Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on…). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest. More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).
A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you sometimes need one too!
la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop
vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
1. to pick or to harvest grapes
Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. –Jean Amadou
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
"Hostile"
In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron – or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.
I was once like that–back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.
Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them–along with all our dirty sheets–before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us…lunch and dinner…and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)
I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.
Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)
This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received. David writes:
Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.
Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.
IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)
When I am done pleading with God, I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?
Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago, that I would find another lump on my dog. I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.
WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART
I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt–or anyone she knows–is not reading):
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.
Kristin
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:
"Désolé pour hier soir."
xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)
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You go, Kristin!! It was so satisfying to see you exercise a little bit of that “sublimated hostility” on someone who deserved it!! 🙂
Chere Kristin,
As a member of the same profession as David, I apologize. Instead of seeing your normal caviling about your husband in the humorous vein it is intended (and great for blowing off steam too), David goes about looking for pathology, over analyzing without enough information in an intrusive manner—-without being invited! He gives our profession a bad name with his bad mouth.
Fuck you, David,
With all due respect (very little) to him,
and great respect to you,
Martha
Dear Kristin,
Un vrai emmerdeur, ce mec.***
Don’t ever stop writing! Your courage and honesty are so admired! I’ve been reading your blog for some time, and so much that you write resonates with me and my experience. Much gratitude for sharing and writing it down. I will always be a fan no matter how you choose put someone in their place.
****Don’t feed the trolls! What an ignorant human being this “David” is. Good riddance to bad rubbish, as my Grandmother always said. May he crawl back into his dark and dank lair where his ugly vitriol will find a nice home with him.
I’m sending a hug. We all need one on “those days”. They are the kind of melt down days we all have if we are brave enough (as you are) to admit it. I suppose you become a bigger target because you write so openly and publicly on your blog. I hope you have a wonderful and restful holiday and can put all negative people and thoughts out of your mind and soul. Another hug for luck, safe journey and loving family time….
Well said! Armchair Freudians spouting abusive (or any sort of)psychobabble deserve a special circle in hell. Now married for 40 plus years, we’ve gone through a lot, but we still try, still love, still maintain as we all must. Many of your readers enjoy and envy your warm and often joyous celebrations of life and family; one, apparently has taken his envy to attempt to hurt you. Ignore him. Hugs and kisses are sublimated hostility: Indeed! I am reminded that Nabokov would lay traps for Freudian literary interpreters, referring to him as “the Viennese quack.” David, though less eminent is equally reprehensible.
Beautiful,answer, Paulette. Thank you for posting it.
David crossed a line to say the very least.
It is not his (our) job to judge each other. If you cannot enjoy what someone is sharing in a blog….stop reading it!
Sorry you had to experience this breach of what should be common courtesy.
“Ever since I discovered how truly uncourageous I am, some 13 years ago” need no longer apply as it is evident you are an amazingly courageous woman!!! Only recently dealing with skin cancer, your beloved Brezh passing and now this village idiot. But you stood up for yourself and for JM!! Bravo Kristi!!! (Insert cheers & confetti here). I’ve always believed people of David’s sort put others down in order to puff themselves up and make them feel important in a distorted way. He has no business here. He and his comments are not wanted. They have NO value.
Have a wonderful time on your vacation! Breathe! Relax! You’ll be back at home soon enough and the trip will be a memory. Make it special!! I can relate to everything you say about fretting prior to acing company. Despite my planning and trying hard not to, I still do it every time!
Your smokey in the box embodies you and your lovely family! What a privilege it is to be invited into your life and thoughts. You do nothing but bless your readers in countless ways and we are all grateful! You are all dearly loved and so obviously love one another.
P.S. I’m making your yogurt cake today for guests and daring to turn on my oven despite the Arizona August heat!! :-p
life is complicated, and you are brave to put yours out there- don’t let a negative mind affect your beautiful stories, loving family and most of all- your open heart.
Love it! Kristi, you’re the best.
Dear Kristin,
Kudos to YOU! I applaud you!
Who does David think HE is to arm-chair analyze you, your life and relationships.
I’m not offended; HE offended me!
I appreciate all that you share about yourself, your husband, children, mother, the dog(s), Jean Marc’s family and your friends. Please keep up the grand work.
Smokey is the go-to guy for problems as is my cat, Chami (and I’m a licensed therapist)!
Have a wonderful vacation and your plate will look much cleaner when you return after August.
With thanks for all that you give to so many,
Amicalement toujours.
Micki and Chami 🐾
Oh Kristin good for you…you go girl! Thank you for sharing your life and feeling with us all. That reader had no right to analyse you….We all blow up at times and it is good to talk about it. You are a real person with a real life and I love the way you so openly share you life with you…I am hot under the collar just reading what he wrote. Have a wonderful summer and I know that what was written will bother you for a long time but try to let it go. I am not young any more but with age I have learned to let things go and what bothered me at your age I just say I don’t give a “F—” What you think. Please continue to be open and refreshing to your readers. It seems when not days people seem to think it is ok to say whatever they want on the internet…things that they would never say in person!
Dear Kristin, I would like to endorse, support and repeat your excellent response to that rancid little [expletive deleted], David. Evidently someone who delights in trying to cause unhappiness in others. What a saddo. Have a great holiday. Caffg
Obviously, to everyone but himself, “David” is a pompous ass. Typical, misogynistic know-it-all. What you do, dear Kristin, (and, I believe, the reason your followers love you so very much) is share your life with us, always freely, always honestly, no matter how hard this may be. We, in turn, have the option of not reading your essays, should we not enjoy them. However, if we do continue to read your words, we must respect your thoughts and actions because they are as real and valid and important as our own. I have learned so much from your words, Kristin, and most of us would be deeply saddened if you stopped writing what feels like a personal letter to each and every one of us, almost every day. And now, may I please lead a very loud group cheer: “Fuck you, David!”
BRAVO KRISTIN!!!!
I can totally relate to this post and your response. At best David is mean spirited. Who needs that?! Enjoy your vacation and life. Love your blog.
Melinda
Hi Kristan, Well, nothing like a good controversy to start the day! Kristan, you control a very public and hopefully very popular blog on life in France and life in general. I like it a lot. But it is done in public with all the risks that come with it. David’s comments were very nicely expressed – albeit not particularly helpful for some in need of same. His comment was well thought out though and civil. Your response, in my humble opinion, should have been done with better and civil eloquence. Hang in there and take care of Smokey.
Only offended by his arrogance, not your response. Anyone who thinks a marriage isn’t a long series of adjustments, changes, joys and disappointments has not been married happily. Thank you for writing about your life, and including your family. The lows make the highs so much sweeter.
Smokey is strong, a survivor. Keep the faith.
Well…I like so many have been reading and enjoying the days and your life with a French husband and family. I like almost everyone, it seems, have never heard anything but love and honesty..and real life..expressed about your husband by you.You have been more open than I could ever bring myself to be and that is one of the things most of us love so much. He sounds delightful and someone I would love to meet one day. You are right now in a changing position in your life; your children are growing up and you may feel, needing you less…I am here to tell you, with children in their 40’s that is not true!..Your dog has died and her baby is sick; that too is a very difficult time..I am there also, for me it brings on tears of real sadness and well as pointing out to me my advancing age and possible future infirmities. I too am an American, married to a Frenchman, and with the love and adventure there are cultural differences. I would not do it differently and neither would you. I am sorry that someone presumed to think that he knows more about your life…when we don’t walk in someone’s shoes we never know; but from what I see and feel from your writing’s you have raised two wonderful loving children, you have provided them with love and a life few have been able to achieve. Your husband feels free, with your support, to pursue his life dream..how many men can say the same? Go have a wonderful family vacation, and thank you for sharing a piece of it with us.
Fuck you David, indeed! You go, girl! Sometimes those two worlds simply can’t be replaced with any others and, in the case of this gentleman’s comments, the perfect rejoinder. Have a wonderful holiday with your family!
Kristi,
So sorry for that hurtful email you received. Here is a big hug of support. Glad you vented as you did in your post.
I enjoy your blog and your books very much!
Have a wonderful vacation with your family!!
Methinks David mistakes your baring of your soul in difficult and challenging moments for harboring deep-seated hostilities. One has to wonder if he’s ever been in love! Perhaps his arrogant attitude makes it impossible for anyone to love him. Your reply was spot on! I read every comment from your devoted readers and found them insightful, supportive and downright funny! Bravo to all who replied!
I didn’t sign off. Life isn’t perfect. At least insofar as I’m concerned, you should feel totally free to share, or not to share, whatever you wish. Bon courage.
Best wishes for a wonderful vacation – relax and enjoy – for you all worked very hard for these days away. And, IMHO, “David” is a self-centered, opinionated jerk who deserved your response. He is most certainly a bachelor for life. If not, I pity his wife or husband. God help us if his profession is that of shrink.
What an awful man that David is, how dare he write such preposterous things to you. Glad you got it out for those of us who follow you and love you to be able to try to reassure you that he is an idiot.
Have a lovely holiday!
Chapeau Kristin!
Bon vacances.
x
Perfect response! Enjoy your holiday and let it go. You are always an inspitarion.
Kristen, your response was crude and absolutely perfect. As noted by all the folks above, your readers are unequivocally with you. Best wishes for successful resolution of all the stuff that is going on; so sorry about Breize and hope all is well with Smokey. It is and has been a rare gift to vicariously share your life in France and that of your wonderful family. I feel like we are privileged to see an honest slice of French life–far beyond a word blog. Thank you.
OMG!!!! I did not read any of the other comments so if I am redundant I apologize. I agree, “Fuck You, David!” Where does anyone else get off criticizing anyone, much less over a blog. Get a life! If you want to pour your heart out on a blog, if you want to vent in a blog, that is what they are for. Not for unhelpful suggestions or amateur psychoanalysis. No one needs unhelpful advice. We all need emotional support and positive feedback, no matter what! And those of us who have been married a long time, raised a family, etc. know that nothing is perfect, and no one person is perfect. We all fail in small ways and in large ones. David is the failure here. He can not effectively communicate. So I am suggesting that he not comment on this blog ever again. And no, I won’t be reading to see if he does, because he is insignificant to me, and should be to you dear readers of this blog.
I am impressed that you not only know how to be vulnerable and seek out the best in the day and in other people, but also how to deal with a bully. There is no appeasing a bully.
Get the fuck out of my way,house,computer,life!
That is just inspired!
Thank you so much!
I have to deal with some jerks in my family for one more day of vacation and this is all I can mentally think of saying to them. Your timing was so helpful with this post.
Bonnes vacances!
Kristin:
Take heart!
Enjoy your family and your vacances.
Edie from Savannah
Well, not sure where my post went but I will start once again..This person was surely out of line, in what he said and in what he seems to believe. I like many/most of your readers have been reading and following you life in France for many years. Like most I have never heard of anything but love expressed by you toward your husband, and expressed in a open honest way that few of us would be willing to copy..bravo to you! You are, I believe at a point in your life where you feel your children are growing up and perhaps will no longer need you..NOT TRUE, as the mother of two 40 year old children, they still need you, and will still need you!.As the mother of a much loved dog who has just died, and now her baby is sick, it is an extremely sad and terrifying time, I too am there, and it reminds us of our own aging and human frailty, while mourning deeply the passing of our friend and fur child. As a wife we see our husbands achieving their goals and wonder about ours and also being married to a Frenchman, with all the love and adventure also comes cultural differences. From my readings you have excelled in all areas and the excitement of what is next is quite upon you now. Have a wonderful family vacation as you get ready for the next few chapters of your life…and thank you for sharing them with us all!
I so love the comment, “Be kind, because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about!”
So many have already said it all. No professional would write such babble to you from pseudo analyzing your blog. In your strength you reveal your vulnerability and show us the realities of relationships with the good, bad, and in between. You teach us when you resolve relationship issues (be it with JM or your neighbors). Even when you are less than enamored with something JM may have said or done,you never show disgust or vile feelings towards JM as a human being and the man you love. I’d say that’s being human and being aware, and one graciously filled up with growing. And when the word is used as a bomb vs a conversational noun, verb, adjective (you get the picture), it renders much more effect. Writing is healing and so is bring heard. Bravo Kristi! Everyone will appreciate whatever you make for the meals … so be off with you … go vacate your worries and enjoy your family and travels. And lots of hugs to dear Smokey.
* being heard (apologies)
Dear Kristi:
I applaud your response…perfect answer to an asshole
This David has absolutely no soul. He is hurtful and spiteful especially since you just lost Breizh.I have just started teaching a new French class and invited my students
to read your blog. They love it, and so do I.
Have a wonderful vacation and dream on as you often do.
Toutes mes amities, Janine
Praise the Lord! You don’t have to take crap from anyone let alone an unhappy fool like that one. You ARE strong and courageous. God has answered that prayer for you.
As kids, we said “MYOB”, so I say that to David. What he wrote is childish to say the least. We all love you and your family, Kristi. Your sharing of some of the most personal things is so brave of you, and we, your readers, can relate and sympathize. Pay absolutely no attention to this troll, and keep us in your extended, supportive family. My French husband and I mixed it up regularly so I know the feeling.
Brava Kristin!!!!
(And I think your word usage was parfait!!)
Kristen:
The (very) occasional FU is good for the soul and certainly the right response to David Don’t let him cause you to pull back on your honesty about dealing with everyday life. It’s the real heart of your blog and you should be proud of that. Bonne vacance.
You go girl!!! Good for you. Sometimes you just have to give people what they deserve and he more than deserved that from you!!! He is a pompous ass. You are a beautiful angel in my eyes. I have followed you since the beginning, met you when you came to Seattle years ago, and saw first hand the realness and love in you. Like Rosemary said… he is definitely a Troll. Love ya Kristie!! <3
That was a great reply to David. He obviously does not know you or your family. The “f” word is sometimes needed as a reply. Go girl !
I’ve been reading your blog for a very long time now–your ups and downs–emotions pouring out on the pages–and have felt your joys and pains. You are a delight, a wonderful wife, a dedicated mother, and a fun read! If this is what you needed to say to David, then I’m all in. There was not a right or wrong response, only the heartfelt one. And I applaud you for your daily courage.
Dear Kristin,
Having followed your blog for years and years, I have often thought you and I were “separated at birth” When your write (so honestly and eloquently) about uncertainty and fear of the unknown in life, you might well be describing me. I am appalled by this stranger’s attack on you and your family. Your gut reaction to his unsolicited, armchair analysis was understandable…and appropriate. Please try to forget about him, let your worries go, and enjoy your vacation with your beautiful family and sweet dog. Hang in there!
Silly David!
You and your beautiful family are so loved by your readers!!!! xo
Way to go , Kristin. Sometimes there is only one word that will do!
Responding like an Arizona cowgirl. . . . .Great
Dear Kristin,
Our friends and enemies are given to us so that we become stronger.
Be it through our friends’ support or attacks of ignorants who do not know how to live their lives, nor care to know what are the Basics and Advanced Laws of Living are.
Usually, in such cases, as you have described here, I practice my patience and ability to withstand the blows of Life with love, humility and understanding. At least, through my inner work, silently. On the outside expression though, some f-word may come handy as well.. 🙂 for that may be The Perfect Expression of Love some people need (or ask for) at certain times.
Be well,
Francesca
Chapeau Kristin! Look at the numerous comments of support. Please try not to let the comments of one malheureux & malencontreux hold so much weight in your mind. Vous pouvez toujours pousser delete.
Look at all the people who support you. David’s the one who needs the psychoanalysis – how did he pick up that message from your blog? It’s obviously all about him – not you. So good on you for letting go and saying what was needed. Now relax and enjoy your guests tomorrow and have a wonderful holiday. You deserve it.