I stumbled across this photo this morning. I think it speaks volumes after today's story, which is dedicated to my husband.
Today's word is an expression: l'enjeu est grand
: the stakes are high (there is a lot at risk)
Audio File: listen to me say this phrase Download MP3 or Wav
Je ne sais pas quoi faire. L'enjeu est grand.
I don't know what to do. The stakes are high.
All kinds of "steaks" or "enjeu" expression here, if you are looking to improve your French. If you are looking to relate to life… then please read my story, below. It's a follow up about the memoir I would like to write…
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
Do not allow yourself to get excited by what is said about you. Let the world talk. —Fenelon
Jean-Marc and I are lying on our backs in the dark. It is 5 in the morning and I've had insomnia for the first time in years. My mind is spinning after the recent revelations I have shared on my blog. But no matter the positive reception, no matter the encouragements, I can't help but fear what's coming next—if I go ahead with plans with this tell-all memoir.
The thought sends chills and I pull up the covers. "I feel hungover," I joke, turning to my husband. But just like the aftermath of a drinking spree, will I regret being so loose with my story? So much has already come out, in the previous posts. The sharing of my sobriety is detoxifying. There are cold sweats and headaches now, ten years after my last drink.
Jean-Marc laughs. "It's all that pastis you swallowed last night!" As he shifts beneath the covers, pockets of warmth are freed, enveloping me. With the warmth, comes a sense of security. It seems safe to broach a subject that is bothering me.
"There are a couple chapters we need to talk about…" I begin. Though I have gone over the sensitive material many times in my mind, I forget that Jean-Marc is hearing the chapter outline for the first time. So busy spitting out the controversial details, I am unaware of the growing silence in the room.
"If I could just get past these chapters," I conclude, "I think I can tell the rest of my story."
Jean-Marc turns over, his back is now to me. In 19 years of marriage, such body language is easier than French to interpret.
I quietly get up to make our tea, realizing that my number one supporter may no longer be able to cheer me to the finish line. Without him, I will not make it past chapter one. I won't even want to.
Stopping at the bathroom sink, I splash water on my face. Looking into the little mirror, I see scars all over: a huge "H" on my forehead, an "L" down my nose. Stitch, stitch, stitch. The latest one, a dent near the tip of my nose, tells of ongoing struggles.
Damn it! I think, shutting off the tap. He's still mad at me. But haven't I paid for my past follies? If my squeaky-clean daily living wasn't enough, I'd coped with skin cancer in the last year and a half. It is as though the recovery work that began in me a decade ago continues to push up "toxins"—to the very surface of my skin!
Climbing back into bed with the hot mugs, I hand Jean-Marc his tea, setting mine down on the nightstand beside a stack of notebooks. Slipping under the covers I still feel the chill in the air. I ask Jean-Marc what he is thinking.
"About a lot of things…" My husband's words feel condemning.
But what did I expect? I deserve the cold shoulder—I have put him through a lot. I will continue to pay penance for my actions, not because he asks me to—but because I need to! I will bring Jean-Marc his morning tea… I will write my stories, always focusing on the good things… I will wear sunscreen!
"Listen," I say, defensively. "I don't have to write this book. I can stop now, call it quits after those two chapters. I have received several notes… readers telling me that because of my coming clean, they are finally going to quit drinking. If writing those chapters has helped someone, it has been worth it. I need not go any farther!"
"But this book," I continue, "is not about drinking. As for the chapters I have just told you about, I don't have to include them. I can just omit the information and the story will be: "I got drunk, I fell down, I got sober, I started a blog, became an author, moved to a winery! stayed sober through that, and skin cancer—and lived happily ever after!
Re the controversial parts, I can drag myself over the coals sharing all my faults and revealing all my transgressions. And YOU can be the hero at the end of every episode, cheering me on and on!
But by not sharing the whole story, my behavior—recounted across those revelatory pages—won't make a lot of sense! All the colorful exploits will be taken out of context. Either I tell the whole story, or quit now.
The look on Jean-Marc's face tells me he's coming round… but just in case, I assure him:
Yes, I can just stick to blog-writing and keep typing these skipping-through-lavender-fields lighthearted anecdotes. And you can be the one who is always hiding encouraging notes in my robe pocket, gifting me with cherry trees," I say, referring to the opening chapter in the book that I still so deeply want to write.
"I told you," Jean-Marc mumbles, "write what you need to write."
Another period of silence passes in which each of us reaches for our computers and our tea, to surf the net, silently. Checking my mail I am struck dumb by a letter.
The forwarded email has accidentally ended up in my inbox. In the letter, someone I admire—who has also shown a lot of affection toward me—is telling another friend about the first two chapters of my memoir. Concerning the Prologue story, she writes:
This one is about her marking her 10th anniversary of sobriety. And, yes, if you read it and get the impression her husband is a jerk, he is.
I am stunned as I read my friend's words. I know she cares about me, but I had no idea how she felt about my husband! Farther down the email, I see the recipient's response:
I can appreciate what this woman went through to get where she is and should I assume that the rest of the manuscript details what it took for her (and out of her) to get where she is today?
They were talking about us—me and "The Jerk"! My heart fell as I began to realize the consequences of my sharing. Write enough about my husband—no matter how lovingly—and somebody out there is going to think he is a connard!
It occurred to me then that no matter how sensitively I told my story, I was putting my husband's reputation at risk.
"You have my permission," Jean-Marc said, setting down his tea. "I don't care what anybody thinks about me."
"But you should care. It might hurt you one day. Someone might mistake you for a connard!"
The more I thought about it, I realized what danger I was putting him in. Though a few illustrative sentences about Jean-Marc's behavior might balance out my own questionable behavior in one of the dramatic chapters, would readers be left with a bad taste in their mouths? And would that be what they remembered?
Only I will know all his proofs of love and the lengths he has gone to to pull us through.
Next I thought about the risk to my own reputation. Did I really want to be labelled? You know, she's an alcoholic… complete strangers would say. Should I choose to go ahead with my story, there would be other colorful labels that would crop up, too!
Having built up a blog in the past ten years, with supportive (and down right adoring) readers, do I want to risk off-putting any one of them with some tidbit from my private life?
I began to think about all of the people that would read my story, from my French aunts to my grandchildren to the lady at the flower stand, to whom I had given my card. Did I want them to know everything about me? What would be the consequences?
In ten years would family members look at me and say, "But Kristi, what were you thinking?"
Would my husband still be here?
Is it really worth it? Even if I were to work with an agent and a publisher—and be paid for my story—would it be, in the end, at my very own expense?
***
Monday morning now. My husband is laughing again. After a particularly painful weekend, he is back to his chipper, teasing self when I bring him his morning tea.
"Pray for me, that I might tell this story," I whisper.
"I already have," Jean-Marc smiles.
"Are you just saying that? You didn't pray!" I say, poking his side.
"Yes, I did," he pokes me back, and I'm touched, believing him.
***
My mom supports me, my sister too: "Call me every day," Heidi insists, encouraging me to tell my story, if it will help me. "I think it will help others," I say.
"You bet it will help others!" my sister agrees.
***
Post note: To my friend who wrote that Jean-Marc is a jerk. He has not seen your letter and I am not mad at you. I only ask that you will remember to withhold judgment. I want to tell my story but I am terrified of anyone judging my husband or myself, which will happen, I know.
Jean-Marc may not always be an angel, but he is my Prince Charming. His love has swooped me up, quite literally off the ground.
A final word: when I have my doubts about sharing my story, including the bad decisions I have made, it gives me great courage to know that readers are not judging me. I read every comment, here are just a few that speak to me, as I continue to weigh whether or not to share certain details of my story:
If it gives someone else the courage to make important changes, it will be worth it. Hopefully, it is therapeutic for you as well. There is no shame in past weakness overcome, or, at least held at bay. –Rob T
Kristin- You may never see my comment– there are so many. And it doesn't really matter. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and focus on you. You are a brave, strong woman. It takes guts to admit that you aren't perfect, but none of us are. This "confession" only makes me admire you more. We all have weaknesses, skeletons, "fallings down" or however you want to put it. We are human. Be true to yourself. I wish you the very best. Write this book for you. I will read it and so will many others. Much love sent your way- Teresa.
To comment on this story, or to read the comments, click here.
Chapters: click on the following links to read the book that I am currently writing
Jean-Marc (here with Tom Mann) will kick off his USA Wine Tour this spring. Check out his itinerary and see if he will be in your area. Click here.
If I continue writing… I'll tell you the story of moving to a wine farm. Yes, I was tempted there. No, I never tasted so much as one drop of Jean-Marc's award winning-wine. I swear.
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Dear Kristi,
I am a professional writer who has grappled with the same dilemma for the past few years, and so far, I have decided not to subject my family or myself to the public scrutiny publication of a full memoir would bring. I will continue to write stories recounting my life’s outward adventures, and I will write about the emotions and familial interactions that have accompanied the hard times in my life, but only the former will be published. For me, it is enough to write about the latter for just myself and for my family, as a tool to help us understand our lives together. Although it possibly could benefit an “outside” person to read about the innermost feelings, thoughts and interactions that I and the members of my family have had during our struggles, that possibility is not worth the sense of public nakedness and even violation that each member of my family, and I, would feel if I published what I have written on those topics. Each of us has a sense of privacy that must be respected by those with whom we share our innermost selves.
If you feel a strong urge to not only write but to publish your memoir, I encourage you to have carefully consider what you need to write, and how you want to write it, before or as you write, and to have the members of your family about whom you write read and talk with you about what you have written before you consider actually publishing it.
Dear Kristi,
I am a professional writer who has grappled with the same dilemma for the past few years, and so far, I have decided not to subject my family or myself to the public scrutiny publication of a full memoir would bring. I will continue to write stories recounting my life’s outward adventures, and I will write about the emotions and familial interactions that have accompanied the hard times in my life, but only the former will be published. For me, it is enough to write about the latter for just myself and for my family, as a tool to help us understand our lives together. Although it possibly could benefit an “outside” person to read about the innermost feelings, thoughts and interactions that I and the members of my family have had during our struggles, that possibility is not worth the sense of public nakedness and even violation that each member of my family, and I, would feel if I published what I have written on those topics. Each of us has a sense of privacy that must be respected by those with whom we share our innermost selves.
If you feel a strong urge to not only write but to publish your memoir, I encourage you to have carefully consider what you need to write, and how you want to write it, before or as you write, and to have the members of your family about whom you write read and talk with you about what you have written before you consider actually publishing it.
Dear Kristin..
I am new ( a few months) to the blog….and, am earnestly trying to learn French. I love your blog…I look so forward to it. Regarding your recent posts, I honor you and, I must echo the words of Julie S. from San Diego….”what anyone else thinks of you is none of your business”….I totally live by that …..having been told this by a dear dear friend…..it’s become my mantra. Honor you and what you want.
I applaud you.
Namaste!
kate
Dear Kristin..
I am new ( a few months) to the blog….and, am earnestly trying to learn French. I love your blog…I look so forward to it. Regarding your recent posts, I honor you and, I must echo the words of Julie S. from San Diego….”what anyone else thinks of you is none of your business”….I totally live by that …..having been told this by a dear dear friend…..it’s become my mantra. Honor you and what you want.
I applaud you.
Namaste!
kate
Kristi, there is among the many wise sayings and slogans in AA and Al-Anon one that applies brilliantly to these issue, and to the feedback from us as well — it goes, “Take what you like, and leave the rest.” Never forget how you coped so well not long ago with the peculiar verbal attacks from a neighbour thought to be a friend.
Whatever YOU find resonates with you from all we may say, speaking from our limited perspectives, that resonance is your guide, not our opinions. After all, the latter often are more revealing of our own preferences than of the worthiness of something you are expressing.
For example, most of us are honoured and touched to be sharing your drafting of this challenging memoir. Yet, I notice a couple of your most devoted blog-followers would prefer you not to offer the material to us at all while it’s still even a little ‘raw’ — me, I so adore that edge of sharply honest disclosure, while others find it too much. So our responses are about US, at least as much as about your sharing.
I beg you not to hold back with us. Maybe a notion is to alternate the memoir chapters here with the kind of blog topics that some folks are more used to and more at ease with? Again, it’s for you to decide.
ABOVE ALL, I long for you to hang in with this project … as long as it feels to YOU as if it is meant to be written. When you, Kristin Espinasse, write from your heart, be it through light or shadow, joy or anguish, all our hearts rise to meet you and are enriched.
with much deep affection and admiration, you remarkable woman!
~ kwp
Kristi, there is among the many wise sayings and slogans in AA and Al-Anon one that applies brilliantly to these issue, and to the feedback from us as well — it goes, “Take what you like, and leave the rest.” Never forget how you coped so well not long ago with the peculiar verbal attacks from a neighbour thought to be a friend.
Whatever YOU find resonates with you from all we may say, speaking from our limited perspectives, that resonance is your guide, not our opinions. After all, the latter often are more revealing of our own preferences than of the worthiness of something you are expressing.
For example, most of us are honoured and touched to be sharing your drafting of this challenging memoir. Yet, I notice a couple of your most devoted blog-followers would prefer you not to offer the material to us at all while it’s still even a little ‘raw’ — me, I so adore that edge of sharply honest disclosure, while others find it too much. So our responses are about US, at least as much as about your sharing.
I beg you not to hold back with us. Maybe a notion is to alternate the memoir chapters here with the kind of blog topics that some folks are more used to and more at ease with? Again, it’s for you to decide.
ABOVE ALL, I long for you to hang in with this project … as long as it feels to YOU as if it is meant to be written. When you, Kristin Espinasse, write from your heart, be it through light or shadow, joy or anguish, all our hearts rise to meet you and are enriched.
with much deep affection and admiration, you remarkable woman!
~ kwp
Bon courage Kristin! I love your blog and look forward to your book. My wife and I had a year in Provence not long ago, including a month in Bandol so I love keeping up with your stories. Forgive me, but I must recommend a magical book called “Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol” (The kindle version I bought cost less than $4 at Amazon!) After reading it 3 months ago I haven’t had the slightest urge to drink ever since. No willpower, no withdrawals, no cravings or feelings of deprivation. It really is magical .. and easy! I’ve since bought 2 more of the books to give away to friends. Keep up the wonderful writing Kristin.
– Jim
Bon courage Kristin! I love your blog and look forward to your book. My wife and I had a year in Provence not long ago, including a month in Bandol so I love keeping up with your stories. Forgive me, but I must recommend a magical book called “Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol” (The kindle version I bought cost less than $4 at Amazon!) After reading it 3 months ago I haven’t had the slightest urge to drink ever since. No willpower, no withdrawals, no cravings or feelings of deprivation. It really is magical .. and easy! I’ve since bought 2 more of the books to give away to friends. Keep up the wonderful writing Kristin.
– Jim
I agree that you have two choices, fiction or memoir. If it’s going to be a memoir, I think you just need to be sure that you are both OK with it. People shouldn’t be judgmental, but sometimes they are, and you both have to be willing to live with that.
I agree that you have two choices, fiction or memoir. If it’s going to be a memoir, I think you just need to be sure that you are both OK with it. People shouldn’t be judgmental, but sometimes they are, and you both have to be willing to live with that.
Some things are better kept private
Some things are better kept private
There is not a nickel’s worth of difference in all our lives. The real story comes in how we survive it all. Sharing is a wonderful gift of compassion and shared courage.
There is not a nickel’s worth of difference in all our lives. The real story comes in how we survive it all. Sharing is a wonderful gift of compassion and shared courage.
Dear Kristi:
A postcard has got into my hands today. And upon reading what’s inside I thought those very words apply to you:
“”SPECIAL” is the word that best describes you..
“Special” is a word that is used to describe something one of a kind,
like a hug or a sunset
or a person who spreads love
with a smile or kind gesture.
“Special” describe people
who act from the heart
and keep in mind the hearts of others.
“Special” applies to something
that is admired and precious
and that can never be replaced.
“Special” is the word that best —
describes you. ”
Dear Kristi:
A postcard has got into my hands today. And upon reading what’s inside I thought those very words apply to you:
“”SPECIAL” is the word that best describes you..
“Special” is a word that is used to describe something one of a kind,
like a hug or a sunset
or a person who spreads love
with a smile or kind gesture.
“Special” describe people
who act from the heart
and keep in mind the hearts of others.
“Special” applies to something
that is admired and precious
and that can never be replaced.
“Special” is the word that best —
describes you. ”
Dear Kristi:
Imagine all the dreams, risks, life moves people would take if they didn’t worry about what other people thought about them? WE as humans are always so worried about being judged, and let the one without sin and faults cast the first stone….. This is happening for a reason, only good can come from it since it is being done with the heart and LOVE. Anything accomplished through Love is bound to be good.
Courage, Kristi!
Dear Kristi:
Imagine all the dreams, risks, life moves people would take if they didn’t worry about what other people thought about them? WE as humans are always so worried about being judged, and let the one without sin and faults cast the first stone….. This is happening for a reason, only good can come from it since it is being done with the heart and LOVE. Anything accomplished through Love is bound to be good.
Courage, Kristi!
Dear Kristin, Thank you for sharing the inner turmoil you have experienced over previous sharing and what to do in the future. Your writing is so real and honest. I have heard it called “sharer’s remorse” when someone regrets being so vulnerable. It can happen in all kinds of settings, even therapy. But if we are never vulnerable, our relationships stay at a surface level. Some people are very comfortable operating at that level, but they lose a richness and depth that they could know if they opened themselves up and also listened to others who open themselves. I have heard some talks that Brene Brown has given on vulnerability. She is wonderful. I think you can find them on-line.
I applaud your openness. Of course, as you write this memoir(and I hope you will), you will have to make judgments on how much you need to reveal. You have every right to keep some details private. But if you keep everything light, I do think you will miss an opportunity to help others who are now where you were.
You have such a solid base of supporters who love you and will cheer you on, people who for 10 years have gotten to know you through your writing. They will continue to love and support you. (And then there will always be those people who don’t understand. But if you and your family know it’s the right thing to do, it won’t matter what anyone else thinks or says.)
Jean-Marc has always seemed a champion to me. I have never understood his critics. I love the banter between you. Of course, no one is perfect, we all have little and big flaws, past mistakes and regrets. But we are all in process. That’s why we can never judge each other–we’re all growing and in need of understanding and acceptance.
I pray peace for you in your decision, and as you and Jean-Marc decide together how to handle your new book. I look forward to it!
Sending hugs and love from So. California.
Dear Kristin, Thank you for sharing the inner turmoil you have experienced over previous sharing and what to do in the future. Your writing is so real and honest. I have heard it called “sharer’s remorse” when someone regrets being so vulnerable. It can happen in all kinds of settings, even therapy. But if we are never vulnerable, our relationships stay at a surface level. Some people are very comfortable operating at that level, but they lose a richness and depth that they could know if they opened themselves up and also listened to others who open themselves. I have heard some talks that Brene Brown has given on vulnerability. She is wonderful. I think you can find them on-line.
I applaud your openness. Of course, as you write this memoir(and I hope you will), you will have to make judgments on how much you need to reveal. You have every right to keep some details private. But if you keep everything light, I do think you will miss an opportunity to help others who are now where you were.
You have such a solid base of supporters who love you and will cheer you on, people who for 10 years have gotten to know you through your writing. They will continue to love and support you. (And then there will always be those people who don’t understand. But if you and your family know it’s the right thing to do, it won’t matter what anyone else thinks or says.)
Jean-Marc has always seemed a champion to me. I have never understood his critics. I love the banter between you. Of course, no one is perfect, we all have little and big flaws, past mistakes and regrets. But we are all in process. That’s why we can never judge each other–we’re all growing and in need of understanding and acceptance.
I pray peace for you in your decision, and as you and Jean-Marc decide together how to handle your new book. I look forward to it!
Sending hugs and love from So. California.
Kristi Darling,
I hope you are sleeping in peace tonight.
XOXO
MOM
Kristi Darling,
I hope you are sleeping in peace tonight.
XOXO
MOM
The hardest thing to realize is that we are Loved. We are Love. The illusion offered by our mind is that we are separate and have done something wrong. These beautiful remarks from your followers stand out to me. “reject the road that fear would have you take”, “let the cocks crow while you smile from the inside out”, “setting yourself free happens inside of you”, “The process of ‘being’ is only an experience, not a static state.” You have nothing to confess Dear Kristi. You are perfect and You are Loved.
The hardest thing to realize is that we are Loved. We are Love. The illusion offered by our mind is that we are separate and have done something wrong. These beautiful remarks from your followers stand out to me. “reject the road that fear would have you take”, “let the cocks crow while you smile from the inside out”, “setting yourself free happens inside of you”, “The process of ‘being’ is only an experience, not a static state.” You have nothing to confess Dear Kristi. You are perfect and You are Loved.
I feel your uncertainty in how to proceed. You’ve received a lot of heartfelt opinions from all of us, but still you hesitate. Wise words I remember in times of uncertainty are, “When in doubt, stall for time.” Also, sometimes I pray, “Please show me what I should do, IN A WAY I WILL UNDERSTAND.” And then, wait expectantly for the confirmation you need to proceed. We all agree that we love reading about your life, but we want what’s best for you and your family. Timing is important. How do your kids feel about this now? Teenagers have strong opinions. Some wisdom may come from that quarter. I’ll be praying for you, that you will have a peace about whatever you decide is right.
I feel your uncertainty in how to proceed. You’ve received a lot of heartfelt opinions from all of us, but still you hesitate. Wise words I remember in times of uncertainty are, “When in doubt, stall for time.” Also, sometimes I pray, “Please show me what I should do, IN A WAY I WILL UNDERSTAND.” And then, wait expectantly for the confirmation you need to proceed. We all agree that we love reading about your life, but we want what’s best for you and your family. Timing is important. How do your kids feel about this now? Teenagers have strong opinions. Some wisdom may come from that quarter. I’ll be praying for you, that you will have a peace about whatever you decide is right.
Dear Kristi;
I think my thoughts are going to differ from most of the others; I feel that it is not always the best route to “let it all hang out”. I think first and foremost is your relationship with your husband (and children), and I feel you might damage relationships irreparable, not because of your “histoire”, but because you make it puplic for the world to see. I dont see the point of it, and I would not risk the relationship with my loved ones. What is the point of writing and publishing it? Think of those who you might be hurting; even if they say its alright, it may actually not be. The french are a lot more private than americans.
Dear Kristi;
I think my thoughts are going to differ from most of the others; I feel that it is not always the best route to “let it all hang out”. I think first and foremost is your relationship with your husband (and children), and I feel you might damage relationships irreparable, not because of your “histoire”, but because you make it puplic for the world to see. I dont see the point of it, and I would not risk the relationship with my loved ones. What is the point of writing and publishing it? Think of those who you might be hurting; even if they say its alright, it may actually not be. The french are a lot more private than americans.
Tell your story for others who have been or are in your shoes. Most importantly do it for yourself. Writing as you know is a great form of therapy. It releases all those thoughts in you that need to come out. Some of us never share what we write. Others, like you, have a gift of being able to send a message that no one is ever alone if they choose not to be, when it comes to getting through hard times, no matter what they may be. Someone else has been there and has a story to share. I told you, my dad has been a recovering alcoholic for 20 years. Alcoholism literally killed my ex husband. It killed our family. He did not have the strength to quit. It is a condition that scares me to death. I lived through some awful times with my ex, and am lucky to be alive. So, share your story to heal yourself, and help others see that something good can come out of something so bad. You are a wonderful, kind person with a story to tell.
Tell your story for others who have been or are in your shoes. Most importantly do it for yourself. Writing as you know is a great form of therapy. It releases all those thoughts in you that need to come out. Some of us never share what we write. Others, like you, have a gift of being able to send a message that no one is ever alone if they choose not to be, when it comes to getting through hard times, no matter what they may be. Someone else has been there and has a story to share. I told you, my dad has been a recovering alcoholic for 20 years. Alcoholism literally killed my ex husband. It killed our family. He did not have the strength to quit. It is a condition that scares me to death. I lived through some awful times with my ex, and am lucky to be alive. So, share your story to heal yourself, and help others see that something good can come out of something so bad. You are a wonderful, kind person with a story to tell.
Dear Kristi,
I’ve been reading your blog for at least a few years. During that time my husband and I have had some very difficult days with one of our children. I’ve been amazed at the way you’ve bared your life story and knew if I had been you, I wouldn’t have been able to continue writing. Life can be so very hard. Thank you for sharing your stories. You are one of the bravest people I know. You are not alone.
Dear Kristi,
I’ve been reading your blog for at least a few years. During that time my husband and I have had some very difficult days with one of our children. I’ve been amazed at the way you’ve bared your life story and knew if I had been you, I wouldn’t have been able to continue writing. Life can be so very hard. Thank you for sharing your stories. You are one of the bravest people I know. You are not alone.
Kristi,
I have never commented on your blog before, but have enjoyed looking at it on and off for years. Your writing is enjoyable, although I should pay more attention to the vocabulary. The rentals look heavenly and I have read several books from the suggestions that line the sides of your blog. It is however, your photography that draws me in. The images you capture and share are as profound as the words you write.
I wish I had a “French Word a Day” wall calendar filled with your photographs that changed with the months. Photos of the vineyard your husband is planting through the seasons, the villages, the landscapes. For those of us far from France, brief moments looking at your blog remind us of adventures we have yet to take. Or if we are lucky, as I am, remind us of wonderful times past spent.
Thank you.
Kristi,
I have never commented on your blog before, but have enjoyed looking at it on and off for years. Your writing is enjoyable, although I should pay more attention to the vocabulary. The rentals look heavenly and I have read several books from the suggestions that line the sides of your blog. It is however, your photography that draws me in. The images you capture and share are as profound as the words you write.
I wish I had a “French Word a Day” wall calendar filled with your photographs that changed with the months. Photos of the vineyard your husband is planting through the seasons, the villages, the landscapes. For those of us far from France, brief moments looking at your blog remind us of adventures we have yet to take. Or if we are lucky, as I am, remind us of wonderful times past spent.
Thank you.
Dear Kristi,
I think Wylie Goodman’s advice is wise. doing this privately will help you make the final decisions about what to include in the book and what to keep private. If you put it out here, chapter by chapter there is no taking it back. Your readers, including myself, are truly supportive of you no matter what. We all have a past, but we do not have to share all of it with the world. If you write your book privately, show it to your family, and then make the decision about publishing it either in book form or on line you will then be sure of the right path for you.
And, I am sure JM is more of a jerk than any other husband can be when they are tired, or stressed, or overwhelmed. That is life, it happens.
Love and hugs,
Sharon
Dear Kristi,
I think Wylie Goodman’s advice is wise. doing this privately will help you make the final decisions about what to include in the book and what to keep private. If you put it out here, chapter by chapter there is no taking it back. Your readers, including myself, are truly supportive of you no matter what. We all have a past, but we do not have to share all of it with the world. If you write your book privately, show it to your family, and then make the decision about publishing it either in book form or on line you will then be sure of the right path for you.
And, I am sure JM is more of a jerk than any other husband can be when they are tired, or stressed, or overwhelmed. That is life, it happens.
Love and hugs,
Sharon
Kristin, I am almost 20 years sober, and more grateful for the fact than I can say. I applaud your courage and your love. Your newsletter is always a welcome sight in my inbox, not least because of the open heart that you display in the stories and thoughts you share.
Kristin, I am almost 20 years sober, and more grateful for the fact than I can say. I applaud your courage and your love. Your newsletter is always a welcome sight in my inbox, not least because of the open heart that you display in the stories and thoughts you share.
you are beautiful. your honesty and sincerity is delightful and refreshing. i find being more open, although it can make you feel vulnerable, is always the best way to go. with all of this you’ve been revealing lately i can just say, way to go!
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”
― Pema Chödrön
xo d’une française en floride
you are beautiful. your honesty and sincerity is delightful and refreshing. i find being more open, although it can make you feel vulnerable, is always the best way to go. with all of this you’ve been revealing lately i can just say, way to go!
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”
― Pema Chödrön
xo d’une française en floride
Dear Kristin – A good friend sent me some of his writings a while back entitled “Strong People Described”. He shared the following…”my vulnerability is the birthplace of my loving myself and others, of being loved by myself and others, of my joy, creativity, inspiration.” Sharing that vulnerability takes courage and strength of a warrior.
Its humbling, and inspiring in my own life. To live more openly, from the heart. Much love to you and your family for sharing your lives with us.
Dear Kristin – A good friend sent me some of his writings a while back entitled “Strong People Described”. He shared the following…”my vulnerability is the birthplace of my loving myself and others, of being loved by myself and others, of my joy, creativity, inspiration.” Sharing that vulnerability takes courage and strength of a warrior.
Its humbling, and inspiring in my own life. To live more openly, from the heart. Much love to you and your family for sharing your lives with us.
Dear Kristi,
Let others judge themselves before they even think of judging others. Let alone someone they do not even know. For J-M to have supported you and been at your side through all this is proof enough for me of the love and compassion this man has for you and his family. This isn’t even about alcohol or sobriety, it is about life. And it comes to us in all ways and we all deal with it differently. If we do not fail once in a while, how will we learn. What works or is good for one does not make it good for all. If it can help someone, then all the better. So tell your story. The hard parts and the good, which seem very much to outweigh the latter. So what if you lose some of your followers, you will most certainly gain others. Live life, you and Jean-Marc deserve it.
Hugs, warm days and starry nights.
Joie
Dear Kristi,
Let others judge themselves before they even think of judging others. Let alone someone they do not even know. For J-M to have supported you and been at your side through all this is proof enough for me of the love and compassion this man has for you and his family. This isn’t even about alcohol or sobriety, it is about life. And it comes to us in all ways and we all deal with it differently. If we do not fail once in a while, how will we learn. What works or is good for one does not make it good for all. If it can help someone, then all the better. So tell your story. The hard parts and the good, which seem very much to outweigh the latter. So what if you lose some of your followers, you will most certainly gain others. Live life, you and Jean-Marc deserve it.
Hugs, warm days and starry nights.
Joie
I am not sure if Albert Einstein could be a revered source in creative and in all-human-matters, but this is what he wrote:
“I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.”
“If men as individuals surrender to the call of their elementary instincts, avoiding pain and seeking satisfaction only for their own selves, the result for them all taken together must be a state of insecurity, of fear, and of promiscuous misery.”
― Albert Einstein
There is more on intuitive knowledge and its importance: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/intuition
Kristi, I hope all this would help you with your decision on “how-and-when-and-why” to proceed with your memoir.
I am not sure if Albert Einstein could be a revered source in creative and in all-human-matters, but this is what he wrote:
“I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.”
“If men as individuals surrender to the call of their elementary instincts, avoiding pain and seeking satisfaction only for their own selves, the result for them all taken together must be a state of insecurity, of fear, and of promiscuous misery.”
― Albert Einstein
There is more on intuitive knowledge and its importance: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/intuition
Kristi, I hope all this would help you with your decision on “how-and-when-and-why” to proceed with your memoir.
Others have mentioned most of what I planned to say. The most important thing is not to rush into telling every single detail. There should be a place where every person is totally “alone” – not in a lonely sense, but in a secure, “This is my mind/these are my thoughts,” “Some things are just very personal,” etc. sense. One reads of authors who “write for the drawer.” Maybe that is what you need to do, at least initially. Spouses can, and do, and even should share a great deal – but we must still be our own persons. The same is true of parents and children, or friends. Readers can get an idea of something without being told about every fault/sin in your life. I’m sure we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of, and we all have areas in which we need to improve. I’ve never struggled with alcohol, but I’ve eaten too much fast food, wasted money I should have saved, etc. In a sense, you wouldn’t be telling others something they don’t already know. Although many past blog posts seemed idyllic (I often thought so), some showed how life’s annoyances know no boundaries – folks in the USA, France, or almost anywhere have the same issues.
Bear in mind that what is said cannot be unsaid. If you are hesitating about what to do, then wait – the answer may become clearer later, and there is no rush. If there is a chance your family will suffer negative consequences, then I recommend not broadcasting some aspects of your story far and wide.
As for Jean-Marc, whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting three times, he is hardworking, knowledgeable, very fluent in English, interesting, obviously supportive, and overall, impressive. I’m looking forward to seeing him again next month in the D. C. area.
Perhaps a possible approach would be to continue the blog we’ve all enjoyed for a number of years, and amid the posts about food, travels, children’s activities, people one has met, and the ever-interesting aspects of French culture and language, selected aspects of your story could be judiciously interspersed.
We will be praying that everything works out in the best way.
Others have mentioned most of what I planned to say. The most important thing is not to rush into telling every single detail. There should be a place where every person is totally “alone” – not in a lonely sense, but in a secure, “This is my mind/these are my thoughts,” “Some things are just very personal,” etc. sense. One reads of authors who “write for the drawer.” Maybe that is what you need to do, at least initially. Spouses can, and do, and even should share a great deal – but we must still be our own persons. The same is true of parents and children, or friends. Readers can get an idea of something without being told about every fault/sin in your life. I’m sure we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of, and we all have areas in which we need to improve. I’ve never struggled with alcohol, but I’ve eaten too much fast food, wasted money I should have saved, etc. In a sense, you wouldn’t be telling others something they don’t already know. Although many past blog posts seemed idyllic (I often thought so), some showed how life’s annoyances know no boundaries – folks in the USA, France, or almost anywhere have the same issues.
Bear in mind that what is said cannot be unsaid. If you are hesitating about what to do, then wait – the answer may become clearer later, and there is no rush. If there is a chance your family will suffer negative consequences, then I recommend not broadcasting some aspects of your story far and wide.
As for Jean-Marc, whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting three times, he is hardworking, knowledgeable, very fluent in English, interesting, obviously supportive, and overall, impressive. I’m looking forward to seeing him again next month in the D. C. area.
Perhaps a possible approach would be to continue the blog we’ve all enjoyed for a number of years, and amid the posts about food, travels, children’s activities, people one has met, and the ever-interesting aspects of French culture and language, selected aspects of your story could be judiciously interspersed.
We will be praying that everything works out in the best way.
Think about it as objectively as possible, discuss it with Jean-Marc (but not endlessly). Then, if if feels right do it, if it doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it or wait for another time when it might feel right. It is a paraphrased cliché, but those who care (negatively) don’t really matter and those who matter really will care (positively).
Think about it as objectively as possible, discuss it with Jean-Marc (but not endlessly). Then, if if feels right do it, if it doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it or wait for another time when it might feel right. It is a paraphrased cliché, but those who care (negatively) don’t really matter and those who matter really will care (positively).