If I were a 20-year sober cat, this is what my life would look like. I love this imperfect, slightly crooked picture and hope you do too for a future postcard. Meantime, many thanks for your postcard orders!
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
“In The Clouds”
I don’t know what it is about my mind but sometimes the most obvious things escape me. I am a dreamer. Blame it on that. But when I quit floating through the moment, and stop to focus, I do see the picture!
This week, and today specifically, I am pausing to visualize two decades of sobriety. Twenty years ago today I woke up to a new and blessed beginning. I remember it vividly: the decision to stop drinking. It came with tears. These weren’t larmes of regret, they were and remain tears of surrender.
This new beginning happened around the time this blog began, and it–this promise to myself–would become an anchor. No matter how many times we moved homes, or the ups and downs of life, this gift of sobriety would hold me steady through many trials and changes.
If sobriety is an anchor, faith is the solid ground beneath it. What would I do without my faith? I don’t know, but one thing I would not do is give it up. Because looking over 55 years of life, Faith is the one constant–faith and grace (can the two words be interchanged?)
I was walking home from church yesterday when I overheard a young woman walking toward me. The woman with the Australian accent was saying to her companion: “When I look back over my life…I realize God has always been there….
I thought to myself, Amen. My next thought was, Maybe that was an angel…an angel with an Australian accent!
No matter how far along my faith walk, or my sobriety walk, I still need these reminders that I am not alone. God has my back.
Back to the woman’s message…about finding God in retrospect…This is exactly what I say to my grown children or to anyone who struggles with faith: Just look back over your life… then you will see God in action. It is grace that carries us through. Are you ever amazed at how you have survived? But for the grace of God go I.
Last week our son joined us here for lunch. I left the chili to simmer and joined my husband and Max in the garden, where they were enjoying apéritifs. Two bottles of wine were opened for the tasting, and on the table, a bucket of sea urchins the two men had just caught. I picked up a spoon and began savoring les oursins, while carefully tuning into the conversation.
Max was telling his dad about how he had emptied our cellar of more wines, transferring them to his own storage unit at his new condo.
”That’s great, Max!” I said, relieved to have more space freed up in our home (I’m hoping the guys will move my washing machine to the cellar, and free up space in our bathroom—which we will hopefully one day renovate.)
Jean-Marc chuckled, "Good thing you took it before Mom drank it!"
"You two should thank me!" I said, ignoring my husband’s joke. “Think of all the wine and money I have saved you over the years. Just imagine…
…At one-half bottle a day (sounds like a lot but it's = to a glass at lunch and two glasses at dinner…)
…times 4 weeks (let’s say 15 bottles a month…)
…times one year ( 180 bottles)
…times 19 years…
That is almost 3500 bottles!
While Max and I were busy being very impressed by this calculation, Jean-Marc accidentally redeemed himself from the bad joke he told earlier:
"It has been 20 years, Chérie."
Oh my goodness. He is right! And today, February 6th, marks the day! I may be a little in the clouds…but I am still floating around, amongst family and life, enjoying every precious moment. Had I not made that decision 20 years ago, I don’t know where I would be today. And that is a sobering thought.
IN CELEBRATION: The Lost Gardens Memoir, now $20
In celebration of this milestone, our story "The Lost Gardens" is now a symbolic $20 instead of $29 when you purchase with this link. If you have been meaning to read about our life at two vineyards–following my sobriety–this is the time! Our husband/wife memoir is online, readable in blog format. Upon checkout, you will be given two passwords to enter the website, where you can begin reading right away. Click here to order The Lost Gardens Memoir
Bye for now, and back to dreaming up future postcards. How do you like the two images in today's post? Let me know and thank you for your postcard orders. and for the various ways you help out this journal. I truly appreciate your support.
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Kristi—You are the symbol for a good human being—decency, self discipline, humility and caring for others.
Whatever weaknesses you experienced you overcame. Bravo for you!
Shari Reed, New Mexico
Oh, Kristi! What a day, and what a wondrous declaration of faith too.
Please accept that, like the Australian ‘angel’ you overheard at the perfect moment, you are a beneficent and supportive force for us through all you share. An emissary ‘Angel Unaware’ indeed, in your authenticity, candour, and magnamimous heart, exemplifying the sacred principles which animate you day by day.
Congratulations today to all of you, nos Espinasse si extraordinaire, weaving your bonds anew and together, come what may.
Bright blessings on this milestone anniversary of sobriety and in every new experience unfolding for you as onward you go.
💖 ~ endlessly grateful for your sharing yourself with us as you do, dear Kristi!
hugs from
Kitty, in Canada
Congratulations, Kristi, on your incredible milestone!!
Best,
Janine
DC
Congratulations on this milestone. If it’s “one day at a time,” I wonder how many days that has been? Have the best week and thanks for sharing with us.
Something to celebrate, indeed! Congratulations on this milestone and all of the other gifts it led to. Thank you for sharing and continuing to share your stories – the highs, the lows, and everything in between. I’ve been along for the reading ride since 2003 (the year I met my husband). I can’t recall how I originally found you, but so very glad I did.
Beyond proud RB!!! Beyond proud! XOXOX RB
Congratulations, a beautiful post.
You are special and a strong woman . I will definitely order your postcards . Please make the cat drying out and the bicycle one your new additions. Simple yet perfect little pictures of a French neighborhood. Love it !
Felicitations, Kristi! Twenty years of sobriety is a huge accomplishment. I hope you are proud of yourself. And your circumstances made the work especially challenging, I’m thinking. (Still ‘way behind you, I celebrated 14 years a week ago today!) Susan in Ontario
Congrats!
And I love the photo of the cat, but I sure hope he doesn’t/didn’t fall out of the window!
The landlady I had when I studied in Paris a zillion years ago had a cat who had fallen off her balcony, but fortunately survived!
Dear Kristi,
You deserve all the accolades your wonderful readers/fans have written, this post/milestone really impressed everyone, including me. Felicitations, happy anniversary,and bon courage for the next 20!!And many thanks to
your loving family for their support!!
Amicalement, Suzanne
Both photos are lovely! Bravo for reaching 20 years of sobriety and sharing your faith publicly.
Petra
Congratulations, Kristi! Twenty years is a milestone to be extremely proud of. Your faith, family, and friends were/are with you all the way. You have my best wishes for the next twenty plus years. P.S.: The baskets with the bicycle would make a wonderful “carte postale”. I know that cats have nine lives but, somehow the cat perched on the window frame makes me anxious even though I like the photo.
This is so beautiful!!
Thank you for sharing that with all of us!
Dear Kristi – I am a long-time subscriber and I will always remember your post when you told the story of drinking many “airplane”/tiny bottles of liquor while you were watching a young member of your family and how that was your wake-up call. I am proud of you, and you are an inspiration.
I, too, remember this post and was very impressed by it … especially so now that twenty years of sobriety followed.
Happy anniversary, Kristi! Big accomplishments in so many ways – very proud of you and feel so grateful to have you as my relative.
Love to you, Jean-Marc, Max and Jacqui!
“Back to the woman’s message…about finding God in retrospect…This is exactly what I say to my grown children or to anyone who struggles with faith: Just look back over your life… then you will see God in action. It is grace that carries us through.”
Indeed!
Happy anniversary, dear Kristi! You have so much to be proud of!
Thank you, Chris. And thanks for the helpful prayer! It will come in handy!
And who knows maybe she helped someone else with her honesty. Courage!
Wonderful celebration of such a landmark occassion.
Yes, you are a very strong woman.
Congratulations,
Diane
Isn’t it a somewhat contradictory existence: You as teetotal and your husband whose profession for some time was selling alcohol? As for religious notions, they have never aided me in life, and I’ve never relied on anything but my own determination. Now that’s something I really do have faith in.
Happy anniversary, Kristi, and bravo on twenty years! Well done!
Thank you for continuing to uplift and inspire us with your beautifully written columns and stunning photographs. You are one of God’s angels in our lives showing us that beauty, love and kindness are never far away.
Bravo on your 20 years! That is indeed a milestone. And I can’t agree more with your statement, Where would I be without my faith in God!
Sorry for the extreme delay on sending my Congratulations!! This is a wonderful milestone, not easily achieved. I’m so happy not only for you but for your family!! One Day at a Time!!
Congratulations on your 20 year anniversary of sobriety, Kristi! What an accomplishment, especially in light of living in a wine culture not only in France but in Jean-Marc’s vocation for so many years. You are a gift to us all- your journals are so inspiring! I believe God led me to you when I found your book in a Thrift Store years ago. I’ve been reading your journals ever since and they add joy and enjoyment to my life. Thank you also for your unabashed proclamations of your faith in God, especially in a time when it is not in vogue in our world. He is with us and I agree, looking back over life makes it that much more evident. Sent to you with love, admiration and hugs! Felicitations, Kristi!
This story reminds me of the saying in the bookstore. Shakespeare and Company. “Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise.”
Having an angel come into one’s life is a most incredible phenomenon…
Congratulations on your milestone!
Thank you for your wonderful articles.
All the best from an Australian living in Annecy.
That’s a verse from the Bible & a verse well beloved by many, cus how exciting that in showing Christian love to all it means that at some times, those folks could well be angels in human garb!
Hebrews 13:2
New International Version
2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
Dear Kristi,
Your sobriety is an amazing accomplishment. As others have noted, it must have been especially difficult given the “wine” culture of France and Jean-Marc’s jobs,
I have heard of people who went to church every day (or prayed if no church was available), that for the next 24 hours, they would not drink. For them, it worked.
I read somewhere a definition of “discipllne” – “Discipline is remembering what you really want.” Superficially you might want a drink. But then you remember that you really want sobriety more. And you did it! Anyone who hasn’t wrestled with that can’t quite grasp how challenging it is.
I had a dear friend who became dependent on alcohol. A fender-bender accident was her wake-up call. She went to a detox program at a hospital, then faithfully attended AA meetings with a sponsor. I went to a few meetings with her. I was present when she got her ten-year sobriety award (sadly, she passed away before being able to get a 20-year award).
You have shown many people how important it is to be honest about your past, but also that change is possible, and that if you can reach 20 years, so can they. A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Think of all the steps you have taken! Be sure to celebrate somehow – maybe with a great dinner, or a weekend away, or something that is a reward for your efforts.
Thank you, Marianne! Your words truly touch me. I am so grateful for the support and encouragement here, and in the thoughtful comments to this post. Heartfelt thanks to everyone! 💓