Where is the mind located and do our thoughts really have substance–as scientists have observed? They say our thoughts can control our pain levels and more. I believe this, having used mind over matter while receiving several shots during skin cancer removal. Now if I could only train other parts of my brain–especially the emotional parts. Note: the fur, above, is fake. I'm wearing my daughter's vest.
la pensée (pahn-say)
: thought
perdu dans ses pensées = lost in thought
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
by Kristin Espinasse
A Beautiful Mind
In an ancient outdoor amphitheatre, while watching Lillywood and the $@#&! bring down the house, I stood up, kissed our friends goodbye, and stormed out of the concert.
Making my way through the maze of Arles, trying to find our car, I looked over my shoulder again and again to see Jean-Marc lagging behind me. "Why don't you catch up!" I snapped.
(Before being labelled the castrating wife, let me share this: I'm currently working on a monumental task… the outstanding effort of retraining of a brain (my own). And what you witnessed in paragraphs one and two, was yet another discouraging backslip! )
It is disheartening to lose ground on the path of self-improvement. But it gives me hope to know that a positive rewiring of the cerveau is not as impossible as it seems. By taking every thought captive, we can begin the task of replacing our negative thoughts with positive ones–and so forge a new path of positivity.
My goal is to be more flexible. To go with the flow. To be easygoing. To say "No bother. Things change! AND CHANGE IS GOOD!"
But it's a one-step forward deux en arrier process–this thought replacement business. Step one is to examine my troubled thinking: what frustrated me last night–what had me steaming out of Arles, my husband in my wake, was something I'll call "The Let Down Factor"–my body was reeling with it!
The Let Down Factor has to do with suffering. In a nutshell it's this: you are voluntarily engaged in an uncomfortable chore, one that has a start time and an end time. For this reason, you agree to suffer the task–knowing it is pleasing (and or helpful) to someone else, though painful to you. You can struggle through the task because you can "see the light at the end of the tunnel" and, so seeing, you set your heart and your mind on the bright light–while ignoring the inconvenience. Like this you can confidently suffer the moment knowing how long that moment will last.
The Let Down Factor occurs when the light at the end of the tunnel fades to darkness. This happens when the "stop time" is renegotiated (the "moment" is stretched) by a second party, causing you to lose sight of the destination (or "Pain's End"). Here is a classic example:
Harvest Time. The Let Down Factor is a given when you agree to help a friend or family member with the grueling task of grape-picking. You begin naively enough setting your mind to the task, ignoring the sweaty droplets running down your face and the sticky scratchy weeds scraping your skin. You hold your bladder, knowing at break time you'll be back at the farmhouse with its private throne.
"We'll break at the end of this row," the winemaker says.
"Yes!" your brain responds, beginning the let down process: letting down its guard, letting the dulled senses awaken (you now feel the scratchy weeds, the annoying sweaty droplets–and that nagging need for which you'll soon find relief! You don't mind the pain because break time is coming up, as promised!)
…And then La Grosse Deception. The Big Disappointment.
"We're so close…" the winemaker says, changing his mind (and your destiny). "We may as well finish these last two rows!"
Amazed, you look up at the never-ending vine horizon, the scratchy weeds circle around your knees, and the sweat slips into your eyes, stinging them. And you can't hold it anymore! Panic sets in. Your mind paints a bleak, humiliating conclusion to this story. Whereas a moment ago you were numb to the environment, suddenly all your senses are alive and kicking–ready to get the heck out of the Godforsaken grapefield. Alas, it's not gonna happen!
Enter The Let Down Factor, or Extreme Disappointment
Had you known the true "stop time" (end of task or effort) you would have remained in your "buffered zone", keeping your pain under the hood of your physical engine. Instead, you let down your guard and in rushed the sensory torture.
So how does all this tie in to a wonderful concert in an ancient ampitheatre in Arles?
Faulty baffles, for one. The speakers pounded across the outdoor arena, up the thick stone slabs on which we were seated, and into our chest cavities!
"I don't like it when I can feel it booming in my poitrine!" my friend Emilie remarked.
She was right. It felt as though every organ in my body was bathed in the liquid pounding vibration.
I looked over to Jean-Marc, who had his hands over his ears (this somewhat reassured me. I wasn't a wuss after all–the music really was too loud!)
"C'est saturé," another friend complained of the sound. "Oui," Jean-Marc agreed, getting up twice to have a word with the technical crew, but the ear- and organ-busting beat continued. Unwilling to let it spoil his evening, my husband searched for a solution. Leaving his seat near the speakers, he disappeared….
But not before our friends began talking of leaving a little earlier than planned. Such a reasonable idea of theirs, I thought, to wait for the last band, and then enjoy a few songs before leaving. The thought perked me right up, knowing we, too, could soon be leaving. My motivation was renewed with the fixed destination in my mind. (I could almost feel myself crawling under the cozy covers back home–my ears filled with soft cricket sound and not this horrible pounding!)
What a good idea! I thought, beginning to set my hopes on the near future. "Do you mind if we leave a little early too?" I asked Jean-Marc.
Jean-Marc didn't mind, and I was thankful for the sacrifice he made. Only, come to think of it, he hadn't made it yet. In fact, where had he just skipped off to?
Surely he'd be back, as promised, after the 2 or 3 song limit. He'd promised. But when the second song finished…and the third… my thoughts began to reel and that Let Down Factor began wreaking havoc on my mind:
You're going to arrive home at three in the morning. Have the dogs been fed? You've got to get up early. You won't be able to work with a late-to-bed hangover!
My thoughts were interrupted when my friend Isabelle reached over to kiss me. "See you later! We're leaving." All three songs were up, the others were following through with the plan–that same plan I had set in my own heart in order to endure. But now those speakers and the late night was getting to me. The light at the end of the tunnel had been dimmed. When would we be leaving now? The unknowing made the moment hard to bear.
Looking around, I noticed everyone else was relaxed and having a good time. Why couldn't I be the same? Maybe all that beer they were serving helped dull the audiences' senses–while waking their energy. Maybe after ten years, now was a good time for a drink?
My frustration began to grow and grow.Ce malin! That sneaky one! Jean-Marc had approached the stage where the sound was equalized. That meant we wouldn't be leaving after "two or three" songs!
And yet, after the fourth song Jean-Marc reappeared–but by then I was standing up with my bag under my arm. I kissed those friends that were staying for the end of the concert, and motioned to my husband that we were on our way out!
"No, it wasn't the one or two extra songs that bothered me," I argued, trying to find where our car was parked. "It's that I was set on leaving at the promised time. Not knowing where you were or when you'd return was extremely frustrating. We might have stayed all night!"
Adding to my annoyance was my husband's gentle swaying. He'd enjoyed a few drinks over the course of the night and his relaxation was at odds with my frayed nerves.
It hit me then. I didn't have to go on suffering that way. I could change my thoughts and in changing my thinking I could be at peace.
"I feel bad you didn't get to see the whole concert," I admitted. (Stumbling through Arles, I was now following Jean-Marc, who, tipsy, could find our way 1000s times better than his sober wife, who was lost again and again.)
"Don't worry about it. It all turned out well." My husband's words were soft.
"I'm just not a night person," I explained. "And I don't like it when plans change." Listening to myself talk, I heard the familiar self-limiting beliefs. But it wasn't too late to change… I could alter my thinking and expand my limits. I could once and for all enjoy the moment–or at least allow someone else too!
"It was such a chance to be there tonight, in an ancient outdoor theater. I'm glad we got to hear the last band." Seated in the car now, I reached over to touch my husband's leg and continued the positive affirmations:
"Thanks for such a beautiful evening…." I whispered, and on saying it, I began to feel the gratitude that was first born in my mind. Thoughts really do manifest.
***
Comments and post note: I continue to retrain my brain after a lifetime of limiting thoughts. I hope to talk more about the subject of rebuilding the brain or neuroplasticity. Let me know your thoughts, here in the comments box. Can you relate to the "Let Down Factor"?
French Vocabulary
le cerveau = brain
deux en arrière = two back
le baffle = speakers
la poitrine = chest
Last night's concert in Arles. Thank you, Pierre Casanova, for this photo I stole from your Facebook page. And thanks for a great evening with friends, beginning at Ariane's Natural Wine bar and ending at an ancient Roman theater.
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For some unexplained- and unknown- reason your last paragraph made me cry. Now I will have to do some introspection of my own, an examination of my own mind, to ferret out the reason for these tears. Thank you, Kristin, for such a “thought-ful” essay.
For some unexplained- and unknown- reason your last paragraph made me cry. Now I will have to do some introspection of my own, an examination of my own mind, to ferret out the reason for these tears. Thank you, Kristin, for such a “thought-ful” essay.
Sounds like an evening in hell to me. I was in Trinidad for carnival one year and experienced the same problem with the loudspeakers causing my entire body to vibrate. By the time I escaped to the peace and quiet of Barbados, I felt ill from the effects of the constant noise. So the part about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is all well and good, but for your body’s sake, don’t put up with noxious environments like that. You have your hearing to think of too.
Sounds like an evening in hell to me. I was in Trinidad for carnival one year and experienced the same problem with the loudspeakers causing my entire body to vibrate. By the time I escaped to the peace and quiet of Barbados, I felt ill from the effects of the constant noise. So the part about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is all well and good, but for your body’s sake, don’t put up with noxious environments like that. You have your hearing to think of too.
This was the first thing I read today and it’s put me in a very reflective mood. Perfect for the monumental tasks awaiting me…thanks for sharing!
This was the first thing I read today and it’s put me in a very reflective mood. Perfect for the monumental tasks awaiting me…thanks for sharing!
OH MY DARLING KRISTI,
First of all I want to thank you for posting one of the most beautiful photos I have ever seen of you…perfect for me to use today as a guide for my painting practice of painting a new painting each day. Your photo simply says I am at peace – I have accepted my place in life and I am happy to be free of any limits regarding my image. I have been watching Youtube videos of how to paint the mouth and eyes, now I finally have the perfect photo of you, one that actually shows me a clear view into your eyes – Let me tell you I have been searching all of my photos for just this clairty (sp?) Thank God I don’t have to search anymore. Once again you have supplied the answer to a problem I have from 7000 miles away. Of course I don’t know the exact number of miles our distance is but as you know I like the number 7 so I have made the distance 7,000 miles.
Now if I had been at that concert I would have excused myself for my little nap after about 10 minutes. Remember when we were doing your book sale a few years ago – after I played with the musicians and talked to the crowd for a while I remember telling you I was going to the car for a little nap…I think I made that journey about five times during the festival. I remember lying in the car with my feet sticking out of the window watching the leaves on the trees overhead. I love that memory.
After all of my almost 67 years no one in my family ever questions my behavior…as I have used my line at many of your lunches and dinner parties, “Darling, I must take a little rest now”. As a matter of fact the last time I used this line was when our famous ANN MAH was at your house for dinner.
I would start packing a ‘get-away bag’ for all of the future social gatherings JM has planned for your life. Once JM understands the benefits he will reap from supporting your personal space you will begin to feel the rush of freedom which comes from embracing your right to turn left or right on this pathway of life.
Be sure and arrange for your own private hotel room in the next village of the concert – wish I could be with you as we escape the noise to find our own adventure – a concert of leaves falling upon our hats as we wander through the peaceful passages of a new memory.
Well, I don’t even know what I am talking about – but I loved your post today Honey – just know in the end you will be the spittin image of your Mother. Ha-Ha!!!
I love you Honey – thanks for touching my life today, I love being with you this way.
XOXO
MOM
OH MY DARLING KRISTI,
First of all I want to thank you for posting one of the most beautiful photos I have ever seen of you…perfect for me to use today as a guide for my painting practice of painting a new painting each day. Your photo simply says I am at peace – I have accepted my place in life and I am happy to be free of any limits regarding my image. I have been watching Youtube videos of how to paint the mouth and eyes, now I finally have the perfect photo of you, one that actually shows me a clear view into your eyes – Let me tell you I have been searching all of my photos for just this clairty (sp?) Thank God I don’t have to search anymore. Once again you have supplied the answer to a problem I have from 7000 miles away. Of course I don’t know the exact number of miles our distance is but as you know I like the number 7 so I have made the distance 7,000 miles.
Now if I had been at that concert I would have excused myself for my little nap after about 10 minutes. Remember when we were doing your book sale a few years ago – after I played with the musicians and talked to the crowd for a while I remember telling you I was going to the car for a little nap…I think I made that journey about five times during the festival. I remember lying in the car with my feet sticking out of the window watching the leaves on the trees overhead. I love that memory.
After all of my almost 67 years no one in my family ever questions my behavior…as I have used my line at many of your lunches and dinner parties, “Darling, I must take a little rest now”. As a matter of fact the last time I used this line was when our famous ANN MAH was at your house for dinner.
I would start packing a ‘get-away bag’ for all of the future social gatherings JM has planned for your life. Once JM understands the benefits he will reap from supporting your personal space you will begin to feel the rush of freedom which comes from embracing your right to turn left or right on this pathway of life.
Be sure and arrange for your own private hotel room in the next village of the concert – wish I could be with you as we escape the noise to find our own adventure – a concert of leaves falling upon our hats as we wander through the peaceful passages of a new memory.
Well, I don’t even know what I am talking about – but I loved your post today Honey – just know in the end you will be the spittin image of your Mother. Ha-Ha!!!
I love you Honey – thanks for touching my life today, I love being with you this way.
XOXO
MOM
I hate noise with a passion, but it’s ever present it seems. I think people are afraid of silence. I really feel for you, and also agree with JolleyG
BTW, JG we miss you on word play.
I hate noise with a passion, but it’s ever present it seems. I think people are afraid of silence. I really feel for you, and also agree with JolleyG
BTW, JG we miss you on word play.
Have been a follower for several years and just want to say that I was particularly struck today by the strength and skill of your writing. Your description of the Letdown Factor is just perfect! Thanks for putting your struggles into such eloquent words.
Have been a follower for several years and just want to say that I was particularly struck today by the strength and skill of your writing. Your description of the Letdown Factor is just perfect! Thanks for putting your struggles into such eloquent words.
Reads like a novel, You might try to expand it into one. Well-written, suspenseful, touching.
Reads like a novel, You might try to expand it into one. Well-written, suspenseful, touching.
Don’t confuse embracing the concept of neuroplasticity with self deception. It was a horrible night – plain and simple – and you should not feel that you have to re-make it into ‘a lovely evening’. It wasn’t. And your husband should not have disappeared. It’s OK to call things bad when they’re bad. It’s not the end of the world and not a monumental transgression so just be honest about it. You didn’t do anything to apologize for and I certainly hope that you drove the car home.
PS Your mom’s letter was wonderful.
Don’t confuse embracing the concept of neuroplasticity with self deception. It was a horrible night – plain and simple – and you should not feel that you have to re-make it into ‘a lovely evening’. It wasn’t. And your husband should not have disappeared. It’s OK to call things bad when they’re bad. It’s not the end of the world and not a monumental transgression so just be honest about it. You didn’t do anything to apologize for and I certainly hope that you drove the car home.
PS Your mom’s letter was wonderful.
Kristi,
My husband told me about being at a concert where he could feel the beat straight through his chest, so he sat side ways to help alleviate to sensation. It did not do enough . Just think of all the eardrums which were wrecked by the loud noise. The future generations will be deaf sooner than us.
Next time just get up and move to another place…your health is more important .
I like the “keep a positive attitude and go with the flow”,but if it is hurting you, you do not have to keep up. Yes,positive thoughts are better, less energy and helps with the wrinkles…I think. I guess that I have too many negative thoughts and worry too much…the wrinkles show it.
Remember Jules’ comments about how she slipped away…you are you mother’s daughter…you can do it also….just say that you are following in you mother’s footsteps.
Kathleen
Kristi,
My husband told me about being at a concert where he could feel the beat straight through his chest, so he sat side ways to help alleviate to sensation. It did not do enough . Just think of all the eardrums which were wrecked by the loud noise. The future generations will be deaf sooner than us.
Next time just get up and move to another place…your health is more important .
I like the “keep a positive attitude and go with the flow”,but if it is hurting you, you do not have to keep up. Yes,positive thoughts are better, less energy and helps with the wrinkles…I think. I guess that I have too many negative thoughts and worry too much…the wrinkles show it.
Remember Jules’ comments about how she slipped away…you are you mother’s daughter…you can do it also….just say that you are following in you mother’s footsteps.
Kathleen
Kristin — I wish I could tell you how many times in the past month or two you have so clearly and boldly articulated inner thoughts and reactions to life experiences I know only too well. A couple of times stunningly so.
Thank you for helping those of us who have similar struggles with our feelings feel not so alone. As you so beautifully expressed today, it is not the thoughts and feelings themselves that matter so much. They just are. It’s how we learn to respond to them with compassion for ourselves and others that ultimately matters most.
You are wise and courageous, too. Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes as well.
Kristin — I wish I could tell you how many times in the past month or two you have so clearly and boldly articulated inner thoughts and reactions to life experiences I know only too well. A couple of times stunningly so.
Thank you for helping those of us who have similar struggles with our feelings feel not so alone. As you so beautifully expressed today, it is not the thoughts and feelings themselves that matter so much. They just are. It’s how we learn to respond to them with compassion for ourselves and others that ultimately matters most.
You are wise and courageous, too. Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes as well.
Recently my daughter was upset about having to attend a function. I’m hot, I’m tired, and I worked today. Rather than having a “let-down” factor, I always call it the “you can stand anything for 3 or 4 hours syndrome.
I can’t remember how many times I repeated that you can stand…line to myself and to my children over the years.
That said sometimes it just doesn’t work. The time for departure slips by and you are still there, starting to get anxious and upset, because the end time has come and gone.
Hooray for you, Kristin. You’d had enough and packed up ready to leave. It’s difficult to feel kindly toward the person/persons who for whatever reason caused you to listen to more “chest noises” than you wanted to hear.
Everyday life changes and we must, if we’re to survive and enjoy our hectic lives, change with it. You’ve given me much to think about with today’s essay. But that, of course, is why I continue to come here and read your heartfelt words.
Merci mille fois, Madame.
Recently my daughter was upset about having to attend a function. I’m hot, I’m tired, and I worked today. Rather than having a “let-down” factor, I always call it the “you can stand anything for 3 or 4 hours syndrome.
I can’t remember how many times I repeated that you can stand…line to myself and to my children over the years.
That said sometimes it just doesn’t work. The time for departure slips by and you are still there, starting to get anxious and upset, because the end time has come and gone.
Hooray for you, Kristin. You’d had enough and packed up ready to leave. It’s difficult to feel kindly toward the person/persons who for whatever reason caused you to listen to more “chest noises” than you wanted to hear.
Everyday life changes and we must, if we’re to survive and enjoy our hectic lives, change with it. You’ve given me much to think about with today’s essay. But that, of course, is why I continue to come here and read your heartfelt words.
Merci mille fois, Madame.
My mantra is, “nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so”.
We choose how we will react to every situation. We always have a choice. Those negative reactions that come up most often in our lives are the ones we need to stop and think, No, I am not going down that path. Firmly shut the gate and choose the positive path. We can control the instant gut reaction.
I do it all the time. I still get the negative thought rushing in but I quickly shoo it back out again. When I do feel like having a real moan, the dog is a great listener, especially when he gets a treat as a reward for listening to a really long grumble!!
My mantra is, “nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so”.
We choose how we will react to every situation. We always have a choice. Those negative reactions that come up most often in our lives are the ones we need to stop and think, No, I am not going down that path. Firmly shut the gate and choose the positive path. We can control the instant gut reaction.
I do it all the time. I still get the negative thought rushing in but I quickly shoo it back out again. When I do feel like having a real moan, the dog is a great listener, especially when he gets a treat as a reward for listening to a really long grumble!!
You did a good job of articulating a condition many of us suffer through to different degrees. While it’s good to learn to go with the flow, I believe it’s also ok sometimes to just admit you’ve had enough and do what you need to do to make it better. It’s ok to speak aloud the words that say you’ve reached your limits. You could say you’re running to the house for the bathroom and will be back quickly or that you yourself will enjoy the concert from outside the walls of the ampitheater or whatever the situation warrants. I respect you for trying, though, not to carry the bad reaction through the night and into the next day. That’s tough to do. I know because I suffer from that fault.
You did a good job of articulating a condition many of us suffer through to different degrees. While it’s good to learn to go with the flow, I believe it’s also ok sometimes to just admit you’ve had enough and do what you need to do to make it better. It’s ok to speak aloud the words that say you’ve reached your limits. You could say you’re running to the house for the bathroom and will be back quickly or that you yourself will enjoy the concert from outside the walls of the ampitheater or whatever the situation warrants. I respect you for trying, though, not to carry the bad reaction through the night and into the next day. That’s tough to do. I know because I suffer from that fault.
Thanks for the lovely post. It really resonates with my life right now. Lots to think about…..
Thanks for the lovely post. It really resonates with my life right now. Lots to think about…..
Kristen —– I read your post and thought —- I have been there! Sometimes, you just have to leave. I agree with most of the comments, esp. just knowing when things are bad – not to pretend it isn’t. Or to put glossy words on it. Learn from it.
Your mom is very cool —- I like how she handles situations. I love the idea of being prepared, then leave when you need to.
I always learn a lot when I read your column and the wonderful comments!
Merci beaucoup!
Kristen —– I read your post and thought —- I have been there! Sometimes, you just have to leave. I agree with most of the comments, esp. just knowing when things are bad – not to pretend it isn’t. Or to put glossy words on it. Learn from it.
Your mom is very cool —- I like how she handles situations. I love the idea of being prepared, then leave when you need to.
I always learn a lot when I read your column and the wonderful comments!
Merci beaucoup!
I have been trying to rewire my brain lately, too! I am finding it so much easier to lower my expectations than to get bitter later about things (as they pertain to my husband in the realm of home and parenting). The battle is to keep the expectations down. But being a bitter nag is not who I want to be or enjoy being. Anyways, this brain rewiring is fascinating stuff and I feel learning about it helps our spiritual journey greatly. Thank you so much for sharing. XO
I have been trying to rewire my brain lately, too! I am finding it so much easier to lower my expectations than to get bitter later about things (as they pertain to my husband in the realm of home and parenting). The battle is to keep the expectations down. But being a bitter nag is not who I want to be or enjoy being. Anyways, this brain rewiring is fascinating stuff and I feel learning about it helps our spiritual journey greatly. Thank you so much for sharing. XO
Kristin, you always make us think and then think again with your writings. That is what makes your words so special and valuable. Your mother just adds to them. Thank you to both of you.
Kristin, you always make us think and then think again with your writings. That is what makes your words so special and valuable. Your mother just adds to them. Thank you to both of you.
Kristin, dear Kristin, one of the advantages of growing older is developing the attitude that you must take care of yourself and if that means extricating yourself from unpleasant experiences, then so be it. Why subject yourself to physical harm with ear-blasting music? However, the real culprit here is not the sound but your husband leaving you, knowing you were uncomfortable with the blaring sound and finding himself a comfortable spot and a few drinks. Had he returned for you, that would have been a different matter. The essence of what you’ve written is indeed true and instructive but your constant forgiving of your husband’s thoughtlessness cannot be healthy for you.
Kristin, dear Kristin, one of the advantages of growing older is developing the attitude that you must take care of yourself and if that means extricating yourself from unpleasant experiences, then so be it. Why subject yourself to physical harm with ear-blasting music? However, the real culprit here is not the sound but your husband leaving you, knowing you were uncomfortable with the blaring sound and finding himself a comfortable spot and a few drinks. Had he returned for you, that would have been a different matter. The essence of what you’ve written is indeed true and instructive but your constant forgiving of your husband’s thoughtlessness cannot be healthy for you.
Hi Kristin, I love your post today and completely relate. My family always acts like there is something seriously ‘wrong’ with me because I cannot stand the loud bass when they play music. They don’t believe me when I tell them it physically make my head hurt, my heart pound too fast..just very physically uncomfortable! I, like you and your mother prefer to hear the soft sounds of nature whatever it may be at that moment.
What I’m trying to say is I really appreciate your story, it made me feel like I am not alone or ‘insane’ as my kids think I am.
And most of all, I so admire and love your mother….the letter she just wrote here to you made me tear up. I so love the beautiful friendship and relationship you two have. You are two of the most beautiful women I know of. Thanks Kristin. <3 PS...any plans to come back to Seattle? Sure would be fun to meet you again! :)
Hi Kristin, I love your post today and completely relate. My family always acts like there is something seriously ‘wrong’ with me because I cannot stand the loud bass when they play music. They don’t believe me when I tell them it physically make my head hurt, my heart pound too fast..just very physically uncomfortable! I, like you and your mother prefer to hear the soft sounds of nature whatever it may be at that moment.
What I’m trying to say is I really appreciate your story, it made me feel like I am not alone or ‘insane’ as my kids think I am.
And most of all, I so admire and love your mother….the letter she just wrote here to you made me tear up. I so love the beautiful friendship and relationship you two have. You are two of the most beautiful women I know of. Thanks Kristin. <3 PS...any plans to come back to Seattle? Sure would be fun to meet you again! :)
Kristin, as someone who has attended many many concerts over the years, I now know that it is imperative to come prepared with ear-plugs (get the small ones that you squeeze first and they expand into your ear canal) and also to NEVER sit anywhere near the speakers. The bands and the sound crews all have suffered hearing losses which is why so many of them crank the sound up until it really does make the crowd suffer.
Having offered that two-cents worth of advice, I thought you were brave to post about such a personal subject. You have articulated something that I think we all have felt, and as a vineyard owner laughed about having to pee in the middle of a row, and also about the temptation to just keep going so you could say you were done!
Merci mille fois!
Kristin, as someone who has attended many many concerts over the years, I now know that it is imperative to come prepared with ear-plugs (get the small ones that you squeeze first and they expand into your ear canal) and also to NEVER sit anywhere near the speakers. The bands and the sound crews all have suffered hearing losses which is why so many of them crank the sound up until it really does make the crowd suffer.
Having offered that two-cents worth of advice, I thought you were brave to post about such a personal subject. You have articulated something that I think we all have felt, and as a vineyard owner laughed about having to pee in the middle of a row, and also about the temptation to just keep going so you could say you were done!
Merci mille fois!
From what I regard as a man’s perspective: it wouldn’t occur to me to endure the agony of the loud noise, etc., I’d just say to my wife, “I’m out,” and leave. Deference to the desires of others should only go so far. And as you get older and more easily discomforted, it’s going to be harder to adhere to a do whatever others’ want code of agreeableness. When you’ve got to pee is not the time to try to invoke positive thoughts. If you aren’t the sort of person who easily keeps track of where the car is parked (that’s how I am, too), get a GPS app for your smartphone that let’s you find the car. And consider driving home alone if you’ve made it clear that you’ll wait no longer than 10 minutes before departing.
From what I regard as a man’s perspective: it wouldn’t occur to me to endure the agony of the loud noise, etc., I’d just say to my wife, “I’m out,” and leave. Deference to the desires of others should only go so far. And as you get older and more easily discomforted, it’s going to be harder to adhere to a do whatever others’ want code of agreeableness. When you’ve got to pee is not the time to try to invoke positive thoughts. If you aren’t the sort of person who easily keeps track of where the car is parked (that’s how I am, too), get a GPS app for your smartphone that let’s you find the car. And consider driving home alone if you’ve made it clear that you’ll wait no longer than 10 minutes before departing.
…. Been there done that… at Fillmore East ( now I am dating myself!) when Janis Joplin played there! The theater was filled with ‘pot smoke’ and the band was so loud the floor and seats vibrated! We loved it, being very young and totally into her sound… so we thought we were in heaven!!! Today, I would choke on the smoke and have to have earplugs for sure! Could be the generation thing going on here… bon weekend… Judi from Tallahassee.. PS . You have such a loving mother.
…. Been there done that… at Fillmore East ( now I am dating myself!) when Janis Joplin played there! The theater was filled with ‘pot smoke’ and the band was so loud the floor and seats vibrated! We loved it, being very young and totally into her sound… so we thought we were in heaven!!! Today, I would choke on the smoke and have to have earplugs for sure! Could be the generation thing going on here… bon weekend… Judi from Tallahassee.. PS . You have such a loving mother.
Dear Kristin — I struggle with this all the time. I truly believe you can change your life as you change your thoughts, but changing a lifetime of negative self-talk is indeed a formidable challenge. Well worth it, though! As I work on changing my own mindset, I’ll send positive thoughts your way, too!
Dear Kristin — I struggle with this all the time. I truly believe you can change your life as you change your thoughts, but changing a lifetime of negative self-talk is indeed a formidable challenge. Well worth it, though! As I work on changing my own mindset, I’ll send positive thoughts your way, too!
Love how you turned your anger at Jean-Marc into something sweet and productive. It reminds me of a book I’m reading, “40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life.” Our thoughts really do control our emotions and actions.
Love how you turned your anger at Jean-Marc into something sweet and productive. It reminds me of a book I’m reading, “40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life.” Our thoughts really do control our emotions and actions.
Kristin, you so aptly described those things we do because they are helpful or necessary to someone else, but uncomfortable and less than pleasant to ourselves. I once had a classic Freudian slip when i was asked to do such a thing–i cheerfully responded, “Of course! No pleasure! My problem!” ha! my problem indeed. sheesh.
Kristin, you so aptly described those things we do because they are helpful or necessary to someone else, but uncomfortable and less than pleasant to ourselves. I once had a classic Freudian slip when i was asked to do such a thing–i cheerfully responded, “Of course! No pleasure! My problem!” ha! my problem indeed. sheesh.