In case you ever wondered just who gets stuck cleaning the catacombs of Paris… (Photograph taken by Michael Reeve)
Very sorry for the hasty letter today (the sound file and "word of the day" will return–along with the regular edition–on Wednesday).
I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The local authorities contacted us last month after a disgruntled sheep farmer filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted for empoisonnement! (Remember the cool "punk rock shepherd"? Well he wasn't so cool after all as he is claiming his herd suffered from gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing on our "contaminated" pasture.)
That the sheep all but trespassed onto OUR private property–to enjoy a free meal–doesn't seem to faze the police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement allowing the berger's sheep to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for their santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is surreal: the cleaning of the catacombs, i.e. Paris's underground cemetery. It took me a moment to understand the punishment, because of the confusing French words and legalease, which were misleading and which read: le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the words municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was assigned to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls!)
The good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received in the mail contained a small packing list: I am to bring my brosse à dents and a small flask of olive oil. A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per skull"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil both a detergent and a polish?) once I get there.
Off now to catch the train in Marseilles. See you Wednesday…
Amicalement,
Kristin
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking an extra of Jean-Marc's. He won't even know the difference–he's not back from the States yet (or else HE would have volunteered to take the punishment).
P.P.S. Even more surreal (humiliating, actually) is the uniform I have been assigned to wear. See it here along with a note, in the comments box, and I would love to know your opinion on this one!
Note: The good news is the sheep will survive the stomach attack or le gastro; because they are no longer fit to slaughter they will live out their days in a petting zoo, outside Toulon).
To share a comment, click here.
In theme with my punishement, I'm pairing this edition with photos I've taken over the years… of locks or cadenas. This one, in St Paul Trois Chateau.
Locked up somewhere in Italy….
Locked up somewhere in Provence…
Locked up somewhere in Croatia…
Locked up somewhere in Paris… that would be me. On my way now, to the Catacombes de Paris. Don't forget to see what the uniform I've been assigned looks like, here.
Smokey Locksmith says: If you're ever feeling locked up I've got a key for you! To comment on any of the photos, or something in this edition, click here.
Forward this edition to an April Fool. xoxo, Kristi
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Sorry, there is no photo to show you… only wishes for a Happy April Fools Day!
To read about what the French are doing on this holiday, go here:http://french-word-a-day.typepad.com/motdujour/2011/04/poisson-davril.html
Sorry, there is no photo to show you… only wishes for a Happy April Fools Day!
To read about what the French are doing on this holiday, go here:http://french-word-a-day.typepad.com/motdujour/2011/04/poisson-davril.html
This story definitely needs to go in your next book. My husband is wondering why I am laughing so hard, which is not at you of course, but at the situation! …Because if you can’t laugh, you just might cry. This is outrageous! I suppose you will get to know your bones rather intimately and we will be charmed by your next vignette of life in France. I am wishing you a lot of courage in the next three days!
Alanna
This story definitely needs to go in your next book. My husband is wondering why I am laughing so hard, which is not at you of course, but at the situation! …Because if you can’t laugh, you just might cry. This is outrageous! I suppose you will get to know your bones rather intimately and we will be charmed by your next vignette of life in France. I am wishing you a lot of courage in the next three days!
Alanna
Good one, Kristi. I fell for it hook, line and sinker!
Good one, Kristi. I fell for it hook, line and sinker!
Jees…you ALMOST got me!!!!
Jees…you ALMOST got me!!!!
Is this true, or an ingenious “April Fool” gotcha? I hope you are not literally scrubbing sculls with toothbrush. Sounds like a public health menace to me. And, who owns the sculls? Are they the buried victims of La Revolution Francais? Yikes. Keep the stories coming. I love your blog!
Is this true, or an ingenious “April Fool” gotcha? I hope you are not literally scrubbing sculls with toothbrush. Sounds like a public health menace to me. And, who owns the sculls? Are they the buried victims of La Revolution Francais? Yikes. Keep the stories coming. I love your blog!
What an imagination!! Fell for it too…though I would love to see the catacombs one day!! Look at the flash mob in Spain I posted on my FB page this am, you will love it!!…not a poisson d’avril either…! xox S
What an imagination!! Fell for it too…though I would love to see the catacombs one day!! Look at the flash mob in Spain I posted on my FB page this am, you will love it!!…not a poisson d’avril either…! xox S
You had me going ,good one. I was going to give you a recipe for a real shepherds pie.
You had me going ,good one. I was going to give you a recipe for a real shepherds pie.
A friend of mine has just had such a difficult time buying a piece of property in France (such a twisted 4 1/2 year piece of bureaucracy in place) that you had me believing this…but so glad this is not the case; I would hate to think of the cool shepard doing that…you’ve put a smile on our faces
A friend of mine has just had such a difficult time buying a piece of property in France (such a twisted 4 1/2 year piece of bureaucracy in place) that you had me believing this…but so glad this is not the case; I would hate to think of the cool shepard doing that…you’ve put a smile on our faces
Dang!!! You got me! Good one, Kristin. ;-0
Dang!!! You got me! Good one, Kristin. ;-0
You got me, Kristi. Good one. Although I was beginning to get suspicious when you said the government was going to pick up your train ticket!
You got me, Kristi. Good one. Although I was beginning to get suspicious when you said the government was going to pick up your train ticket!
Hysterical !! I totally believed you. (I’ve had my own dealings w/French bureaucracy– nothing would surprise me) — well, actually I thought they’ would just have had you clean the local catacombs…
Hysterical !! I totally believed you. (I’ve had my own dealings w/French bureaucracy– nothing would surprise me) — well, actually I thought they’ would just have had you clean the local catacombs…
I was convinced this was a true “miscarriage of justice” until I clicked to see the uniform you were going to have to wear! Thank you, Kristi, for the April Fool’s laugh!
I was convinced this was a true “miscarriage of justice” until I clicked to see the uniform you were going to have to wear! Thank you, Kristi, for the April Fool’s laugh!
Best “poisson d’avril”! Great writing.
Anitra, Ann Arbor
Best “poisson d’avril”! Great writing.
Anitra, Ann Arbor
OMG!
I completely believed it!
Josephine
OMG!
I completely believed it!
Josephine
For shame, Kristin. . .
You had me believing this sad saga until near the end and then, like what happens every morning, it finally dawned on me.
À plus tard
For shame, Kristin. . .
You had me believing this sad saga until near the end and then, like what happens every morning, it finally dawned on me.
À plus tard
I read it twice to see if I was following it correctly. Damn, you’re good! Thanks for the laugh Kristin!
I read it twice to see if I was following it correctly. Damn, you’re good! Thanks for the laugh Kristin!
You got me with that story. Brilliant! Enjoy the lovely day!
You got me with that story. Brilliant! Enjoy the lovely day!
Happy first of April…just love your concept of French justice. And could you PLEASE come up with a uniform for the oiling of the skulls?
Robin
Happy first of April…just love your concept of French justice. And could you PLEASE come up with a uniform for the oiling of the skulls?
Robin
C’est encroyable! You had me – hook, line and sinker! (how do you say that in the French equivalent?) Too funny …. After having bought brought property in Paris and working with the crazy laws it seemed plausible. That’s the scary part – it actually sounded like it could be true. Happy April Fool’s Mizzz NOT-so-Fool Extraordinaire! Hugs, me
C’est encroyable! You had me – hook, line and sinker! (how do you say that in the French equivalent?) Too funny …. After having bought brought property in Paris and working with the crazy laws it seemed plausible. That’s the scary part – it actually sounded like it could be true. Happy April Fool’s Mizzz NOT-so-Fool Extraordinaire! Hugs, me
The whole thing is so bizarre I STILL believe it. And it scares the you-know-what out of me. Every possible danger leaps to mind, plus a few impossible ones. Please of please say “April Fool” right now so I can get through the rest if the day. My angst is only mitigated by the words to the old song… “The foot bone connected to the ankle bone… The ankle bone connected to the leg bone… The leg bone connected to the thingh bone… (And so on…) I hear the word of the Lord!”
The whole thing is so bizarre I STILL believe it. And it scares the you-know-what out of me. Every possible danger leaps to mind, plus a few impossible ones. Please of please say “April Fool” right now so I can get through the rest if the day. My angst is only mitigated by the words to the old song… “The foot bone connected to the ankle bone… The ankle bone connected to the leg bone… The leg bone connected to the thingh bone… (And so on…) I hear the word of the Lord!”
You got me!!! But cleaning the catacombs would really make for a great story so maybe you should go for it anyway….
You got me!!! But cleaning the catacombs would really make for a great story so maybe you should go for it anyway….
Good One, Kristin! You got us too. Not surprising though. Here in the US, a woman held a Hot cup of take-out coffee in her lap while in a moving vehicle, the coffee spilled, she got burned and she sued the fast food place for making the coffee too hot!! She won her case. You’ve probably heard that one. There are all kinds of crazy lawsuits, so your story didn’t seem so different.
Good One, Kristin! You got us too. Not surprising though. Here in the US, a woman held a Hot cup of take-out coffee in her lap while in a moving vehicle, the coffee spilled, she got burned and she sued the fast food place for making the coffee too hot!! She won her case. You’ve probably heard that one. There are all kinds of crazy lawsuits, so your story didn’t seem so different.
Brava, Kristin! Well played!
Brava, Kristin! Well played!
OH HONEY – YOU ARE THE SAME LITTLE BRAT you were as a child…
XOXO
MOM
OH HONEY – YOU ARE THE SAME LITTLE BRAT you were as a child…
XOXO
MOM
A great April’s fool fool, Kristin !
A great April’s fool fool, Kristin !