The wind and sea in Marseilles….
French Quote:
Les larmes sont les pétales du coeur. –Paul Eluard
Tears are the heart’s petals.
Audio File: Reread the above quote, then listen to it here: Download MP3 or Wav file
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Coming Home
Standing before the great iron gates of the American consulate in Marseilles, I was surprised by a barrage of tears. Afraid the larmes would tumble out from behind their lash-rimmed dam, I rummaged through my pockets for un mouchoir. But all I could find was a ratty, make-up stained Kleenex.
“Mom!” Jackie said, with a mixture of tenderness and assertion. “What’s the matter?“
I widened my eyes, as though stretching them might staunch the teary flow. Instead, the gesture added a bewildered look to the fragile exterior I hoped to mask.
“I don’t know!” I said to my daughter, blotting the corners of my eyes with the weak tissue, careful it didn’t end up in pieces, too.
My mind began to chatter:
Gosh, you are so sensitive! You’d think you were a hostage and that now, after two decades of captivity, you had arrived at the great freedom gates! The American Consulate, The Knight in Shining Armor!
I tried to understand the flood of emotion. It must be that feeling of release… The tears must be a kind of catharsis. But what was there to be cathartic about?
I did everything to curtail the tears, when my eyes settled high up on the branches of a leafless tree, planted, like me, outside the consulate’s intimidating security barrier.
With my eyes lifted upward to the tree’s limbs the tears had no chance of advancing but had to fall back into the fragile vessel producing them.
“Look!” I said to the kids, who all but towered above me like that tree. “There is a towel stuck in the branches!” I wasn’t really interested in the flimsy, displaced serviette…but focusing on it might be just the distraction needed.
As we waited outside the U.S. Embassy, where we were scheduled to renew the kids’ American passports for the third time in 18 years, I reconsidered the wayward object in the tree above us.
Uprooted, the little towel had been swept up by a passionate gust and deposited in an exciting foreign land. Months or years or decades later, the novelty having faded, there it remained….
There were pros and cons of the towel’s foreign residence. The pros: a fantastic view! An elevated situation! An original life! The scent of baguettes wafting upwards… But there were cons, too: years and years away from its homeland, loneliness, and a separation from its people.
As my mind entertained itself with the towel’s drama my emotions were kept at bay–but not for long! The great iron gates of the Consulat général des États-Unis swung open and I heard a voice that sounded just like my own.
“Hello. How are you doing today?” one of my people said.
* * *
Picture of the kids and me taken just around the corner from the The U.S. Consulate General in Marseilles. Jean-Marc suggested we have a coffee while waiting for the consulate to open. (The pause helped temporarily to settle these emotions!) The kids (Jackie, 15 years old is center — and that’s an almost 18 year old Max) were moved, too, by the experience of entering the American consulate in Marseilles. I hope to write about Jackie’s emotions sometime (what a different reaction she had than I! Do you know the French expression “fou rire?“)
FRENCH VOCABULARY
une larme = tear drop (story and post here)
un mouchoir = tissue
la serviette = towel
Le consulat général des États-Unis = Consulate of the United States of America
le fou rire = the giggles
The colorful and historic “Panier” neighborhood in Marseilles, just off the Vieux Port.
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Am I really the first to comment on your poetic, sentimental post today Kristin?
As always, so eloquently drafted. How the heart pulls and tugs us in different directions. Such prose, your description of the towel swept up in to the branches. Such a sweet analogy to your passion for France and JM, that pulled you back from your home in AZ, to begin your life anew here all those years ago.
So understandable to be caught up in the emotions of your experience at the gates of the Consulate.
As we celebrate following our own long held dream to live in France each day and the many truly wonderful joys it brings us…we are also struck at times, by the various emotions that can arise. Missing out on the birth of my niece’s baby in AZ recently, brought a tinge of homesickness. Gratitude abounds for the gift of choice in our lifestyle and location. Allow the tears, as they also punctuate the joyful occasions as you know. The ebb and flow of our emotions, like the waves upon the shore.
All the best dear Kristin.
Hugs and bon weekend.
Am I really the first to comment on your poetic, sentimental post today Kristin?
As always, so eloquently drafted. How the heart pulls and tugs us in different directions. Such prose, your description of the towel swept up in to the branches. Such a sweet analogy to your passion for France and JM, that pulled you back from your home in AZ, to begin your life anew here all those years ago.
So understandable to be caught up in the emotions of your experience at the gates of the Consulate.
As we celebrate following our own long held dream to live in France each day and the many truly wonderful joys it brings us…we are also struck at times, by the various emotions that can arise. Missing out on the birth of my niece’s baby in AZ recently, brought a tinge of homesickness. Gratitude abounds for the gift of choice in our lifestyle and location. Allow the tears, as they also punctuate the joyful occasions as you know. The ebb and flow of our emotions, like the waves upon the shore.
All the best dear Kristin.
Hugs and bon weekend.
The tears of the transplanted – I know them too well. 42 years in Germany….but I try to get home to Australia at least once a year…..My kids, who were born and raised in Germany now live in Australia….Howzat for crazy migration logic? Thank goodness for Skype, now that a grandson is also Down Under. Loved your post. Look forward to hearing how your children reacted….
The tears of the transplanted – I know them too well. 42 years in Germany….but I try to get home to Australia at least once a year…..My kids, who were born and raised in Germany now live in Australia….Howzat for crazy migration logic? Thank goodness for Skype, now that a grandson is also Down Under. Loved your post. Look forward to hearing how your children reacted….
Been there. Cried too. Great analogy.
Been there. Cried too. Great analogy.
57 years in the United States, but what I remember and think about often ia my first 18 years in Hungary. Thank goodness I have many photos of my childhood to help me reminisce.
57 years in the United States, but what I remember and think about often ia my first 18 years in Hungary. Thank goodness I have many photos of my childhood to help me reminisce.
Yea we bleed red white and blue but liberte egalite et fraternite, ils sont red white and blue, n’est ce pas? Just a tender moment, you are no isle du Coeur mais a world citizen and true American ambassador. You also are a very good writer these days. Made my eyes glisten a bit way over here in Pella, Iowa. God bless you and your family.
Yea we bleed red white and blue but liberte egalite et fraternite, ils sont red white and blue, n’est ce pas? Just a tender moment, you are no isle du Coeur mais a world citizen and true American ambassador. You also are a very good writer these days. Made my eyes glisten a bit way over here in Pella, Iowa. God bless you and your family.
Kristin,
Your photo of the wind swept sea is stunning…it took my breath away! As did the overwhelming emotion you so poignantly described. We spend so much time missing what we once experienced, wishing for what we no longer have and relishing in all you do to bring it to us, if just in our hearts. And yet life in France and Germany for us was never forever. We will now read your missives with a new perspective and appreciation, understanding that as you share your beautiful family and your life in France with your readers, your roots are tugging at your heart. I am reminded today of words from an old french song..”Accroche une larme aux nuages at laisse le vent l’emporter…”
Kristin,
Your photo of the wind swept sea is stunning…it took my breath away! As did the overwhelming emotion you so poignantly described. We spend so much time missing what we once experienced, wishing for what we no longer have and relishing in all you do to bring it to us, if just in our hearts. And yet life in France and Germany for us was never forever. We will now read your missives with a new perspective and appreciation, understanding that as you share your beautiful family and your life in France with your readers, your roots are tugging at your heart. I am reminded today of words from an old french song..”Accroche une larme aux nuages at laisse le vent l’emporter…”
I also share your emotions of being torn between where you are and where you have come from. I Moved to New Zealand 38 yrs ago from Canada…Have children and grandkids here(Great grands too) but a couple of them went back and have families there as well.
I have missed deaths ..births and other events, but the family here are Kiwis now and I could never go back. I am just very thankful for Facebook which somehow keeps us all together…..
I also share your emotions of being torn between where you are and where you have come from. I Moved to New Zealand 38 yrs ago from Canada…Have children and grandkids here(Great grands too) but a couple of them went back and have families there as well.
I have missed deaths ..births and other events, but the family here are Kiwis now and I could never go back. I am just very thankful for Facebook which somehow keeps us all together…..
KRISTIN,
A VERY NATURL EMOTIONAL FEELING. SAME ONE I HAD, WHEN I STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THE AMERICAN CEMETERY IN NORMANDY. WITH THE STARS AND STRIPS POPPING IN THE BREEZE THE TEARS JUST FLOWED.
GUS ELISON
KRISTIN,
A VERY NATURL EMOTIONAL FEELING. SAME ONE I HAD, WHEN I STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THE AMERICAN CEMETERY IN NORMANDY. WITH THE STARS AND STRIPS POPPING IN THE BREEZE THE TEARS JUST FLOWED.
GUS ELISON
It’s probably true of all countries, but born American, I can completely relate to your post at having extreme emotional reactions to situations involving our mutual homeland. A horrifying sense of violation over 911 (I worked at one of the evacuation zone hospitals, and can never forget the events of that day, waiting long, tense hours for trauma victims who never arrived). I too, have had tears after a long absence at my return home again. Tears, too, when I took my kids to DC to see the monuments and the great symbols of our country. I bawled at the Viet Nam vets memorial, stood a little taller watching our president roll past in his cavalcade of red, white and blue SUV’s (it was Bubba!) as we stood outside the White House), and gazed in awe at President Lincoln’s marble face…. such an amazing man! Being American is something visceral, very deeply emotional, and as you so genuinely portray, two decades of life in another country changes none of that gut deep response! It’s not just patriotism, it’s a love affair!
It’s probably true of all countries, but born American, I can completely relate to your post at having extreme emotional reactions to situations involving our mutual homeland. A horrifying sense of violation over 911 (I worked at one of the evacuation zone hospitals, and can never forget the events of that day, waiting long, tense hours for trauma victims who never arrived). I too, have had tears after a long absence at my return home again. Tears, too, when I took my kids to DC to see the monuments and the great symbols of our country. I bawled at the Viet Nam vets memorial, stood a little taller watching our president roll past in his cavalcade of red, white and blue SUV’s (it was Bubba!) as we stood outside the White House), and gazed in awe at President Lincoln’s marble face…. such an amazing man! Being American is something visceral, very deeply emotional, and as you so genuinely portray, two decades of life in another country changes none of that gut deep response! It’s not just patriotism, it’s a love affair!
Beautifully expressed. My husband is not American but has lived here for almost 20 years. He says sometimes it’s odd to realize he has American children. When I lived abroad I felt myself pulled, almost magnetically, to American places, things, or people. I remember once, though, soon after arriving, going to an American bar, and being shocked at the rowdiness, loudness, and general immaturity of my young peers. I didn’t stay, and tried hard to meet locals after that. It’s a fine balance.
Beautifully expressed. My husband is not American but has lived here for almost 20 years. He says sometimes it’s odd to realize he has American children. When I lived abroad I felt myself pulled, almost magnetically, to American places, things, or people. I remember once, though, soon after arriving, going to an American bar, and being shocked at the rowdiness, loudness, and general immaturity of my young peers. I didn’t stay, and tried hard to meet locals after that. It’s a fine balance.
I felt the same on a trip we took to Cancun, on the way back home. Going through the gate for American citizens to re-enter the US at Dallas-Ft Worth airport, put a lump in my throat. Banners that said Welcome Home. Wow, still remember the feeling.
I felt the same on a trip we took to Cancun, on the way back home. Going through the gate for American citizens to re-enter the US at Dallas-Ft Worth airport, put a lump in my throat. Banners that said Welcome Home. Wow, still remember the feeling.
My mom was a transplant from Canada (to the USA). She teared up whenever she heard the Canadian National Anthem: O Canada. Being an American kid I remember I thought it funny and strange because my mom was a US citizen. At the time I didn’t understand her display of emotion.
My mom was a transplant from Canada (to the USA). She teared up whenever she heard the Canadian National Anthem: O Canada. Being an American kid I remember I thought it funny and strange because my mom was a US citizen. At the time I didn’t understand her display of emotion.
What a great post, Kristin! It’s okay to be homesick sometimes! What an awesome thing to love and belong in not just one, but two countries! We here in America love to hear about the adventures in your French life!
And, may I also say, what an incredibly beautiful family you have – Max and Jackie are growing up to be proper heartbreakers! 🙂
What a great post, Kristin! It’s okay to be homesick sometimes! What an awesome thing to love and belong in not just one, but two countries! We here in America love to hear about the adventures in your French life!
And, may I also say, what an incredibly beautiful family you have – Max and Jackie are growing up to be proper heartbreakers! 🙂
Dear Kristen, I tear up when they play our song at hockey or baseball games and events, etc. So I totally understand that emotion. It is especially understood during recent events here.
The tenderness showing in your post today is amazing. Thank you for your always thoughtful and very generous writings. -patty
Dear Kristen, I tear up when they play our song at hockey or baseball games and events, etc. So I totally understand that emotion. It is especially understood during recent events here.
The tenderness showing in your post today is amazing. Thank you for your always thoughtful and very generous writings. -patty
Home is where the heart is. I think yours is big enough to encompass a couple of places.
I heard the expression “fou rire” in a song but do not know what it means.
Home is where the heart is. I think yours is big enough to encompass a couple of places.
I heard the expression “fou rire” in a song but do not know what it means.
Dear Kristin,
We in your homeland are all weeping today for the people in Boston and Cambridge. In the most patriotic of cities, a terrible tragedy has occurred and we don’t understand how it can keep happening. As a child I never knew of violence except in the newsreels of World War II. Now it is becoming more and more frequent. Pray for us and for all the world to learn to love, not hate. I cry every time I hear the Star Spangled Banner and feel so proud to be an American. Once flying home from vacation in Germany, the airline began playing our national anthem and even though we had only been gone 3 weeks, it brought tears. You are privileged to have two countries as home. We all understand how you felt at the gates of the consulate. We also rejoice that you have found love and happiness in l’Hexagone. God bless America and God bless France.
Dear Kristin,
We in your homeland are all weeping today for the people in Boston and Cambridge. In the most patriotic of cities, a terrible tragedy has occurred and we don’t understand how it can keep happening. As a child I never knew of violence except in the newsreels of World War II. Now it is becoming more and more frequent. Pray for us and for all the world to learn to love, not hate. I cry every time I hear the Star Spangled Banner and feel so proud to be an American. Once flying home from vacation in Germany, the airline began playing our national anthem and even though we had only been gone 3 weeks, it brought tears. You are privileged to have two countries as home. We all understand how you felt at the gates of the consulate. We also rejoice that you have found love and happiness in l’Hexagone. God bless America and God bless France.
Don’t forget that your move to a new area in France and the frustrations involved with doing renovations is also making you feel uprooted and more emotional than usual. Unfortunately, it seems we also become more emotional as we age. We are lucky we can keep connected with distance easier now in this age of technology. Be especially kind to yourself right now until your world becomes more settled once more.
Don’t forget that your move to a new area in France and the frustrations involved with doing renovations is also making you feel uprooted and more emotional than usual. Unfortunately, it seems we also become more emotional as we age. We are lucky we can keep connected with distance easier now in this age of technology. Be especially kind to yourself right now until your world becomes more settled once more.
I cried reading your words today and understood perfectly. As a student in France in 1968, I visited the American Cemetery in Normandie. Walking through those gates into my own country, deeded to us by a grateful France, seeing that flag waving in the sunshine, and looking at the pristine white crosses and stars of David, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I was stunned at my reaction, not being, until that moment, someone who had much of a nationalistic bent. We are always pulled back to our roots, no matter how much we adore our new experiences. Thanks for your lovely words.
Polly Adkins, Fort Mill, SC
I cried reading your words today and understood perfectly. As a student in France in 1968, I visited the American Cemetery in Normandie. Walking through those gates into my own country, deeded to us by a grateful France, seeing that flag waving in the sunshine, and looking at the pristine white crosses and stars of David, I could not stop the tears from flowing. I was stunned at my reaction, not being, until that moment, someone who had much of a nationalistic bent. We are always pulled back to our roots, no matter how much we adore our new experiences. Thanks for your lovely words.
Polly Adkins, Fort Mill, SC
Diane, We had just heard the news on our way to Marseilles that day. The block leading to the consulate was lined with armed police and police vans and barricades were set up in front of the consulate…. this many miles from the tragedy. Once inside the consulate, Jackie watched the large screen TV as we waited. That is when she said, Mom, there has been a bombing in Boston… We are all so sad for the families and for everyone affected. Boston definitely has our prayers and is in our thoughts.
Diane, We had just heard the news on our way to Marseilles that day. The block leading to the consulate was lined with armed police and police vans and barricades were set up in front of the consulate…. this many miles from the tragedy. Once inside the consulate, Jackie watched the large screen TV as we waited. That is when she said, Mom, there has been a bombing in Boston… We are all so sad for the families and for everyone affected. Boston definitely has our prayers and is in our thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your emotions. I’d like to read about your daughter’s emotions because she would have a French native’s perspective, which would be different from an American’s. It would be interesting to read about.
Thank you for sharing your emotions. I’d like to read about your daughter’s emotions because she would have a French native’s perspective, which would be different from an American’s. It would be interesting to read about.
Our comments echo those of Gus Elison and Polly Adkins. The emotions we felt when we visited the American and Canadian cemeteries in Normandy and the thankful gratitude to our “boys” will never be forgotten.
Angela and Robert Fowler
Our comments echo those of Gus Elison and Polly Adkins. The emotions we felt when we visited the American and Canadian cemeteries in Normandy and the thankful gratitude to our “boys” will never be forgotten.
Angela and Robert Fowler
Thank you for sharing such intense emotions. You’ve had so much going on in your life lately that a bit of homesickness can overflow into a river of tears. Bon weekend to you and your whole family.
Thank you for sharing such intense emotions. You’ve had so much going on in your life lately that a bit of homesickness can overflow into a river of tears. Bon weekend to you and your whole family.
Today’s quote – love it! How do you say I heart this beautiful story?
Returning “home” driving north on I-5, I get misty eyed when the first view of Seattle with the Sound glistening to her left comes into view.
Have a lovely day! May you find time to be outdoors this weekend and be soothed by the beauty of nature.
Today’s quote – love it! How do you say I heart this beautiful story?
Returning “home” driving north on I-5, I get misty eyed when the first view of Seattle with the Sound glistening to her left comes into view.
Have a lovely day! May you find time to be outdoors this weekend and be soothed by the beauty of nature.
“Home” is powerful. It never fails, even when returning from a delightful visit to France, that I tear-up in immigration when the officer checking my passport says to me, “Welcome home.”
Thanks for your heartfelt post. I’m tearful just writing this!
“Home” is powerful. It never fails, even when returning from a delightful visit to France, that I tear-up in immigration when the officer checking my passport says to me, “Welcome home.”
Thanks for your heartfelt post. I’m tearful just writing this!
Dear Kristin.. Firstly, your children are both fabulous looking! They definitey will be ‘heartbreakers’ in the future. When I was about your age and we were living in Paris, I found that I would become an emotional ‘basket case’ at the sight of our flag or even upon seeing a lonely can of Campbell’s soup in a local store! The slightest thing that tugged at my ‘heartstrings’ would set off a mini-tsunami of tears. I learned to carry a load of tissues in my pocket! I was loving living in Paris so much I knew it could not be homesickness as we had done nothing but move around all of our lives! I spoke to my French GP about this emotional roller-coaster and she said “simplement menapause’! Somehow I never thought about that! Zut! I was only 48 at the time!! I took some fabulous hormone pills for the next two years and they evened out my ’emotional jags’ and then I did not take them anymore. I also did not go into overdrive in the tears department either… just normal alligator tears once in a blue moon. Soooo, maybe you are beginning to experience some of the same symptons along with a good dose of patriotism! Cheer up, it does not last forever, merci mon Dieu! Bon weekend, Judi Dunn, Tallahassee, Fl.
Dear Kristin.. Firstly, your children are both fabulous looking! They definitey will be ‘heartbreakers’ in the future. When I was about your age and we were living in Paris, I found that I would become an emotional ‘basket case’ at the sight of our flag or even upon seeing a lonely can of Campbell’s soup in a local store! The slightest thing that tugged at my ‘heartstrings’ would set off a mini-tsunami of tears. I learned to carry a load of tissues in my pocket! I was loving living in Paris so much I knew it could not be homesickness as we had done nothing but move around all of our lives! I spoke to my French GP about this emotional roller-coaster and she said “simplement menapause’! Somehow I never thought about that! Zut! I was only 48 at the time!! I took some fabulous hormone pills for the next two years and they evened out my ’emotional jags’ and then I did not take them anymore. I also did not go into overdrive in the tears department either… just normal alligator tears once in a blue moon. Soooo, maybe you are beginning to experience some of the same symptons along with a good dose of patriotism! Cheer up, it does not last forever, merci mon Dieu! Bon weekend, Judi Dunn, Tallahassee, Fl.