Given Mothers Day is celebrated on different dates across the globe, I will take this moment to wish all caregivers a Joyeuse Fête! Photo: the tidy side of our garden. We'll talk about the weeds–and a mother's needs–in the following story.
Today's Word: Langue de belle-mère (f)
: party blower
literal translation: "mother-in-law's tongue" (photo below)
Une langue de belle-mère, aussi appelé sans-gêne, est un accessoire de cotillon utilisé dans les occasions festives. C'est un tube en papier (parfois en plastique) avec souvent tout du long une bande en plastique ou en métal souple, aplati et enroulé en spirale, muni d'un bec en plastique avec une anche ou plus rarement un sifflet. En soufflant dans le bec, le tube se déroule et l'anche émet alors un son caractéristique. A mother-in-law's tongue, also called without shame, is a party favor used on festive occasions. It is a paper tube (sometimes plastic) with a long a plastic or flexible metal band, flattened and wound in a spiral, including a plastic beak with a reed or on rare occasions a whistle. By blowing into the spout, the tube unrolls and the reed then emits a characteristic sound.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
I was standing in the party aisle at the dollar store, fighting back a wave of resistance about buying such throwaway items, when a bag of plastic sifflets caught my eye. Red, white, and blue with stars and stripes, these musical blowouts would be a symbolic addition to the decorations I was gathering. After all, Max, our soon-to-be 25-year-old, is half-American. If any more justification were needed for buying the cheap, single-use item, I found it in the giant description on the label….
"Langue de Belle-Mère"
What a funny and delightful name for party blowers! As someone who appreciates the playful side of the French language, this was a find! Plus, I could share the expression with my blog readers. Vendu!
Carefully setting the mirlitons into my basket, beside the Joyeux Anniversaire banner (reuseable, n'est-ce pas?), and the balloons, I now had enough festive trim to decorate our living room and surprise Max the moment he woke up! Hélas, returning home on foot from the store, any satisfaction turned to stress…there were a number of to-do's remaining on my list in order to be ready for Le Jour J. There was the birthday cake to make, the shortcrust pastry to pre-bake, the couscous to prepare… and the cadeau to wrap, the card to write, the guest bathroom to clean and…and…
AIDEZ-MOI! Who else was helping around here?!!
Recently, during a venting session (by the way, I googled "venting" and scientific studies show it does NOT help! Best to suck up and soldier on!) in which I unloaded my current frustrations about family life, my Mom said in so many words: Face it. You are not a caregiver.
Who me? Not a caregiver? Ouch! In protest, I cited all the things I do for everybody around here all the time….
"But you do them grudgingly…."
That did it. I was ready to divorce my entire family! Bon débarras! Mom's next words eased the you-do-it-with-a-grudge sting: "It's normal you'd feel this way! You should be done taking care of kids by now. Mom went on to say I could use a housekeeper and a gardener. But I don't want those things. I'm fine here in the dust and the weeds!
Being somewhat of a rapporteuse, I went and tattled on my mom to my son–and I didn't have to travel far as we are three generations living under one roof.
When Max's reply amounted to the opposite (that I care too much about everybody and their business) I began to notice the varying feedback I was receiving came from family members who feel either neglected…or smothered. I suppose I may never know the answer as to just what kind of caregiver/homemaker/wife/mother/daughter I am–but this much I know for sure: Domesticity is something I value and admire in others. And what we value says a lot. Our valeurs coupled with effort is what matters.
Recently, a letter from my dad revamped my domestic energy which has been deflated for some time. (The first words of Dad's email refer to a post he was forwarding on) Dad's note begins:
A well written essay on the importance of tending the hearth and giving substance and comfort to the ones we love. We know how hard you work to take care of your family.
Dad's words had a super transforming effect! I began polishing my bedroom window after months of staring at the dusty designs on the glass. From there, I started to see other chores in a new light: the light of matter (as in this so-called drudgery matters!)
As for tending the hearth, my sister Heidi is a shining example to me. Whether tucking homemade sandwiches into our carry-ons when Jean-Marc and I fly home to France, or waking early to decorate her living room to honor a family member's birthday, my soeur ainée truly enjoys and finds peace in homemaking and caring. I called Heidi to tell her about my birthday decorations for Max. "That's wonderful!" she said.
"I learned it from you!"
"Thank you for letting me know that," my sister said, touched by the recognition.
It's time to end this essay somewhere…. I'm just not quite sure where. How about I pass out those party horns? Those langues de belle-mère? And we celebrate–via a needed second wind–all caregivers and those who love them!
FRENCH VOCABULARY
joyeuse fête = happy celebration
le sifflet = whistle
le langue de belle-mère = party blower
vendu! = sold!
le mirliton = party horn blower
Joyeux anniversaire = happy birthday
n'est-ce pas = isn't that right?
hélas = unfortunately
le jour J = D-Day, the big day
le cadeau = present, gift
bon débarass = good riddance!
un/e rapporteur/se = a tattletell
la soeur ainée = older sister
*Corrections to this blog are always welcome and appreciated. Thank you in advance!
Max, trying on a pair of shoes his friends gave him. Also on the table, wines from 1995 — gifts given to Max his birth year–enjoyed 25 years later! Jean-Marc says all the wine was still good, beautifully intact! I didn't have wine, but I can vouch for the cake–my mother-in-law Michèle-France's recipe is always good! Would you like to know the ingredients in a future post?
Max, center, with his best friends, and we, his parents.
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Well done in the transportation of those wines from home to home over 25 years!
Bon anniversaire Max! Can hardly believe he is 25!!! When I first started reading your blog, he was just a kid. My own son is 15 tomorrow – how did that happen???! Time flies, extra fast….we are in lockdown in England but last year we were up the Tour Eiffel, that day. Croissants for breakfast and a French style home cooked dinner followed by a French language film will be this year’s treat. May Max enjoy his own celebration day.
Felicitations,
L.
“Mother-in-law’s Tongue” is also the name for a common house plant—sansiveria. It grows in single somewhat succulent leaves. depending on the subspecies, it can get at least 18 inches tall. It thrives on neglect and can be grown in low light.
A wonderful post again Kristi. How is it that you so often “hit the spot” of talking about what we need and want to know, especially in these difficult Coronavirus times? I love the see-saw tales of your family’s support for you and yours for them. (All I can offer for my part is a teeny typo spotted in the vocab list – it should be “la” (not le) langue …. but it’s a mere bagatelle in a really great post).
Happy birthday to Max! Gosh doesn’t time fly. My two boys have upped and gone and found their own places and now there is just me and my husband on lockdown in London. Our French friends – whose children have also left the nest just managed a short trip over before lockdown.
I’ve been reading your emails for a long time, longer than I thought!
Bonjours
Salut!
J
La langue de belle-mère, that is pretty funny as the French name, a good sense of humor
Sans-gêne, that does not sound like shamelessly in English, at least not as a name for this party favor. More like, no bother or quickly.
Google translate, not always the best, gave a list of translations from quick, one English meaning of sans-gêne, back into a string of French words meaning the same thing.
quick: rapide, facile, vif, prompt, agile, sans-gêne
I would call those simply party favors or noisemakers, I think. Mother-in-law’s tongue means the houseplant or plant of the tropical rain forest, sansivieria. Those are the two places I have seen it, at home and as the tall plant in the shady lower levels of the rain forest on an island in the Caribbean Sea.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dracaena_trifasciata
Joyeux jour des mères Kristi! Et bonne anniversaire à Max! Que nos enfants grandissent très vite! Comme toujours t’histoire parle à moi. Ma fille aînée vient de passer sa anniversaire de 26 ans la semaine passée. Pas de fête avec les amis en personne, mais sur FaceTime et Zoom. Et à cause du lockdowns nos 2 enfants adultes sont rentrés a habiter chez nous. Nous sommes contents les avoir mais il y a un peu plus de travail, cuisiner, soucier, et je n’ai pas beaucoup d’intérêt à faire plus de ménage. Aussi il faut réorganiser un peu la maison pour faire les bureaux. De toute façon je suis heureuse à passer en plus de temps avec eux et notre deux enfants plus jeunes sont aussi. Et tous les enfants sont très heureux ne pas être enfant unique 😂 A trouver la balance de la vie entre soigner, aider, demander l’assistance et ne pas étouffer c’est le travail de la vie! Tu as une très bonne famille plein d’amour et tout ira bien! Grands bisous 😚
Hi Kristi,
Happy Birthday to Max! We just celebrated my nephew’s 21st birthday via Zoom. He had his first drink of whisky and we all toasted to him online.
The name of the party favors is so funny!
Have a great week!
That’s what this article reminded me of, also. 🙂
I did not know that France had Dollar Stores or the equivalent! Merci bien !
Hi Kristi,
I believe it should be “tattletale” (in your French Vocabulary section). That’s the American version. The Brits use “telltale,” according to the dictionary.
And, yes!, I’d love that cake recipe… 😋
J
Bon Anniversaire, Max. I love the photo of all of you celebrating at that beautiful table. Yes, the recipe please. Your garden is beautiful, Kristi.
Happy Birthday to your son (and to you who gave him life!). It looks like y’all had a great time. I glad you went ahead and bought those decorations.
I’m a lot like you. I like doing for others and sometimes I smother rather than mother. I also get a little wigged out when I have company, I want things to be perfect. Two weeks ago our grandson’s mother came down from Coloradoto pick up grandson from college and they spent the night here. I got a little anxious after hearing about the Covid outbreak in Colorado at a plant where my husband’s company cleans (meat packing plant) and I really didn’t want anyone, even family, to come visit from there. I relented and then had to clean. I was stressed and my son, who is homeschooled and just turned 18, took my wrist and looked at me and said “Mom, just do it one room at a time. You don’t have to do everything at once.” So, the student became the teacher. Once I started cleaning up the guest room I felt so good. It was great to clean windows, change bedding and vacuum under the bed. We relaxed and had a nice one night visit with them and sent them on their merry way. Now I will be doing “one room at a time” for a lot of things in life!
Yes, and the “Mother-in-law’s Tongue” leaves have a sharp point at the end. They can actually hurt. (Sometimes quite appropos, n’est ce pas?)
Chère kristin,
Ahhh , the mundane chores that are accomplished by the cleaning faries..!!.every drawer, closet, basement, garage, baby clothes, archives of medical records etc, etc… that’s what caregivers do… and I totally understand the sentiments behind them…!
Max is a lucky guy,! Someone has been in charge of celebrating his day for the last 25 years & I’m sure for the next 75!+
By the way, the package of the “langues de belle-mère « also has written in Spanish « matasuegras » meaning « mother-in-law killers »!!! This is hilarious !!
Happy Mother’s Day to a fantastic , talented & resilient beautiful woman !! ❤️
So happy for Max! What a charming story! Your “French Word Journal” provides you with a diary of so much of you and your family’s life–to be treasured. Grateful to be included…did you know you have an “extended family”?
Great story Kristi. As usual, you touch all the bases, AND project a lively, interesting family life. May it continue always.
Robaire, d’Aix en Provence
I had to laugh at the Spanish term for the noisemakers. On the package, under Langues de Bell Mere it says “Matasuegras” which means mother-in-law killers.
Don’t feel like you have to live up to anybody else’s expectations. If you think you are doing your best, then you’re fine.
Sorry, I wrote Belle Mere, but autocorrect must have changed it.
“No man is poor who has a Godly mother”Abraham Lincoln
Have a wonderful Mom’s Day this Sunday with all your family.
Loved this post. I too look back and wonder how well I did or didn’t do for my kids and family
What a wonderful, joyous, story. Thanks.
And did you notice that in Spanish (“matasuegras”) “langue de belle mere” means “killer of mothers-in-law”? Ouch!
Our chere Kristi,
Happy Mom’s Day and!Happy birthday to Max!! How wonderful to have not one,but two celebrations!! May you both be always blessed with health and happiness!
So enjoyed seeing your garden.You have such an eye for putting things together,and beautiful colors to always soothe and bring smiles!!
We have Langue de Belle Mere in our Serbian language,too.Strictly translated ,though,as mother in law’s tongue(no party favors).The plant it is named after has pointy spikes and sharp leaves.Fun to see same names and expressions!
Love
Natalia. Xo
Kristi,
Great post and Happy Birthday to Max 🎂🎉.
Yes the Mother-in-law-tongue plant. I have 4 of them, they keep multiplying and they get really tall – somerof my leaves are 4 feet tall.
Yes please post the recipe for the cake.
Kathleen
Dear Kristi,
Happy Birthday to Max! What a great idea to offer a bottle of wine (or champagne!) to celebrate the 21st or 25th birthday. Such good wishes for the birth of a child are enduring. Wish I had known about that tradition (or just a kind gesture from friends?) many years ago.
Would love the recipe for Michèle-France’s cake. Is it the same chocolate cake in your very tender story about Jean-Marc consoling his mother during her sadness? That chapter in your book was so poignant…
Such wise words from Jules. She is so honest and in tune with life, a true gem 💎
Your children (they are always our children ♥️) are a testament to you…and their dad! Take comfort in that and have a very Happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks, Jean, I noticed the same thing…tattletale is what I know, as well.
And happy birthday to Max!
Happy 25 Max!! And this Suzanne would love the gateau de belle-mere recipe also! Looks like your efforts paid off, Kristi, judging by the smiles on all the faces, specially Max’s !!! I know from reading all your writings over the years, and from seeing one of your wonderful houses years ago, that you are a WONDERFUL caregiver!!
Wonderful post and important subjects, birthdays, caregivers,etc.! Small correction under that fun photo
“Max, center, with his best friends, and we, his parents.” I believe “we” should be “us”.
Happy Max’s 25th Birthday to ALL of you! What a milestone it is — and somehow hard to believe, as he was a young boy when first known to me.
Oh, the marvellously varied ways we are perceived by our beloveds and even by ourselves, Kristi, especially during times with underlying tensions for everyone. (fyi, been rereading the hazeldon booklet on Resentment myself this past week. no graduation from 12-step work, eh.)
Your clarity and candour offer me/us far more than you can ever truly know, dear Kristin E. Grateful hug to you.
Bon Vin Et Bon Anniversaire, Max! Looks like everyone is enjoying your party. Happy Birthday also to Mother Kristi who probably did most of the work 25 years ago :)!!!
Bon Anniversaire to Max – it’s been a joy watching him grow up. I certainly saw myself in your post today – I’ve been a caregive for my husband for over 10 years & often get through the day grudgingly. I would love the cake recipe (I’m not a baker but have been doing a lot during our shelter in place) and I lost your yogurt cake recipe. Please post it for me. Thanks, Kristi.
Hugs
Susan
I, too, have struggled to find the joy in domesticity, but have always admired (been a bit jealous of?) those who are so capable in this area…but I’ve also been in awe of those who simply don’t care and expect others to take them as they are.
Chere Kristi, I will not repeat what everyone has already said. But one of the things (amongst many) you mentioned in your writing impressed me a lot: the closeness you have with your sister. How nice that you both can express the love and admiration you have for each other. Some of us wish we had that kind of relationship with a sibling. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Bon anniversaire Max!
Of course mothers are “caregivers” in that they care for their families and give much of themselves to do it. I tend to think, however, that “caregivers” are people who give a lot of supportive, often very basic, care to others (often relatives), beyond the usual tasks of meal prep, laundry, etc. My mother eventually had to go into assisted living, partly because I had to work full-time to support my young son, but I was still a caregiver, in that I had to take her to medical appointments, talk to doctors, fill out paperwork, etc. etc. I was part of the “sandwich” generation caring for both a parent and a child, not easy to do.
I had to give up perfectionism, but on the whole I have a positive feeling about domestic work, and wish I didn’t have to neglect it on occasion. Indeed, one of the maybe-pluses of staying in place during the lockdown is, in addition to getting more sleep since I don’t have to commute to work (am working remotely) is a bit more time to do household tasks that heaven knows I would get to under normal conditions. I happen to like seeing the “before” and “after” that various chores produce; a good example is polishing silver, but there are others.
Max, je vous souhaite un anniversaire joyeux, et toutes les bonnes choses pour l’annee a venir!
Yes Paula same name is given to that succulent but in turkish too, “kaynana dili” in Turkey.Such a bad reputation of belles-meres
We all say the stupidest things from time to time. You are definitely a care giver – How many home have you made, how many children have you raised, how many times have you supported your family through difficulties? How many meals, dishes etc. etc. etc. Give yourself the appreciation you deserve – do something special just for you. Don’t wait for others – because we are all so engrossed in our own difficulties that we often forget to say thank you/I love you to the most important people in our lives. We are just human.
Happy Birthday to Max and you have a great week.
PS – I would like to see the cake recipe. thanks