Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on…). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest. More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).
A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you sometimes need one too!
la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop
vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
1. to pick or to harvest grapes
Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. –Jean Amadou
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
"Hostile"
In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron – or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.
I was once like that–back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.
Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them–along with all our dirty sheets–before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us…lunch and dinner…and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)
I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.
Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)
This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received. David writes:
Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.
Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.
IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)
When I am done pleading with God, I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?
Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago, that I would find another lump on my dog. I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.
WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART
I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt–or anyone she knows–is not reading):
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.
Kristin
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:
"Désolé pour hier soir."
xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)
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Oh wow. Just wow. What a bizarre attack. You are so clearly madly in love with your husband. I’ve been reading your blog and books for years and in my opinion David doesn’t get your writings at all. Maybe he fears he will never have such a love in his own life and will never experience how two people can madly adore each other yet retain their individuality and enjoy the humor and spice in the daily challenges of life. But, defending your writings aside, there is no intelligent message in such an attack beyond a very destructive jealousy. My thought is: please be careful. Don’t feed trolls.
The daring posts are the best ones. 🙂 Never once did I get from your musings what this man is suggesting and I read between the lines even more than I should. Behind you all the way with your very fitting response!
Dear Kristi,
Oh no, another troll! Everything I want to say back to his arrogant and vicious email has already been beautifully said by your readers. My husband and I both had the same reaction to your response to David. It is the first time for either of us that this expression has brought forth a laugh! (And now I understand why it is called a bomb.)
The picture of Smokey is so cute and dog kisses are the best. Glad you are able to take him with you. Hope you all can let go and enjoy your time together away from the fray~
Right on, sister! I’m not the least offended…I laughed out loud! That supercilious, self-righteous a$$-hole deserved that and more. Who the hell does he think he is to tell you that?! I mean really! I’m soooo outraged on your behalf, it’s not even remotely funny.
Whoever this “David” is, he needs to just crawl back into his little hole and shut up!
On a more pleasant note, enjoy your family & the vacation, y’all need some alone family time.
Much love from Melbourne, FL.💜👍🏻
I think of people like David as “rocks in a stream”. You can either crash against them or glide right around and continue on your way. He is not worth the emotional energy, but If “f___ you” helps you on your way, go for it.
Bravo Kristi!
As it would be impossible to think of anything bad to say about you and the husband you so obviously adore, David had to make up something ridiculous. He is clearly in need of help and I hope he gets it, as I imagine he has hurt others as well.
That very arrogant, all-knowing man who wrote that very cruel and vitriolic remark is an ass. Ignore him. He does not know you or your husband or your family. Clearly, he has a need to feel important and be judgemental and advise the world of it’s faults and shortcomings.
The dangers of writing a blog are many. Hopefully you will be able to laugh at sad people like him and take comfort and joy in those who write to tell you how much they enjoy entering your life through the posts that you share with us.
Chere Kristi, David’s note has generated quite a response, and doubtless he is analyzing that too. And well he should. Who knows (or cares) what his academic and/or professional background might be. His message was gratuitous and grossly inappropriate to many of us. I actually doubt that this person is trained in psychology or addiction therapy. But if I’m wrong, just remember that the higher the monkey climbs, the more we see his ass.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful holiday.
Well said. Screw David and all those people out there like him who think they have the leeway to make egregious comments and judgments in complete ignorance. I would probably have said much more than “Fuck you,” so congrats on being so restrained.
Wow. Poor David has certainly revealed his own problems. Your surprising, concise, and absolutely perfect reply gave me a good laugh. Now have a fabulous vacation. PS. Sure wish I was there to get some of those free bises from that babydoll.
Un mot, Krstin….BRAVO!!!!
Bonjour Kristin,
Thank you for your “franchise”. Life is joys, disappointments, clarity, confusion. It is also recognizing strengths and weaknesses and growing with and along them. Your insights depict real life of relationships – our own and with others.
Bonnes vacances et au plaisir de vous lire bientôt.
Good for you! What an arrogant asshole. You gave him the perfect response. Have a wonderful vacation.
I am a little speechless, so rather than let my anger boil over I will simply ask: “Haven’t you been through enough recently?” Was that email approrpriate in any way shape or form? No. Mean-spiritedness makes me sad. I am grateful for your elegance – yes, even with the F-bomb – in ending on a gloriously positive note. Thank you for staying true, Kristin.
With much Love,
Heather
I agree with all that the others have said. David’s ‘analysis’ sounds like something you’d hear from a fortune teller at a carnival as she (it’s usually ‘she’!) waves her hand over her crystal ball and comes up with a load of bull’s excrement. I wonder if David writes horoscopes too!
Bravo!
Kristin, i think what so many of us like about your blog is the fact that you write about things that are REAL: like feeling overwhelmed, and spats with a husband. (Exactly my own day yesterday!) I had to laugh at your response to David-the-know-it-all, because it was exactly what went through my head as I read his email. The good news is that a recent study (I saw it in the NY TImes, so it must be true) says that the occasional swear word really works to defuse anger. Better news, all your readers supported your perfect response. Bonne vacances!
Wow as the Americans say…way to go Kristen!
You are not only beautiful but gutsy too.
I hope you and your family have a great holiday.
love
Oliver.
I am so sorry you had to experience that idiot’s remarks. The f word was the first thing that came to my mind as I read what he wrote. I was so proud of you for responding that way! Along with all the others, I appreciate your honesty as you write about your life. Your blog is one of my life’s blessings. Thank you!
A propos monkeys (as Meg Martin mentioned): NOT your circus, Kristi, NOT your monkeys….. David is a misanthrope….. and very unprofessional IF he is a shrink…..How dare a pseudo-shrink analyze ANYONE online!! Yes, eff him off your radar…..good for you…..None of us agree with what he said. Chuzpe!!
A. I’ve never read that in your posts.
B. Suggestions not asked for are criticisms.
C. As a fellow shrink, David’s comments sound like the thoughts of a newly educated/student Freudian. To offer thoughts like those without invitation is unprofessional.
Oh yes, a perfect example of a control-freak misogynist – classic text book. David found a vulnerability and went for the jugular. Wouldn’t be surprised if he is emotionally or physically abusive to the woman in his life (if he can assume things about you, I’ll return the favor). He’s one in a million out there. Ignore him. Move on. He’s not worth one moment of your emotional or physical energy. Listen to those who truly know you and love you. Cynthia
I would much rather concentrate on the photo of Smokey in his bisous booth. So appropriate! I’ve been reading your blog forever it seems and have always enjoyed your honesty. Following the ups and downs of you and your family’s lives has been an enlightening experience. I find the expression of love between you and your husband genuine with an evolving complexity, as is natural in all intimate relationships. I’m sure you will make a perfect meal for your family, have a 1spick and span’ clean home, and enjoy your time away before the grueling but rewarding harvest. Gros bisous, Sophie
Kristen, you are stronger than you think–bravo for telling off that idiot David. He obviously does not understand how complex marriage, especially one of long standing, can be. Hostile my a**! You and Jean Marc have an enviable relationship and family. You are living my dream for me—thank you. Keep on telling us what you can of your love and your life.
Right on Kristi! Have a wonderful vacation. Your blog is brave and honest and REAL. Keep it up and ignore the likes of David. Your “F” bomb was totally appropriate in this case, especially.
Along time ago I told my daughters that if they heard me use the F bomb it was exactly what I meant. Short and sweet. You could have,if you wanted to elaborate,added “and the Ass you rode in on.” Have a fantastic holiday wrapped in love.
Hi Kristin!
That was some nasty dude! But, you gave him exactly what he deserves! Hopefully he will skulk away somewhere and never be heard from again.
This is the first time I’ve left a comment, even though I’ve been a devoted reader for several years!
Just know that we (in our thousands) love you, JM, and the kids very much!
Bill D.
Ft. Myers, FL, USA
Kristin, Bravo for writing that response and i must say i was amazed that you did because you are such a lady 🙂 My sense, right off the bat, reading his response is that he practices psychology or psychiatry, and believes he knows everything about people because of some textbook. HOWEVER, i will bet he is NOT in a loving relationship himself. If he was, he would know and understand the subtle differences between all men and all women — which are exactly what contributes to the little discomforts, spats and miscommunications that occur with most couples — these differences make up the two halves of the comic egg of love. Most “love relationships” come with a few spats — and yes even with our children. A while back i mentioned to you about putting yourself “out there” in your blog and in the the world, and just realizing there will be some critics, mean jealous folk, or a**es. You have so many readers who have your back (me included) so do not fret. I am sorry he hurt your spirit but F*** him.
I loved this column and especially your perfect (and entirely appropriate!) response to that ridiculous man.
Wishing you and your family a very happy vacation.
That man is a horrible human being -can you block him? I was offended by his pseudo -intellectual criticism of you and your husband. As for your response -you go girlfriend !
David is a jerk. And showing his own issues. Your response was perfect!
Don’t be afraid to experience life as you once did, full of possibilities and adventure. You have already been living that adventure for over 20 years. Life throws curves at us on a daily basis. Some say that is life. I hate that statement, but unfortunately it is true. I like the one that says everything happens for a reason. There was a reason you fell in love in France…you have two beautiful children and a life that most just live in a dream. Many of us start to have fears at What once seemed like nothing to us. The fear of the unknown, the fear of the known. Don’t stop enjoying every piece of your adventure. take a deep breath or even more than one, and sail around those curves like they were nothing. Have a great time away with the family.
Ha! You go girl!!!
god bless and good luck
we all have our issues
but ya gotta relax and smell the roses and enjoy the sun
xxo
As a Christian, I try to avoid the language and cringe at the hearing of it, especially from a lady. As an American Soldier, I have heard it and unfortunately used it way too much. I’d say you found the most appropriate place to use it, and it fit the situation. Well done, Young Lady!
Dear Kristi,
As a psychoanalyst in practice for more than 30 years, it is very tempting to launch into a diagnosis of David whose email reveals a great deal about him and his issues, clearly projected onto you and your husband. However, I prefer to comment that in following your delightful blog for many years I find no evidence at all to support his remarks. In fact to the contrary, I experience you as self-aware, insightfully reflective, and honest with and about yourself and others. If David is in fact a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, I am embarrassed for the profession. I think your response to him was clear, emphatic and to the point, all the more so because of the language. Good for you, Kristi! I hope you and your family have a wonderful vacation.
The post has been up for less than an hour, and already I have to scroll through dozens of replies. Wow!
Anyway, Kristin —
First of all, that word is part of my everyday vocabulary, so don’t think twice about it.
Second of all, David (as well as whoever the original commenter was) is incorrect. What comes through most clearly in your columns is the profound love that you and Jean-Marc have for each other. (And your kids, but that’s another topic)
Many of your columns are about lessons you’ve learned. When do we learn lessons? During adversity (among other times). So many of your columns are about adversity, often of the domestic type. But they ALWAYS end with the both of you realizing you were wrong and apologizing to each other.
Yeah, married couples fight. Welcome to the real world. If a couple never fights, there’s something wrong with their relationship. One or the other of them doesn’t care enough.
Have a great time on vacation!
P.S. You’re cute when you swear.
Kristen, no “professional” would make this kind of blind judgment on supposition! He has never met either of you or your family! I suspect that “David” is either a “wannabe shrink” or a student with sophomoritis who thinks he knows everything. (And talk about hostile! He needs a mirror!) I suspect he is either very young or has never been married. We who have lived a long, long time and have been and/or are married, know that the dynamic is ever changing and some days are good and some days are bad, and while most DAYS one loves with all the heart, some MOMENTS one can hate with a passion. That passes! What we DON’T do is fail to care. You are obviously a very warm, loving, caring person. “David” can take his pseudopsychology and choke on it.
You ROCK!!!!
Hang in there kiddo. You are fine. And you have done a bang up job providing your readers an absolutely fantastic website that informs and entertains so beautifully and consistently. You dealt with your critic perfectly. Do not give his silly words another glance.
Wishing you and your family a super holiday.
Perhaps David should be reminded of my favorite quote:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
Bisous,
V
Kristi,
Who the Hell is David kidding. I think he is projecting his miserable life on you.
You are giving us all a most intimate, sensitive look at your family life. That is the most courageous of writing.
Thank you for everything you share with us. You (and your family) are dear to my heart.
Have a lovely vacation!
xoxoxo
Carol
Love you both! Smokey too. And your wonderful blog. 🙂
I love your reply…couldn’t have said it better. If David finds you so offensive and lacking in self awareness, one wonders why he reads you? Go have fun…it will all work out. You rock!
Please enjoy your family vacation. I will be waiting to hear all about it when you return. One of the things that make you so special is that you treat your readers like family. It is a pleasure to follow your adventures,feelings and everything else that you wish to share. You are living a full and very interesting life that makes me envious. Forget about whats his name and his psycho babble. Warmest Regards, Dennis – Sebastopol CA
Right on Kristi ! Love ya !
xxxxx to You all & Smokey
Vada
The only possible reply! Have a wonderful holiday x
Bravo Kristin!!!! Thank you, and your family, so much for being who you are and for sharing your lives and wonderful culture with us all. Trolls like David are just that – characters from under a bridge in the Brothers Grimm.
Kristin, I’m so sorry that this sick person somehow found it necessary to add to your burden at a difficult and vulnerable time. Certainly he is not a professional therapist because no professional would ever be that unethical. Only a person with their own personal problems would pretend to have such clairvoyance without even meeting and knowing you.
Don’t let him or his sick accusations rob you of any of your peace of mind. Lean on your faith in God who understands your private, personal life.
Roger Anderson