Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on…). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest. More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).
A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you sometimes need one too!
la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop
vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
1. to pick or to harvest grapes
Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. –Jean Amadou
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
"Hostile"
In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron – or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.
I was once like that–back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.
Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them–along with all our dirty sheets–before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us…lunch and dinner…and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)
I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.
Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)
This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received. David writes:
Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.
Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.
IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)
When I am done pleading with God, I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?
Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago, that I would find another lump on my dog. I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.
WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART
I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt–or anyone she knows–is not reading):
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.
Kristin
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:
"Désolé pour hier soir."
xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Good on you! as an Australian friend says.
Perfect response! I never understood why the internet has become a place where so many take the time to hurt so many- especially when they are already hurting. I’ve experienced it myself on message boards.
Writing a blog I think you have to grow a thick skin and realize there are some mean spirited loonies out there. They really get off on just hurting people!
Love your blog, your husband and you 🙂
Hi Kristy–this snivelling little man -David–is a wannabee psychologist or one of those deadly people who just enjoys upsetting people.
If anyone ever makes a similar comment or something like it, just laugh, rate it zero out of 10 and delete it. Really. It’s pathetic.
By the way, I hate strong language, but I think that’s the first time I can recall when it was really needed!
Oh… and I think we can all see that David is the one with the issues here….
David’s utterly misguided sense of self-importance and his inappropriate and rude insertion of quasi-analysis into your online conversation (with us, your readers) is appalling. David was not being helpful: he was being self-righteous and hostile. We, your readers, read as we choose and react by either continuing to read and read, treasuring the story and its many characters, or… we cease reading. It is not our role or right to insert wildly hypothetical and unnecessary, unhelpful comments. Were David to be a neighbor in the French countryside, rest assured he would quickly discover that his manner is unwelcome and inappropriate. He would be ignored and despised. Good for you for using the that glorious four-letter word when it was most needed, and for aiming it at just the right target!
I do hate that word. BUT good for you, Kristin! I and I am sure most others don’t see any of that persons insight(?). Instead we see a very loving wife, husband and family who are loving and supportive but have some bumps like the rest of us! I do appreciate your openess. Keep it up. Enjoy your vacation!
Sorry, David, but none of that came through for me. Do you think you might be projecting your own issues here?
Ignore,ignore. People like him are really the unhappy ones. You know who you truly are you know who Jean Marc truly is. You’ve weathered through so much together. That is real love. As readers and as having the joy of actually meeting you at your old home I saw in person the love you have for each other and your family including the 4 legged ones. So pay no mind to this fool.
Can’t wait to hear about your vacation. Enjoy and be happy!
DianeD
Kristin, the perfect response to the emailer. Spot on. There’s nothing worse than an armchair psychologist, or some stranger, not even there, who thinks they know what’s best for you.
As for Smokey–I’m praying for him. Lumps can be removed, again and again, n’est-ce pas?
The kissing box was the perfect idea. It really points up your creativity. I want one of his kisses!
Cyndy
Dear Kristin,
Arm-chair psychologists suck, unless of course, you are seeking their assistance. This fellow has zero consideration for you and your family. His insights lack any depth of understanding and are laughable. The joke is on him (and sadly the rest of the world) until he wakes up to his lack of care for others or himself. You did the right thing, especially prefacing the harsh language for those with sensitivities to obsenities. Be well. Peace.
Best regards,
Rui
Bravo Chere Kristi!
Well said!! You are a strong person and you never know you strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. I enjoy your blogs!
Totally agree with your response to David and with all the previous comments.
Bon courage!
Good for you, you absolutely said the right thing to David. I could say a lot of things
about David and his comments but he is not worth the time.
Have a lovely holiday. We will all miss you.
Dear Kristin, all I can say is YES!!!! I guess that gent has the right to his thoughts, as do we all, but congratulations to you for not taking them to heart. Maybe all of us (your readers) feel that we know you, since you are so generous with the stories of your life, and maybe we all have some unrealistic thoughts and feelings…I probably imagine your life as sunny and beautiful every day, when obviously nobody’s life is like that, even though I want a life in Provence to be that way!! But anyway… I’m so glad you didn’t spin that negative message into any kind of negative spiral for yourself. PS I tend to end my days with thoughts similar to the ones you have at the beginning of yours. I still get anxious sometimes, but it does work. Bonnes vacances à toi et à la famille.
I have to write more: through your blog you have shared with many readers your life, and your family’s life in France. We have been reading with delight and fascination for years (years!). You have opened your life and your heart to us, unknown readers – this is a gift, both wonderful and fragile. But the important aspect is that it is a gift. All of us, with the exception of David, respond with gratitude. So to the many epithets that will no doubt be aimed at David, let us add “ungrateful”. Don’t let his comments deter you – we continue to be thankful that you share your fascinating story! Ayez des vacances glorieuses et reconstituantes!
Have a WONDERFUL holiday! We need more people like you in the world and fewer people like David. You did exactly the right thing. And keep on being brutally honest. It makes us love you even more.
Kristin,
Re: Dave’s comment:Good for you! Well done. I had the pleasure several years ago of meeting you and your husband at your previous house and vineyard. It was a delightful visit and easy to see how you and JM loved one another. What you go thru is not easy, many trials during your life, but you manage to stay on the right track and always with an upbeat attitude. Keep on doing what you are doing and best of luck to you.
Cher, Kristin,
Analysis from afar is a dangerous thing. And David was entirely out of line postulating his thoughts and interpretations. You are right: He doesn’t know you or your family. And lucky us who do! I definitely count my blessings at having had the fortune of meeting you and Jean-Marc a few years ago at your home and JM again in NYC when he came for a wine show.
Your complete honesty and transparency at looking at the ups and downs of what could easily be masked as the idyllic and exotic life of an American expatriate in France is heroic. Your willingness to share all the warts is beautiful and heart-warming because, ma cher, you are real.
Know that the majority of your readers do not criticize or judge you, but hold you and Jean-Marc in great esteem. You have touched our hearts in meaningful ways and we eagerly await your blog to see what else we can gain from your insights.
With love to you both and wishes for bonnes vacances!
Tom
What in the bloody hell is David talking about??? I have read (almost) all of your posts for years, and have NEVER picked up on whatever drivel he is talking about. Some people just feel the need to practice psychobabble and impress (?) everyone with their insight into people they don’t even know.
While I don’t drop the F-Bomb myself, I do recognize the therapeutic release that some words provide.
You, your husband, your kids, your dog ALL ROCK!
JE VOUS ADORE !!!!!
Bon débarras en effet – et que David soit consigné à la poubelle où on jette les choses inutiles soit même vénéneuses– bonnes vacances!!!
Good fore you, Kristin. People too often feel they can offer their unsolicited opinions, without regard to the fact that they are talking to human beings! I am glad you stood up for yourself, and set that boundary. As far as David is concerned, I think he is just trying to see something in you that he sees in himself. I hope he gets better!
I would hardly say I sense any hostility toward JM!! I find so much humor in your day to day tales, and I imagine a lot of the frustration and humor you find is not because your husband is a vigneron but because he’s French! You walk that line of an American living in France that many of us imagined we would walk but never had the courage to jump the pond and do so. Don’t stop sharing the snippets of a life lived in a mas, in Provence, raising grapes, dogs and kids!!
So glad everyone is being supportive Kristin. Also glad you feel better. Everyone’s anxiety increases as stress piles upon stress. Glad you told that idiot, David, off. Have fun on your vacation!!
Anyone married knows the ups and downs “and sideways” of married life. This was written by someone with an agenda probably based on his own life’s experiences. It was obviously hurtful to read and to think that he could construe such things and spit them out for you to read. Shame on him but I think you can see that your readers don’t feel this way.
You have had a lot to deal with recently and your response to that dreadful email was spot on. No-one can truly understand the awful pain of losing a dear family member; for many of us that’s exactly what our animals are to us. I am still struggling since losing my beautiful old cat earlier this year.
David is an (pardon me) asshole!!!!!! I’ll bet he’s a “shrink”. He’s the reason I would never go to one of them.
Relationships are not easy.
Try to enjoy your vacation and relieve some of your stress. I have had a lot of unfounded fears in my life so I understand they are not always easy to move beyond.
I am so sorry about Smokey. I don’t want to be negative and send a prayer out for him, but Goldens are “tumor magnets” and it is very common in the breed, on both sides of the sea.
As for the F-bomb, I have been know to do that more than once in my life.
Looking forward to hearing about your vacation.
Kristi cherie.. A professional would never attempt to diagnose someone by simply reading her blog. So there you go.. Disregard all remarks by David, who, by-the-way, has probably never been ‘married’ ( & if so, pity his poor partner.) Bonne vacances à tous !
Dear Kristin,
I wouldn’t “sign off” of your blog in a million years! Not only are you strong and wise, you have insight into living and appreciating what is truly important in life. You share these gifts through your writing and we thank you for that.
Bonne vacance and bisous for Smokey,
Cynthia
Sometimes that word is so fitting. And, good for, Kristin. You’ve come a long way. Time was, you may have taken that invasive analysis to heart. Don’t go there. Your response dismissed it and that shows much strength. Sometimes our more emotional days are great periods of growth. XOXO Have a wonderful holiday!! Breathe in love and peace.
David has what we in Independence, Missouri would call a ‘rectocranial’ inversion.
As one who majored in French in the late fifties, but never got there until 2010, I envy you your joys as well as your difficulties!
This David is no doubt constipated mentally AND physically.
Love your enjoyment of La Belle France.
Love you and your family…husband kids and dogs ( dog now)…life is tough and we all try to keep on as best we can! Thinking of you…you are great!
Kristi: Bravo! You go girl! Have a wonderful vacation with your family and Smokey Dokey. I am praying that this lump is nothing. And I love Smokey’s Bisous box – I am sure the line would be endless.
Good for you! So much better in English than in French!
Nothing said here that I could add. Your linguistic talent and ability again serve you well. This guy was out of line on so many fronts. You generously share your life with your readers and what a gift you give us with your insights! I hope he renders a letter of apology to you.
Bon vacances.
The ONLY reply to a jerk like that!! Sounds like pseudo psycologist to me ! Take no heed.
Secretly we ladies think JM is a bit alright!!!
Love Smokey in his booth. I send a kiss to him
Love Audrey
David who?
Much more importantly, good vibes & best wishes for Smokey. Pura vida from Costa Rica
Dear Kristin,
I see you as a wonderful, delicious and sweet apple…and David was the menacing worm that ate into you…..I don’t have to say the rest. Just know that your readers laugh and smile with you, cry and anguish with you and most of all….admire you for all that you have to endure. I wish you lots of strength and more courage against worms out there trying to spoil your wonderful blog. My heart felt wishes for Smokey too, that he’ll spend many many more moons with his loving family.Bonnes vacances !
Courage comes from vulnerability not strength. Thank you for showing your vulnerability Kristin.
De la psychologie à deux balles!!!
I just didn’t know how to say that in English but found the perfect word in Bob’s above answer : a wannabee psychologist! I also found : two-bit, worhless, junk, cheap, tacky… (any other similar adjectives to improve my English 🙂 ???)
Don’t let this mean David bother you!
Go ahead and to enjoy your holiday!
PS : the F word was just the perfect answer!!!
Bravo, Kristin, bravo!
Cher Kristin,
We really enjoy your blog and also the pics – would never dream of commenting on someones blog unless I had something positive to offer. Who wants to read such drivel as that silly poster wrote? Agree with the man from Independence, Missouri – ‘rectocranial inversion’ Indeed!
Enjoy your vacation and your family in peace, now.
Bon été,
L.
Parfait! And the nerve of David to start psychoanalysing your relationship with your husband—online or in person, David would not be a friend for me or most–some people love to grovel in others’ issues and make pronouncements. Usually among the “people in glass houses” group. Amen!
You know Kristen …sometimes you really need that word. I think it was justified.
That guy is absolutely unbelievable…. And needs to get some kind of help
Mary liz
Excellent response! I have never gotten that impression from your pieces, and clearly it’s your correspondent who has the “issues.” I admire your diligence and your insights and love reading your blog and seeing your photos.
Well said!
I love the statement above from John Schofield:
“This David is no doubt constipated mentally AND physically”!
from an old Vondonzhay who has had the pleasure of meeting and breaking bread with you and JM, a harder working man and a loving wife I have never seeb in my 88 years, of course you gave a perfect response but you know the real david is a very JEALOUS man and a man who has never had the wonderful life you two enjoy, have a great vacation and the grapes look very good, wish I could be their and help. Love to you and yours. Lou
K-
God bless you, Kristen! You just elicited a full belly laugh from me, with your exquisitely phrased retort to the vile David. Please give Smokey a little pet from me. And JM, too!
Dear Kristen
Expletives used sparingly are exquisite use of language and expressions of our spectrum of feelings. I encourage your vulnerability in your writing because it resonates your truth and invites us in to a real experience. It is part of what is so beautiful about you and JM and helps the rest of us understand the complexities of life are not just happening to us.
I try to understand that when others spill out their meaness like that it comes from their own hurt. Say a prayer and move on to the the loving arms you have waiting.
Bon courage
Tracey Smith
When I read your response to David, I almost let out a loud cheer in the quiet office at work. I wouldn’t even think of signing off. Your honest, humble, wise writing is precisely why I am a devoted reader. Thank you for trusting us with the stories you write about your family. We will never be able to see ‘the full picture’ of your life, but what we do see feels pretty darn real to us. We relate to your stories. I’m sorry to read about another lump on Smokey and will continue to keep you, Smokey, and your entire family in my thoughts. Bon voyage!