The wind and sea in Marseilles….
French Quote:
Les larmes sont les pétales du coeur. –Paul Eluard
Tears are the heart’s petals.
Audio File: Reread the above quote, then listen to it here: Download MP3 or Wav file
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Coming Home
Standing before the great iron gates of the American consulate in Marseilles, I was surprised by a barrage of tears. Afraid the larmes would tumble out from behind their lash-rimmed dam, I rummaged through my pockets for un mouchoir. But all I could find was a ratty, make-up stained Kleenex.
“Mom!” Jackie said, with a mixture of tenderness and assertion. “What’s the matter?“
I widened my eyes, as though stretching them might staunch the teary flow. Instead, the gesture added a bewildered look to the fragile exterior I hoped to mask.
“I don’t know!” I said to my daughter, blotting the corners of my eyes with the weak tissue, careful it didn’t end up in pieces, too.
My mind began to chatter:
Gosh, you are so sensitive! You’d think you were a hostage and that now, after two decades of captivity, you had arrived at the great freedom gates! The American Consulate, The Knight in Shining Armor!
I tried to understand the flood of emotion. It must be that feeling of release… The tears must be a kind of catharsis. But what was there to be cathartic about?
I did everything to curtail the tears, when my eyes settled high up on the branches of a leafless tree, planted, like me, outside the consulate’s intimidating security barrier.
With my eyes lifted upward to the tree’s limbs the tears had no chance of advancing but had to fall back into the fragile vessel producing them.
“Look!” I said to the kids, who all but towered above me like that tree. “There is a towel stuck in the branches!” I wasn’t really interested in the flimsy, displaced serviette…but focusing on it might be just the distraction needed.
As we waited outside the U.S. Embassy, where we were scheduled to renew the kids’ American passports for the third time in 18 years, I reconsidered the wayward object in the tree above us.
Uprooted, the little towel had been swept up by a passionate gust and deposited in an exciting foreign land. Months or years or decades later, the novelty having faded, there it remained….
There were pros and cons of the towel’s foreign residence. The pros: a fantastic view! An elevated situation! An original life! The scent of baguettes wafting upwards… But there were cons, too: years and years away from its homeland, loneliness, and a separation from its people.
As my mind entertained itself with the towel’s drama my emotions were kept at bay–but not for long! The great iron gates of the Consulat général des États-Unis swung open and I heard a voice that sounded just like my own.
“Hello. How are you doing today?” one of my people said.
* * *
Picture of the kids and me taken just around the corner from the The U.S. Consulate General in Marseilles. Jean-Marc suggested we have a coffee while waiting for the consulate to open. (The pause helped temporarily to settle these emotions!) The kids (Jackie, 15 years old is center — and that’s an almost 18 year old Max) were moved, too, by the experience of entering the American consulate in Marseilles. I hope to write about Jackie’s emotions sometime (what a different reaction she had than I! Do you know the French expression “fou rire?“)
FRENCH VOCABULARY
une larme = tear drop (story and post here)
un mouchoir = tissue
la serviette = towel
Le consulat général des États-Unis = Consulate of the United States of America
le fou rire = the giggles
The colorful and historic “Panier” neighborhood in Marseilles, just off the Vieux Port.
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Some incredibly moving responses today to an incredibly moving post. I’m reminded we are One .. whether in France, United States, Germany, Australia, Poland … we are One. A world of souls different by nationality, same by origin.
Humanity .. the ultimate Creation.
Some incredibly moving responses today to an incredibly moving post. I’m reminded we are One .. whether in France, United States, Germany, Australia, Poland … we are One. A world of souls different by nationality, same by origin.
Humanity .. the ultimate Creation.
I was wondering about your daughter’s “fou rire”? Once when I was traveling to Hungary with my Belgian family, we were stopped at the border. Our passports were all carefully inspected by a Soviet guard. When he saw my American passport, he looked at me like I was an alien from another planet and I began to laugh nervously. Is this what happened to Jackie?
I was wondering about your daughter’s “fou rire”? Once when I was traveling to Hungary with my Belgian family, we were stopped at the border. Our passports were all carefully inspected by a Soviet guard. When he saw my American passport, he looked at me like I was an alien from another planet and I began to laugh nervously. Is this what happened to Jackie?
So Kristen, when will you be starting YOUR American tour so we can all meet and hug you, our famous author/friend?
So Kristen, when will you be starting YOUR American tour so we can all meet and hug you, our famous author/friend?
Bill Facker, so true what you say about everyones words here–incredibly moving.
Linda, Thanks, and what a tempting thought!
Julie, you got it: fou rire = nervous laughter (it may also mean uncontrollable laughter. In Jackies case, like yours, it was the first)
Bill Facker, so true what you say about everyones words here–incredibly moving.
Linda, Thanks, and what a tempting thought!
Julie, you got it: fou rire = nervous laughter (it may also mean uncontrollable laughter. In Jackies case, like yours, it was the first)
A very special comments thread today, in response to an especially moving anecdote — what a wealth of common feeling flowing through all of us, no matter the homeland we think of as our first or second!
I can only say that Bill speaks for me too, utterly: “I’m reminded we are One .. whether in France, United States, Germany, Australia, Poland … we are One. A world of souls different by nationality, same by origin.
Humanity .. the ultimate Creation.”
Merci beaucoup, each and all!
A very special comments thread today, in response to an especially moving anecdote — what a wealth of common feeling flowing through all of us, no matter the homeland we think of as our first or second!
I can only say that Bill speaks for me too, utterly: “I’m reminded we are One .. whether in France, United States, Germany, Australia, Poland … we are One. A world of souls different by nationality, same by origin.
Humanity .. the ultimate Creation.”
Merci beaucoup, each and all!
Our dear Kristi,
Today’s eloquent and beautifully expressed post brought tears to my eyes,too.
God bless America,God bless Americans and Bill’s words (echoed by Kitty) exactly speak my thoughts.
Thank you,Kristi for giving us the opportunity to unite in sentiment.
Love,
Natalia XO
Our dear Kristi,
Today’s eloquent and beautifully expressed post brought tears to my eyes,too.
God bless America,God bless Americans and Bill’s words (echoed by Kitty) exactly speak my thoughts.
Thank you,Kristi for giving us the opportunity to unite in sentiment.
Love,
Natalia XO
Dear Kristin,
What a moving and beautiful story today. It’s natural to feel a tug of emotions when thinking of the place where you grew up and imagined your dream future (that you’re now living!). Funny, but I cried when I had to get back on the plane to come home during our trip to France-I didn’t want to leave! I think Bill summed it up perfectly.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for the people of Boston. It has been a really long week around here waiting to find our more about the bombings and grieving for the victims we’ve lost and those injured. All we can do is pray and hope, as Diane said, that the world learns to love and not hate.
Have a wonderful weekend with your family Kristin!
Love, Carolyn
Dear Kristin,
What a moving and beautiful story today. It’s natural to feel a tug of emotions when thinking of the place where you grew up and imagined your dream future (that you’re now living!). Funny, but I cried when I had to get back on the plane to come home during our trip to France-I didn’t want to leave! I think Bill summed it up perfectly.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for the people of Boston. It has been a really long week around here waiting to find our more about the bombings and grieving for the victims we’ve lost and those injured. All we can do is pray and hope, as Diane said, that the world learns to love and not hate.
Have a wonderful weekend with your family Kristin!
Love, Carolyn
It must be my age (just 70) but I find my eyes are full so often, only this week; West in Texas, Boston, and the parents from Newtown who were in Washington. Even after 44 years in Canada, from England, and fiercly patriotic for my adopted country, I still can’t get all the way through O Canada, God Save the Queen, Rule Britannia or Land of Hope and Glory. I am reminded of the old Marlboro ad., you can take the boy out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the boy. And why should we even try?
From Vancouver, BC,
It must be my age (just 70) but I find my eyes are full so often, only this week; West in Texas, Boston, and the parents from Newtown who were in Washington. Even after 44 years in Canada, from England, and fiercly patriotic for my adopted country, I still can’t get all the way through O Canada, God Save the Queen, Rule Britannia or Land of Hope and Glory. I am reminded of the old Marlboro ad., you can take the boy out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the boy. And why should we even try?
From Vancouver, BC,
I have been away and just read your posting. KNOW THIS – your homeland, country, state, city family, friends are always here for you and your family anytime you want to visit (Puerto Vallarta too). This part of your life is here but changed as you are changed. Change is certain. I think JM would miss France and his youthful life just as you sometimes miss yours if the roles were reversed.
2 years ago I visited the place of my youth – it just is not the same – my fond memories are all the more precious because I now realize how special that time was in that particular town. A sweet innocence. You are creating those special memories for your children. TX 4 sharing. Hugs
I have been away and just read your posting. KNOW THIS – your homeland, country, state, city family, friends are always here for you and your family anytime you want to visit (Puerto Vallarta too). This part of your life is here but changed as you are changed. Change is certain. I think JM would miss France and his youthful life just as you sometimes miss yours if the roles were reversed.
2 years ago I visited the place of my youth – it just is not the same – my fond memories are all the more precious because I now realize how special that time was in that particular town. A sweet innocence. You are creating those special memories for your children. TX 4 sharing. Hugs
You really are a writer! Your feelings and emotions so eloquently expressed. So glad to know the passports are kept up to date. That means planned visits. Wonderful! Will not comment on your beautiful children as you and they already know that. Picture of Panier neighborhood. Looks like a painting, not a photo. Love France!
You really are a writer! Your feelings and emotions so eloquently expressed. So glad to know the passports are kept up to date. That means planned visits. Wonderful! Will not comment on your beautiful children as you and they already know that. Picture of Panier neighborhood. Looks like a painting, not a photo. Love France!
Having just heard the news of the Boston bombings may have contributed to your barrage of tears as you stood before the consulate’s gates. When I was an exchange student in Lausanne in 1967-68, I was fine until my country suffered the terrible loss by assassination of, first, Martin Luther King, Jr., and then Robert F. Kennedy. Upon learning of each of those horrific, unfathomable events, I just wanted to be home, to grieve with my country’s people. Bon courage, Kristin.
Having just heard the news of the Boston bombings may have contributed to your barrage of tears as you stood before the consulate’s gates. When I was an exchange student in Lausanne in 1967-68, I was fine until my country suffered the terrible loss by assassination of, first, Martin Luther King, Jr., and then Robert F. Kennedy. Upon learning of each of those horrific, unfathomable events, I just wanted to be home, to grieve with my country’s people. Bon courage, Kristin.
This has been a very emotional week & todays post brought a smile along with tears. I understand your feelings and all of those who have been to the American cemetaries. We have made it a point to visit as many as possible when we are in Europe & have been to several in France as well as Italy & Luxembourg & there is no way I can hold the tears back. I love the picture of the three of you.
This has been a very emotional week & todays post brought a smile along with tears. I understand your feelings and all of those who have been to the American cemetaries. We have made it a point to visit as many as possible when we are in Europe & have been to several in France as well as Italy & Luxembourg & there is no way I can hold the tears back. I love the picture of the three of you.
Great story Kristin — thank you. I lived in England for 4 years and in Germany for 5 years (USAF). We went to the American consulate in London, then in Frankfort. We had the same response. It’s a bitter sweet emotion. We also went to the American cemetery in Luxembourg. Very sad and moving.
All three of you look fabulous!
Bon weekend!
Great story Kristin — thank you. I lived in England for 4 years and in Germany for 5 years (USAF). We went to the American consulate in London, then in Frankfort. We had the same response. It’s a bitter sweet emotion. We also went to the American cemetery in Luxembourg. Very sad and moving.
All three of you look fabulous!
Bon weekend!
These are tears of joy to some extent I think-like finding a lost but not forgotten friend…funny how they lurk just below the surface and surprise us when we’re not expecting them. After a summer of student study in Oxford, England and freelancing in France, I was surprised to be similarly moved to be back in the USA. The castaway towel was a perfect metaphor. Kind regards/Wells Edmundson
These are tears of joy to some extent I think-like finding a lost but not forgotten friend…funny how they lurk just below the surface and surprise us when we’re not expecting them. After a summer of student study in Oxford, England and freelancing in France, I was surprised to be similarly moved to be back in the USA. The castaway towel was a perfect metaphor. Kind regards/Wells Edmundson
Such a touching experience you shared today which brought tears to my eyes, also. It just goes to show that “there is no place like home” (our childhood home).
The photo of you, Jackie and Max is beautiful (handsome for Max and Jean-Marc behind the camera). Bon week-end. I hope your weather will be sunny and warm.
Such a touching experience you shared today which brought tears to my eyes, also. It just goes to show that “there is no place like home” (our childhood home).
The photo of you, Jackie and Max is beautiful (handsome for Max and Jean-Marc behind the camera). Bon week-end. I hope your weather will be sunny and warm.
As much as I think I’d like to switch lives with you I’m sure I’d have the same reaction. Thank you for your selfless acts of artistry that allow some of us to “live” somewhere else for a few minutes every week. Thank you for also reminding us that there’s no place like home (no matter where you’re from)! I enjoy reading your posts and have looked everywhere for your books. I’m going to order them online!
As much as I think I’d like to switch lives with you I’m sure I’d have the same reaction. Thank you for your selfless acts of artistry that allow some of us to “live” somewhere else for a few minutes every week. Thank you for also reminding us that there’s no place like home (no matter where you’re from)! I enjoy reading your posts and have looked everywhere for your books. I’m going to order them online!
This, for some reason, is my favorite post ever. Heartfelt, unselfconscious, very very real. From one of your American tribe…
This, for some reason, is my favorite post ever. Heartfelt, unselfconscious, very very real. From one of your American tribe…
Thank you Peter for reminding me of the tragedy in Texas this week as well. Our thoughts and prayers are also with all of the people affected by these events as well.
Thank you Peter for reminding me of the tragedy in Texas this week as well. Our thoughts and prayers are also with all of the people affected by these events as well.
I agree with those above who suggested that it was the past week’s events in Boston and Texas that brought on such emotions. You are still one of us and will always be. Thank you so much for your stories over the past years. I think of you as a daughter on an exciting adventure in France and I hope to someday meet you, perhaps if you and Jean-Marc do another cruise next year (?). Best wishes to you always.
I agree with those above who suggested that it was the past week’s events in Boston and Texas that brought on such emotions. You are still one of us and will always be. Thank you so much for your stories over the past years. I think of you as a daughter on an exciting adventure in France and I hope to someday meet you, perhaps if you and Jean-Marc do another cruise next year (?). Best wishes to you always.
I was living in London in 1963 when JFK was assassinated.. It was about 6 pm, GMT. I was desperate to go to the American Embassy in Grosvenor Square, but we had a tiny baby, my husband started drinking Scotch . . . In short, the trip was impossible. But the next morning, I learned that hundreds of Americans had congregated at the Embassy when they heard the news — Odd as it seems, there is something real about being on a patch of land that the powers- that-be have declared to be our own, albeit “only” by the legal definition.
I was living in London in 1963 when JFK was assassinated.. It was about 6 pm, GMT. I was desperate to go to the American Embassy in Grosvenor Square, but we had a tiny baby, my husband started drinking Scotch . . . In short, the trip was impossible. But the next morning, I learned that hundreds of Americans had congregated at the Embassy when they heard the news — Odd as it seems, there is something real about being on a patch of land that the powers- that-be have declared to be our own, albeit “only” by the legal definition.
I’ve lived in the Washington, D.C. area most of my life, yet I find that I am as moved as tourists when I take family and friends to see the sights. Last spring, for example, we went to Arlington Cemetery, and watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns. I got choked up – as I did at the Kennedy gravesite, 49 years after I’d first visited it.
Having lived in a few foreign countries, mostly in the Middle East, and visited some others, including East Germany for a day, I was reminded how very fortunate we are to live in the USA (or other democratic countries), in terms of both freedom and standard of living. When I returned to America after a year in Lebanon at age 12, I was thrilled to be back home. I experienced much the same feeling on subsequent trips, although as an older traveler, had learned not to take for granted our way of life, and to appreciate what other nations have to offer.
Because I was born in France (although we left when I was a year old, and I’ve visited only briefly since, last time in 1979), I will always have a feeling that I am part-French. Indeed, my father used to tease me that when I turned 21, I would be drafted into the French army. If I had to choose somewhere else to live, it probably would be France. On the other hand, because of the roots I have from decades in the USA, I would find it hard to change at this point.
Kristin, I understand your mixed emotions. But I hope that most of the time, you will feel that you have TWO countries, TWO homes, and will always feel welcome in both.
I’ve lived in the Washington, D.C. area most of my life, yet I find that I am as moved as tourists when I take family and friends to see the sights. Last spring, for example, we went to Arlington Cemetery, and watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns. I got choked up – as I did at the Kennedy gravesite, 49 years after I’d first visited it.
Having lived in a few foreign countries, mostly in the Middle East, and visited some others, including East Germany for a day, I was reminded how very fortunate we are to live in the USA (or other democratic countries), in terms of both freedom and standard of living. When I returned to America after a year in Lebanon at age 12, I was thrilled to be back home. I experienced much the same feeling on subsequent trips, although as an older traveler, had learned not to take for granted our way of life, and to appreciate what other nations have to offer.
Because I was born in France (although we left when I was a year old, and I’ve visited only briefly since, last time in 1979), I will always have a feeling that I am part-French. Indeed, my father used to tease me that when I turned 21, I would be drafted into the French army. If I had to choose somewhere else to live, it probably would be France. On the other hand, because of the roots I have from decades in the USA, I would find it hard to change at this point.
Kristin, I understand your mixed emotions. But I hope that most of the time, you will feel that you have TWO countries, TWO homes, and will always feel welcome in both.
comme je vous comprends, je suis native de provence, suis partie en angleterre pour 30 ans. Le fossé entre ces deux pays est immense. OUI nous appartenons à deux culture. mais peut etre ce fossé à était pour moi une façon de me séparer de mes parents et de m’individualiser! Mes enfants étant maintenant adultes je suis heureuse de pouvoir etre de nouveau en provence pour re integrer mom pays, cela est visceral! courage Kristin et merci pour partager avec nous. Big hugs 🙂 ps: l am off to buy some croissants now which l am going to share later with my dear friend from Britain who live in the next village, we are going to do some couture together!
comme je vous comprends, je suis native de provence, suis partie en angleterre pour 30 ans. Le fossé entre ces deux pays est immense. OUI nous appartenons à deux culture. mais peut etre ce fossé à était pour moi une façon de me séparer de mes parents et de m’individualiser! Mes enfants étant maintenant adultes je suis heureuse de pouvoir etre de nouveau en provence pour re integrer mom pays, cela est visceral! courage Kristin et merci pour partager avec nous. Big hugs 🙂 ps: l am off to buy some croissants now which l am going to share later with my dear friend from Britain who live in the next village, we are going to do some couture together!
It was so interesting to see the picture of the little coffee place where you regrouped after going to the consulate. There is a little coffee place across the street from the French consulate in Los Angeles that looks identical, down to the little round metal tables on the sidewalk. I have sat there with my daughter twice now as we have waited for her Visa appointments times. (We’re always afraid we’ll be late, as the traffic on the freeways can be so crazy making.)
I am an American mama, but part of my heart is on French soil at the moment as my daughter thrives in her life in Paris.
All those 1,000s of miles can be hard at times. I am so proud of her, but my tears can flow eastward.
It was so interesting to see the picture of the little coffee place where you regrouped after going to the consulate. There is a little coffee place across the street from the French consulate in Los Angeles that looks identical, down to the little round metal tables on the sidewalk. I have sat there with my daughter twice now as we have waited for her Visa appointments times. (We’re always afraid we’ll be late, as the traffic on the freeways can be so crazy making.)
I am an American mama, but part of my heart is on French soil at the moment as my daughter thrives in her life in Paris.
All those 1,000s of miles can be hard at times. I am so proud of her, but my tears can flow eastward.
Kristi, I brought my children up to realize that a good cup of tea could help solve almost any problem, and obviously J-M agrees (tea, coffee, it’s the same). As I prepared for a wedding last week, I was teary at the strangest little things. (It began with your word “meltdown” last Monday, see my comment), and continued through-out the week until Friday when we had to leave Cambridge during a lock-down for the NY wedding. The last Boston guests made it out of Boston later in the day after they found working transport. For the first time, The NY Yankee fans didn’t tease us Bostonians, but played our song instead. The NY’ers concern for Bostonians was clear-and made us teary eyed. I don’t pay any attention to sports usually, but one of the most emotional moments last week happened at the beginning of a Bruins game. Normally, the audience impatiently listens to the national anthem eagerly waiting for the beginning of the game., but last week, the entire arena started spontaneously singing …”bombs bursting through the air…gave proof ..that our flag as still there”….. Only after long minutes of clapping was the game able to begin. There were no dry eyes there, and I’ve been drinking lot’s of cups of tea. And the wedding? A perfect oasis of love, joy, and the beauty of life. (just like your family in that photo). It seems that no matter what topic you choose, it relates to all of our lives; that’s why we keep reading. Aren’t we all lucky to have found this little community in the world?
Kristi, I brought my children up to realize that a good cup of tea could help solve almost any problem, and obviously J-M agrees (tea, coffee, it’s the same). As I prepared for a wedding last week, I was teary at the strangest little things. (It began with your word “meltdown” last Monday, see my comment), and continued through-out the week until Friday when we had to leave Cambridge during a lock-down for the NY wedding. The last Boston guests made it out of Boston later in the day after they found working transport. For the first time, The NY Yankee fans didn’t tease us Bostonians, but played our song instead. The NY’ers concern for Bostonians was clear-and made us teary eyed. I don’t pay any attention to sports usually, but one of the most emotional moments last week happened at the beginning of a Bruins game. Normally, the audience impatiently listens to the national anthem eagerly waiting for the beginning of the game., but last week, the entire arena started spontaneously singing …”bombs bursting through the air…gave proof ..that our flag as still there”….. Only after long minutes of clapping was the game able to begin. There were no dry eyes there, and I’ve been drinking lot’s of cups of tea. And the wedding? A perfect oasis of love, joy, and the beauty of life. (just like your family in that photo). It seems that no matter what topic you choose, it relates to all of our lives; that’s why we keep reading. Aren’t we all lucky to have found this little community in the world?
I have often fantasized about living in France, but I think our time for doing this has passed. But, I never once really thought about how hard and what it would mean to me to be AWAY from the US– I was only thinking of ‘GOING TO’ not ‘LEAVING FROM.’ You really gave me something to think about – and I admire your ability to make a life for yourself in another country – and one that you share with us so beautifully. I had tears in my eyes, too, when I read your story today. You have such a beautiful family, what a fantastic life you and Jean-Marc have made.
I have often fantasized about living in France, but I think our time for doing this has passed. But, I never once really thought about how hard and what it would mean to me to be AWAY from the US– I was only thinking of ‘GOING TO’ not ‘LEAVING FROM.’ You really gave me something to think about – and I admire your ability to make a life for yourself in another country – and one that you share with us so beautifully. I had tears in my eyes, too, when I read your story today. You have such a beautiful family, what a fantastic life you and Jean-Marc have made.