Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted–not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels mentioned in The Paris Plot and The Bone Curse (I've been nervously reading all I can get my hands on)! I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess!
Also, I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Should I add it to our Half-Day Tours project? Bring your toothbrush…and leave your gullibility at home. It's April Fools today! Let me know in the comments if you were fooled by this Taule Story (taule = prison).
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
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The catacombs are very cool – but a bit spooky. Will you be by yourself down there with all those stiffs?
I’m sure you’ll have an interesting time and meet some fascinating “people”!!! What a way to get a good look at the place! Don’t get lost in there, it’s a labyrinth!
The one in Rome is also amazing – they have used the bones for decorations – chandeliers!!
Bonne chance, Kristi!
Tell us what the ghosts whisper?
I was almost fooled! haha brilliant!
Yep. Got me! Well done.
Poisson d’avril !! Excellent
I completely fell for it, but that’s understandable these days. If Donald Trump can get elected then practically anything is plausible…
So why do YOU have to do community service instead of Jean Marc… Did the shepherd have diagnostic evidence it came from your field and not somewhere else? Did a vet do a chemical analysis backed by lab results? Seems like a hard case to prosecute…and what are the damages? Any dead sheep?
Brilliant Poisson D’Avril Kristi!
All too plausible
Right off, I thought this was going to be a “poisson avril” ! Merci pour le sourire.
Here’s one to share!
https://www.languedocliving.com/kiwi-fraud-will-be-solved-by-2020/?utm_source=Languedoc+Living&utm_campaign=c379a11b41-Daily+Digest+Monday&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_876b6df802-c379a11b41-215958893
French law can be crazy. You should also be aware that if one of his sheep strays off piste from your land onto the road and causes an accident then that is your fault too!
Came back to reading your stories today after a long time of being too busy. What a day to begin again! You got me good.
Poisson d’ avril !!! Très bon!
Aaah fooled again, just as every year!!!! A very good one!!!! Thanks a lot!
J’étais dupé par cette blague. Un bon poisson d’avril.
Bravo! I got about halfway through and thought, “wait a minute!”….
Fooled me till the end! It’s plausible in the weird world we live in…
Love it! The personal scrub brush was a nice bit of detail. Had me about half way through….
Kristi, c’est vraiment drôle. Bisous!
Feeling the bureaucratic absurdity and definitely duped until the end! Great April Fool’s story.
Just love this story !
I paused as I read the first line , then it occurred to me …. April Fools!
Thanks for the chuckle 🙂
Fooled! Hook, line, and sinker!!! So funny! But what you say is not so implausible, Kristen. I’ve got a cousin who owns a château in Burgundy with a bit of land surrounding. He has a very specific contract with the local farmer stating that the farmer’s animals can graze on the château’s land, but that at no time down the road does the farmer have the right to claim the land as his own. Seems crazy, but it’s possible in France. My lawyer cousin has been vigilant!
Ha ha ha! Chapeau bas !
Amen! Vraiment!
Well, you got me too……except that I thought it weird that Jean Marc was not going…..that made me suspect something was not right. Happy day to you!
You had me hook, line, and sinker right up to the end! Touchée!
Good one! You actually got me. LOL!!! I’ve not been to the catacombs in Paris, but I have in Rome. Interesting to say the least.
Kristin,
C’était généal! You had me until the tooth brush and olive oil! Bon poisson d’avril ! –
Lorena
Haha! Definitely got me on this—good one Kristi! 😂😂😂😂
You had me hook, line, and sinker! I was recalling my visit to the catacombs in the 90’s, accompanied by my high school students while reading. Thank you for bringing back memories.
Très marrant ! It sounded very believable and I’d forgotten its Le Poisson d’Avril. You have a gift!
Super cool !
And if you don’t do a really good job of it …… it will be the guillotine for you!
Oh my gosh, Kristi!
I was outraged and taken in by this bizarre punishment to the very end. I agree with Ken. In the US we have become accustomed to the outrageous and bizarre. Your story was brilliant. Thanks for a morning laugh and happy April!
I assume this is a Poisson d’avril !.. they wouldn’t send u all the way up to Paris.. but in answer to your question… yes, one of the first places an American kid goes in Paris is a trip to the Catacombs..I assume in fact you have been there.. sorry you’re midoing a free train ride…but at least u can keep your tooth brush (and olive oil is not good on bones!!) Oh well… enjoy April
Is the poisson tasty? Hope so, for your sake.
Again very well written, but the mustard and YOU be punished instead of Jean- Marc let me know it”s APRIL FOOLS DAY>
I was ready for you this year, but again, chapeau!
Merci
I was en garde seeing the date,but a classic one Kristi .Loved it!
Not sure who slation is ! It was from me Audrey Wilson !!!
Wish I could be there to do this for you….I would love it!
You fooled me! I was incensed for you, although I’ve akways wanted to see the catacombs.
Well done!
I just red the story and origin of “poisson d’avril🐟
and I still fell for your hasty letter, until the good news,
the state paying for your train ticket? très drôle.😹
Oh, yes, I was totally fooled! Well done, Kristy.
tu m’as eu!! c’était un bon poisson du mois d’avril
I thought right away, oh she will have lots to write about!. It’s Poisson d’Avirl! I was totally believing you! We have not been to the Catacombs (& my husband is from France), but we will certainly go this time in May. Thanks for the scare!
Well I was fooled complètement! Thanks for my April Fool’s chuckle!
Tu m’as bien eu!
Make sure to take a LED headlamp flashlight!!!
I’ve never been to the Paris Catacombes though it’s on my bucket list … and told my sister and mother we should visit …. Mais,
On n’échappe pas aux traditions !
Bon poisson D’avril !!!!!
Great story !
Great story ~ love your creativity,
Poisson d’avril à vous deux!
Tres drole – loved it. But you got me last year so I was on the look out for todays story. Have a very happy Spring. Hugs