"This one's for you!" (pictured: that's me with the cake, my husband, right, gets all the wine around here–even when we lived on a vineyard, where wine all but flowed from the garden hose.)
A (Very Special) DAY IN A FRENCH …by Kristi Espinasse
Yesterday a delicate and meaningful milestone quietly passed. Waking up, I searched for a way to respectfully acknowledge the date, lest it pass as another ordinary day. Quietly walking out to the bedroom terrace, I looked around at the countryside. As far as the eye could see, there was greenery: olive and almond trees, the forest, and the sea.
It was a relief to wake with a clear head and no regrets. Breathing in the morning scent, I closed my eyes. Now was the time. I offered up the simple acknowledgment, and thanks. There was a moment of complete and utter silence, and then seagulls cried in the distance. A train passed, blowing its horn. The neighbor's dogs barked. My robe sagged, and I reached down to tighten the belt. It was both an ordinary and an extraordinary day.
"You can take me to lunch," I hinted to Jean-Marc, both reminding him of the important date—and suggesting how he might help me to mark the occasion.
"How about with a big glass of cognac?" he chuckled.
"That is NOT funny!" No matter how many times I tell him that such jokes, given the circumstance, are in bad taste, he cannot help himself.
"OK, then how about a six-pack?" my husband continued.
"T'es terrible!"
"I'm very proud of you," Jean-Marc assured me, planting a kiss on my lips. His tenderness provoked flashbacks of years ago, when I would discover little notes stuck in a book I was reading or in the pocket of my robe.
"Çela fait dix jours. Continue, Mon Amour… That makes ten days. Keep it up, My Love," the encouragements read, and "Trois semaines! Fier de toi, Ma Chérie! Three weeks now! So proud of you, My Dear!"
The scribbled notes were encouraging but had I foreseen the future, I might not have had the guts to continue on the new path, not knowing that some of the rockiest parts were just around the corner. The hand-written notes would stop. The sores would begin to open.
A decade has passed and I am still on that fragile path; despite all the setbacks, I have never once veered off track. And even if I wouldn't be celebrating the 10-year mark with a glass of champagne, I was looking forward to eating out with my husband.
Only, when my daughter ran up, asking to bring a friend home for lunch, plans changed. Five months at the new school, and she, too, had passed a delicate milestone: the courage to invite a new friend home!
Well, at least I no longer have to fret about what to wear to the restaurant! The positive thoughts continued as I set about tidying the house, and preparing for my daughter's special lunch.
But as I hurried to fix up the house for our important guest, I felt a familiar rush of panic. There won't be time to finish the cleaning AND to get the meal started. Recognizing the anxiety—that old foe that I could not cope with ten years ago—I was able to put a stop to it. No, there wouldn't be time if I insisted on a perfect outcome. But there was plenty of time otherwise!
What was important, after all, wasn't how the house looked or what we ate, it was how our guest would feel. I wanted Jackie's friend to experience that good and cozy and welcoming feeling and to leave with a desire to return!
"Promise to come back and see us?" I said, kissing my daughter's friend goodbye after lunch.
"Oui!" came the shy response.
Noticing the look in the young lady's eyes it seemed a guardian angel was smiling back at me. If I had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and be pampered, I would have missed this heavenly encounter.
At the end of the day Jean Marc presented me with a gift. Gently tapping on the door to the bedroom, where I had been putting away a stack of freshly folded clothes, he curled his finger several times, signaling to me to follow him.
I was a little leery of whatever he was dragging me out to see. After polyester pajamas, discount branch shredders, and T-shirts I could never wear in public, I never knew what kind of gift was up his sleeves.
"Will I like it?" I asked, nervously, letting my husband lead me by the sleeve.
Opening the front door, I saw the little cherry tree posed just beyond the welcome mat, like a gushing guest. I looked closely at the delicate, leafless branches. The tiny buds were burgeoning.
"Congratulations!" Jean-Marc said. "I'm so proud of you!"
The burgeoning continued, inside of me, as teardrops surfaced like the little buds of the cherry tree. Fragile as its branches, my sobriety continues.
Update: February 3rd, 2019, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety.
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I am so appreciative of your post today and congratulations on this important milestone. So many struggle with this and your openess and courage are an inspiration. This means a lot to me. Here is the Metta meditation I am saying for you, for us all:
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you live with ease and
May you know peace in this lifetime
🍒
I am so appreciative of your post today and congratulations on this important milestone. So many struggle with this and your openess and courage are an inspiration. This means a lot to me. Here is the Metta meditation I am saying for you, for us all:
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be happy
May you live with ease and
May you know peace in this lifetime
🍒
Courage and strength…you have a winning combination. May each day bring you
continued success…and peace, such as
you seemed to feel today.
Courage and strength…you have a winning combination. May each day bring you
continued success…and peace, such as
you seemed to feel today.
As soon as I saw the title of this post, I had a feeling about what was coming and it gave me a chill. A giant MERCI for opening yourself up your readers. I have 2 close family members who struggle with the disease of alcoholism – one who has many years of sobriety and one who is trying, but finding it difficult to let go of alcohol. Your honesty and candor are refreshing and you never know who will read this and feel inspired. I don’t comment often, but I really felt compelled today. Congratulations and wishing you many more clear-headed years!
As soon as I saw the title of this post, I had a feeling about what was coming and it gave me a chill. A giant MERCI for opening yourself up your readers. I have 2 close family members who struggle with the disease of alcoholism – one who has many years of sobriety and one who is trying, but finding it difficult to let go of alcohol. Your honesty and candor are refreshing and you never know who will read this and feel inspired. I don’t comment often, but I really felt compelled today. Congratulations and wishing you many more clear-headed years!
Thank you As I began to read your lovely words – my son arrived home and I asked how his meeting had gone this evening. I finished reading and then I read it to him. He had just come home from his Alcohol Anonymous meeting. He knew from your title, it meant so much to the both of us. You have united us before across all these miles. But tonight you were here with us, sharing. Thank you so much. Patricia and Thomas
Thank you As I began to read your lovely words – my son arrived home and I asked how his meeting had gone this evening. I finished reading and then I read it to him. He had just come home from his Alcohol Anonymous meeting. He knew from your title, it meant so much to the both of us. You have united us before across all these miles. But tonight you were here with us, sharing. Thank you so much. Patricia and Thomas
WOW! I love you so much.
WOW! I love you so much.
Congratulations on this great milestone! My daughter who is maybe 10 years younger than you,posted this on her facebook page a few days ago:
“5 years = 60 months = 1826 days = 2,629,745 minutes since my last drink. I’m pretty proud of myself.”
My response to her (and to you X2) is “5 years = 60 months = 1826 days = 2,629,745 minutes that God has walked with you, protected you, and surrounded you with his love and power.
Thanks for sharing this – Very, very ‘cool’!
Congratulations on this great milestone! My daughter who is maybe 10 years younger than you,posted this on her facebook page a few days ago:
“5 years = 60 months = 1826 days = 2,629,745 minutes since my last drink. I’m pretty proud of myself.”
My response to her (and to you X2) is “5 years = 60 months = 1826 days = 2,629,745 minutes that God has walked with you, protected you, and surrounded you with his love and power.
Thanks for sharing this – Very, very ‘cool’!
Congratulations Kristin.You are a strong and beautiful person.
Congratulations Kristin.You are a strong and beautiful person.
That was the most beautiful piece that I have read for a long time. Thank you for your honesty, I wish you continued strength and much happiness.
That was the most beautiful piece that I have read for a long time. Thank you for your honesty, I wish you continued strength and much happiness.
Awww…. 🙂 Félicitations pour vos 10 ans de sobriété.
Easy does it; a day at the time; live and let live;
funny all those words came back to me, I use to work as a counsellor at the Priory in London, SHARP etc!
Those simple words can make a difference in my day if l apply them to my life, so often l forgot, thank you your sensitivity.
Awww…. 🙂 Félicitations pour vos 10 ans de sobriété.
Easy does it; a day at the time; live and let live;
funny all those words came back to me, I use to work as a counsellor at the Priory in London, SHARP etc!
Those simple words can make a difference in my day if l apply them to my life, so often l forgot, thank you your sensitivity.
congratulations and keep it up. Love the blog and all the extras on it.
congratulations and keep it up. Love the blog and all the extras on it.
Kristi, so many complimented you so aptly and beautifully! So I will only say congratulations! You’re still full of surprises.
Kristi, so many complimented you so aptly and beautifully! So I will only say congratulations! You’re still full of surprises.
Happy 10 years! Will you write about your journey to sobriety? At the ago of 50, I decided to stop my evening cocktail, because I felt like it was time to let it go. It’s been just four months and more difficult than I expected. I hope you’ll share your journey.
Happy 10 years! Will you write about your journey to sobriety? At the ago of 50, I decided to stop my evening cocktail, because I felt like it was time to let it go. It’s been just four months and more difficult than I expected. I hope you’ll share your journey.
Happy 10 Years Kristi, I love reading your candid and thoughtful messages!
Congratulations.
Happy 10 Years Kristi, I love reading your candid and thoughtful messages!
Congratulations.
One precious day at a time (or hour, or minute), cherishing this sometimes hardwon sensitivity — your blogs have always emanated the creative soul’s unique awareness of life’s own heartbeat, and shared it with your very distinctive skill, insight, wit, and authenticity, Kristin! How superbly this one reveals the courageous source of your candour & remarkable perceptiveness. No darn wonder we respond with love as well as admiration: your words give us You. Ten years and onwards? As you, apt as ever, put it, “a delicate anniversary” and so magnificently honoured by this simple, profound blog-post. Kudos, congrats and high-fives for all that this brave decade continues to offer all of us through you. Yup: yet another ‘Steps’-sister here!
One precious day at a time (or hour, or minute), cherishing this sometimes hardwon sensitivity — your blogs have always emanated the creative soul’s unique awareness of life’s own heartbeat, and shared it with your very distinctive skill, insight, wit, and authenticity, Kristin! How superbly this one reveals the courageous source of your candour & remarkable perceptiveness. No darn wonder we respond with love as well as admiration: your words give us You. Ten years and onwards? As you, apt as ever, put it, “a delicate anniversary” and so magnificently honoured by this simple, profound blog-post. Kudos, congrats and high-fives for all that this brave decade continues to offer all of us through you. Yup: yet another ‘Steps’-sister here!
Dearest Kristi,
Thank you for opening your life & heart to us, your readers. And thank you for sharing your journey of recovery & sobriety. Think how many lives you touch each day, bringing light into the dark corners, challenging us to stop, think, to be mindful!
Today it is 6 years, 8 months & 6 days for me, & I am humbled by your share & the laughter, love & support you offer through your posts. Remember you are a miracle.
Merci mille fois & support to you & your dear family, Leisa
Dearest Kristi,
Thank you for opening your life & heart to us, your readers. And thank you for sharing your journey of recovery & sobriety. Think how many lives you touch each day, bringing light into the dark corners, challenging us to stop, think, to be mindful!
Today it is 6 years, 8 months & 6 days for me, & I am humbled by your share & the laughter, love & support you offer through your posts. Remember you are a miracle.
Merci mille fois & support to you & your dear family, Leisa
I’m glad you invited Jackie’s friend for lunch, and didn’t let worry about appearances interfere with it. As the saying goes, “If you want to visit me, come any time. If you want to see the house, give me some notice.” I’m sure that the friend felt very welcome. I would visit you if I could. Maybe in a few years …
The rest of the post – beautifully written – was nevertheless a shock. Sobriety??? I’m so glad you have maintained it for so long. A family member struggled with alcohol for a good while, and I did everything I could to help get her back on track. I remember the great day when she passed the 10-year mark.
Sometimes even hours just crawl by, but then suddenly, we look back and see how much time has passed, and how far we’ve come. You have traveled an amazing distance, and on difficult days, never forget this achievement. Having witnessed how hard it is for people to overcome alcohol dependence, I can only imagine the obstacles for you – and YOU DID IT! AND YOU CAN CONTINUE ON THIS PATH!
I never, ever would have guessed that this was an issue for you. So often I’ve been so impressed by all your accomplishments – raising a family and welcoming guests, various other kinds of writing, photography, and a very ambitious and much-appreciated blog, with all of the related work that that entails, and books . . . Astonishing! And you did all that while also keeping your sobriety – a remarkable feat!
I will pray for you and your family and others on the blog and their families and friends, that all will succeed and have a new lease on life. It IS possible to reach heights one never would have thought possible when at a low point.
Keep on keeping on. We will be rooting for you!
May looking at the cherry tree strengthen your resolve, and serve as a reminder that we all care very much for you and your family.
I’m glad you invited Jackie’s friend for lunch, and didn’t let worry about appearances interfere with it. As the saying goes, “If you want to visit me, come any time. If you want to see the house, give me some notice.” I’m sure that the friend felt very welcome. I would visit you if I could. Maybe in a few years …
The rest of the post – beautifully written – was nevertheless a shock. Sobriety??? I’m so glad you have maintained it for so long. A family member struggled with alcohol for a good while, and I did everything I could to help get her back on track. I remember the great day when she passed the 10-year mark.
Sometimes even hours just crawl by, but then suddenly, we look back and see how much time has passed, and how far we’ve come. You have traveled an amazing distance, and on difficult days, never forget this achievement. Having witnessed how hard it is for people to overcome alcohol dependence, I can only imagine the obstacles for you – and YOU DID IT! AND YOU CAN CONTINUE ON THIS PATH!
I never, ever would have guessed that this was an issue for you. So often I’ve been so impressed by all your accomplishments – raising a family and welcoming guests, various other kinds of writing, photography, and a very ambitious and much-appreciated blog, with all of the related work that that entails, and books . . . Astonishing! And you did all that while also keeping your sobriety – a remarkable feat!
I will pray for you and your family and others on the blog and their families and friends, that all will succeed and have a new lease on life. It IS possible to reach heights one never would have thought possible when at a low point.
Keep on keeping on. We will be rooting for you!
May looking at the cherry tree strengthen your resolve, and serve as a reminder that we all care very much for you and your family.
Congratulations! I enjoy your blog so much and feel inspired by you. I truly admire your willingness to share yourself with your readers. Bon anniversaire!
Congratulations! I enjoy your blog so much and feel inspired by you. I truly admire your willingness to share yourself with your readers. Bon anniversaire!
You are a great and wonderful inspiration< Kristin, in so many ways - you give so much of yourself and that is simply courageous - waiting to buy your published memoir with much anticipation
You are a great and wonderful inspiration< Kristin, in so many ways - you give so much of yourself and that is simply courageous - waiting to buy your published memoir with much anticipation
Kristin…thank you for this beautifully written and poignant post. It resonates with me and I have also shared it with my son. Congratulations to you and your family…it is a journey which is shared through the hills and valleys…Louise
Kristin…thank you for this beautifully written and poignant post. It resonates with me and I have also shared it with my son. Congratulations to you and your family…it is a journey which is shared through the hills and valleys…Louise
Kristi,
Felicitations ! I am sitting here quite stunned. I embrace your courage and honesty – both will serve you when writing your memoir. It is so hard to reach out to another, not knowing what the response will be, but you have bravely done this – and look how surrounded with love you are!
Kristi,
Felicitations ! I am sitting here quite stunned. I embrace your courage and honesty – both will serve you when writing your memoir. It is so hard to reach out to another, not knowing what the response will be, but you have bravely done this – and look how surrounded with love you are!
Kristi –
What a lovely way to share your own journey, just tipping the edges of anonimity and I thought it was lovely. I’ve been following you since another mother in my son’s first grade class told me she was your sister (or sister in law) and knowing I’d just returned back from our home of three, almost four, years in France so reluctantly. Everyday, it is a consistent and everyday since my navel birthday in 2005, I’ve shared your journey. Thank you for reminding me that I CAN overcome the inabiity to cope with life, on a daily basis, with grace and integrity. It was what I needed today.
Bonne anniversaire!!!
Stephanie
Kristi –
What a lovely way to share your own journey, just tipping the edges of anonimity and I thought it was lovely. I’ve been following you since another mother in my son’s first grade class told me she was your sister (or sister in law) and knowing I’d just returned back from our home of three, almost four, years in France so reluctantly. Everyday, it is a consistent and everyday since my navel birthday in 2005, I’ve shared your journey. Thank you for reminding me that I CAN overcome the inabiity to cope with life, on a daily basis, with grace and integrity. It was what I needed today.
Bonne anniversaire!!!
Stephanie
BON ANNIVERSAIRE!
Congratulation Kristi !
Love your blog !
I’ll suggest the teachers of my french language school in Paris to take a look in your blog 😉
http://www.france-langue.com
BON ANNIVERSAIRE!
Congratulation Kristi !
Love your blog !
I’ll suggest the teachers of my french language school in Paris to take a look in your blog 😉
http://www.france-langue.com
What a gorgeous couple you make. Everything else has been said … you are loved and appreciated by many folks. Love your candor.
What a gorgeous couple you make. Everything else has been said … you are loved and appreciated by many folks. Love your candor.
Wow – i am so proud of you and love you even more than I already did before I learned of your courageous walk. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Keep sharing your struggles. It strengthens all of us!
Wow – i am so proud of you and love you even more than I already did before I learned of your courageous walk. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Keep sharing your struggles. It strengthens all of us!
There is a marvelous book, The Power of One, by Bryce Courtney. This novel tells an inspiring story of a boy growing up in South Africa, and is one of the three books my son (28 yrs) rereads, like a permanent bedside fixture, over and over. The message it imparts resounds clearly and beautifully at FWaD today with your readers far and wide gathering to salute your accomplisment, but ALSO to let you know how much it means to them. In all of these posts an open heart has spoken, and here 10 years to the day that you made your decision, a difficult and demanding one, many hearts have gathered to share and uphold one another. One person, one revelation, and the oneness, the connection of our humanity, rings loud and clear.
I recommend this book for everyone. Your Max, especially, but it is one of the best books both my husband and I have ever read. (Was also made into a movie.)
Mille mercis for the blessing you are in our lives, enabling us to come together in love and support. We are all more connected than the imagined barriers we construct would allow. And that is good news. Hugs.
There is a marvelous book, The Power of One, by Bryce Courtney. This novel tells an inspiring story of a boy growing up in South Africa, and is one of the three books my son (28 yrs) rereads, like a permanent bedside fixture, over and over. The message it imparts resounds clearly and beautifully at FWaD today with your readers far and wide gathering to salute your accomplisment, but ALSO to let you know how much it means to them. In all of these posts an open heart has spoken, and here 10 years to the day that you made your decision, a difficult and demanding one, many hearts have gathered to share and uphold one another. One person, one revelation, and the oneness, the connection of our humanity, rings loud and clear.
I recommend this book for everyone. Your Max, especially, but it is one of the best books both my husband and I have ever read. (Was also made into a movie.)
Mille mercis for the blessing you are in our lives, enabling us to come together in love and support. We are all more connected than the imagined barriers we construct would allow. And that is good news. Hugs.