Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted–not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels mentioned in The Paris Plot and The Bone Curse (I've been nervously reading all I can get my hands on)! I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess!
Also, I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Should I add it to our Half-Day Tours project? Bring your toothbrush…and leave your gullibility at home. It's April Fools today! Let me know in the comments if you were fooled by this Taule Story (taule = prison).
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
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Having mistaken the word “taule “ for a tall tale, I knew it was an April Fool’s joke. Sometimes not knowing a word 🤔helps. 😁
Anyways , someday I will make it to the Catacombs, although I don’t think the my husband wants to go there.
But I love the story. When you wash the skulls, make sure that you also brush their teeth -. 😁
Happy Poisson d’Avirl 😘
Kathleen
Still laughing – I was completely fooled! ( :
If the question about the catacombs was real: YES- they are so worth seeing!
Completely fooled! Thank you. I love this holiday, but so few people “celebrate” it any more.
Almost bought it at first, but then remembered that it is April Fool’s Day and I have seen how you like a good joke. Good job once again.😁
You Got me…..I fell for your tale of woe.
Vraiment. Et Le Brexit, aussi!
OMG you got me! I was all ready to tell you how amazing the catacombs were! Good job. Just for that, I would send you there to clean!
Good Poisson d’avril. You had me scratching my head for a few minutes👍
Yes! I was fooled! …glad I can still be so receptive! I had thought, “oh dear, some ancient French law is being applied to farmers…”
Our dear Kristi,
What a wonderful funny,happy post!
You almost (ALMOST) had me fooled!!!
Thank you for the smiles!
Happy April Fools Day!!!!
Love,
Natalia xo
After having been well-fooled the last several years, I was ready for you today. Your imagination and creativity are unrivaled. Thanks so much for being YOU !
No way!
You’ve made this stunt at least once before so I was prepared 😘 But a good jokes deserves to be shared more than once.
Hysterical!! I fell for it😁
But what’s funny is how many above commenters even after you told them; still didn’t understand‼️‼️‼️‼️😂😂😂😂🍾
Ding! You got me! Gotta admit it! Good one…
Poisson d’avril! Chouette! Bonne journee.
Poisson d’avrIl!!
I swear every year I fall for your poisson d’avril! You are so great. What a creative mind. Maybe a little fiction writing is in the cards for you! Thanks for the treat!
Wow! You had me hook line and sinker…especially since I don’t know French law. I really enjoyed your story.
But, leave our fantastic President out of it.
Liberals have to constantly deride, give it up, keep politics out of this wonderful blog!
Almost got me – Bon Poisson d’Avril!
…good job! You totaly fooled me!
You had me, hook, line, and sinker! I was all ready to write an outraged comment and ask if you had spoken to a lawyer. Good one, Kristi!
Poisson d’Avril ! Loved it.
I’m on to your poisson d’avril stories, so I suspected something was “fishy!” But, good story néanmoins!
Thanks for your spirited tale!
Judy F
Hahaha! I have sent this to friends and so far one didn’t read to the end. Wonderfully done, Kristin!
FUN FUN FUN! I was taken in completely, growing gradually suspicious till the TOOTHBRUSH came up and broke the illusion, Kristi! So adore your inventiveness and your persuasive way with words, dear Rascal! Can almost hear you chuckling away as you dreamt this up for us. MERCI to the ends of the universe for today’s magnificent Poisson d’Avril. Unforgettable!
I was fooled! I lived in southern Italy for three years with my Italian husband, and your story seemed to me completely plausible! I imagine that the French and Italian legal systems to be on par. (Even if Italy is a bit more chaotic….)
Excellent “tall” tale for today!
Kristi,
I think this is an April Fools Day joke?
And I love it!
Oh Kristi – you got me! haha!
So completely fooled, Kristin!! 🙂
Un excellent Poisson d’avril! Was the “Taule” story a hint of a “Tall” story? Very clever!
totally fooled! you rock!
Oh mon dieu! You totally fooled me! But knowing how tout à fait ridicule the French bureaucracy is, your story didn’t seem all that implausible. I always enjoy your posts, but this one was exceptional.
My only hesitation in gullibility was in wondering why you had to go out of town and not perform the required service where the “crime” occurred. Suckered!
Thanks, Kristi, for this wonderfully fanciful tale! I would have been completely taken in by it if I hadn’t remembered it from a previous April Fools’ Day … still enjoyed it immensely. Happy Birthday a little late, Jean-Marc. The outing which you planned was picture perfect, literally, and the “stolen” kisses were the “icing on the cake”! …Best wishes for all.
As crazy as the French bureaucracy is rumored to be, I bought your story- hook line and sinker!
Kristi, nice work! With all the adventures you and Jean Marc have survived, as chronicled on these webpages, I had no problem believing you were being punished for mistreating these poor sheep…….. Given that our granddaughters insisted that we visit the catacombs during their first trip to Paris, I know of what you speak (NB: we had a nice lunch the next day at Jules Verne to properly balance their initial exposure to Paris). Then when you wrote that you would be using Marc’s toothbrush, this solidified that your story must be true…….until you pointed out the date. Thanks for entertaining us all!
Bill
hahaha . . . got me, too!
I believed you! I just kept thinking “Really? The French government will let anyone clean the Paris Catacombs?” I thought, the person in charge of your group better be an archeologist or museum curator who will watch everyone carefully.
Oh, you! I thought I had gotten through the day without being fooled but you totally ruined that plan. But what a fun way for me to have failed…. As always, thank you for entertaining us.
Totally fooled! If I ever do go to the catacombs I will think of you putting one drop of oil on each boney head!
To put it mildly, Mr. Curtis!😏
Kristi, the only reason I wasn’t taken in by your delightful story this April Fool’s Day is that it so thoroughly fooled me when you posted it on an earlier April Fool’s Day.
I visited the Catacombs in Paris and outside Rome when I was 17. It was during a very hot summer, and I remember only how wonderfully cool both underground sites were.
Thank you for keeping April Fool’s Day alive, Leslie
So funny!! As bizarre as the story sounded, you had me, too!
Bonne journée!
Yes it was. Thanks, Jan.
Excellent!! I fell for it hook, line and sinker — appropriate for Poisson d’avril I guess.
I was about to take care of several neighboring sheep (your mustard field neighbors) on my own. I give them a tummy ache, that’s for SURE.
So funny.
And, unfortunately, so believable…..
Why are you getting political on this wonderful website. keep political thoughts to yourself and comment on the “poisson d’Avril!”.
HIHI ! thats remind me a little conversation we had !
welldone Kristi !
As my daughters say in text message responses to questions: Yep!!