The following is a curious choice for word-of-the-day on the eve of our son's 21st birthday, but the term mère indigne popped up in today's story. I then found an old word-a-day soundfile from when Max was 11 years old. So there you have it. An almost ready-made post! Here we go:
UNE MERE INDIGNE
: an unfit mother
ECOUTEZ: Listen to a then 11-year-old Max pronounce the example sentence for indigne:
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Qui ne continue pas à apprendre est indigne d'enseigner.
He who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach. –Gaston Bachelard
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE…
"It may be broken but it tastes the same"
Dear Max,
In a matter of hours you will turn 21–and I will not make the mistake I made a few years back when I forgot to wish you Happy Birthday first thing in the morning.
(Quelle gaffe! And for the record: of course I knew it was your birthday! Especially after that first cup of coffee.)
Almost as soon as I gave birth to you in Marseilles, I learned a most dreadful French term: "mère indigne." It was used by parents in a seemingly joking sense: "Je suis une mère indigne!" French moms would say, exaggerating some oversight in the realm of nurturing (like forgetting to give their child homemade dessert, after the homemade main course). And there I was still trying to figure out how to make soup! (Water + veggies, Max. Don't sweat it.)
I won't go into the fears and regrets I had as a young mother in a foreign country before internet (where last month I learned how to make ravioli lasagna for your sister, who turns 19 in September). No! I would rather focus on my réussites, and one of my and your father's biggest successes (apart from your adorable sister) is YOU!
Now for a confession: I am still trying to figure out what to do for you on your birthday, and I thought, somehow, this open letter could be a part of that–if only to record noir sur blanc, my sincere intentions:
SO MAX, here's the agenda for MAY 17th….
1. Wish you Joyeux Anniversaire – before the rooster crows! Before that first cuppa!
2. Take you shopping. While I believe less and less in shopping, this is one occasion where I believe in it BIG TIME ("big time," not as in "I'm gonna spend big on you!"… big time as in I won't make Mistake No. 2 again: appointing your sister as personal shopper (I was tempted to recycle last year's gift–the one Jackie picked out and charged on my card–that expensive activities "box" where you were to pick among skydiving, car racing, rafting…but I am not THAT desperate (if practical. And increasingly frugal). Besides, it came as a relief that you would not be jumping out of an airplane. Please choose the Romantic Dinner For Two for you and Mathilde. And hurry up before the coupon finally expires!!).
3. Make you your grandmother Michèle-France's gâteau chocolat! This year I'll use real birthday candles and not the ones I scrambled for in time's past (like those fondue candles–exhibit A, below–swiped from I Can't Remember Where…). And I'll try to make a more uniform cake even if, as I have always told you and your sister, "It may be broken but it tastes the same!"
A toothless Max
4. I've elected your Dad to cook one of his specialties: magret de canard with pears in honey! (I'll make the rice to go with it!)
5. Toot-toot! I'm going to ask readers to finish today's post and then come back and read this piece about you HERE.
And then I am going to brag to our guest, Chris–friend and wine importer from Portland, about what a wonderful son you are. I'm going to tell him–make that everyone!–about the rainbow-colored flowers you brought me, yesterday, out of the blue. And about how you and your sister dragged me out of the house, last night, to watch you two play tennis. And about how you taught Jackie all your tricks. And the complicité you two share. What a gift to a parent to see her children enjoying each other's company!
My favorite moment from yesterday, Max, was hearing you call out to me, as you have since you first learned to speak: "Mom look at me! Mom watch this! Maman! Regarde-moi!" Last night I watched you run up to the tennis net and–tucking both feet beneath you as you jumped–clear it! That smile on your face. That delight. That wish, want, or need to impress me. No matter how old you are my favorite words will always be: Look Mom! Regarde-moi! Say it at 30! Shout it at 65! I will be watching you forever–delighting in all you accomplish, whether that be graduating college…or urging your sister to call for a second interview (your encouragement worked! Jackie got her first summer job at the water park!).
Happy birthday, Mr Max. You know I love you. Now don't take me to the cleaners. I'll teach you that English idom when we go shopping later! Because if there's one place you and your sister are complice–or partners in crime–it's at the mall!
Jackie and Max in Aix-en-Provence.
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Spoken like a true mom! Happy Birthday handsome Max. Have fun at the mall.
Bonne Anniversaire, Max et beaucoup de plus!
Happy Birthday, Max!
Kristi, this is the most beautiful post of all. Love and blessings to la famille Espinasse.
Congratulations to you Kristi and Jean-Marc for raising such wonderful children who are now adults. I first met them at Domaine Rouge-Bleu just after Blaise had her puppies. I have Max has a fabulous birthday.
Happy Birthday, Max! Wishing you an awesome day to enjoy!
Happy Birthday Max!! We will say cheers in your honor tomorrow in Madison Alabama! People will be celebrating your birthday all over the world. Enjoy your special day with your loving family.
Happiest of birthdays to you Max, from a complete stranger in Melbourne, Australia.
Small place this world!
Happy Birthday Max! I hope your day is marvelous
Happy Birthday Max. Wishing you a marvelous day with your Family.
wish Max a happy birthday and a healthy life.. He is also a lucky boy having such a wonderful family. I also liked your quote “Qui ne continue pas à apprendre est indigne d’enseigner.He who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach. –Gaston Bachelard” Thanks for sharing it. Cheers from Rep of Turkey..
Kristi,
What a beautiful tribute to Max today on his special 21st Birthday!
Happy Birthday Max! I hope your day is fun, and wonderful, and your year fantastic!
My baby girl is 27 today so, we’ll be celebrating here today too!
Don’t forget to make a wish before blowing out the candles that Mom got especially for your cake this year!
Lovely, lovely post . Treasure it Max.Look at it on your 30th, 60th , & so on . Such great memories it will be for you. Happy Birthday !!
Kristin,
Joyeux Anniversaire to Max! He was an adorable child, and we’ve seen him grow up into a caring young man. You should be, and I know you are, very proud. Let me say that one thing I love about your blog and your books is that you share your true self. You are honest about any perceived imperfections, such as your earlier attempts at gateau. You say you will try to make a better one, but it was the love you put into it that Max appreciated, I’m sure, and you’re right…it does taste the same, whether it’s flawless or imperfect. I love that you talk about your gateau because I have never been able to make a perfect layer cake. One layer will slide off the other 🙂 Have a wonderful day with Max!
Sandy
Joyeuse anniversaire, Max. Je regrette que je suis un jour en retard mais la pensee est encore la meme.
Congrats, Kristi and Jean-Marx. You have done a super job raising a wonderful young man. Like the Romans, “tempus fugit” and now he’s grown! Kristi, thank you for sharing come of the highlights of the years with your devoted readers.
What handsome children you have Kristi!! I read your notes fail fully even though I have never written. You are truly charming as well as beautiful. We live in a small town named Gy, just outside of Geneva for 2-3 months of the year in a 1500’s home. It has been in my husband’s family over 200 years. My French is poor but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying my wonderful neighbor’s. A young man living next to us, Simone, is turning 26 just as soon as we get there next week and I will tell him of your son’s birthday. the two of them picked a glorious month to grace this world with their presence. As we toast Simone, we will raise a glass to the young man in Bandol, Max, and his lovely family!
Kaaren Scanio, Queen Creek, AZ
Happy Birthday, Max. What a wonderful day – 21 is such a special year! Hope you had a fun, celebratory day. A loving family will be always in your thoughts and memories, no matter how old you get!
Simply beautiful expressions of live from a mother to child (no matter the age).
Mary Deignan
Gettysburg, PA
Happy Birthday to Max, what a handsome, strong, confident young man he has become. And you are an inspiration too, when my own baby girl turns (gulp) 28 next week, I will try to celebrate her as with as much love and enthusiasm as you are modeling for all of us!
Happy birthday! What a lovely tribute.
The best role in life: mother! You model it so well, Kristi! Félicitations to all!
Bon anniversaire, Max! I first “met” you in 2006, when I found out about French Word-A-Day, which I’ve been reading, along with your mother’s books, ever since. I feel as if I know your family (and had the privilege of meeting your father three times when he visited the States on wine tours). I’ve followed adventures described in the books, as well as stories from FWAD: having to write “cent lignes” for some school infraction; changes to your hairstyle; serving as an intern in a restaurant when you were about 14; some early military service at 16; “J’ai conduiiiiiiit!” when you were learning to drive; help around the winery; moving on to college . . . I’ll always be interested in what you and your family do.
In the USA, turning 21 is a “milestone” year. In the old days, one had to be 21 to vote (now it’s 18). One is old enough to buy alcoholic beverages, and to do certain things younger folks cannot, such as renting a car in most places. One is truly regarded as an adult. I hope you will enjoy activities in France that might be new for you at this age.
My son will turn 25 in a few days, so I identify with your mom’s feelings as you have reached maturity. Yet it seems you’ve always been mature for your age.
I wish you “toutes les bonnes choses” for the rest of your life.
If les Espinasses ever get to the Washington area, I’d love to meet you. Meanwhile, take care and have a wonderful day and year.