The regular edition, with bells and whistles, will be back next week. Photo of our home, from our 20th wedding anniversary, in 2014. Truly A Good Year for Jean-Marc.
Dear Readers,
If I ever wrote a cookbook or a memoir I would call it Accidental Cassoulet. And if I have one regret in my life it is this: not to have cooked from scratch from the age of 12 (when I was a wiz at grating cheddar cheese on a flour tortilla and grilling it in the oven. But one day I started a kitchen fire in our trailer, putting an end to any culinary prowess.)
When I was 14 years old and living in a condo in Carefree, Arizona my mom took me to a naturopathic doctor after I passed out in World Geography class (while giving a speech. I would pass out at one more speech, in college, and again at an airport checkpoint, which makes me realize today that blood sugar wasn't the only culprit. Anxiety has been there all along).
Nowadays, I realize that if I had followed that naturopath's advice to the T, 34 years ago (eat frequently, eat nutrient-dense foods) I might have avoided a lot of soucis, including self-medicating with alcohol. And I might have avoided skin cancer, because when you care about what you put into your body you care about your body). But these difficult experiences have led to a greater understanding and compassion for others.
I do believe, as Hippocrates said, that food is medicine. But if I break my arm, I will go to the hospital. (And I believe that some forms of depression are akin to breaking every bone in your body. And yet, my husband went to work today.)
I'm not sure where I am going with all of this information, except to bring you some sort of update. No, things are not much better. But some things are stronger. Things like faith, hope and marriage. Jean-Marc will get through this. He continues to ask for your prayers.
Meantime, Hippocrates, I'm making accidental cassoulet again today. (Is it an accident the second time around?). I've gotten into the habit of making a roast chicken (setting the chicken on a bed of potatoes and carrots and onions in their jackets). We eat this for dinner. Then, on day two, I put the leftover potatoes into a glass Tupperware for salads, later–some of the chicken, too, depending… Then I add white beans (soaked overnight, then boiled in water, strained) to all the roasting pan juices from the chicken. There are usually bits and pieces of garden rosemary, from the stuffing. I swirl all this together (having left the carrots, which are by now carmelized).
Food is the way to a man's heart, they say (and to his health…). But they don't talk enough about a man's mind. Thank you, Jean-Marc, for being so open about your struggle. So many pieces of the puzzle of our 22-year marriage have come together in the past two weeks. The roller-coaster ups and downs. At times I have felt my stomach tighten when the train we are on creeks to the top of another mountain, only for my insides to (feel like they'll) drop out when we are hurled over–and now speeding down the opposite slope!
Jean-Marc, the day that I realized that it wasn't you steering (overconfidently to the summit or fearfully to the bottom of the sea), I found perspective and empathy. And the day that you realized it wasn't you steering–but a mood steering–you found the courage and the determination to fight for the wheel.
I have always hated roller-coasters. They make my teeth chatter. They hurt my head. They have been known to come apart in mid-air! They test all of my preconceived notions about preconceived notions. But I will stay on this ride and share seats with you until we reach level ground–and beyond! This isn't a decision. And it is more than a promise "for better or for worse". And because I've lost the direction of this letter, I'd better add, This is much more than Accidental Cassoulet!
Is this, finally, the mystery of love?
* * *
Who looks like they are petrified? And who looks like they have won the French lottery? Jean-Marc and I taking our vows, in 1994.
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Kriti and Jean-Marc,
This is life. I just came upon your troubles and my heart goes out to you. Recognizing that there is a third entity living with you, depression, is often a jolt that remains ignored or talked around. To grab t by the horns and give it a big shake is brave. Bravi to your whole family for acknowledging it…and for joinng in the battle. Also for sharng it with your readers and friends. To give it a name is to force it to shrink. You are both strong, loving people. You will get to a much better place, fear not. I, like many others, are at your back. More than a prayer, i snd you an honest smile, a kiss on each cheek, and a big american hug.
Like a rollercoaster, up in the air, twists & turns, all the while wondering if you can hold on. The love between you, Kristi & Jean-Marc, and the love of your family, will I’m sure give you the strength hold on. God Bless.
You will do what you need to do. I have watched and listened to you for many years. Remember to think about what you need – not what you need others to do, but rather what you need. Sending massive love to you both.
My husband had bipolar disorder. The only thing that really helped in my opinion was lithium. He was more dpressed than manic. He is ok now, still has talk therapy and a shrink or two. He would never go the natural route, but I have seen books in France about omega 3 used in depression. If he can stand the taste!
Bon courage!
Hi, Kristi,
My thought for you and JM is that maybe you should devise a simple quiz to keep in touch with what currently makes you both feel
good as a couple, as friends. This little game might help you to keep out the highs due to “great expectations” and the lows due to missing “the way we were”. Loving the here and now is a much more even path than the ups of anticipation and the downs of loss and regret. Living in love and living in the present make me feel content and happy. I hope this is helpful to you and JM. Praying for
you both, Joanne
Many helpful ideas..lots of love and prayers and concern are voiced above, and I add mine. I have found, in retrospect, that I have learned far more during the valleys than on the peaks..and I think most people experience them both, and really how dismal it would be if everything were the same day after day. You have affected I suspect more than you would ever realize by your willingness to publicly discuss your problem (S). How fortunate you are to be able to talk to one another and others and to allow others to enter into your life with help..as that is what we really were put here to do. I add my prayer that this time of depression is short lives and that you are once again able to see the benefit you bring into the lives of so many.
I am surprised that I am brought to tears and feel so much love for you and Jean Marc when I only know you through your e-mails and books and the strong connection I feel to you and France from here in Arizona. I know from experience, as many of your readers do, what a struggle this can be. I wish you both strength and love and know that this is something that can’t be cured but can certainly be managed. Stay strong and know love will get you through this
Dear Kristi and Jean-Marc,
How are your vine shoots doing today? Have you applied dusting sulphur yet? The vines and the sulphur are now a metaphor for this difficult period you are presently going through. Please know that you will grow through this experience and reap a rich harvest at the end. In vino veritas… Best wishes
Continuing to pray in unity with you.
Blessings.
Kristi and Jean Marc,
I’m the Arizonan from Scottsdale who lived in Avignon in 81-82 and who has written previously to Kristin. I am not a stranger to lingering illness given that in 2014 I had a 74-day hospital stay due to taking a blood thinner which gave me a hematoma blocking my digestive tract and causing many other problems. I had great specialists, including one who spoke French with me on every visit. He kept saying, “There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will be cured. Keep focusing on that goal.” Meanwhile toward the end (due to confinement syndrome) I was even having hallucinations.
But in addition to medications, daily prayer on my part and the part of the people in our parish plus that of my family got me thru this and I did return to a normal life. In fact my wife and I just returned from a two-week private tour of Morocco where we rode camels into the sands for an overnight stay in a primitive tent camp, quite a contrast to our palatial riad stays. We feel blessed and credit prayer and medication for the ability of two septuagenarians like us to live the good life after a dark period. I will say a prayer for your improved health.
Kristi and Jean Marc,
I’m the Arizonan from Scottsdale who lived in Avignon in 81-82 and who has written previously to Kristin. I am not a stranger to lingering illness given that in 2014 I had a 74-day hospital stay due to taking a blood thinner which gave me a hematoma blocking my digestive tract and causing many other problems. I had great specialists, including one who spoke French with me on every visit. He kept saying, “There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will be cured. Keep focusing on that goal.” Meanwhile toward the end (due to confinement syndrome) I was even having hallucinations.
But in addition to medications, daily prayer on my part and the part of the people in our parish plus that of my family got me thru this and I did return to a normal life. In fact my wife and I just returned from a two-week private tour of Morocco where we rode camels into the sands for an overnight stay in a primitive tent camp, quite a contrast to our palatial riad stays. We feel blessed and credit prayer and medication for the ability of two septuagenarians like us to live the good life after a dark period. I will say a prayer for your improved health.
In the words of Psalm 30, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Stay strong and I am sure you will both survive your current troubles and be stronger for them. Many thanks for all the pleasure you have brought to all of us and big hugs from New Jersey.
Oui – this is the mystery of love – true love – for better of for worse – with all of the loving, hating, attraction, disgust, longing, wishing, praying. Like you, I have suffered and worried for my husband but I know he has done the same for me. I love that old saying that life is messy. But that is the beauty of it. It’s not supposed to be easy. So many of us pray for both of you. Try to take heart in that and don’t forget that you must also find joy – your own – if he cannot feel it right now. Being truly depressed is a lonely place to be for the one who is suffering and the one who is loving that person and for the children. Wishing you all the best.
Kristi,
The love, help and prayers from your readers are so encouraging. You both are truly loved. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle through these dark times. I am sure that you and Jean Marc will climb out of the depths and into the light and life will blossom in all of its glory.
Kathleen
Beautiful statement that has meaning for all marriages. Blessings on both of you.
How cruel of you to make this remark, Jim.
Kristi, you and Jean-Marc will come through your ordeal wiser and stronger. We have all been to that place at one time or another so can speak with confidence. My thoughts are with you. Best wishes, Francoise (Australia)
Kirsti, this update brought tears to my eyes. Your love and support of your husband is truly inspiring, and is something that we all should aspire to cultivate in all relationships. As someone else (I’m afraid I don’t remember the person’s name) commented above, no, real marriage is not a stereotypical ‘ever after’ love story. Yet, I believe that fairy tales do convey a real message about love itself: it’s the strongest force there is. Love can heal. It makes us stronger people to allow us to take better care of others. This is precisely what you and Jean-Marc are experiencing at this time, one step, one day at a time. Thank you for your raw honesty and for the reminder to never give up on what and who matters most.
Kristin, I found a physician that has helped me with my depression.. I am on something natural it is Acetyl L Carnitine. You can purchase it on Amazon. I hope you try it. Thank you for both of you sharing your trials. You both are so very brave! Love you from Nevada Eileen
Kristi, Don’t overlook consulting a chiropractor. With all the lifting of insanely heavy equipment in the vineyard, Jean-Marc may need a back alignment, and you might for stress. I laughed at my Mom for suggesting a chiropractor for my asthma, then I had a fall down steps, had to go for that, and my asthma got better. I figure anything the Olympic teams do would be good for any of us. Chiropractic was a training essential for us when our kids did speed swimming. We called it “waxing our skis,” and preparing for “the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat,” as the Olympic commercials used to say. God bless you both. You are very much loved by your readers.
Thus is two days late; I so hope you get to read it.Your message is so skillfully, written and reflecting your loving empathy for your struggling and strong husband it brought running tears and a resole to share it with Nancy who is, like Kristi, a gifted, learned ecrivan — she agreed re the skill and love of a devoted wife. GREAT NEWS! JM WENT TO WORK, A SURE SIGN OF PROGRESS. Comme toujours!
Another beautiful post. So well written!
Blessings and continued prayer,
Allyson
Amen and amen. What a couple and in answer to the fellow who said everyone has problems not everyone is a public figure or couple like the Espinasse’s. I have read and really enjoyed and learned from FWAD and feel part of that family even if they don’t know me from siccem. Anyway yes Kristin was/is beautiful and handsome strong maybe headstrong Jean-Marc just is a caring decent man with feelings. More power to them both and may they be free of stress and pain as much and as soon as possible. With love to them, Winn Gregory
You are indeed a beautiful couple and it seems we readers genuinely share a love for you and the best of hopes and wishes for you and Jean-Marc. I am a 67 year old man professional and have battled with depression off and on for 45 years. I really helped me even though I was flat and scared and exhausted and feeling utterly like a burden to others but love and time and proper medical care has made my life happy again and functional. Love to you both one of your long time readers, Winn
kudos for the words. Simply put, but very expressive. I feel very positive about the future for your family.
People have made such caring and astute comments. I pray for both of you and am just saying that another person has launched good wishes into the universe, hoping they will head your way! I love the wedding photo too and have been reading the blog for a while. Enjoy what is beautiful in your lives and cling to your love to defeat the demons. Ann
I wish you and Jean-Marc continued strength. xo
Mr. Anderson you are the one who really needs to “get on”…as in out of here.
It’s hard to find the words to tell you what a brave and valuable–quietly so, which is all the more remarkable in today’s world–contribution you are making, Kristi and Jean Marc, too, of course. Long may you wave. J’envoi mes prieres pour une reussite tot. (How’s that for massacring the language.) Kate
Jean Marc, please try antidepressants before you give up your vineyard. Try taking in a partner who can share the work and the worry and who may even bring some money. Try running leaky hoses for irrigation. I started a really hard, seven day a week delicatessen, bar, catering, restaurant in 1979 in portland, Oregon. I went through no pay, anxiety, questioning, depression. I borrowed money and hired help. I’m glad I did because it has been a good and interesting life with times of wanting to run away. By the way, when I didn’t know how to do something or what to do, I hired a consultant…….I learned a lot and combined with really hard work and worry, it worked and has grown more, by far, than I ever planned.