The wind and sea in Marseilles….
French Quote:
Les larmes sont les pétales du coeur. –Paul Eluard
Tears are the heart’s petals.
Audio File: Reread the above quote, then listen to it here: Download MP3 or Wav file
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Coming Home
Standing before the great iron gates of the American consulate in Marseilles, I was surprised by a barrage of tears. Afraid the larmes would tumble out from behind their lash-rimmed dam, I rummaged through my pockets for un mouchoir. But all I could find was a ratty, make-up stained Kleenex.
“Mom!” Jackie said, with a mixture of tenderness and assertion. “What’s the matter?“
I widened my eyes, as though stretching them might staunch the teary flow. Instead, the gesture added a bewildered look to the fragile exterior I hoped to mask.
“I don’t know!” I said to my daughter, blotting the corners of my eyes with the weak tissue, careful it didn’t end up in pieces, too.
My mind began to chatter:
Gosh, you are so sensitive! You’d think you were a hostage and that now, after two decades of captivity, you had arrived at the great freedom gates! The American Consulate, The Knight in Shining Armor!
I tried to understand the flood of emotion. It must be that feeling of release… The tears must be a kind of catharsis. But what was there to be cathartic about?
I did everything to curtail the tears, when my eyes settled high up on the branches of a leafless tree, planted, like me, outside the consulate’s intimidating security barrier.
With my eyes lifted upward to the tree’s limbs the tears had no chance of advancing but had to fall back into the fragile vessel producing them.
“Look!” I said to the kids, who all but towered above me like that tree. “There is a towel stuck in the branches!” I wasn’t really interested in the flimsy, displaced serviette…but focusing on it might be just the distraction needed.
As we waited outside the U.S. Embassy, where we were scheduled to renew the kids’ American passports for the third time in 18 years, I reconsidered the wayward object in the tree above us.
Uprooted, the little towel had been swept up by a passionate gust and deposited in an exciting foreign land. Months or years or decades later, the novelty having faded, there it remained….
There were pros and cons of the towel’s foreign residence. The pros: a fantastic view! An elevated situation! An original life! The scent of baguettes wafting upwards… But there were cons, too: years and years away from its homeland, loneliness, and a separation from its people.
As my mind entertained itself with the towel’s drama my emotions were kept at bay–but not for long! The great iron gates of the Consulat général des États-Unis swung open and I heard a voice that sounded just like my own.
“Hello. How are you doing today?” one of my people said.
* * *
Picture of the kids and me taken just around the corner from the The U.S. Consulate General in Marseilles. Jean-Marc suggested we have a coffee while waiting for the consulate to open. (The pause helped temporarily to settle these emotions!) The kids (Jackie, 15 years old is center — and that’s an almost 18 year old Max) were moved, too, by the experience of entering the American consulate in Marseilles. I hope to write about Jackie’s emotions sometime (what a different reaction she had than I! Do you know the French expression “fou rire?“)
FRENCH VOCABULARY
une larme = tear drop (story and post here)
un mouchoir = tissue
la serviette = towel
Le consulat général des États-Unis = Consulate of the United States of America
le fou rire = the giggles
The colorful and historic “Panier” neighborhood in Marseilles, just off the Vieux Port.
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I get it Kristin! I think you are a great writer to capture all that emotion in the last line!
I get it Kristin! I think you are a great writer to capture all that emotion in the last line!
Like Lydia, I sometimes wish I could live abroad. I did for several years in the 80’s live in France and Germany, and turned down the opportunity to live in Germany(for possibly permanent, like you). One reason I turned it down, even though it sounded romantic and all, was because I missed the U.S.A. so much. I felt torn.
Now, I am torn too at the experiences I missed but, with that said, I love me country so much and can’t sing our national anthem with crying and getting choked up. It’s difficult to describe those feelings and I appreciated your imagery of the ‘towels’ feelings.
Like Lydia, I sometimes wish I could live abroad. I did for several years in the 80’s live in France and Germany, and turned down the opportunity to live in Germany(for possibly permanent, like you). One reason I turned it down, even though it sounded romantic and all, was because I missed the U.S.A. so much. I felt torn.
Now, I am torn too at the experiences I missed but, with that said, I love me country so much and can’t sing our national anthem with crying and getting choked up. It’s difficult to describe those feelings and I appreciated your imagery of the ‘towels’ feelings.
So sorry, for the typos, I’m not on my own keyboard. Another person in France right now who is feeling the same way is http://www.designmom.com
So sorry, for the typos, I’m not on my own keyboard. Another person in France right now who is feeling the same way is http://www.designmom.com
Hi Kristin,
Love, love this post! The photo of Marseille and the sea is breathtaking! I had the same reaction as Gus when I visited the American Cemetery in Normandy. I thought of all those brave men and how their final resting place is in another land.
Kristin, what does “fou rire” mean?
I was also wondering if you all laugh when you hear Americans say, “Have a nice day”
Hi Kristin,
Love, love this post! The photo of Marseille and the sea is breathtaking! I had the same reaction as Gus when I visited the American Cemetery in Normandy. I thought of all those brave men and how their final resting place is in another land.
Kristin, what does “fou rire” mean?
I was also wondering if you all laugh when you hear Americans say, “Have a nice day”
Thank you, Eileen! A fou rire is an uncontrollable laugh. Sometimes out of embarrassment, sometimes just because somethings funny. In this case, it was a serious moment that provoked Jackies laughter. She was about to be asked to swear the truth by an American consulate official. The process was touching to say the least 🙂
Thank you, Eileen! A fou rire is an uncontrollable laugh. Sometimes out of embarrassment, sometimes just because somethings funny. In this case, it was a serious moment that provoked Jackies laughter. She was about to be asked to swear the truth by an American consulate official. The process was touching to say the least 🙂
Really neat post and interesting to read others comments. So I’ll join in… My family and I, my wife and four sons, returned to the US a year ago after 12 years in Italy (2) and Germany (10). A lot of trepidation about returning but my career was at the point where I had to return. 3rd son was born in Naples Italy (he still thinks he is Neopolitan and we encourage it) and 4th son was born in Wurzburg Germany. He was bilingual up to about 3 months back and still thinks of himself as German. Well… It has been a rough transition back even despite moving to the same town we left 13 years ago and the addition of my mother in law to that same town. We have reconnected with her and this has been fabulous but are having a lot of trouble reconnecting with our community. I returned a year ago yesterday, 23 Apr 12. What has become dramatically clear is that we are not the same people who left America 12 years ago with 1 and half kids. America has changed so much too. Hate to say it but fear is almost tangible in the air and as we left before 9/11, we left a country not tainted by the violence that a lot of other countries through out the world deal with every day. I could go on about this for days but my viewpoint is that Europe and France have learned a great deal over the last couple of centuries; things that the US are just now having to face and figure out. Personally, I would go back tomorrow if I could. I missed the US of A a lot like you. Two of my sons were born in Europe. My father died while I was away. Nieces and nephews got married. Peoples lives moved on. And every major event in the US required an 8 hour flight in a tin can to get back to. Now that I’m back; I realize I missed something I cannot hold onto. Some slightened version of reality, a dream or vision of America that just does not exist anymore. Today, the US of A is not the one I remember. But still, I dream of the ideal that we can manipulate and shape. You know that American Dream thing… If you were born and raised here it almost becomes a part of your DNA. From one who was there and came back; be confident and proud of your American heritage but continue to embrace France and don’t look back.
Really neat post and interesting to read others comments. So I’ll join in… My family and I, my wife and four sons, returned to the US a year ago after 12 years in Italy (2) and Germany (10). A lot of trepidation about returning but my career was at the point where I had to return. 3rd son was born in Naples Italy (he still thinks he is Neopolitan and we encourage it) and 4th son was born in Wurzburg Germany. He was bilingual up to about 3 months back and still thinks of himself as German. Well… It has been a rough transition back even despite moving to the same town we left 13 years ago and the addition of my mother in law to that same town. We have reconnected with her and this has been fabulous but are having a lot of trouble reconnecting with our community. I returned a year ago yesterday, 23 Apr 12. What has become dramatically clear is that we are not the same people who left America 12 years ago with 1 and half kids. America has changed so much too. Hate to say it but fear is almost tangible in the air and as we left before 9/11, we left a country not tainted by the violence that a lot of other countries through out the world deal with every day. I could go on about this for days but my viewpoint is that Europe and France have learned a great deal over the last couple of centuries; things that the US are just now having to face and figure out. Personally, I would go back tomorrow if I could. I missed the US of A a lot like you. Two of my sons were born in Europe. My father died while I was away. Nieces and nephews got married. Peoples lives moved on. And every major event in the US required an 8 hour flight in a tin can to get back to. Now that I’m back; I realize I missed something I cannot hold onto. Some slightened version of reality, a dream or vision of America that just does not exist anymore. Today, the US of A is not the one I remember. But still, I dream of the ideal that we can manipulate and shape. You know that American Dream thing… If you were born and raised here it almost becomes a part of your DNA. From one who was there and came back; be confident and proud of your American heritage but continue to embrace France and don’t look back.
Scott, Thanks for sharing your story!
Scott, Thanks for sharing your story!
Great post Kristin, with comments by readers to match. Thanks to you Kristin for what someone beautifully called your “selfless acts of artistry.” Your insights and courageous disclosures broaden my world.
Great post Kristin, with comments by readers to match. Thanks to you Kristin for what someone beautifully called your “selfless acts of artistry.” Your insights and courageous disclosures broaden my world.
Written from the heart. Loved your post, it really flowed. xx
Written from the heart. Loved your post, it really flowed. xx
Your writing just gets better and better. Great post.
Your writing just gets better and better. Great post.
Lou bogue said, Great post, your talent just gets better with time, can’t wait for the future, love to all the family, see you soon.
Lou bogue said, Great post, your talent just gets better with time, can’t wait for the future, love to all the family, see you soon.