“La Boucherie” in Pélissanne—Notice the lettering on this shopfront (can you translate the French?). I love typography and have always loved language even if I am still capable of butchering French. In today’s story, you’ll understand why…
For our True Crime readers: The Butcher of Paris I've not read the book (read at your own risk) but the title goes along with today's story 🙂
Today's Word: la cotisation
: subscriptions, dues; contributions (social security)
French Audio: Click the link below to hear Jean-Marc pronounce the French words in today's post. Then scroll down to the vocabulary section to practice your French comprehension.
Click here to listen to the French vocabulary
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
After completing my tax return early this year it was time to celebrate at the beach with my husband and our dog in nearby Bandol. But the festive feeling dampened when, shortly after submitting ma déclaration d’impôt, I received a registered letter from the French IRS informing me my 2021 earnings were insuffisant.
Insufficient earnings? "What does the French government care if my earnings are lower than usual?" I asked my husband. Jean-Marc was perplexed, too, until he remembered our tête-à-tête last year when we sat down to figure out how I might be eligible for retirement benefits in France. (Turns out, I could use the points accrued in the States, adding them to the points I am finally accruing in France. But that was not all…).
"When you registered for French social security, one stipulation was that you earn no less than the SMIC (minimum wage) in order for your quarterly cotisations to be worthy of your future pension. According to les règles, if you do not earn the equivalent of the minimum wage you are either suspended from the pension points program or assigned another job.”
Assigned another job? But that’s crazy! For one, how am I to fit into a French workplace when I practically butcher the language? And two, I like working from home in my pajamas (teaching French…).
As for insufficient earnings, last summer’s sabbatical was to blame. Back then I justified the break: “most teachers have summer off…” Only I’m not a teacher, but a professional blogger "in the educational sector." Writing, like teaching, is a low-paying job, but for years I have managed to make a wage from blogging and, added to my husband’s, it was enough for us…but apparently it was not enough for the Powers That Be.
Speaking of The Powers That Be, isn’t it eerily Orwellian how the government in France gets to decide what job a future social security recipient will do from here on out? Then again, after so many government directives these past two years, it isn’t surprising.
WHERE’S THE BEEF?
A breakdown of my income shows that in 2021 I earned 15,140 euros (roughly 1400 less than French minimum wage) from my job as un écrivain. This amount includes my earnings from blogging, income from freelance writing, and author royalties (sounds impressive but for 2021 book sales I received a check from Simon and Schuster for a grand total of $138). As you can imagine, any plans to retire and live off royalties are as absurd as the government reassignment scheme I will attempt to explain next:
As per the 1999 "rematch program" the government reassigns workers to more gainful employment, as such, postal workers are becoming hairdressers (making for a choppy outcome if you’re the customer..), gas station attendants are now boulangères (bringing in more bread for a living…), and now a blogger is being reassigned as…drum roll…
“Une Bouchère.”
Blinking my eyes I reread the registered letter, which underscored my transformation from blogger to butcher as “the opportunity to carve out a better retirement.”
“Just who makes these bizarre ‘rematches’?” I asked my husband
“I don’t know,” Jean-Marc snickered. “Artificial Intelligence?”
That’s it! Artificial Intelligence- or A1 (like the famous steak sauce…) Oh là, my mind is already preparing…to prepare meat. But how can AI justify my not-so-meaty qualifications? I mean, apart from butchering la langue (tongue—an edible delicacy in France) aren’t I under qualified to work as a butcher? Come to think of it, as one who turns 55 this year…I join the ranks of older workers who are neither over- or under-qualified, but disqualified for most jobs.
But back to butchering, is this the French government’s idea of une blague? I mean, the only thing I could possibly butcher is an April Fool’s joke.
***
Voilà, dear reader. On this 1st day of April, did you fall hook, line, and sinker for the story? Or, as my husband said, was this one too far-fetched to believe, trop gros à croire? Let me know in the comments. And many thanks for reading and sharing this post.
As a final twist to today's tall tale, here's a local butcher shop that was transformed into an art supply store here in La Ciotat. (That's my mom, on her way out of the store with more paintbrushes.)
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FRENCH VOCABULARY
la boucherie = butcher’s
la cotisation = contributions to social security
la déclaration d’impôts = tax return
insuffisant(e) = insufficient, inadequate =
tête-à-tête = one-to-one discussion
le SMIC “salaire minimum interprofessionnel de croissance” = minimum wage
les règles = rules
un écrivain = writer
la boulangère = baker
la bouchère = butcher
la langue = (double meaning: tongue and language
une blague = a joke
trop gros à croire = too far fetched to believe
I leave you with one last boucherie photo, taken while strolling with Mom in Brignoles, years ago. Corrections to this post are always welcome and appreciated. Merci d'avance.
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You get me every time. This morning I even thought about your April Fools emails and how funny they are. And then I fell for it. 🙂
Having had enough experience with French bureaucracy, I found it credible that they would be upset that you weren’t learning enough. So you had me in that part. But having be assigned to be a butcher was a step too far in terms of credibility. Great story!
I too have a love of fonts. especially when poorly used in things like Powerpoint slides. those who don’t share my love, sometimes call me “Font Boy” and not as a compliment. But you and I know that they underestimate the role of fonts in shaping our emotions and reactions.
The catacombs are still my favorite, but the image of “sweet Kristie” with a carving knife in her hand, while having an “axe to grind” against government systems is pretty good. Maybe that’s how Hannibal Lector got his start. Bou!, cherie!
It did seem an over the top absurd over reach but honestly, I feel like there’s been a fair amount of that in real life lately so, YES, tu m’as eu🤣🤣
Anything is possible in the new world order. You got me, and I laughed! Thanks!
Votre blague de 1er avril était crèdible . Merci pour votre créativité de ‘raconter des histories’.
Every year you get me! You had me until the drumroll! This is my aunt’ s birthday, I paid bills this morning, well aware of the date, and STILL. . .!
I have been accused in the U.S. of not making enough money, been folded into absurdities, so it seemed very plausible for a few minutes.
Chapeau!
We are all so eager in New York for some real spring, I hope this is it now!
Happy April and poisson d’avril everyone!
I can’t believe how naive I am! Every year you get me. You are so good! I’m going to send a reminder for next year so I can be prepared. Well, maybe not-it’s actually quite fun to be pulled into your great stories, believing everything no matter how outrageous-then to get the last word and the truth. Wonderful!
Ha1 Unfortunately, knowing France all too well, your story could be based in fact.
“You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
https://www.nps.gov/nama/linc01.htm
Every year in the past you got me!!1. This time since I already saw a few other April fools jokes and knew it was April 1. I was ready for you. But it was a good read and not too far fetched in my mind given what you said about the government directives as of lately. As I’ve been dealing with the same issues seeing about applying for social security at this time and jumping through the hoops this one resonated with me.
I fell for it completely.
This was so very funny! Merci.
I was unprepared! You almost got me again! (It was a little too weird to believe). Mais, bravo, tu nous as eu encore une fois!
At first I started to fall for it, but then I realized it was 4/1/22 and read the remainder with delight. You always do such a great job on this day of the year (and all other days too.) Merci.
Yes you had me hooked for a few minutes as I’m used to crazy government rules. Then I glanced at my watch and realize the date.
😂🤣😂
rire à haute voix!!
tu es le meilleur 😘
You had me. Thanks for a fun post.
How do you manage such complete believability every year and get us every time? You are a very skilled April wolf in FWAD’s sheep’s clothing. You would think we’d learn! 🥸😅 Oh my! I was getting worried!
I believed it! I was worried for you. Good Job!
You had me until all the job reassignments!
My first thought was that the French government felt sorry for your meager earnings and was about to compensate you as a boucher would be paid, even though you would still be a writer. Stranger things have happened in our beloved France.
We have a small rental property in Villefranche sur Mer on which we pay a variety of taxes including income tax. We also pay social charges even though we will never qualify for healthcare or a pension. As one of my profs once said (many times), “life isn’t fair.” He was right about that.
I also am a writer and from what I can tell, your earnings put you in the 90th percentile of all writers/authors in the world. It says a lot about how our contributions are valued. Still, it is a wonderful gift to the world. Thank you – please continue.
You got me again, Kristin! Bravo.
I blush to admit I believed the whole story. Thank you for a fun April Fools day.
You had me too! Loved the puns and the last sentence just perfect 😀
Ha Ha You are the master of the April Fool. Gets me every time.
I can’t tell you how relieved I am to learn that the French government doesn’t really do this. Great story!
I’ve been following you since the beginning, so I knew it was Poisson d’Avril, but you did remind me that I’d better file my tax returns ASAP!
Ruth
No, not this time! I have been tricked every previous year, but I know better now. However, when you started out on a serious note about your low income and would you qualify for French Social Security (40 quarters of work required in the USA – how many in France?), I was wondering if you had decided to put off the poisson d’avril joke for a day or two, to keep us on our toes. The details of your royalties, the amount of the SMIC, etc. were interesting and relevant. True, many people aren’t paid what they are worth, but I’m glad you enjoy what you do – and I’ve though numerous times that in creating the blog, you not only have made many friends, you have created a family history that I’m sure you and your relatives will enjoy looking at from time to time.
I know that you wrote “butchering” the language to fit with the butcher job you implied you would have to get, but you don’t butcher the language in real life. I can see that over the years, your French has gotten better and better. By now, you must be nearly bilingual. Once when I was watching an interview when you were still at a vineyard, you were rattling off French so fast, it was very impressive. Don’t sell yourself short. And I’m grateful that you have shared your knowledge with the rest of us. Merci!
OMG, I am so gullible. I laughed all the way through, thinking this is strange – and, the unbelievable part was that although I was laughing, I believed it. Thanks to all who were wise and spoke up, otherwise, I would be thinking France is not such a great place to live after all. I really did not want to think about the job they would assign to me.
Thanks for your ever-entertaining blob – keep it up.
Ken, Your last sentence gave me my belly laugh for the day. Thanks so much! Also I found the info about living in Turkey interesting. What are they doing in Turkey regarding COVID? Mandatory shots? Vaccine passports? I’ve been wanting to visit Turkey for a long time but it is still so difficult to travel because of the frequently changing restrictions/rules by every country.
Nope! Ya didn’t fool me! But, yes, any creative endeavor can stigmatize us in the eyes of the powers-that-be…A friend who works for an insurance company once advised me to NEVER admit to being an artist, that I would never be insured, as that entire industry has artists pegged as crazy! I have been attentive to keeping many other sorts of job for 50 years….
Hilarious! Merci beaucoup! The story was great and the topping on the cupcake was the naked ? guy in the picture. So funny.
Quelle blague! You did indeed get me! Bien fait!