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TODAY’S WORD: l’aidant(e) : caregiver

PRONUNCIATION: [lay-dahn(t)]

A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse

Two weeks ago, Mom moved into the house—into Max’s old room. She immediately loved the firmness of the mattress, the cozy space, and the way the wooden shutters blocked out all the light—perfect for nap time. She packed only her toothbrush, in her pocket, and, for the fortnight that followed, didn’t even look at the laptop I’d brought her to enjoy her favorite podcasts.

This accidental séjour began after I learned Jean-Marc would be away for the weekend. It had been a while since I’d been alone in the house. When I admitted to Mom that I had la trouille, she immediately volunteered to stay the night.

What a relief to have another presence in this big, drafty house. I turned up the heat for Mom’s comfort, and we each slept soundly that night. We woke to the gentle coo-cooing of doves, our two tourterelles already begging for their breakfast. I noticed their fledgling in tow. And why not? Food, warmth, and good company. Normally, they’re chased off by other family members, but this season they seemed to be sticking together—the young with the venerable. Each vulnerable in their own way.

When Sunday night rolled around and Jean-Marc returned from Aix-en-Provence, Mom was resting in the next room. Why disturb her now? She could return to her little nest—just around the corner of the house—tomorrow.

By day five, we were enjoying the conveniences of living together: no more back-and-forth to bring meals, or bring Mom over for a meal…for one. And there was the joy of sharing Ricci, whose flying leaps onto the bed and cuddles delighted her. The bustle around the house kept Mom entertained too—she especially enjoyed watching the workmen install our new cloth awning. (Ça y est! Our old cloth store, which had more holes than a block of Gruyère, has finally been replaced—a good reminder that it’s never too late to get back on track with home maintenance.)

There were a few inconveniences too. Mom’s daily visit from the nurses became a family affaire, beginning with a toc toc toc! on the front door, Ricci yipping her high-pitched yip, and either Jean-Marc or me hurrying down the stairs in our pjs to open up. (If only the nurses had been here when I drew a bath for Mom—only for the two of us to find ourselves in a pinch when she couldn’t get out on her own. The moment might’ve been comedic if it hadn’t been so scary. Thankfully, no one slipped or fell during the rescue.)

Autrement, Mom blended right into the décor: she spent her days resting in bed. Why not extend her stay? Just in case, I asked Jean-Marc if having his mother-in-law in the house n’était pas gênant pour lui.

He assured me it wasn’t. His only concern was this: the longer Mom stayed, the less independent she became. Even in the span of two weeks, she was doing less for herself. With everything within reach—and being handed to her—there were no challenges to overcome. I found myself setting out her slippers and even buttering her bread.

During the last week, as I prepared to go live for a webinar with the Alliance Française and the Renaissance Française—a fantastic opportunity after receiving the gold medal in Paris!—it occurred to me that Mom might suddenly wander out for a late-night snack and onto the set (our family’s kitchen) where I was being interviewed via Zoom. 

“Mom,” I reminded her, “tonight’s the night. I’m going live in ten minutes. If you need anything—the restroom, a cold drink…—now’s the time!” 

“No, I’m fine. I’m going to sleep for the night!” Understandably so, given it was almost 10 pm! And yet, to my surprise Mom returned a few moments later—not for a snack but to verify my position before the camera.

“Move a little closer to the camera,” she said. “There. Much better.” Then she returned to bed to await news of how it all went. As soon as it was over, I beelined straight to Mom’s bedside. “The screen rained down with heart bubbles! The viewers were sending continuous encouragement as I spoke…I think it went well!”

Mom was delighted. And the next day, to my surprise, she suddenly announced she was returning home. “Thank you! That was like a vacation!” she said, carrying off a plate of roasted chicken to dine chez elle, solo.

Perhaps this whole “vacation” was cosmically designed to benefit all of us? During this caregiving season of our life, with its joys and challenges, I find myself asking from time to time: Who’s helping who? Never underestimate the slipper-clad members of your entourage—their wisdom, their warmth, and all that they quietly accomplish even as their independence begins to wane.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate. And to all: may the season bring you warmth, assurance, and the grace to carry out what you can—as well as peace and gratitude with what’s been entrusted to you.

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WATCH THE INTERVIEW!
The webinar is available of YouTube. To see it, click here.
Thanks for watching! And mille mercis to President Margot Steinhart of La Renaissance Française USA, to Renée Ketchum, Vice President of the Federation of Alliances Françaises, to the American Society of the French Academic Palms, and to the American Association of Teachers of French for this interview and webinar.

FRENCH VOCABULARY

l’aidant / l’aidante = caregiver
le séjour = stay
la trouille = fear
la tourterelle = collared dove
ça y est = it’s done, it’s finished, it’s ready
le store = awning
l’affaire = matter, situation
toc, toc, toc = knock, knock, knock
autrement = otherwise
n’être pas gênant = not to be an imposition
chez elle = at her place

REMERCIEMENTS
Thank you to the following readers for your donation this past week to this journal!

Mike P.
Marti G.
Betsy F.
Tristin C.
Tricia N.-B.

Whether you’ve been reading for years or just stumbled upon this little corner of France, thank you for being here. These stories continue thanks to reader encouragement. If you’d like to help maintain this journal, here are a few simple ways:

🌿 Zelle – to Kristin.espinasse@gmail.com
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Gift the book A Year in a French Life to a friend. It’s packed with colorful photos and vocabulary.

For more stories, visit my WhatsApp, where I share news in between these blog updates.

LEJOUR DE MERCI DONNANT
Once again, Happy Thanksgiving… or Jour de Merci Donnant. The following essay, by the late Elizabeth New Seitz, in her beloved column French Affaires, refers back to this famous phrase and to Art Buchwald’s beloved article Merci Donnant.

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