"A step closer to Italy," in today's photo, and increasingly off track in today's story. Read on.
une larme (larm)
: teardrop
Audio file: The captain of this ship's away, so your stuck with my sound recording today… Download MP3 or Wav file
D'ou viens ces larmes? Where do these tears come from?
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
There was once a time when I would wake up and know precisely where to go and what to do: go to your desk and write. For ten years a regular edition, a deadline, and an interactive readership structured my day. My job was to watch life unfold and then try to report back about it, with crossed t's and dotted i's and many experimental flourishes in between.
But for the past few months much of life's unfolding has slipped by, unreported, after I received a friendly gag order from my husband. I understand the need to keep quiet about a certain changement in our life, but this particular restriction has thrown me off course.
Increasingly weak-willed, I have begun to lose my sense of direction—along with the motivation to get back on course. Worse, there is a growing temptation to flounder. Lately, in between productive spurts, all I want to do is watch YouTube gardening videos and vegetate. Permaculture and permarest. Voilà, c'est tout!
This morning I woke up and wondered, What if I stay in bed all day? and so I looked over at my husband, who was reading the news and sipping the tea I'd brought him previously, and I said…
"Et si je restais au lit?"
"Of course, Chérie, stay in bed all day," Jean-Marc replied.
I thanked him for his blessing. Next, I got up, showered, and dressed. Sometimes all a wayward soul wants, more than a resting place, is the hope of a resting place.
I eventually found my way over to the computer, in time to set down these words. I can't place the tears, though.
***
And a question for you… From 2002-2005 this journal went out daily; in 2006 it became a "thrice-weekly" edition. Some say once-per-week would suffice. What do you think? Would you like to receive these updates once, twice, or "thrice-weekly"? Thanks for your feedback here, in the comments box.
French Vocabulary
un changement = a change
voilà, c'est tout = there, that's all
et si je restais au lit? = and what if I stayed in bed (all day)?
chérie (cheri) = dear
Down memory lane: me and Jackie in 2005. Jackie (now 14) and Max (17) get their braces off tomorrow!
Jackie, 7 years later. Smokey says : I'm putty beneath your arms!
Jackie, walking away. Smokey, "What, no more putty? How about my washer-dryer impersonation? Wait! COME BACK, my Princess!"
Changing subjects, I had the chance to visit George Sand's jardin in Nohant (in the Indre department of France). I even swiped a few seeds, collecting them ever-so-gently, hopefully unnoticeably. This yellow flower is the "achilles" flower.
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Do what you can, when you can, however you can, and trust that we will be here for you in whatever way you want us to be, need us to be, in thanks for the many, many words/experiences you’ve shared with us.
It’s always a welcome sight to see your musings in our emailboxes. We live vicariously through you in la belle France. Of course, you must do what is most comforting for you and your family. It may take time to find that right place or you may know right now. Whatever it is, follow your soul! Bon Chance! Luisa/Connecticut
Good Day, Kristin,
I always enjoy your messages and gorgeous photos. I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time. Recently, I was reading about the English mystic and Christian spiritual writer, Julian of Norwich, (1342-c1416)sometimes referred to as Dame Julian or Lady Julian. I came across a quote of hers: “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” As I pondered this, I thought that God may be telling us – “All shall be well” and the second part of the quote beginning with “and” is our response and affirmation; the third part about “all manner of thing shall be well” may represent that we are again reaffirming our faith that all will be well even though we have grave doubts at the moment. I hope you contine with French Word-A-Day, but at your own pace. May all blessings be yours. John
Dear Kristin,
I am so sorry for your tears. I’ve fallen way behind reading your blog (summers keep me so busy), and I started reading backwards this afternoon and found your “larmes” post.
I hope your heartache will end soon, and you will feel happy again. I have your Blossoming In Provence on my work table, filled with page flags so I can find my favorite bits quickly, and it makes me smile each morning and night when I see it.
Your writing and your pictures are a “dust of snow” for me.
Wishing you a “dust of snow” too.
The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I rued.
– Robert Frost
Dear Kristin,
Perhaps you know the poem which predicates a “burden” upon color: William Carlos Williams’ “The Red Wheelbarrow” and its famous opening…”so much depends…” You seem to have incorporated that intuition, but used blue instead. Neat.
I was senior photographer for NYTimes in Washington until I retired a few years ago. Now, I try to get to France as often as possible and am studying with the Frech Consul here in Idaho.
I have always enjoyed your writings, and have been reading your words since it was once a day, but you have to do what is right for you. With the harvest coming up you will be busy enough, once a week would be lovely, perhaps in the dark drab winter when the children are back in school you may feel more inclined to do more, but you have to feel comfortable with what you are doing.
Perhaps Marilynn Gottlieb is right and you have come to the end. I sincerely hope not as I would miss you. I always feel like a friend has written to me when I receive your posts.
Take some time to recoup.
I feel the same as some …. once a week would be fine …. or as someone wrote …. no pressure what- so- ever! ….. write only when you feel it! ….three times a week is far too much of a deadline and I too feel guilty if I get behind in your writings ….
Hi, Kristin,
I think you should listen to your body and pamper yourself more. You’re probably overscheduled, which seems to be the American way of life. Become more French. Once a week would be fine with me, especially if you worked in a few more vocabulary words & expressions. Change can be difficult, but you’ll do fine. Lana Agnew
Hi Kristin……I note my comment/guess the other day is not here…or I just cannot find it…I may have hit the nail on the head?? If so, let me tell you….you did good, so be proud! I look forward for your emails too. Once everything is settled down, I hope you can get back into the swing of things. Take care
I don’t know how you manage to make a tough life sound so engaging. You never run out of material for your stories, even the most personal. They remind us that even a blogger’s life is not perfect. I hang on every word and always have your family in my prayers. You are a better woman than I am “Gunga Din”.
Dear Kristin,
As you know well, my students and I make your blog a part of our curriculum. We look forward to each word. Remember the message I wrote you this summer–my group of travelers passed by Shakespeare and Co. and they all yelled out in unison-Kristin was there! The bridge of lovers’ locks prompted them to remember your post with the same photo and many other times throughout our trip your name surfaced and your words were incorporated into their daily language. you have provided us with authentic language and cultural context for many years. We will read whatever you write–just don’t stop writing!
Twice a week may keep you connected to this passion yet give you time to do other things.
Know that Nous t’aimons!
Valencia Siff and all her students
Although I love your blog I have never understood how you could keep up the creative pace you set for yourself. Maybe it’s time to give yourself permission to slow down and post once a week or once a month or whenever the urge to create strikes you. Perhaps a new project such as a book of your photos would be a good outlet for your creativity. Take up painting (based on your photos). There are so many things a talented woman like yourself can do. But above all, do whatever makes you and your family happy and fulfilled. It’s that simple. Don’t fight the coming change; embrace it.
Like Smokey, we will take everything you give us, so that isn’t much help! You are finding your own answer. No one else can give that to you, even though we’d like to.
When you suggested to Jean Marc that you might stay in bed, and he gave you his blessing, and then the possibility was enough–that’s a clue for how to get to where you should be. YOU will have to give yourself whatever permission you seek.
Think of how this would all look from 30,000 ft. “Is she in bed or doing her blog? Are the people in that house even home? What people? You see a house? I just see the hills and valleys.”
The intricacies of our lives matter so much to us, but step back and you’ll see the world rolling on, “the benign indifference of the universe”.
I see in your recent writing the struggle to make things right again. My guess is that this is the messy and painful stage before you find a huge new chunk of wisdom.
Things will be different and fine soon.
Kristen, we all get lost sometimes and wonder where our paths will lead. I enjoy your blogs on a thrice weekly basis however you must do what is best for you. I know we, as your loyal followers,will support your choice no matter what. DeeDee
Kristin, when the dear Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window! We’ll be here once or thrice a week, or whenever you come back. Bonne chance et que Dieu bénisse.
Kristin,
We would all miss your blog, that you must know ! BUT, even once a month would be better (for us) than no blog at all. If you have to stop, then stop, if you could work a way around it that would be fantastic, but you have to be happy and everyone will understand your decision really. I wish you well.
Bon Jour Kristen
Take care of yourself – that’s the most important thing you can do! Your posts are precious gems and I will feel very lucky to receive them whenever they arrive.
Jan
Your blog is really enjoyable. Something learned everyday, and usually a new word or expression. Please keep going as often as you can, for as long as you are so motivated. Thanks
As i approached the Arc de Triomphe a few years ago, I was inundated with a barrage of tears that I didn’t understand…I have since been slowly reconnecting with my French roots, studying French and hoping to return for a visit soon.
Sometimes we have to integrate our unlived life, for wholeness. Usually happens at midlife… “Called or not called, the gods will be there.”…C. G. Jung…sounds like the gods are trying to get your attention!
Bon Courage et comme Joseph Campbell disait, “Suivez ton bonheur!”