Kristi has described him and the two of you together. Don’t ever let that light go out, carry it with you forever. May he shine in your heart always. Wishing you strength and peace…
Very sad news for you and your family… John sounds like one of those people who are a blessing to the world. May you be comforted in your happy memories of him, Kristi.
So sorry to hear of the loss of such a bright and warm man in your family. He has just stepped into another room and is still with you. May God Bless
my deepest sympathy. Shedding tears and thinking of your family
Dear Jules, I am so sorry. I know you will miss him. I am sending warm thoughts and prayers to you.