"A step closer to Italy," in today's photo, and increasingly off track in today's story. Read on.
une larme (larm)
: teardrop
Audio file: The captain of this ship's away, so your stuck with my sound recording today… Download MP3 or Wav file
D'ou viens ces larmes? Where do these tears come from?
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
There was once a time when I would wake up and know precisely where to go and what to do: go to your desk and write. For ten years a regular edition, a deadline, and an interactive readership structured my day. My job was to watch life unfold and then try to report back about it, with crossed t's and dotted i's and many experimental flourishes in between.
But for the past few months much of life's unfolding has slipped by, unreported, after I received a friendly gag order from my husband. I understand the need to keep quiet about a certain changement in our life, but this particular restriction has thrown me off course.
Increasingly weak-willed, I have begun to lose my sense of direction—along with the motivation to get back on course. Worse, there is a growing temptation to flounder. Lately, in between productive spurts, all I want to do is watch YouTube gardening videos and vegetate. Permaculture and permarest. Voilà, c'est tout!
This morning I woke up and wondered, What if I stay in bed all day? and so I looked over at my husband, who was reading the news and sipping the tea I'd brought him previously, and I said…
"Et si je restais au lit?"
"Of course, Chérie, stay in bed all day," Jean-Marc replied.
I thanked him for his blessing. Next, I got up, showered, and dressed. Sometimes all a wayward soul wants, more than a resting place, is the hope of a resting place.
I eventually found my way over to the computer, in time to set down these words. I can't place the tears, though.
***
And a question for you… From 2002-2005 this journal went out daily; in 2006 it became a "thrice-weekly" edition. Some say once-per-week would suffice. What do you think? Would you like to receive these updates once, twice, or "thrice-weekly"? Thanks for your feedback here, in the comments box.
French Vocabulary
un changement = a change
voilà, c'est tout = there, that's all
et si je restais au lit? = and what if I stayed in bed (all day)?
chérie (cheri) = dear
Down memory lane: me and Jackie in 2005. Jackie (now 14) and Max (17) get their braces off tomorrow!
Jackie, 7 years later. Smokey says : I'm putty beneath your arms!
Jackie, walking away. Smokey, "What, no more putty? How about my washer-dryer impersonation? Wait! COME BACK, my Princess!"
Changing subjects, I had the chance to visit George Sand's jardin in Nohant (in the Indre department of France). I even swiped a few seeds, collecting them ever-so-gently, hopefully unnoticeably. This yellow flower is the "achilles" flower.
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Madame Kristi,
I have visited your website on occasion. I am trying to learn French … but my faithfulness is not committed to daily study. I enjoy your writing … I wish to humbly share my following thoughts to you … Happiness .. and to define in more narrow form, is giving God the glory .. to have faith that He has a plan for you .. to be with the one you love .. being able to do what you love .. to do your duty and leave the rest to Providence .. Thank you for how you have helped me so far .. I understand your decision. God has given me thirty-eight years of marriage to the bride of my youth.
I was so very touched by your post today and can’t begin to tell you how through the years I have enjoyed sharing your adventures; your family and your thoughts AND how you have helped me in my struggle to learn French. I would love to continue receiving your stories 3 times a week but will be grateful for whatever is best for you!
Much love from Dev in Madison, Alabama
I’m also relatively new here (1 year), and it’s such a treat to see France through your eyes. I can only agree with the avalanche of preceding posts. Write when you can, reveal what you can; if you’re scared of a big change coming, look around you (and above here) and see how many people support you and lift you up… and how lucky you are to live where you live and have the family you do.
Change has a domino effect on the patterns of our lives. Certainly, I will continue to hope the very best for you and adore what you share with us down the road…up the road or across the road! You will honor all who love you by living your best life. (And another guess…does this change have something to do with drought resistant plants?) Lots of love to you, dearest Kristin! I do enjoy reading about all your adventures, thoughts and experiences. You’ve given your heart and soul by sharing YOUR LIFE. You are WONDERFUL!
Think how much bigger your tears and ours would be if you gave up on us!?
big hugs from a slightly worried reader and friend – glad that you have received so many messages of love and support – I hope they bring a smile to your face. Thinking of you and the family. xoxox
My thoughts are with you, Kristin, in this time of change. I love your blog each time I receive it, but I don’t keep a weekly count.
As Keri Hulme wrote in my favorite book, The Bone People;
“imagine this a skewed compass rose, with a tempered steel needle flexing before a magnetic wind; rose and needle myself, and the wind? the wind, my dear sour other self, is that of chance and change”
There is more on the last page of her novel, which I have read many, many times. Thank you for your ” larmes” bravely shared.
Kristi, I feel that you are needing to reduce your “work load” and are looking to your blog friends for their thoughts on the change. I agree with so many of the others who say that you need to live your life without letting FWAD take up so much of your time. Perhaps, FWAW- French Word a Week or just when the spirit moves you. We know where you are so you won’t lose us! Marilynn’s comment was interesting. I’m not suggesting an end to your blog as I know that writing is ingrained in your soul, but do what you need to do for however long and then come back to us, refreshed and full of wonder and life! Much love to you, JM, Max and Jackie!
Kristin,
I wrote a post earlier today, to the effect that your recent posts seem to indicate someone is about to leave the nest, am I correct??
If so you should be proud. Proud that you have instilled all of the knowledge and values that enable him to stand on his own and head out into the world a strong and capable individual.
If this is so, Don’t let him see your tears, only your pride and love. Be the rock he has always known.
Whatever it is you are going through, it doesn’t sound easy. Chin up, you have an enormous extended family to lean on for support.
Cheers,
miv
Is it possible that you are all planing to
return to U.S.A.? Is that why you are sad?
Or is it just because the children are growing up so fast?
THanks for sharing your ups & downs with us
with such brave honesty.
Amicalemant Joan
I know it’s selfish, but I hope you won’t stop writing. It is such a joy to receive your posts and take a “mini vacation” in France. With all of your beautiful stories and the photos of where you’ve been or are, it’s a double treat! It must also be satisfying to know there are so many people who love your work and support you. You have a gift and thanks so much for sharing it! All the best, Julie
Life is too short. Enjoy the moments that offer themselves each day.
Do what is in your heart. Take it down to once a week or take a hiatus and do something else, like just enjoy everyday life. Spend time with the kids (I know..they now have their own schedules). Spend days in a garden you have created and become one of the Dirt Divas. (oh, the yellow flower common name is yarrow). And if you really want to stay in bed all day and read and eat bon-bons, then do so. Do it for you.
Kristin,
I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while and hope you will continue with it in any way you can. I’m not certain but you sound so sad it saddens me.
Jim
Twice a week would be perfect for me. I live in Montreal and your posts really help!
Chère Kristin,
May you find peace. You have a world of readers who care about you and your family. We are all sending positive thoughts your way. You are strong and kind and these traits will carry you through.
Change is always good .. when we are running to our next adventure, and not away from the last.
Everyone’s comments are so loving and supportive. Mine will come from a psychological viewpoint as I am a clinical social worker. You are clearly depressed. Not the big type that sends people to the hospital, but the type most of us deal with from time to time. It is so cleansing and uplifting to talk to someone who can help you understand exactly what has depressed you. Loving support is one thing, but this sadness comes from within.
I happily welcome and read as many posts as you wish to write, but if it is becoming a burden, please obey your instinct, slow down and take care of yourself. Maybe take extra time off and come back when you feel the time is right. Your readers are here for you!
Kristin, I’m going through a difficult patch right now. A friend just told me that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle…so, if I’ve got more than I can handle it means I’m taking on “stuff” that doesn’t belong to me. Trying to let go of some of it is hard. Trying to remember Paul’s testimony helps: (2 Cor. 12:9) “…and then he told me, ‘My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'” (The Message)
Thank you for all you have shared with your eager readers. We appreciate you sharing your life and family with us and if once a week or 6 times a month updates would still be wonderful.
Your family and health are the most important things in your life- keep them first.
Merci for all you have brought ( and hopefully will continue to bring) to your friends.
ML Fraser
Thrice weekly at a minimum! We love it daily but have to content with less. Bravo on your excellent work it’s helping me so much with my French.
Kristi,
Do whatever you feel is best for you. We all will continue to read your posts, so grateful for your allowing us into your lovely French life and your ability to appreciate the little things that mean so much.
Courage!
Dear Kristin,
I cannot add more to what many others have said. Your blog is much appreciated, but everyone wants you to do what is best for you and your family.
Anne
What a wonderful out pouring of love and support in all of the comments from your readers Kristi.
I agree. We all want what is best for you
and your family. Follow your heart and listen to your instincts. Take time to hear your inner voice and honor it’s call.
Whatever you need at this time is what I wish you.
Your writing has been a gift to all of us.
A window in to your heart and life in France
and we are enriched by doing so.
French Word-A-Day is a delight to open for your insights and beautiful photos and love of the language that inspires us all.
Write and post only if and when the muse beckons. Perhaps you need a respite from the pressures of deadlines for now to recharge and refocus.
Whatever change is ahead for your family we wish you strength, love and guiding light along the way.
As we embark on our our life changing experience and move to France, I am deeply aware of the the ebbs and tides of emotions that change ignites. Embrace them all, mostly your own needs at this challenging time. We will all remain grateful for all you have shared with us and always friends both far and near.
Sandy
WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY THE FIRST GLIMMER OF LIGHT OF A NEW DAWN,? WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY THE SIGHT OF A FIELD OF WILD FLOWERS ALONG THE HIGHWAY? WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY THE FIRST SOUND FROM A NEW BORN? THESE THOUGHT CROSSED MY MIND WHEN I READ OF PERHAPS CHANGING THE DAYS YOU APPEARED IN MY LIFE. AT EIGHTY SEVEN CHANGES DON’T COME EASY. OF COURE, AS WE ARE ALL MEMBERS OF YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY, YOU ARE THE ONE THAT WE MUST CONSIDER. WHAT EVER YOU DECIDE TO DO WITH FRENCH WORD A DAY, WE ARE WITH YOU.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS.
GUS ELISON, FLORIDA
Bonjour Kristin 🙂 , mon ami belge , qui s’appelle Michel, utilisé le mot larme quand il est fini son vin avec le dîner. Il dira, j’aimerai une larme du vin. À bientôt, Hilary
Dear Kristi — I love your articles and look forward to reading them whenever they arrive. If three a week is too much for you right now, you could cut them down to one a week and then increase them later as you have time and are feeling better. I have both of your books, and truly enjoy them too. Love, Barbara
Oh, my dear Kristi, a big hug across the miles. I am astounded by the comments which proceed my own; as the four to five I’ve read have filled me with gratitude and inspiration. I so wish I had the time today to read every one. A friend tells me it is the year of the dragon, seems to be one filled with upheaval and change for many I know.
I say listen to yourself whether it be once or twice a week, I am just delighted to read your words. If you feel the need to take a vacation from FWAD to concentrate on your book, so be it. You, and the FWAD family, would be greatly missed and I trust something lovely is sure to grow out of it.
This big news, or any change, can hold so much energy around it that must be taking a lot from you. I picture “it” like a balloon, ready to take flight and pull you with it. Let Go.
Kristi, may you have enjoyed this day of rest and peace. Of course we are addicted to hearing from you, and we share your sense of being rather strangled by the gag order, even necessary as we know it must be. Could you treat us to a few memories of your own youthful years as a way to ‘escape’ the pressures of this tough wait? Of course, if you want a break, and need to drop back to twice a week blogs, or (sniffle) to once a week for a bit — we support whatever will sustain you. You’re so enclosed within the affectionate circle of our shared admiration and caring that whatever you decide is fine!
Dear Kristi,
As with all of the other readers of your wonderful blog, we want whatever is best for you at this time. So, once, twice, thrice a week, once a month, if that is what you need right now, then go with your intuition. We all want you to be happy!
Much love,
Kerry Shannon
Asheville, NC
Hi Kristi–I saw the word larme this morning and felt the emotion–yesterday after a deep sermon and a beautiful solo, I realized les larmes were rolling down my cheeks–and sometimes you just have to let them out. I sense that it is the “inhibited writing” that is causing you to feel some pain–that you are not able to write freely as you usually do so beautifully, and so your stories can’t flow as freely as the larmes. Take care, and know that your readers are here for you –and will be attentive when you are free to write again.
With love,
Robyn France
Whatever you decide- it’s your blog! Just include a photo of Smoky +/or Braise at least once a week. Otherwise I start to get nervous- where are they? did something bad happen?
Dear Kristin,
Clearly, from the huge response today, your readers love you and your lovely words. I never notice whether you write every day, thrice weekly, or weekly. I just love hearing from you. Like any great friend, you speak from your heart and your words are always welcome. When your life is too busy or too overwhelming for a visit, your readers understand and respect your feelings. So, make it easy on yourself. Know we value your visits and look forward to them. Once or twice weekly is enough to keep us connected but, should you be inspired, we are always ready to hear more! But, above all, we want you to enjoy your life that you share so generously with us all. Thank you.
The selfish me wants three times a week!
Upon prodding from the more reflective me, though, I have to agree with all those who say that we’ll enjoy whatever you write, whenever you write it–but that that you must also take care of yourself. Wiser folks than I have taught me that if you don’t allow yourself to do that, you won’t have much left to draw from to be able to share with those who need you.
All the best to you during this challenging time. We are all pulling for you!
Hi,
I enjoy totally your stories. But I find once a week would be just great if that lessens stress and makes writing more enjoyable for you. Heck, I can’t even commit to finding socks that match so you are waaaaaaay ahead of me 🙂 Enjoy the adventure, what ever it may be. We are thankful for all that you give us regarding French words, daily musings & great dog photos. And pray that you all are well. I say do what you want to do and all the best you!
Patty in Bethesda, MD
Kristin,
I agree with others, that the tone of this post is different. No longer is this secret mischievous, but sad.
Reveal the secret already!
Perhaps, like so much in our lives, something unexpectedly delicious is behind what seems desperate.
Once a week would be great with perhaps an occasional “special” posting of something you feel would be of interest to those who, like me, look forward to reading of your life in France.
Whenever there is a posting from French-Word-a Day, I always read it first. I’m a retired French teacher and this blog gives me great joy.
I love the photos, the dogs, your children,the books, and all of your adventures. I would surely miss this experience if it were cut to just once or twice per week, even though I understand the pressure on you to be constantly producing a high quality product. I’m reasonably sure that you must know how much people appreciate what you do.
The comments speak for themselves.
If you need to step back a bit, please don’t hesitate to do so. Your health, your being, is most important. You can always come back to us at a later date if you want. I’m familiar with “larmes” and with the black dog of depression, and what always helps me is to talk about it with someone who can see the forest for the trees. Don’t give up, dear lady… you will move through this time and look back on it with the wisdom of experience someday. Remember to tell yourself: “This too shall pass.” Many fond wishes for better days ahead.
xo Alice
Ah Kristin, your heartfelt message touchs my heart. God bless you. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself some time to step away and gather yourself and your thoughts. Wrap you arms around yourself and rest in the knowledge that you are loved. Pamper yourself and just be yourself–at home free and secure. I found you in 2002. So, I remember the daily messages. I’ve read two of your books. Now, as a blogger myself, I don’t know how you have done it. I’m amazed at the commitment and creative energy and just plain stick-to-a-tiveness you have demonstrated. You are a wonderful person, with a beautiful family, with so much to offer the world. We are happy to hear from you as often as you want to write. But, not at the expense of “you”. You have been very generous with us your readers and admirers. I want you to do what you need to do for you and your own private world. That’s most important. So I’m saying a prayer for you and yours today, and I’m sending love and prayers your way. I’m happy to just stay tuned . . . God’s peace be with you.
Hi Kristi
I was only thinking about your blog the other day and what a huge commitment blog writers make. No wonder so many fold. You have been amazing to keep writing this so regularly over these years. Give yourself a break – once a week would be fine with an occasional in between surprise when you want to share a special insight with us your community. Hope all is well with you Kristi, warm thoughts from Oz
Actually, I personally cannot believe how many people post every day, since I am motivated to post about once a year. I have been reading your blog since 2002. I told you how I never ever deleted them from my email!!!! And just today, as I was reading your post, I decided to search your archives and found only until 2004. I was certain that In 2002 you had actually been word a day, not thrice weekly. That is why I feel that I know you almost personally. At first I felt like a stalker, until’ I realized there were many more much worse than I. people who corrected you.
Anyway, I greatly await your news, and wish you and yours the very best!!!!!!
Amicalment,
Virginia Ward, Vaison la Romaine
As a writer who once wrote a weekly column, who once wrote a weekly blog, I risked the danger of becoming the captive of my audience, which eventually led to resentment of my audience whose need of me and what I wrote became greater than my need of them. Do what is best for you and your well-being. You are the author, not only of your blog, but of your life. I left the weekly newspaper column and have not written anything on my blog in two years. I do not miss sharing my thoughts and life with the “world”. When many people start living a part of their lives through you, there is a danger that you lose a sense of what your life is. To thine own self be true.
Kristin,
As many have already said much better than I can, you don’t owe us anything except what you are mentally and physically prepared to share. You have already established a record for “blog longevity” that few people could equal, but I believe that most of your faithful readers stay tuned less for the frequency of your posts than for the genuine feeling and artistic insights that you provide. You should write when you feel so moved.
Also, we will be here for you wherever you wind up, whatever countryside you write about and whatever language becomes your new interest. Please don’t feel bad if some things have to change. Life does that to us.
I wish you and Jean-Marc and the family the very best in the days to come.
Dear Kristin,
I relish each and every one of your FWAD entries, and I would welcome them every day. The French lessons, the stories from your life in France, the dogs’ stories, and the photographs are a wonderful gift. That said,
I encourage you to do whatever you need to do regarding FWAD, including abandoning a schedule and posting whenever you wish. And please, don’t feel like you have to have a mssterpiece in order to post.
Best wishes with the upcoming change/s in your life, Leslie in Portland, Oregon
I hope these notes of care and concern let you know how much you are appreciated. Write when you feel you want to. We love hearing what is happening in your life, but we don’t want to cause stress for our amie. We will pray for you as we wait for your posts, no matter what their frequency.
Kristin,
You have become a kind, wise, generous-hearted friend of mine. We don’t talk or write to each other but nonetheless your email is one I never skip. I think the number of responses from your readers tells you I am not alone in my affection. Do what is best for Kristin. Write when you can. We are all here for you.
Jim
My heart and prayers go out to you. Your posts have been a bright light in my life. As far away as it seems, you have many friends who care about you and all your family. Remember you always have people who admire and love you. Don’t allow your light to be extinguished for long, it’s too special. Dieu t’aime toujours.
Dear Kristi,
I always look forward to your emails (thrice weekly), but if you are needing a rest, I can understand. Thanks for sharing your days
love and hugs,
b.