Experience a Lavender & Vine painting tour. Join our small group with professional instruction at the peak of the lavender season! 10% discount if you sign up in February. Rates and tour info here.
Today's Word: l'oubli
: forgetfulness, oversight, memory lapse
*New: Don't miss the verb conjugation for oublier, just after today's vocabulary-packed story below…
ListenL'oubli n'est pas un ennemi de la mémoire. C'est un phénomène non seulement banal mais aussi indispensable, qui lui permet de faire le tri dans la masse d'informations qui nous parviennent en continu et qui ne peuvent pas être toutes engrangées. Forgetfulness is not an enemy of memory. This phenomenon is not only banal but also indispensable, allowing it to sort through the mass of information that reaches us continuously and that cannot all be collected.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
I am beginning to concerned about this latest series of petits oublis… so I've decided to come here to talk about it with you. I'm guessing a few of my readers are aged 50 and above, and will have a thing or two to say about the topic of forgetfulness, or les moments d'étourderie.
When last I misplaced my key and asked Mom if she had seen it.she replied, Darling, you left it in the front door. (Was that a concerned look on her face? The walking-on-eggshells tone in Mom's voice tells me something too: Is it my mood again?) I remember responding in a nonchalant way, Oh, thanks Mom–yes, I was in the middle of bringing in the groceries, I explained.
And yet I feel anything but insouciant about memory lapses, forgetfulness, oversights, flakiness, and forgotten appointments that are becoming some sort of norm lately…
As someone who does not drink, does not take medication, regularly challenges her brain by speaking a foreign language, eats a (mostly…) plant-based whole foods diet, walks daily, prays and gets plenty of sleep how could this be happening to me?
A few possibilities come to mind: as a ronfleur, or snorer, chances are sleep apnea may be affecting the quality of sleep… And then there is the anxiety that I arrange my life around–it is why I no longer drink alcohol and why good nutrition, sleep, exercise and, recently, therapy is helpful to me. And yet…
When I left the kitchen robinet running for 10 minutes the other day (the irony! I had been filling a bowl in which to wash mes patates…and so recycle the water afterwards!), and then left the oven on after serving the oven-baked fries… I was alarmed at the latest oversights! But panick doesn't help things, now does it? Peace, after all, plays a big part in a well-functioning brain!
So, dearest reader, please chime in in today's comments box with your own thoughts on forgetfulness a.k.a. les petits oublis. Meantime, may those of us concerned with memory lapse take heart in the following thought (whether you remember it or not!):
L’oubli favorise l’innovation, libère la pensée et stimule la curiosité. Forgetting promotes innovation, frees thought and stimulates curiosity. –Simon-Daniel Kipman
* * *
There are many tools to help with our memory–including the exercise of conjugating French verbs! Listen to Jean-Marc conjugate the verb oublier
j'oublie
tu oublies
il oublie
nous oublions
vous oubliez
ils oublient
A tried-and-true memory aid is a good old-fashioned calendar… and this one is a beauty: The popular, beloved French Country Diary makes jotting down appointments and reminders a pleasing , mindful activity. Order one here.
FRENCH VOCABULARY
l'oubli = oversight, forgetting
les petits oublis = forgetfulness
une étourderie = forgetfulness, absent-mindedness, inattention
le ronfleur, la ronfleuse = snorer
la patate = potato, spud
le robinet = tap, faucet
insouciant,e = carefree, unconcerned, untroubled
Photos in today's post are from my friend Beth. Check out her popular Lavender & Vine Tour in Provence. A vacation (and all those heady aromas from the French countryside) will do wonders for one's memory 🙂
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Yep, just today, I poured my coffee, which I was keenly anticipating and had carefully brewed on the BBQ wok burner (as I had knocked and broken the cafetière). It looked just like water… and it was.
Kristen: I’ve been using a CPAP machine for about 20 years. One doesn’t need one if one snores…it’s only if while snoring one stops breathing that one requires a CPAP machine. Sleep apnea is a serious condition…it’s quite bad for your heart. It’s also not so great for your partner as the returning to breathing process is usually pretty noisy (as opposed to moderate snoring, which becomes like white noise).
Talk to your medcin traitant. Ask for a recommendation to somewhere you can have a sleep study done. You’ll find out right away if you need a CPAP machine.
Best of luck.
Ray
Someone once said not to worry if you can’t remember where you left your keys, only if you can’t remember what keys are for!
Kristin,
This is menopause. It will get better.
For me, 2 things work. One is a calendar like you featured. As soon as you make an appointment, write it down there so you won’t have to keep trying to remember and waste space in your head for something easily written down. Just look at your RDVs for the next day before you go to bed so you can plan your day.
The other thing that is harder to explain relates to the keys and the water running and so on. I recommend less multi-tasking. You need to be present in the moment and not flitting to do some other thing. I’m not great at this either but I find that pausing, seeing my surroundings, and taking a deep breath or two, can help you move forward with consciousness. ( a bit like meditation, I guess, but not so long….being in the present)
Now what was I supposed to be doing? drat!
Try to find a good Gyno and get on bioidentical hormones, Estréva 0,1% Estradiol gel 2 pumps applied dermally at night along with Progestérone 100mg Capsule. My Young female Doc in Paris didn’t know what she was doing and had me on too little Estrogen and to much Progesterone. When I moved to Nice I found a more experienced Gyno who put me together on the correct dosage. It will change your life! ……… And your husband will thank me for your increased romanticism!
Menopause is a B….. and you have to whip it’s butt.
bon courage! J
Kristin:
I’m 84 and if wasn’t for putting all my appointments in my iPhone calander I would miss a lot. Knowing more than one language is supposed to help memory so I too was becoming concerned.
I went to our university and took a memory test and aced it. The lady at the memory clinic told me to stop beating my self up about forgetting the odd thing. Forgetting to put the milk back in the fridge is not a problem it’s when you put it in the closet that may be a problem..I would suggest going to a sleep clinic and be tested for sleep apnea, as Ray suggested.
I agree that this is probably menopause and the good news is that it’s temporary. I’d stay away from messing with hormones, though, unless your doctor strongly recommends them.
Yes, it could be menopause or sleep apnea or just aging. My friends and I could make you laugh a long time with the “dumb” things each of us does. It only gets to be more and then more laughs telling the stories. We now find it often takes three or more of us to find the right word or the name of a person. My advice is be in the moment and surround yourself with friends. Spouses are good but women friends are magnifique.
My advice would echo Bobbi Bowman’s… I tend to set the timer on the stove or iPhone to remind myself to come back to whatever it is I need to come back to in short order… I can get too deeply absorbed in another project.
Mainly I wanted to give mention to another word based on l’oubli/ les petits oublis/oublier and that is inoubliable- unforgettable – a charming word that brings a smile.
Bonjour Kristi – I am a decade older than you and find I do the same things. I look at it as forgetting my key in the door or not sure where I put it, is normal – the problem is if I forget what I’m supposed to do with it once I find it!
Ne t’inquiete pas!
My doctor calls it “menopause brain”. Don’t fret. It should pass after you pass through this next stage of life.
Well, when I was in my mid 50s I went to University in Nice to study French language and literature. It was very stressful, not only because I was still struggling with the language but because the French education system was so very different than the American system. During the first semester, I was forgetting all kinds of things, locking myself out of the apartment, and wearing my clothes backwards and inside-out. I was really worried.
I was talking to an old friend about my concerns, when she smiled at me and said, Margo, you’ve always been like that.” I was shocked! But as I thought back, I had to admit that I had always been “a bit ditzy.” To a lesser extent, of course, but the stress of my situation had exacerbated it.
After all the exams at the end of the first semester, I had the system figured out (almost) and I relaxed a bit. Then I went back to my regular (and less worrying) level of “ditziness.”
I said all that to say, Could it be that you are just a bit more stressed than usual? It might be something as simple as that. Of course, if you are really worried, you can go to the doctor to be checked out. I’ll send some love your way.
xx Margo
Margo
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most….Enjoy the freedom!
I like to think of my memory like a hard drive in a computer. As time goes on, it takes longer to access that one bit of data that you are seeking. Unfortunately, we can’t defrag! For me, this helps to ease anxiety about forgetfulness.
That being said, it is true that sleep apnea does interfere with the brain’s ability to turn events into memories. I use a CPAP, and it makes a world of difference!
Also, learning new things keeps the brain in good shape. Language is a good one, but also something completely outside your realm of experience. Chess would be one – it really gives your brain a workout! Even varying your daily route of errands can help.
Good luck, Kristin!
How shall I say this delicately?? It’s “age appropriate” and has more to do with hormones than anything else. Anxiety, too–which I never had till I was about 52. And do I have to say that the last few years have marked huge changes in your life that are NOT trivial! The other advice above–about seeing a good gyro and especially about exercising your brain in different ways–will help, too. Some doctors may not readily admit to the “change” effect, but we women know it’s true. Make lists for a while. I especially like the advice about working on another language and then trying something you’ve never done before. At the worse, it will give you an experience you haven’t had before. God bless!
Whoops–GYNO, though a gyro might be good, too.
I think we all forget appointments and where we place things from time to time. I find using a calendar and making lists helps. And when I misplace an item (like keys) I retrace my steps and can usually find it. Before I leave the house, I always double-check that doors are locked, water and stove are off, etc.
My mother suffered from Alzheimer’s disease so I do worry that I might have inherited the gene.
Hi Kristi,
It is a bit worrisome when I forget things but I found sometimes just slowing down and being in the present moment helps me become more mindful and less forgetful. I have recently started meditating which helps me so much!
Have a wonderful week!
Well done folks, this is great encouragement! We all need it!
I don’t know if this will work for you, but a year ago my husband started wearing a snore-ring on his pinkie finger at night. It has a tiny bump that works as acupressure. Since then, no more snoring! It was amazing. Now we both sleep.
I agree, write everything down. Make checklists. Use your phone’s calendar for reminders. It really helps. Learning new languages and learning to play instruments help improve memory, but you already know French, so you’d have to pick a new one! My daughter speaks fluid German and I speak Italian and French. So, German is my language to learn and struggle with. I also found, with menopause, avoid chocolate (yikes!), and forms of caffeine and spicy food to control those hot flashes.
Perhaps bears keeping in mind. But, we live our lives at the speed of light these days. Many moving parts. Events, obligations pile on so quickly. I would guess that you had some things on your subconscious mind – guests, adult children, repairmen, . . . whatever. And, you felt “time shortage”. This always leads me to drop the everyday tasks from my short term memory and . . . voila! Keys left in the door. Faucet left running for a couple minutes. Deep breath.
My immediate thought was… hormones, or the lack thereof! A bit of added stress as your family dynamics are changing. Most of the women also echoed the same thought. This too shall pass. It is a great time in your life to practice mindfulness; be in the moment. It is not necessary to juggle 25 things at once any more as it was when the children were small and you lived on a working vineyard. Enjoy this next journey.
You have had lots of changes in your life and your mind might still be processing all of this. That combined with the busy-ness of life might iust have you on a subtle overload. Try finding more blank or boredom time in your day if you can and meditation. Also, work at not multii-tasking and focus on one thing at a time without your mind always 3 skips ahead. Stop the 24 hour flow of available into i to your head. Just some ides that really helped me-
I’ve read studies done about women and aging and learned that around age 50 our hormone production changes. I had terrible memory problems that really concerned me at that age but my memory came back after. I also was diagnosed with sleep apnea in my early 50’s and have used a CPAP machine for 15 years, which really made a difference. I had been waking up over and over as I struggled to breathe but did not remember doing it when I woke up in the morning, feeling exhausted. Recently I bought a gravity (weighted) blanket. It has improved my sleep even more. It’s designed for one person. If you sleep with someone else they have the option of sleeping with regular blankets or duvets but they can also get their own gravity blanket. You just put it on top of whatever covers you use. I was skeptical but a friend I trust told me that she was sleeping much better so I bought one in a store and love it. Mine was $279 Canadian plus tax. Worth every penny. Many thanks for writing about this topic! Sleep, energy, and memory are all interconnected.
We all empathize and send you love–that’s one advantage to your sharing of your lovely life. As somone who has meditated for many years, and continually faces the challenges of stress, please, practice ways to clear your mind. “Meditation” is usually taught as an exercise to do for 20 minutes or more–let me say that practicing for a few minutes here and there can reconnect us to our inner sense of peace and clarity. The more we stress and judge ourselves or others, the more mental clearing we need. If our minds are constantly thinking negatively with worry, we would do well to quiet our minds. [Shut up so that someone else can participate!] We can think of it as giving our inner wisdom a chance to be part of us. The insights we can gain from this simple practice can change our lives…for the better…and so we can laugh more.
Oh zut, alors, Kristin!!! (There. Have I sufficiently dated myself?) It happens to everyone. You get used to it. And among my older friends, we have plenty to REMEMBER to tell each other and laugh about. One couple plays “charades” searching for a lost word! Another person I know was looking for the bread at lunchtime. She never found it. Until, several hours later she found it on her bed! And she was sharp as a tack. I walk into a room and don’t remember why I went there. So forget about those little forgetful moments after you have had a good laugh.
……Firstly, sending a big hug your way. I think everyone above gave great advice. I am 78 and find keeping a calendar on my IPhone is great. Making lists works for me and I am an avid crossword person. I love doing them in France Today! they keep my brain working and very happy! Multitasking can be your enemy sometimes and whoever said it was a huge virtue all the time? ‘Forget it’! … not to make a pun! Menopause does crazy things to women. I sleep with oxygen every night and love it, you might check out a sleep clinic. No shame there. You have had a lot on your plate for the last year plus, so it is no wonder your brain is overloaded. Sometimes stress and anxiety can make for forgetfulness, as others have mentioned. Take a deep breath, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze, or get Jean-Marc to do it! You will feel better about everything…. love and hugs to you… Judi
The comments are all very true. We lose the ability to multi-task as we age. It helps to stay in the moment. Use of timers for cooking is excellent. Reminder notes, and iphone reminders are also great. When I turn off the oven or the stove, I make a little game out of it, like singing or saying “off,” so I make it more conscious. I also found I started turning up for appointments an hour early. That’s a funny one. I did that twice. I’m 72.
I also have some problems with learning new languages, remembering dance routines etc. I have blamed it on chemo-brain and aging, and continue to challenge myself by taking broadway dancing classes that require memorizing sequences. This is shown to be the very best exercise for the brain.
I think these are all normal symptoms of menopause and aging.
I will get to the point but first you should know – when working i kept a day timer – attached to my body – it was often called my brain because I put everything in it. Now – being retired and almost 72 – I have realized that multitasking is a devil. The stress will eat away at you. Others have said it – one thing at a time and try to stay present to enjoy each moment of your life. It is hard – even as I write this I am thinking about a painting in the studio and a meeting that I must go to in 2 hours. So I take a breath and refocus on this moment. I left the keys in the door overnight a few years ago – and I have forgotten an appointment so now I put it in my calendar as i make it – even if the next person in line has to wait a few moments longer. The changes in your life have been huge and the stress is still being processed in your Heart and brain. Be gentle with yourself – you are a wonderful mother, daughter and wife while also being a very engaging writer. Stress? Yeah! You are not alone and I think your situation is mostly due to stress. Not sure who told me this but if a friend was telling you about this problem what would you say to her? Loving kindness. Hugs. What was Ii going to do next? Oh Walk this dog that just jumped into my lap.
Our dear Kristi,
As scary as this is,and can be,
Dr told me it is something that comes with age.I started having these forgetfulness episodes in my 50’s(72 now and still having them).Major thing is not to panic,remember pretty nearly everyone undergoes them(actually,EVERYONE I know).
When I am worried or distracted(even without realizing I am) it makes things worse.
Just keep doing what you are doing to exercise your brain.
I also do a daily online program for that(I will email you the name ,if you’d like).It really helps.
Bless you.Arms around you.
Love,
Natalia xo
I wouldn’t panic if I were you. I’ve noticed that even my -in their 30’s- adult children have these problems! First of all we live in a world where our attention spans have been shortened by social media, phones, texts, etc. Secondly, we tend to multi task and not concentrate on what we’re doing in the moment. And thirdly-my favorite- as we get get older we have so much information stored in our brains it takes longer to retrieve it- and that is scientific.
Usually, when this happens to me, it’s because I’m distracted or trying to multi-task. One-mindedness may be the cure.
Now in my 60’s I find I am more forgetful. But I often wonder if all the multi-tasking we are encouraged to do may not be helpful or good for us. Why do I need to do something quicker, easier or …..? I try to slow down and accomplish tasks in a slower and more thoughtful way. I tell myself, that if my ancestors could go through their day without many of the machines I now use, then I can do it also.
Hi again, Kristi.
Here’s my (70 year old) take on this memory thing…. My memory is excellent, and I don’t take drugs to keep it that way! So many things get stored on our brains that it might take some time (a moment, a few minutes) for the brain cells to sort through that.
If I forget something, I just STOP thinking about it…and then it comes to me! No big deal. I always think of it as going to the right (i.e., correct) city, to the right neighborhood, to the right street, to the right building,to the right floor, to the right room, to the right file cabinet, to the right drawer, to the right folder, and plucking out the right piece of paper. And, voilá!!! There it is!!! And the brain takes milli-seconds to do this!!!
Funny, I know. Bottom line, don’t be so hard on yourself, and welcome to the human race.
(Now, how to remember ALL of the French that I’m trying to?!?)
Hello Kristin, it could be menopause, but there is another possibility. Over the time I’ve been reading your blog, it seems you do a lot and want everything to be perfect, which is fine, but it seems you may be engaged in so much multitasking and thinking about many things at once, which tires the brain, causes the forgetfulness and is not good for anyone! I forget the little things also and when I come back to the present moment and be only in the present, calm my thoughts and do things more one by one, I forget much less. The best to you!
Don’t worry. Just forget about it!
The other day I opened up the cupboard and tried to stick my coffee mug in there to reheat it, thinking it was the microwave. I was surprised that I did that, then I realized it IS right next to the microwave and I shouldn’t beat myself up for opening the wrong door! Now, if I had closed the door and tried to mash down the buttons, then people would worry!
Hi Kristi – As you can see, there are many “normal” reasons for memory decline. The most likely one is probably hormonal change, which can also be accompanied by some over-sensitivity and feeling overwhelmed when before you were used to juggling 10 objects in the air without problem. Be nice to yourself – worry only adds another object to juggle – and trust that this, too, shall pass. A second one for me sometimes is what I call “cognitive overload.” There are some points in life where my brain just gets split into too many parts – doing all my routine things plus accommodating visitors, remodeling, working on a creative writing project, getting ready to or recovering from travel, just to name a few. A detailed calendar which I consult frequently can help. Thirdly, which overlaps, is “emotional overload,” which is caused by accommodating permanent or long-time additions under our one roof, like babies, grown children or parents. Although they add fulfillment and meaning to life, they also require a chunk of our brain and can sometimes stress our relationship with our spouse. If anyone gets out of sorts, feels ignored, acts demanding or whatever, it is easy to “short-circuit” as we are hurt, bothered, exasperated by having yet another juggling object and are forced to invest some mental and emotional energy to restore peace. So you are doing a lot, but are also doing the right things by eating right, sleeping adequately (I hope), exercising and praying. Joyce Meyer, a favorite inspirational speaker of mine, says that worry is like a rocking chair – you expend a lot of energy while in it going back and forth, but you don’t get anywhere. Pray for peace, the ability to pray for others and yourself, and I will pray for you. You are loved and appreciated – now excuse me, I have to go to the refrigerator to look for my glasses while I turn off the oven from last night. – Janet
Bonjour Kristi:
Ijust turned 80 two days ago and almost forgot it was my birthday!!
I’ve been forgetting things for years. I have put keys in the refrig and often forget names of people I know well!! Hey, not to worry. You are not alone.
You seem to be doing all the right things to have a well balanced life.
Keep surrounding yourself with those you love and the rest really is not so important. They say doing sudoku and crossword puzzles help.
Janine
Oh I agree it could be menopause and it is temporary. One day you will try to remember all of this and be happy it is a distant memory. Now I am thinking I need to keep my landline just so I can call my mobile phone when I misplace it. Aargh.
All probably quite normal. I suspect after having being tested for sleep apnea and having your hormones checked, you may need neither remedies. I am your mother’s age and we all do forget things from time to time, and sometimes there are little runs of them. They say that when you leave one room and enter another your mind forgets what was happening before…thus, keys left in the door, water left running. Countless times I will go into another room with a purpose in mind and have to stop and think “why was I coming in here”. And multi-tasking can be a devil. You start in one room say folding laundry, take some of it into the bedroom and the next thing you know you are rearranging the drawers and decide that there are a few things you no longer wear and are going to donate, so you take them out and put them on the bed and notice your computer in the corner and say to yourself…”I have to get that blog written now”……..so as you see, it is pretty normal. Lists are pretty handy….I use a chalk board in the kitchen for some things(like noticing I am out of onions or garlic) and one in the craft/computer/extra room for other things. Write it down, when done, juts erase.
On the other side of sixty, my mother living out the rest of her life with severe dementia, I see something of my future. Doesn’t help to worry or be afraid of it. I hope, when the time comes, I can live in the moment, like she does. She remembers me but almost nothing of our past, but still greets others with a smile, sings and prays. I can’t do much better than that.
Hi, So many thoughtful suggestions! For those moments when one fears Alzheimers — read The End of Alheizmers by doctor and neurological researcher Dale Bredesen: Very informative.
Give your brain a break: meditate every day and take a 30-minute walk everyday.
Remember when you took prenatal vitamins? And when you made sure your children took vitamins? Check yourself and see what supports brain health and well-being.
Hormones … Good for some of us but not as good for others … So do your research 🙂
I’m an American living in France …. And it can be stressful in many ways ( small and large) to live outside your birth culture.
Hugs to you.
I agree with Annie: Too much info already stored in the brain, harder to access it quickly. Finding files on the computer is even harder since the files all look alike. Great ideas everyone…
I agree with this assessment. At first, I thought my experience with forgetfulness at that age was due to a recent car accident and some other stresses in my life at the time.
It wasn’t too long before I was sure it was simply associated with the difference in hormones. The worst of the issue dissipated when the hormones settle down in their new regime.
If you are concerned, talk to your physician/pharmacist about some of the naturally-compounded solutions that really do help!
“Darling have you seen my hat?”
“Yes it’s on your head!”
Enough said….
Where can I get one of these snore rings for my husband?
Hi Kristi
Perhaps you are starting the menopause? I remember not being able to sleep at night and had to go to the doctor who put me on HRT, which I took for two years and then stopped it.