A year ago, my son noticed a pimple on my forehead. It was true, there was a blemish that would not go away. You can just spot the growth in the photo (center of forehead, about an inch from my hairline). It was a waxy translucent bump that grew in diameter.
I have darkened the following picture, so you can see the basal cell cancer tumor better:
There. Do you see the pea-size raised lump of skin? Before I knew what it was I kept picking at it, noticing its dense rubbery texture, unlike the normal feeling of acned skin.
I made an appointment to see a dermatologist, who told me the spot or lesion was a basal cell carcinoma, i.e. skin cancer. He smiled and told me I was lucky, “It’s the best kind of cancer.” It wouldn’t kill me, he said. I’d probably die a natural death first. Still, he said, you need to get it removed…because it spreads and it isn’t a pretty sight. Hurrying home after the skin examination I googled the diagnosis. Dumb, dumb, dumb, for the images were horrifying. Not a pretty sight at all!
Meantime, I went in for surgery or excision of the tumor, opting to see a plastic surgeon. The photo, below, was taken 8 hours after surgery. There are no stitches covering the surgical wound. What you are seeing is an incision that was closed with clear surgical tape. I was hesitant to leave my hospital room, not wanting to scare any visitors in the hallway. Two days later, factoring in the swelling and bruising, things looked much worse.
Maybe you are thinking “Mohs! why didn’t she do Mohs micrographic surgery?” Mohs procedure to remove this skin tumor was not available in my area of France. Maybe I should have gone to Paris? Or New York? Or my childhood town of Phoenix, Arizona–the sunny desert responsible for all this? The doctors there must get a lot of practice!
My French doctor mentioned doing a forehead flap,”un lambeau” in the form of the incision you see, below. He said he would proceed, little by little (removing a bit of skin, then having it tested in the lab next door). But when he began surgery, he learned this would not be possible. To be on the safe side, he cut out a larger section. Imagine my surprise when I woke up from surgery….
It is surprising the amount of skin that must be removed when the affected area is (or seems) no bigger than a pea. But they say that small spot, or lesion, represents the tip of the iceberg. With carcinoma, there is more beneath the surface, like roots beneath a tree.
Healing. Picture taken at night, without the large bandaid I wore during the day (the nurse told me to keep the scar out of the sunlight for one year, to improve its appearance).
This photo was taken ten weeks after surgery. The scar is a bit raised in the center. I continue to massage the scar tissue, in order to break down the build-up of collagen fibers (I learned this from the physical therapist who worked on my scar (a second doctor sent me to the therapist, after the scar seemed stuck. Who knew a scar could be stuck!). I am also using a silicon patch, or scar sheet, to help diminish the surgical scar.
(Alas, this was not the end of my experience… While my forehead was healing, I found out that the red “spot” on the side of my nose needed to come off. Why had I let it sit there for nearly 4 years?! It turned out to be another basal cell carcinoma (photo of the nose stitches, here). A third spot, on the tip of my nose, was biopsied a year after that, in 2013. Good news this time… it was only a papul, or kind of skin lesion.)
Here is a letter I received from Mom, who is determined to “read into” the “H” mark on my forehead (please excuse the ALL CAPS – but you know how Moms can turn emotion into enthusiasm:!) Mom writes:
WE ARE ATTACHED FOREVER BY THE DOUBLE CROSS – WHICH REPRESENTS OUR RELATIONSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER AS WE HOLD HANDS AND FORM THIS LETTER… WHICH STANDS FOR OUR HOLINESS.
I can feel your HOLINESS RUN THROUGH MY FINGERTIPS AS WE FORM THE LETTER ‘H‘ WITH OUR BODIES STANDING FIRM AGAINST EACH WIND THAT BLOWS AGAINST OUR LIFE.
WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE THE SIGN WHICH GOD HAS ALLOWED TO COVER YOUR FOREHEAD YOU WILL KNOW THAT
‘H’ stands for HOLY and that you are holy in the eyes of GOD (and your MOM).
“H’ stands for HEAVEN which is the promise you carry to all from Jesus
‘H’ represents the state of HEALTH you have received — because your ears HEAR all that GOD whispers throughout every cell of your body.
When you look in the mirror you will see that you are not only cool, but you are now ‘HIP’.
Yes – you will automatically smile because you will know deep within your HEART you have a HILARIOUS sense of HUMOR.
What can you say but HALLELUJAH as you notice GOD’S HAND reaching down for your HAND.
This is my gift to you on this special day – September 23, 2011 – God gave me the greatest birthday present today because he has HEALED your HEAD and HEART and joined our HOLY HANDS together forever.
Don’ worry – be HAPPY!!
Every day when you look in the mirror remember God has given all of these wonderful words especially for you and that He has built a HEDGE around you forever to protect you.
XOXO
MOM
p.S. don’t forget that your #1 HELPER the HOLY SPIRIT is with you always to guide you, teach you, and comfort you in all things.
I think we should turn this note into a song and HUM its notes forever to each other. XOXO
An updated photo, taken 4 years after my first surgery. Can you see the scar on my forehead? My dog doesn’t care. Here is the most recent photo (scroll down and a look at the scar these days).
Remember to protect your skin. I always wear a hat and sunscreen, when necessary. Try LA ROCHE POSAY SUNSCREEN – it is French and many people swear by it. Get a car sun shade to protect you from UV rays when driving.
Picture taken in 2018. What my post surgery scar looks like 7 years later. The scar is still visible, but c’est la vie! If you found me via Google, please be sure to sign up to my word journal. You’ll learn French as well as a little about our life here in France. I post a lot of photos–so if you simply came here for the basal cell post of picture, you can at least follow my scar’s progress 🙂
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Kristin,
Best wishes for your complete and speedy recovery. As you know by now, th first day or two are the worst…
…and, from someone who knows, any signs of healing become an instant conversation-starter, so tell a good story :)) And, in time, you will be the only one to notice the difference…
In the meantime, get the rest you need to heal, but also get back into the thick of things — along with your family, the best medicine of all.
Cheers,
Liv
Longtime reader
First time poster
Dear Kristin,
I am tempted to think, “Oh Kristin doesn’t need to hear one more note of praise and encouragement from me.” And then I remember that there is no end to blessings as they flow from all of us to you and back again. What a community you have created! And now you will have a scar on your forehead like Happy Potter.
How cool!
You are a beautiful women inside and out, as many have stated before. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Jules for those wonderful words.
Thanks so much for sharing — you have helped a lot of people. Both you and your mom are wonderful.
You are beautiful both inside and out! Thanks for your great emails, I always look forward to reading about your adventures.
Be well!
Wishing you the best for your recovery, Kristin, and I love your mom’s message! Take care, Denise
I was thinking of you last Friday, knowing that was the day of your surgery. My best wishes for a speedy recovery, Cynthia
Kristin – you bring such joy to my life with your postings. Permit yourself to be wrapped in all the love and prayers that are gushing forth towards a swift and complete recovery. Many blessings.
Kristin,
wishing you quick healing and sending prayers for your recovery! Kisses to the doggies from me!
I’ve also had surgery recently, but on my ankle, and it seems that ice (wrapped in a soft cloth) really eases the discomfort and swelling. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
I just love your mom! She is cheerful and right! You will heal-nothing can hurt the beauty of your face, Kristin. I am just glad that you are well-you and your mother know how much worse this could have been. Take care, relax and heal well.
My dear friend:
I’m very glad you are healing after being so worried about your surgery.
In a few weeks you will be allright. I cover my scars with foundation.
Have some wine and forget about it.
God will take care of you.
Dear Kristin, Thank you for the courage you have shown by sharing this difficult process with us. You are beautiful inside and out. You are a wonderful example to us all. Sending you healing rays from CT.
Kristin, Having known your mother for several years, she NEVER ceases to amaze me. She told you all the correct things. Us mothers know that stuff, somehow. Take care, and heal well. Vance
Dear Kristin: How brave you are and many thanks for posting the before and after picture as this will perhaps move many of us
to reconsider our sun exposure. Your Mom sounds like a pillar of strength for you to lean on and her love for you speaks volumes in her letter..how lucky you truly are! Make
every moment count as you always do!
xoxo
The healing process is so remarkable and magnificent and thank you for sharing your personal experience. Yes, you are wonderful and beautiful and all the very best to you!
Wow, what a mom you have! You are very loved indeed. Not ONLY by God but here on earth as well. Prayers to you for speedy healing!
I was thinking about you over the weekend and wondering how everything went for you…and then this morning I saw your blog email: I thought oh thank God you’re OK!!!!And, I see that I’m not the only one…you are so loved! You’re mom is amazing!!! She always knows the right thing to say. While you are healing (and it will heal)…bangs are a great idea (as a few others have said already). Also, I thought you might like a little music today, since you all are picking grapes: Enjoy!! Huge hugs!!! 🙂
Dear Kristin,
Wishing you all good things for a very quick mending. While I have not been a very vocal follower, I have been a loyal one, nonetheless. You are very brave and beautiful in all you do and your courage and love of life will see you past this as well! (How lucky you are to have such a remarkable mom, husband and children)!
Kristin,
Uma boa recuperação pra você. Means a good recovery in Portuguese. I love to read your stories and just bought your book and another book recommended by you.
thank you.
What a great and perceptive mom! Thank her for me for having you! (I just wrote you a longer email…like moms do) From California with love.
Patience attains all that it strives for. So patience, good health and humor, and positive thoughts as you heal.
May God heal you quickly and hopefully for me, too, just had a large pre-cancerous growth removed from head, stitches feel like I’m being pulled up to the ceiling but everyone should be aware of danger from the sun, wear sun-lock daily – the sun is always out! – and get a full body exam at least once a year if not twice. Wear a sun-block hat always, may not be fun but it is protection.
Dear Kristin:
You are and always will be a beautiful woman.
No surgery can ever change that. You are so fortunate to have such a beautiful mother as well.
I wish you a full and beautiful recovery.
Love, janine Cortell
I so admire your bravery & positive thinking Kristin. I am sure that time will heal the scars greatly .
By the way I love the hat. Just think what great hats you can try on to wear until the scars have diminished. Thank goodness you acted promptly. A message to us all . Don’t ignore any thing unusual.
May your recovery be swift & successful.
Kristin, no amount of scarring could detract from the beautiful person you are in mind and body. Your mother’s birthday is September 23? Oh, no! I always thought I saw myself in her and didn’t like what I saw! The email she wrote you about the “H’s” is exactly what I would have written to my Catholic-school educated but now not church-going daughters! You have been “kissed” by the Holy Spirit! Blessings!
Kristin. . . . I have had many lesions removed over the years. Luckily they have always been basal cell or squamous cell and not the more serious kind. I don’t know what your situation was but that is a beautiful repair to a beautiful face.
I talked with your equally beautiful sis and Doug recently and they are forever in the know as to what you are doing. I appreciate hearing from you on a regular basis.
Good healing!
As the wife of a blue-eyed man who has had numerous skin lesions removed & who has also had ocular plastic surgery that made him look worse than Frankenstein (they literally had to put screws and sixteen metal staples in his forehead to lift the forehead scalp back into place post-surgery!), I can assure you that you will be amazed that the scarring will go away sooner than you imagined. Frankenstein disappeared pretty fast and my handsome hubby was in his place. Best wishes to you from southern California!
Nothing, absolutely nothing could go terribly wrong with a surrounding of such warmth, prayers and good will. I”m phoning tomorrow morning, harvest or NO harvest. I need to hear your voice, xxx me
Hi Kristen,
I wish you a quick recovery, and am glad to hear you successfully had the troublesome spot removed. What a wonderful mom you have! Take comfort in her sweet words. After reading the comments here it’s wonderful to see that you have so many people praying for your quick and painless recovery, myself included. Also, these things heal relatively quickly (I had the same type of removal – and it was a raised scar, like the stitching on a baseball bat – I am left with a faint white line). Your positive attitude and grace has been inspiring to watch.
All the best to you,
Janae
Bless you, Kristen! Thank you for all your wonderful blogs which I enjoy greatly! I send many healing thoughts, and wish you and your wonderful family only the very best always!
Merci mille fois!
Laraine Lippe
sending you pink light and healing and lets get some reiki going here world!!! By next year it will be as it ws never there – and from now on SPF 35 or better!!!!
I agree with the “H” is for “heroic.” I’m glad the surgery is behind you, and wish you a speedy healing. With all the positive energy from your adoring readers, you should be perfect in no time!
What a beautiful love note from your mom – and all of the above notes seem to be love notes too. Please add mine to the bunch – and consider them all posies for a beautiful woman! Wishing you a speedy recovery from your operation and thanks for all you give!
Kristen,
I know your scar will soon heal and your mother is one in a million. She has entranced me for years an, today, made me smile even more. You are both such very special people, as evidenced by all the comments here.
Dear Kristen,
We have communicated before, but what you don’t know is that I am a Hospital Pharmacist with MANY years in hospitals, AND I have had your surgery, basal cell carcinoma…although you win the prize for size of !
A couple of things to know. First, I applaud votre courage…not many women (or men) would be willing to show the healing tissue on their face! Secondly, please know that it will all heal nicely. They took a ROUND section out of my forehead that was larger than a quarter, about the same place as yours and it healed completely and I am as pretty as I ever was (not that I was ever pretty!), but the point is that you cannot tell.
It is IMPORTANT that you have a GOOD plastic surgeon work with your tissue to ensure you do not have a permanent scar…that would be totally unnecessary.
Finally, know that you are like my wife, you are incapable of being anything but beautiful.
Jimm Hughey, CA Pharmacist
Ah the beauty in your family, both inside & out. Love & healing to you & Jules. You know you are in my thoughts & prayers already. <3
Hugs
Kristen,
Best wishes for speedy healing! Are you following up with a plastic surgeon, is that part of the plan?
You look lovely, with or without the scar- and as scars go, it looks like it will heal just fine.
Your mother’s note is very sweet- it makes me miss my own mom.
Best,
Jane Elspeth
Kristin,
I wish you a speedy and complete recovery. At times like these, the warmth and support of family and great friends (and also, in your case, wishes from all the ‘French Word-A-Day readers’) will definitely help you in the healing process :).
Anita
Sending mindful blessings of healing and health to you, dear Kristin. You send so much joy and weekly smiles to so many of us around the globe. With thanks and love, Lisa xx
Dearest Kristin
You are so loved and blessed. Just look at all the love in these notes to you. As so many of your followers wrote, these scars will fade with time. As I said to you before, the horizontal scars in your forehead simply look like natural creases. And yes for now, practice absolutely “safe sun” NO sun exposure to the fresh scars. Nothing can detract from your beauty.
Love Virginia
Scars are only on the surface and they fade over time, leaving small traces of battles fought and won. You are still the loveliest winemaker’s wife in the land.
Your mother’s words signify such an extraordinary wisdom, one gained, no doubt, through a lifetime of finding what so many of us are searching for – life’s meaning and all its promises. I am saving her words for the someday in the future when I can share them with another or find my own healing in them. I am so wishing to meet your mother one day – we are from the same “time zone” in history, I think. And I know Charles and Martha will manage to introduce us (you and me) one day, although your writing opens your life to readers in such personal ways it’s as if I already know you.
Finally, Thank You, dear Kristin, for the courage of sharing your innermost thoughts about your surgery. You are helping others who are afraid to face their own health issues. (And you are probably making it a little easier for Jean-Marc to cope with his own worry for you.)
Peace, Nan
WOW Kristin I do not think you can ever read all of these, but let me add: I will (continue to) keep you in my prayers. you will be fine. Your mom is spot-on with her thoughts. And Through your pain and scars, you become a testimony to others. What a privilege. I too had skin AND breast cancer; thank God, I am well and healed. Your posts are a blessing, and your life is one, too. Love to all of you in beautiful France.Jackie
Wow, such a big incision! Glad it was nothing, well almost nothing!
Had been thinking of you, especially when there was a glitch in your routine thrice-weekly FWD. Being a veteran of cancer surgery, I had to see your scarred beautiful face. My wet eyes will soon dry and after a while your lovely face will look almost as before — always charming and radiant.
Comme toujours, Fred
Kristin,
I am keeping you in my prayers for a speedy recovery too! Your mom is wonderful!
Love to you,
Eileen
Goodness, Kristin!
How brave and dear that you share your experience to remind us Sunblock Forever! Blessings on you and your equally lovely Mother. You deserve Halos…
Warmly,Gail
Kristin, You have been in my thoughts for these past two weeks every day for two reasons. One, your impending surgery during such a busy time at the vineyard and because of the week with Margaret and Portia in Burgundy and now the week with RoseAnn in Venice. I have been sending good wishes to you for a complete and quick recovery and also channeling you when I espy a wonderful doorway, or window or shutter or dog, cat, person to photograph. You are in my thoughts and I send you all positive vibes.
And thank you for sending out the message about skin cancer. Sunblock, hats, parasols!
Praying for quick healing for you! So glad the offending growth is gone.
Your mom really sums it all up and says it all. How very, very blessed you are to have such sweet support. Please take care of yourself.
Oh, your Jules! She is amazing, and how BLESSED you are to have such a woman in your life!! Praying for a speedy recovery, Kristin, for God’s Healing Hand to be upon you, and for your mind to have a restful peace as well. love Jen
Kristin:
From the wife of a man who has had numerous surgeries for basal cell, rub Vitamin E oil on it every day. His scars faded quicker!
Denise