A year ago, my son noticed a pimple on my forehead. It was true, there was a blemish that would not go away. You can just spot the growth in the photo (center of forehead, about an inch from my hairline). It was a waxy translucent bump that grew in diameter.
I have darkened the following picture, so you can see the basal cell cancer tumor better:
There. Do you see the pea-size raised lump of skin? Before I knew what it was I kept picking at it, noticing its dense rubbery texture, unlike the normal feeling of acned skin.
I made an appointment to see a dermatologist, who told me the spot or lesion was a basal cell carcinoma, i.e. skin cancer. He smiled and told me I was lucky, “It’s the best kind of cancer.” It wouldn’t kill me, he said. I’d probably die a natural death first. Still, he said, you need to get it removed…because it spreads and it isn’t a pretty sight. Hurrying home after the skin examination I googled the diagnosis. Dumb, dumb, dumb, for the images were horrifying. Not a pretty sight at all!
Meantime, I went in for surgery or excision of the tumor, opting to see a plastic surgeon. The photo, below, was taken 8 hours after surgery. There are no stitches covering the surgical wound. What you are seeing is an incision that was closed with clear surgical tape. I was hesitant to leave my hospital room, not wanting to scare any visitors in the hallway. Two days later, factoring in the swelling and bruising, things looked much worse.
Maybe you are thinking “Mohs! why didn’t she do Mohs micrographic surgery?” Mohs procedure to remove this skin tumor was not available in my area of France. Maybe I should have gone to Paris? Or New York? Or my childhood town of Phoenix, Arizona–the sunny desert responsible for all this? The doctors there must get a lot of practice!
My French doctor mentioned doing a forehead flap,”un lambeau” in the form of the incision you see, below. He said he would proceed, little by little (removing a bit of skin, then having it tested in the lab next door). But when he began surgery, he learned this would not be possible. To be on the safe side, he cut out a larger section. Imagine my surprise when I woke up from surgery….
It is surprising the amount of skin that must be removed when the affected area is (or seems) no bigger than a pea. But they say that small spot, or lesion, represents the tip of the iceberg. With carcinoma, there is more beneath the surface, like roots beneath a tree.
Healing. Picture taken at night, without the large bandaid I wore during the day (the nurse told me to keep the scar out of the sunlight for one year, to improve its appearance).
This photo was taken ten weeks after surgery. The scar is a bit raised in the center. I continue to massage the scar tissue, in order to break down the build-up of collagen fibers (I learned this from the physical therapist who worked on my scar (a second doctor sent me to the therapist, after the scar seemed stuck. Who knew a scar could be stuck!). I am also using a silicon patch, or scar sheet, to help diminish the surgical scar.
(Alas, this was not the end of my experience… While my forehead was healing, I found out that the red “spot” on the side of my nose needed to come off. Why had I let it sit there for nearly 4 years?! It turned out to be another basal cell carcinoma (photo of the nose stitches, here). A third spot, on the tip of my nose, was biopsied a year after that, in 2013. Good news this time… it was only a papul, or kind of skin lesion.)
Here is a letter I received from Mom, who is determined to “read into” the “H” mark on my forehead (please excuse the ALL CAPS – but you know how Moms can turn emotion into enthusiasm:!) Mom writes:
WE ARE ATTACHED FOREVER BY THE DOUBLE CROSS – WHICH REPRESENTS OUR RELATIONSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER AS WE HOLD HANDS AND FORM THIS LETTER… WHICH STANDS FOR OUR HOLINESS.
I can feel your HOLINESS RUN THROUGH MY FINGERTIPS AS WE FORM THE LETTER ‘H‘ WITH OUR BODIES STANDING FIRM AGAINST EACH WIND THAT BLOWS AGAINST OUR LIFE.
WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE THE SIGN WHICH GOD HAS ALLOWED TO COVER YOUR FOREHEAD YOU WILL KNOW THAT
‘H’ stands for HOLY and that you are holy in the eyes of GOD (and your MOM).
“H’ stands for HEAVEN which is the promise you carry to all from Jesus
‘H’ represents the state of HEALTH you have received — because your ears HEAR all that GOD whispers throughout every cell of your body.
When you look in the mirror you will see that you are not only cool, but you are now ‘HIP’.
Yes – you will automatically smile because you will know deep within your HEART you have a HILARIOUS sense of HUMOR.
What can you say but HALLELUJAH as you notice GOD’S HAND reaching down for your HAND.
This is my gift to you on this special day – September 23, 2011 – God gave me the greatest birthday present today because he has HEALED your HEAD and HEART and joined our HOLY HANDS together forever.
Don’ worry – be HAPPY!!
Every day when you look in the mirror remember God has given all of these wonderful words especially for you and that He has built a HEDGE around you forever to protect you.
XOXO
MOM
p.S. don’t forget that your #1 HELPER the HOLY SPIRIT is with you always to guide you, teach you, and comfort you in all things.
I think we should turn this note into a song and HUM its notes forever to each other. XOXO
An updated photo, taken 4 years after my first surgery. Can you see the scar on my forehead? My dog doesn’t care. Here is the most recent photo (scroll down and a look at the scar these days).
Remember to protect your skin. I always wear a hat and sunscreen, when necessary. Try LA ROCHE POSAY SUNSCREEN – it is French and many people swear by it. Get a car sun shade to protect you from UV rays when driving.
Picture taken in 2018. What my post surgery scar looks like 7 years later. The scar is still visible, but c’est la vie! If you found me via Google, please be sure to sign up to my word journal. You’ll learn French as well as a little about our life here in France. I post a lot of photos–so if you simply came here for the basal cell post of picture, you can at least follow my scar’s progress 🙂
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Feel better soon! I’m glad you got this taken care of early!
Dear Kristi,
You and your mom astound me with your divine beauty, grace and courage. I am so moved by your photo and Jules’ letter, which is absolutely profound. Thank you for sharing and opening yourself up to the love and healing of your devoted FWAD family. You are definitely stronger than you think.
I second and loved Jimm’s comment “you are incapable of being anything but beautiful”! Period.
With Love and Gratitude,
Stacy
Congratulations on your courage and warning to others. I think you will get an extra benefit from this surgery in that it seems it will give you an automatic brow lift (not that you needed it yet, but it will prevent you from needing one for another decade!). And remember, a scar gives you more personality: look at Harry Potter!
warm wishes for speedy recovery,
Ellen
I’m absolutely bawling here. I always read your blog , and am always too shy to say what I would like to say, but I just have to tell you how much I love YOU and your MOM, and how her letter touched my heart, and how much I pray for you to Heal in a Hurry, Honey. Jules is already my new best friend, she just doesn’t know it yet. But we’ll work all that out in Heaven. In the meantime, God is with you. You are beautiful and covered with love.
Bisous,
dawne
P.S. My friend and I both had that operation on our noses. Can’t even tell now.
Beautiful encouragement from your mother. So many of us appreciate your courage to tell about your experience with skin cancer. Hopefully it will make us all pay more attention to the amount of sunshine we get while searching for our daily Vitamin D!
As you will discover, scars fade. May courage and good humor continue!
To add one more wish in the long list here, for a speedy and complete, scarless, recovery. You are very dear to all of us.
I hope that everything works out well and your recover completely. I love getting your email with the word of the day. I find you inspirational and beautiful for what you do. Take care, Gaby
Go well and thankyou so much for sharing your photo and your Mum’s letter, both very powerful…..
To be open about these things helps others and as you can see the love and support from everyone for you is enormous, just like your writing and stories keeps us going and smiling when the road gets rough.
You look as gorgeous as ever. ☻
Prends soin de toi,
Poppi xx
What a wonderful thing for your mother to say! I’m speechless, that was so great. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Kristi, looks like I’m the last to wish you a speedy recovery. I was out of the loop during our vacation and didn’t look at my laptop even once in 2 weeks! Having had my own (nearly) 3 hr surgery yesterday to correct a deviated septum, among other things, I’m also on the road to recovery. Let the family look after you. You deserve some down time. Feel better soon!
Kristin, I shed a few tears while reading Jule’s note to you…. she is such a loving mother and adores you so much. I am a breast cancer suvivor and can relate to her prayers for you. I have just come back from 3 weeks in glorious Bourgogne…. a bit jet lagged, but the trip filled the well of my soul with beauty and happiness… I wish you a speedy recovery, and you wil always be a beautiful lady inside and out, as many of your loyal fans have said. ‘happy, holy head’…. some more H things!!! bisous, Judi Dunn, major Francophile from Tallahassee, fl.
Kristen, although it has all been said before me, I want you to know that I am thinking of you and appreciating your honesty and courage. Your writing has made me smile many times and I’m sure that your good humor will pull you through this difficult time……….that and your Mum’s great words! Hang in there and all will be well in time!
Dear Kristin. (First… as part of your recovery please erase me from any thoughts of responding this time! I love you and receive all you would want to send…(•̃͡-̮•̃͡)
Welcome home and thank you for this amazing journey you have taken us on so honestly and openly. There is nothing I can add to the heartfelt wishes that are here in this “corner”, but my love and good wishes abound. To take care of oneself… a life, heart and soul-saving message. As one who tends to deny things and sweep them under a “spiritual” rug sometimes, I am keeping your example close to my heart.
Thank you and much love for what is by now already a profound healing.
Ahulani
You have been such a blessing to share all that you are experiencing with this diagnosis and surgery. No one thinks it will happen to them. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. Godspeed and keep your postivie outlook…
Kristin–Best wishes for continued healing. The best thing you can say is the cancer is gone, and now you can move on with your life. I had a melanoma removed from my leg 16 years ago, with an equally mean-looking incision/scar, but it’s almost invisible now. Better yet, HERE I AM, still cancer-free! Welcome to the sisterhood of survivors. You’re a brave woman and braver still for sharing your story, which undoubtedly has helped many readers take their own bumps and spots more seriously. Lots of love and good wishes coming your way.
H is for hooray for you! I am so fond of you and your blog,even though we have never met. I am sending you positive healing thoughts from Illinois.( although my heart lives in France)
Kristin, your mother is amazing. You are very lucky. Interesting scar, but the good news is it will fade well with care, and you will eventually give it little thought. I had Basal Cell 14 years ago on my cheek and they cut a big chunk out. I had to have it repaired in a second surgery, but look at me now and you’d have to look close to find their work. Glad you got it taken care of. All will be well. Hugs, Candace
I just returned to your site after a long absence & saw your post. Prières et étreintes.
I am a melanoma & squamous cell carcinoma survivor so I understand tout!
Hi Kristin,
I have been wondering how that scar is fading. Although there were more important factors involved than vanity, I still felt for you after seeing how large the scar was in the first photo. It looks so much better now! I’m sure you will hardly be able to see it in another year. You have sent out an important message about skin cancer we need to hear. All the best with your recovery. Lisa x
Mom’s know best! H is for HAT to wear out in the sun.
From another Mom
OH Kristin,
The cross looks amazing!! And you look relaxed and refreshed ten weeks later and with a new book under your belt – that was fun. Seriously, the scar looks beautiful and so do you.
Kristen, dear, I just revisited that letter from your mom, and called my husband in to read it with me, and to look at your most recent photo. Not only was he touched by the letter, as we all were, but his first remark when he saw you was “wow, what a beautiful woman!” He didn’t even see the scar! We both think you are terribly brave, and that you have been blessed to be able to carry an important, and possibly life-saving, message to all of us.
Love to you, and prayers for your continued healing!
Your wound seems to be healing quite well! If you haven’t already learned from one of your readers, vitamin E oil also works quite well for fading scars ( we just buy the pills and snap them open to get the oil and dab it on) Although, I must say that the silicone seems to be doing the trick also (for those of us who are ‘stingy’ (lol) Vitamin E est moins cher).
Speaking of “oursins dans la poche’, reminds me of a saying that Ralph used to use about my Dad’s spending habits: “When he opens his wallet the moths fly out!” Oooh la la. He meant it in a “kindly” way, but it was the truth(-: Praying for your continued improvement
xoNancy
Thank you for this update and for your openness in sharing with us…your mom is surely a Harmonious person…you are so lucky. I had been wondering How this was going and so appreciate knowing.
It is SO much improved from the last time I saw it Kristin & I know it will continue to do so. It doesn’t detract from your attractiveness one bit
I’ll think positive about the other blemish. Just you say to it ” Off you go. I’m not having any of that again !”
I know how you feel about ‘les calendiers’ . We have the sapeurs , the factrice, & the bin men all arriving with them . It becomes hard to find places for them to hang !!
Anyway, I’m looking forward to news of THE BOOK!
Take care ,
Audrey
8 years ago I was diagnosed with an advanced case of prostate cancer and instead of coming out of it as my best friend kidded me “feeling like a new woman”, I came out with simply a nice abdominal scar, much of which has faded. I lathered Vitamin E on it several times a day, ate croissants and drank copious amounts of vin rouge.
Now, I realize that my scar is on my abdomen and not on my face, which at 62 has other markings of a life fully lived, but the scar is a reminder to me that each day must be lived and not put off until tomorrow. It tells me not how unfortunate I was, but how lucky I was – for I am still here!
These scars of life, they all serve their purposes – wear it as a badge of honor and not as a mark of a victim, for it comes with a heavy obligation – to help others in similar situations, to mentor them and to give them courage.
Be well and thanks for being here with this column for all of us. Sorry for the overly long post.
Dana
Dear Kristin, Bless you! After many basal cell carcinoma removals, I had a “Grandaddy.” The plastic surgeon, to repair my HOLE, sliced me from the eyebrow down the bridge of my nose and around the nostril. When I looked under the humungous bandage I was horrified! But soon I graduated to the silicon and then to Magic Tape. It is hardly visible(I am told). But I have discovered the magic of Scotch Tape; it smoothes wrinkles fabulously, too! Love and Good Health, Frances
I’m sorry to have been remiss in reading FWD. Life has gotten in the way….but your post today and the link back were truly blessings! I am so thrilled to hear you are healing, though somewhat concerned about the other spot, and love that you are facing the world with the H of holiness on your forehead every day. Your Mom is truly one of God’s servants and we are blessed that you share her with us. All the best!!
Simply put, Kristin, you are an inspiration and a billboard message to those who don’t limit their time in the sun without sunscreen, a hat and clothing to protect their skin. My husband with very fair skin has sunbathed for years. “But I have sunscreen on!” I have been warning him and showed him your scare photo. I made doctor appointments for both of us. Yes, he has pre-cancerous spots all over his face, ears and head. Your Mum is awesome and God’s words flow lovingly from her letters to you. You are very blessed to have her (and vice versa!) in your life, guiding you with inspiration and reminding you (us!) that there is a reason for everything. Thank God each day and accept your blessings with an open heart . Let your eyes remind you of the gifts and people who surround you. Love receiving your emails and thank you for sharing! Hugs and prayers, Lynnie (WA state, USA)
Kristin, I love the way your eyes shine in that latest photo! Scar? What scar? With that kind of glow, your smile is the only thing I notice. Congratulations on taking such good care of yourself!
Wishing you and yours the best of everything this Holiday Season!
Thank you so much for your sharing and openness. You are a daily inspiration for me. I eagerly await your posts as they always bring a ray of sunshine, kindness and caring into my daily life. I send you healing thoughts. Frances
Amazing how much it’s already healed. I agree with everyone. You are beautiful both inside and out.
That said, I live in California where vanity is…well…not next to godliness, but you know…expected. Consulting a good plastic surgeon (we have many good ones if you visit here) and they’re also doing wonders with lasers…if, in fact, it turns out that you actually need anything.
xoLorrie
You are healing so beautifully. I know How much your Mom wishes she could Have been there to Hold your Hand through all of this. An ocean between you. Prayers are the answer.
Kristin,
I’ve been reading your posts and emails for many years – thank you for giving a quick French tutorial, along with a glimpse into your life, including the bumps on the road! As a lover of words, I’m sure you know heal, health and whole are all linked – here’s to finding scars just another memento of a life fully lived!
Ask your doctor about some medicines in the form of a topical cream that you put on your face that take away pre-cancerous cells. I had a basal cell removed from my nose last year,so I am now trying to get rid of the pre-cancerous cells which will eventually turn into basal cells.
Dear Kristin ~ Have been following your journey through the surgery since diagnosis, including the search for the appropriate surgeon. Both my dermatologist and I wondered why you didn’t come home stateside for the surgery. You were courageous, made the decision, have lived with an unusually large scar and now you (and it!) are healing! I concur with all your other well-wishers, that it will continue to fade, this long ordeal will soon be behind you, and you are definitely as beautiful as always. Your optimism is an inspiration. In awe and admiration and with encouragement, Susan (Sonoma Valley in California)
Marvelous news.
We raise a glass, at our tiny neighborhood restaurant near le Place Saint Sulpice, to your good health today and for many many years to come.
Ronni
Dear Kristin, Both my husband and I have had two Moh’s surgeries for the same basal cell on our faces. His most recent was large and the scar was a bit raised. A few brushes with the laser at his dermatologist’s office and it is hardly noticeable.
Having said that…
I receive your French word a day and I have read your blog for quite awhile now. As I ‘cram’ for my spring trip to Paris and it’s environs, I read this post and your mom’s words. I sit here with tears falling. Your mom’s gift to you is beyond measure and sheds holy light on what is really important. Your scar will be your visual armor of that which empowers your being.
Thank you for sharing you life and loves with us.
Bisous, Chris
Thank you, Chris, and to everyone who took the time to leave a message here. The scars and healing are no longer a worry… My moms poem is a wonderful reminder to not let the marks bother me, either! Thanks for pointing out her words; I need to read them again!
Courage to all of those reading who are worried about an upcoming surgery or a growth. See your dermatologist and take care. No worries, it will all work out as my grandmother used to say!
Your blog is amazing. I have a very recent (6 week old) BCC scar on my forehead. Similar to yours. I’ve had a really hard few weeks, people keep saying to me that it’s ok you have a fringe. I never wanted the fringe it was just to cover the BCC and now the scar. I’ve been asked in supermarkets if I have been in a car accident. Anyway I am rambling but I just wanted to say thank you for your honesty. Some people don’t understand how much facial scaring affects us.
What scar? All I see is a lovely, young woman.
Firstly… You are stunningly beautiful.
Secondly… You forehead scar looks like an open book…how lovely is that to have as your life tattoo!
Thirdly…. You really are gorgeous, scars and all, inside and out.
Finally… Thank you for helping me with my own scars by reading your story.
Thank you for sharing that was a comfort. I just had my spot removed off my forehead last Tuesday. I look like a wrinkle dog around the eyes. I have melanoma on my back and had it cut out as well. I am told I am in my first stages of the cancer so will be ok. I am waiting for the second set of tests. I am feeling everything is in the Lords hands and which ever way things go I will be ok. Thank you for sharing. I have been feeling upset. I am sorry your scar is so big. Mine is the centre of my forehead. I am not sure how big it is yet. Living seems more important. HUG!
Salut Kristin!
I have found your page – fortuitous as I love all things French – but because I too have a bsc right in the same spot! Aside from being brunette, my hair is like yours, I am about your age (now) and my skin is also, older than me:) If you have any time to send me a note, please do as I could do with some wise encouragement – I am a bit scared! Any tips you may have beyond those in your lovely article, please let me know! I just hope and pray for your beautiful resilience and recovery, and to keep the smile in my eyes too. Please thank your clever mother for her wonderful letter xxx
Kristi, Your Mom is simply wonderful!! Such beautiful faith!! God bless and so glad that you are well, C-Marie
Thank you, C-Marie! I do not know what I would do without her. And your lovely notes are the best. Merci beaucoup !
I got your surprise last year and ended up with a scar running 6″ from beside my right eye to the center of my forehead. There were two surgeries – the first by a plastic surgeon, which didn’t get it all, and the second a Moh’s surgery. I worry about French medical care, as my daughter lives there and I’m not convinced her needs are being met. (How can an ENT not know about sinus irrigation or infection culture.) She and her husband live in Pralognan la Vanoise in Savoie…