"This one's for you!" (pictured: that's me with the cake, my husband, right, gets all the wine around here–even when we lived on a vineyard, where wine all but flowed from the garden hose.)
A (Very Special) DAY IN A FRENCH …by Kristi Espinasse
Yesterday a delicate and meaningful milestone quietly passed. Waking up, I searched for a way to respectfully acknowledge the date, lest it pass as another ordinary day. Quietly walking out to the bedroom terrace, I looked around at the countryside. As far as the eye could see, there was greenery: olive and almond trees, the forest, and the sea.
It was a relief to wake with a clear head and no regrets. Breathing in the morning scent, I closed my eyes. Now was the time. I offered up the simple acknowledgment, and thanks. There was a moment of complete and utter silence, and then seagulls cried in the distance. A train passed, blowing its horn. The neighbor's dogs barked. My robe sagged, and I reached down to tighten the belt. It was both an ordinary and an extraordinary day.
"You can take me to lunch," I hinted to Jean-Marc, both reminding him of the important date—and suggesting how he might help me to mark the occasion.
"How about with a big glass of cognac?" he chuckled.
"That is NOT funny!" No matter how many times I tell him that such jokes, given the circumstance, are in bad taste, he cannot help himself.
"OK, then how about a six-pack?" my husband continued.
"T'es terrible!"
"I'm very proud of you," Jean-Marc assured me, planting a kiss on my lips. His tenderness provoked flashbacks of years ago, when I would discover little notes stuck in a book I was reading or in the pocket of my robe.
"Çela fait dix jours. Continue, Mon Amour… That makes ten days. Keep it up, My Love," the encouragements read, and "Trois semaines! Fier de toi, Ma Chérie! Three weeks now! So proud of you, My Dear!"
The scribbled notes were encouraging but had I foreseen the future, I might not have had the guts to continue on the new path, not knowing that some of the rockiest parts were just around the corner. The hand-written notes would stop. The sores would begin to open.
A decade has passed and I am still on that fragile path; despite all the setbacks, I have never once veered off track. And even if I wouldn't be celebrating the 10-year mark with a glass of champagne, I was looking forward to eating out with my husband.
Only, when my daughter ran up, asking to bring a friend home for lunch, plans changed. Five months at the new school, and she, too, had passed a delicate milestone: the courage to invite a new friend home!
Well, at least I no longer have to fret about what to wear to the restaurant! The positive thoughts continued as I set about tidying the house, and preparing for my daughter's special lunch.
But as I hurried to fix up the house for our important guest, I felt a familiar rush of panic. There won't be time to finish the cleaning AND to get the meal started. Recognizing the anxiety—that old foe that I could not cope with ten years ago—I was able to put a stop to it. No, there wouldn't be time if I insisted on a perfect outcome. But there was plenty of time otherwise!
What was important, after all, wasn't how the house looked or what we ate, it was how our guest would feel. I wanted Jackie's friend to experience that good and cozy and welcoming feeling and to leave with a desire to return!
"Promise to come back and see us?" I said, kissing my daughter's friend goodbye after lunch.
"Oui!" came the shy response.
Noticing the look in the young lady's eyes it seemed a guardian angel was smiling back at me. If I had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and be pampered, I would have missed this heavenly encounter.
At the end of the day Jean Marc presented me with a gift. Gently tapping on the door to the bedroom, where I had been putting away a stack of freshly folded clothes, he curled his finger several times, signaling to me to follow him.
I was a little leery of whatever he was dragging me out to see. After polyester pajamas, discount branch shredders, and T-shirts I could never wear in public, I never knew what kind of gift was up his sleeves.
"Will I like it?" I asked, nervously, letting my husband lead me by the sleeve.
Opening the front door, I saw the little cherry tree posed just beyond the welcome mat, like a gushing guest. I looked closely at the delicate, leafless branches. The tiny buds were burgeoning.
"Congratulations!" Jean-Marc said. "I'm so proud of you!"
The burgeoning continued, inside of me, as teardrops surfaced like the little buds of the cherry tree. Fragile as its branches, my sobriety continues.
Update: February 3rd, 2019, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety.
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“You go, girl!”
Congratualtions!
“You go, girl!”
Congratualtions!
Wow. Thanks once again for you honestly and transparency. I loved the comment that refers to your “tribe of readers”. It does feel like that or even like a family, in the best possible way. We’re all with you in your various challenges as you inspire us in ours. Bless you!
Wow. Thanks once again for you honestly and transparency. I loved the comment that refers to your “tribe of readers”. It does feel like that or even like a family, in the best possible way. We’re all with you in your various challenges as you inspire us in ours. Bless you!
Your story was poignant and heartwarming. I had to wait until I got home to finish reading it since crying in the office just won’t do. That you can share your life story in this way with total strangers is truly courageous. You do justice to the combined American-French spirit of discipline and creativity. Keep up the good story-telling and the unwavering path of sobriety. Gros bisous, Sophie
Your story was poignant and heartwarming. I had to wait until I got home to finish reading it since crying in the office just won’t do. That you can share your life story in this way with total strangers is truly courageous. You do justice to the combined American-French spirit of discipline and creativity. Keep up the good story-telling and the unwavering path of sobriety. Gros bisous, Sophie
Please continue……your blog keeps my dream alive and allow me to enjoy “sweet lavendar and truffles” inspiration! I love the pictures of you and your family! …….and, most of all, I love that you honor us readers by sharing your vulnerabilities. That’s why we feel like we know you. Thank you for that and for “being our friend”……..! 🙂
Barbara in California
Please continue……your blog keeps my dream alive and allow me to enjoy “sweet lavendar and truffles” inspiration! I love the pictures of you and your family! …….and, most of all, I love that you honor us readers by sharing your vulnerabilities. That’s why we feel like we know you. Thank you for that and for “being our friend”……..! 🙂
Barbara in California
Chere Kristi, Your post this AM brought me to tears…your wrote so gently about it that I was nearly at the end of the post before I realized the meaning. I, born into the disease, (Grandfather, father, husband #1, and son)….your post left me with so much respect and admiration. God love and keep you always. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for your words. Annette
Chere Kristi, Your post this AM brought me to tears…your wrote so gently about it that I was nearly at the end of the post before I realized the meaning. I, born into the disease, (Grandfather, father, husband #1, and son)….your post left me with so much respect and admiration. God love and keep you always. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for your words. Annette
Once again your readers have expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I could. Suffice it to say that I admire your candor and tenacity. Ten will be twenty before you know it! You’re a hero!!!
Once again your readers have expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I could. Suffice it to say that I admire your candor and tenacity. Ten will be twenty before you know it! You’re a hero!!!
A wonderful and touching moment in time and a glorious moment for you. Congratulations Kristin on a decade of moments. Your success is an inspiration to anyone meeting a challenge for their health. And such a lovely photograph of you and JM. Precious.
Cheers from sunny Florida, Paulette
A wonderful and touching moment in time and a glorious moment for you. Congratulations Kristin on a decade of moments. Your success is an inspiration to anyone meeting a challenge for their health. And such a lovely photograph of you and JM. Precious.
Cheers from sunny Florida, Paulette
Synchronous serendipity! I awoke today and said ‘this is my first day’ and here you said it 10 years ago. I salute you and your candor and resiliency. Anonymity is overrated. Merci beaucoup for teaching me more than just the French language. A bigger fan.
Synchronous serendipity! I awoke today and said ‘this is my first day’ and here you said it 10 years ago. I salute you and your candor and resiliency. Anonymity is overrated. Merci beaucoup for teaching me more than just the French language. A bigger fan.
Kristin, Happy 10 Year Anniversary! A close family member of mine is in recovery, and has been most of my life. I have seen the blessings sobriety brings not only to the individual in recovery, but the family as well. Thank you for sharing this passage with us. As always, you are an inspiration! May you continue on your path, One Day at a Time. 🙂
Kristin, Happy 10 Year Anniversary! A close family member of mine is in recovery, and has been most of my life. I have seen the blessings sobriety brings not only to the individual in recovery, but the family as well. Thank you for sharing this passage with us. As always, you are an inspiration! May you continue on your path, One Day at a Time. 🙂
Congratulations on 10 years chere Kristi! You should be very proud. May you be blessed with as much light and love as you give (which is a lot)!
Congratulations on 10 years chere Kristi! You should be very proud. May you be blessed with as much light and love as you give (which is a lot)!
Fantastic! You go girl!
Fantastic! You go girl!
Well, that was quite a surprise. I could hardly believe my eyes! And all this time, living in the world of wine. You are brilliant. 36 years for me which makes me feel like I’m 100! Blessings!
Well, that was quite a surprise. I could hardly believe my eyes! And all this time, living in the world of wine. You are brilliant. 36 years for me which makes me feel like I’m 100! Blessings!
Congratulations are very much in order for you, Kristin. What a lovely way you always have in conveying your thoughts and now this very important milestone which you have shared with all of us. May your cherry tree grow quickly and become as beautiful as you are. Someday you and Jean-Marc will be able to sit beneath it and you can sing “Don’t Sit Under The Cherry (Apple) With Anyone Else But Me” to him. This is a very old tune, but your Mother might know it even though it was a WWI tune, I think. Again, congratulations!
Congratulations are very much in order for you, Kristin. What a lovely way you always have in conveying your thoughts and now this very important milestone which you have shared with all of us. May your cherry tree grow quickly and become as beautiful as you are. Someday you and Jean-Marc will be able to sit beneath it and you can sing “Don’t Sit Under The Cherry (Apple) With Anyone Else But Me” to him. This is a very old tune, but your Mother might know it even though it was a WWI tune, I think. Again, congratulations!
Joyeux anniversaire! Your stories always make me want to return to France. Keep writing-it gives me something to look forward to.
Joyeux anniversaire! Your stories always make me want to return to France. Keep writing-it gives me something to look forward to.
You are loved.
You are loved.
All these wonderful comments–you should feel so very special. You really are a dear person; not many can say that they have literally thousands of people in their corner, Kristin! I too will continue to keep you in my prayers. Know that you are setting the best example for those two children AND for readers everywhere. And having been surrounded by a vineyard for so long!Love to you—
All these wonderful comments–you should feel so very special. You really are a dear person; not many can say that they have literally thousands of people in their corner, Kristin! I too will continue to keep you in my prayers. Know that you are setting the best example for those two children AND for readers everywhere. And having been surrounded by a vineyard for so long!Love to you—
Happy 10 Years, Kristi! Your posts continue to inspire and your personal sharing is a blessing! All the best to you!
Happy 10 Years, Kristi! Your posts continue to inspire and your personal sharing is a blessing! All the best to you!
Your candor is always refreshing, and often a total surprise. Having grown up with an alcoholic father, I was shocked to find myself following in his footsteps. My sobriety began nearly 15 years ago, and I have never regretted making that change. I know that it takes courage and determination, but the love of a good man can make a world of difference. Congratulations on your very special milestone.
With love,
Jeanne
Your candor is always refreshing, and often a total surprise. Having grown up with an alcoholic father, I was shocked to find myself following in his footsteps. My sobriety began nearly 15 years ago, and I have never regretted making that change. I know that it takes courage and determination, but the love of a good man can make a world of difference. Congratulations on your very special milestone.
With love,
Jeanne
Bless you, Kristin..
It must have been difficult when you were immersed in the winery business! If alcohol is a problem..Your solution is the only one.
Stay with it..and keep on having a beautiful life, lovely lady!
Bless you, Kristin..
It must have been difficult when you were immersed in the winery business! If alcohol is a problem..Your solution is the only one.
Stay with it..and keep on having a beautiful life, lovely lady!
How courageous! This is truly touching. The truth will set you free, and this is a testament to the realities of life. Everyone has a “cross” to bear. You have done so valiently. We are all “bozos” on the bus trying to do the best we can in life, and it is with people’s love and support that we make it through. You are blessed in many ways,continue to be strong. God Bless!
How courageous! This is truly touching. The truth will set you free, and this is a testament to the realities of life. Everyone has a “cross” to bear. You have done so valiently. We are all “bozos” on the bus trying to do the best we can in life, and it is with people’s love and support that we make it through. You are blessed in many ways,continue to be strong. God Bless!
CONTINUE. By the way, what type of wine does Jean-Marc recommend with cake?
CONTINUE. By the way, what type of wine does Jean-Marc recommend with cake?
Ditto to all of the above, but especially Johanna DeMay!
Ditto to all of the above, but especially Johanna DeMay!
Your story today touched me as it did so many others. Thank you for sharing and for your strength and courage to live life one day at a time. Your blogs, your posts ad your stories have pert of the fabric of all of our lives.
Your story today touched me as it did so many others. Thank you for sharing and for your strength and courage to live life one day at a time. Your blogs, your posts ad your stories have pert of the fabric of all of our lives.
I am so glad to have come to know you through your writing over the last several years. Your candor, and honesty without self-pity has kept me coming back, to say nothing of your humor, intelligence and wonderful stories. I, like so many before me, say Merci and I wish you decades more of contented mornings.
I am so glad to have come to know you through your writing over the last several years. Your candor, and honesty without self-pity has kept me coming back, to say nothing of your humor, intelligence and wonderful stories. I, like so many before me, say Merci and I wish you decades more of contented mornings.
Kristin:
You are a marvel and an inspiration. You are also giving your children an incomparable gift. You have so much talent and so much depth of character, Kristin. Brava.
When we stop drinking alcohol, we really do find our (previously suppressed) voice, don’t we? Yours is a talent that is flourishing because of the courage and character that you renew each day. Don’t ever stop developing and exercising that beautiful voice.
So many of us delight in your writing. Today, you have given us one more reason to cherish you and your work. Here in snowy, cold Boston, I am raising my cup of excellent green tea in a toast to you.
Kristin:
You are a marvel and an inspiration. You are also giving your children an incomparable gift. You have so much talent and so much depth of character, Kristin. Brava.
When we stop drinking alcohol, we really do find our (previously suppressed) voice, don’t we? Yours is a talent that is flourishing because of the courage and character that you renew each day. Don’t ever stop developing and exercising that beautiful voice.
So many of us delight in your writing. Today, you have given us one more reason to cherish you and your work. Here in snowy, cold Boston, I am raising my cup of excellent green tea in a toast to you.