Random photo of Smokey and some lettuce as I don't have a politically-themed image for you!
On November 6, 250 million Americans are called to the polls. A portion of the senators, the totality of the representatives, a group of governors and local elected representatives will be renewed: the stakes are high. (translated from the French, below)
Today's phrase: être appelé aux urnes
= to be called to vote, called to the polls
Click here to listen to the following sentence:
Le 6 novembre, 250 millions d'Américains sont appelés aux urnes. Une partie des sénateurs, la totalité des représentants, une palanquée de gouverneurs et d'élus locaux seront renouvelés : l'enjeu est de taille. –Grazia
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
The day before yesterday, while Jean-Marc and the neighbor were felling a few fire-hazardous pines near our new house, I began to think about some longtime friends and to puzzle, once again, over our unexpected estrangement.
It happened over politics, though I suspect the break-up began with the tree we cut down in our backyard. I never wanted that tree to be felled, but when it was declared a hazard ("If a branch broke off of that tree," another neighbor warned, "it could kill a kid!"), that is all it took for me to agree to have the tree taken down.
My dear friends, a married couple, were physically ill over the tree-felling episode, which they witnessed from their back porch. A tree is a sacred entity, and it must have been heart-wrenching for them to see that one come crashing down. But it would have been even more traumatic to me to see one of its heavy branches come down on my children who played beneath it each day.
Around this time the French elections were underway and my dear friends, who are a married couple, were busy rallying for Ségolène Royal. These expats had even drafted a letter to the politician in which they proposed a detailed strategy that, should Mme. Royal heed the instructions, would help her win the upcoming election. When my friends forwarded me the letter via email, I read it, surprised by their moxie to go telling a French president-elect what to do! Next I thought, good on them! for exercising their freedom of expression and for believing that they had the ability to effect a change in this world. I should exercise such precious freedoms too!
Newly inspired, I tried to respond to their forwarded letter, only it was hard for me to put my thoughts to words. The truth was, I knew so little about politics, in spite of getting an earful each day from my husband (anti-Ségolène) and again from my friends (super-pro-Ségolène!).
I thought to keep my reply simple, hoping both to encourage my neighbor to exercise his rights (and his wife's)… while not drawing too much attention to my own ignorance vis-à-vis the political debate). Here's the entire word-for-word response that I wrote:
Dear A,
I think your letter was helpful to Madame Royal and you have given some very good ideas. (Next I quickly changed the subject…):
It was nice bumping into you the other day while out on a walk. I will miss walking along that scenic path and the scent of the garrigue here in the Var!
My best to Z.
Love,
Kristi
A few days later I received a surprising and disturbing response:
Dear Kristi,
I have received your email in which you try to give the impression that you support Ségolène.
Whom you support is your business. It is not my concern.
But when your daughter told us yesterday, when she and [name withheld] visited us, that both you and Jean-Marc support Sarkozy, it showed a certain double-faced nature, which didn’t come as a surprise.What really disappointed me greatly is when the two girls started arguing the case for waging wars. “Having wars is good, so long as it does not take place in France.” That is what my ears heard. When I heard that my heart fell. That someone so young can make such a statement shows that they have been badly brought up, lacking any ethical and moral sense, showing no lack of respect for life.
With kind regards,
A
Reading the letter I was amazed. So many strange accusations and untruths. No! My 9-year-old daughter was not out touting war! (She happened to be out looking for candy, which these neighbors and good friends took delight in giving her.) No, she would not have said both my husband and I were for Sarkozy (an impossibility!).
No, no! no! Rereading the letter I was struck by the sentence "that is what my ears heard…" Could it be that my neighbor was so caught up in current politics that when a couple of 9-year-olds stopped by… they sounded to him like a team of warmongers?
I had to respond to the accusations, but I could hardly type the first word, and the second word is completely missing as you'll see…
Dear A,
I disheartened by your email.
As for the other harsh words, I am speechless.
I am not a Sarkozy supporter, for the record.
Reading your email and the accusations, my heart has fallen as you say yours has.
Kristi
But the final words from my dear friend took my breath away:
Dear Kristi,
Please understand that I’m not angry with you.
The reason why I’m writing again is out of concern for your mental health and welfare generally.
Honestly, I don’t see one Kristi. There are two Kristis in one physical body, one Kristi who is totally unaware of what the other Kristi is thinking, feeling and doing. In medical jargon this condition is called schizophrenia. It affects thousands of people in varying degrees. If you don’t put the matter right now, it might get aggravated in the years to come. So I suggest you consulting with a reliable English-speaking psychoanalyst, I say English-speaking because that’s your parental language, not French, and all your earliest impressions are tied up with your first language. I realise that such psychoanalysts would be difficult to find in France, so you can try elsewhere.
Kind regards
A
No matter how many times I tried to find the words, I could not respond to my friend's letter. Sadly, I never spoke to the couple ever again.
The letter left me deeply thoughtful and somewhat agitated. Were there several Kristis? A tree-felling Lumberjack Kristi? A two-faced Sarkozy-Segolène Kristi? Or a multiple-mugged People-Pleaser Kristi?
I don't know that I know who I am any more than the next person does. Just who am I to know? I am both a very open and expressive public persona… and I am a fiercely private likes-to-live-in-her-own-room person, too. I leave off, ironically, with a well-known aphorism: Know thyself. Some say it means "to pay no attention to the multitude". This brings me a certain peace when it comes to hurtful name-calling.
* * *
(End photo: a sea urchin from our magnificent Mediterranean coastline. The interior of this "oursin" is protected by a delicate-yet-protective shell…a sea creatures version of "thick skin"!
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La réponse parfaite au diagnostic de votre “ami”: collectez plusieurs jours de dépôts extérieurs de votre chien dans un sac en papier brun, déposez-le à la porte de l’idiot, mettez-le en flammes et sonnez à la porte.
Your friendship was their loss, not the other way around. it is sad when people see only one side of the coin. And even sadder that they would lash out with such accusations .Although I may not always agree with the opinion of another, I was taught to respect their right to their opinion as long as it is not harmful to anyone.
Dear Kristi,
Your writing took my breath away and tighten my chest.
I’ve never commented on your blog but had to in this
matter. It has always amazed me when a person judges
another without knowing all the facts of their true
character,politics, or their true story.
Just from reading your blog over many years I’m feeling
a kind sensitive soul who wouldn’t judge others in
this manner.
Strange that one would jump to these harsh conclusions
And assume the worst. Do they have a problem?
Not judging.
Kristi—
What a difficult predicament! Clearly, YOU are not the problem here—please know that!
Politics and religion render some completely unable to critically think, making engaging with them on any intellectual level an impossibility.
The armchair DX made me laugh as I am a therapist in training—it takes a good while to make an accurate diagnosis and we tend to reject attempting it secondhand, and through one’s offspring. LOL!
You are far better off without that woman in your life. Remove toxic people the minute the sulfur is released; you’ll be happier for it.
Sending love and light your way—
Susan
I think your past neighbor had true mental health issues herself and just projected them on to you. Too bad that she was so ill and did not get help. Hopefully by now she has had some help for herself. Cheers
I wonder if A knows what “projection” is. And I wonder if she is projecting her own self on you.
I thought that the first letter could be a result of some cultural miscommunication, and was willing to chalk it up to that. But the second letter surely goes beyond cultural miscommunication.
I guess in politics, sometimes “less is more”.
Oh my you’re better off without them.No doubt in my mind.
You are way too nice to associate with them.Who needs all that drama lol..there’s enough isn’t there w/out bullies..because that’s what she is..in an older form..lots of those around you know..such a shame.
Goodness me Kristi. That was very undeserved and very uncalled for, the torrent of abuse that you received. No wonder you were reeling! But when I pondered, I thought: you do know and are in contact with a huge number of people. That increases your chances of encountering a few who are unstable, to put it politely. I also thought: politics, and religion too, are responsible for many quarrels and sadly, also, many wars. The 2 things matter to a lot of people but if you want a quiet life then beware! Best of all, I looked at that photo of Smokey and thought, that’s love and happiness, hold it right there! But you do right to share these things with your readers who provide a useful sanity check. And reassurance and affection.
Hi Kristi,
Your neighbor’s letters are odd and it’s a shame but you are better off without those types of people in your life. I agree with the other Eileen above….in politics “less is more” or sometimes just following the old advice “never talk politics or religion 🙂
Eileen from Charlottesville, VA
Thank you for your post today.
I know it must be hard to replay all those memories and horrible accusations. I am dealing with a situation right now regarding my dog with a neighbor, and the things I am being accused of have caused my great pains. However, knowing that someone as kind as you has received similar treatment has made me feel better.
I wish you never had to go through that and thank you for your posts. I am a long time reader and have never posted until today.
Best regards,
Aujourd’hui aux EU on confronte de telles différences disons acharnées continuellement. On n’ose pas lancer un opinion politique chez des amis sauf si on connait bien la position tenue ppar les autres invitées.
Tout a changé dan les mois récents. Et c’est bien truste.
You know that old saying that no good deed goes unpunished? You tried to be kind when your neighbors actually were meddling in the election of another country, which I find strange. They did not understand and looked for an ulterior motive. As for the schitzophrenia comments they made, well they are just wrong and cruel. We have dealt with a family member who did have this mental illness. You show no sign of that. We all have many personas and moods, depending on many factors. You are well without the « friendship « of these people.
Dear Kristi,
Conditions have gotten so bad in this country, and evidently also in France/worldwide, over religion and politics. I try – like you – to allow others to express their opinions even when they are different than mine. Also like you, in some cases it hasn’t gone well and I, too, have lost friends. It is so sad. The First Amendment guarantees the right of free speech, but today that seems only to be true if you agree with the other person. For some reason, THEY have the right to express themselves, denigrate my ideas, and all is ok. If I express my opinion, I am a « hater » and other negative words and feelings. I think I am a people pleaser (trying to get over it), and I hate confrontation. So I fear I come across as « two-faced », weak, or insincere. I haven’t figured out how to handle it, and the rejections hurt! But I suspect that – since it appears we can’r « Win » anyway, perhaps it is best to either 1) not engage in those conversations or 2) state our opinion without anger or rancor, no need to « justify » ourselves, and hope they will accept us in love the way we are trying to do with them. It is hard. I am sorry for you, for me, and the peoples of our country. I wish there was a solution, but I don’t really see one. Sorry!
Leslie
All I can say is that person is totally crazy!! Definitely projected on to you her own mental issues, which is sounds like are many.. Hurtful non the less. So glad you never have to see her again! Time to file this away under “ crazy people I have unfortunately encountered”. And when I think of your many,many friends and supporters, this is like a little pebble that can be tossed and forgotten.
Dear Kristi–There is a rule in any political discussion–Never get personal. And that means no name calling. Your
former friend doesn’t seem to understand that politics is about the public sphere, not about the personal. If the friend
was angry about the tree than that should be the issue. Unfortunately politics serves as a vehicle to express personal
disagreements all too often. When you attack a person for their political views in a personal way you have made
the attack that much more hurtful. I’m sorry this happened to you. In the U.S. right now it happens every day and our
leaders show the way. Enjoy France. Shari Reed, New Mexico
I second the response of Andrew Kleeger. Puerile, but in keeping with the attitude of these people.
Wow. Just wow. Aside from politics and what a young child might or might not have said, the former neighbor sadly sounds like she has serious mental health problems. She is projecting onto you. Politics is just the trigger for the couple. Sadly, they are probably very lonely and being left alone because of what they are probably doing and saying to others as well.
Try to compartmentalize this sad sequence of events and keep on doing your loving and lovely blog and the rest of your life. Bon courage!
Dear Kristina,
IveI been reading your blog for a long time and always enjoy it. This however made me so annoyed. What awful neighbors. It really is true that good neighbors are a blessing!
Ignoring them was best but it’s hurtful I know from a similar experience. As for a psychoanalyst how rude but from my experience France has a lot of them. Perhaps they had seen one themselves!
Keep strong.
Best wishes.
Kristi,
The tree should have been the issue, but I think that she felt that as a fellow American that you would feel the same way politically and support her and her husband. Somehow the situation went way to far on her part.
Well you have moved and she is not your neighbor anymore. Thank goodness. Sometimes it is hard to let go of certain situations, especially for women, but we must all move on. I often reminisce about past situations, and I should forget them, but somehow they linger. With the elections just a week away our thoughts go the the past maybe to shut off the present, although your past was just as bad.
Kathleen
Yikes! She’s totally nuts!
It is pretty clear that those neighbors are pretty disturbed people……..
First of all, you were right i being concerned about the tree. A young girl was killed up here at the mountains when a “snag” fell from a tree onto her tent.
Unfortunately, words do matter. Look at what is happening in America because of the words our president is using that inspires violence.
Kristi,
How very brave of you to have posted such a personal, and hurtful exchange. I hope it was at least a bit cathartic!
You will not be surprised to hear that there are many of us who have lost friendships because of differences in political views. I know that the political signs up on the front of my property are for candidates that most of my neighbors would not support. Still, I am glad that I can display them and that my vote still counts.
With thanks for this helpful post, and with congratulations for having raised two such fine kids. Thank goodness they never got hit by a falling tree branch.
Pam
It seems so many people everywhere are on the verge of attack. I don’t know if their water has been poisoned or their minds. It’s a good time to stay quietly in one’s bedroom until the “war” is over. I’m sick of it. Can’t even watch the news. You are not alone.
Definitely ignore your former “friend”. Having spent a day with you in La Ciotat, I can attest to the genuine person that you are. We all have things that we do not share with everyone and there is nothing strange about that. Keep on smiling.
It is very difficult to express political opinions and still keep all of your friends. I try to say NOTHING political as the opinions of some of my friends are so opposite. I try to do as I did when teaching…never to express openly my attitudes on things political, and when elections came and my class would ask, “Who did you vote for?” I would tell them that we have a secret ballot for a reason, and I never tell for whom I voted. I was often aware of how their parents voted as the children expressed those choices openly, but I would just tell them that what is important is that one votes. That is what makes our country great and we have the choice of personal opinion. I am sad for the loss of that friendship but sometimes there is little one can do when someone is so deeply attached to one’s opinion that they are right.
O dear – how incredibly disheartening! And vague misconceptions are extremely difficult to clear up, as well. The neighbor seems to have had her own lens to view most anything through, and I’m sure that you would have found it difficult to change her point of view no matter what. What a pity. It’s hard enough when people don’t like the person that you actually ARE – while not what one wants, that’s their prerogative, but not to like the someone you are NOT is much more difficult to bear. Unfortunately we never really know just what someone else thinks of us or how they view themselves. Guess that is one reason for always being kind.
Obviously, she is the one who needs mental health help. I’m sorry her crazy nastiness hurt your feelings. And yes, put her and all her problems behind you and move on.
So many true comments above . Believe in your self Kristin . You have more than disproved all her spiteful allegations . Supporting JeanMarc always ,a proud & supportive Mum to your children & a talented writer ! I love the lettuce photo .The colours are lovely !
Keep smiling !
Those were the most crazy-making, hostile comments I’ve run into after 35 years of psychiatric practice. Stay clear of that sick person.
To take the statements of nine-year old children as gospel on their family’s political positions is unbelievable. Children at this age still have magical thinking and often misunderstand what they have heard.
To recommend therapy and, so thinly veiled, that you leave the country, is simply boorish. Knock the dust off your shoes and walk away from further thoughts on these events. Turn your attention to the people with whom you can have a civilized discourse, even on strongly held opinions. Those conversations are the ones that take us to better understanding and solutions.
ROFL ~ en deux langues!
With the shock and horror of the news through the past week, don’t waste another of your valuable thoughts on people such as those, Kristi! As you say, Know Thyself. I’m convinced you do! <3
I have not been able to comment on your blog for months, since all appendages to the blog (including the comments section) have been blocked at my school, but today I can access comments. I just want to let you know that I enjoy your blog, and am glad to add my support to you personally. I guess it is always dangerous to get into political discussions. We have certainly realized that in the USA in the last couple of years. I guess we have to say it at the ballot box. Keep up the good work. I’ll vouch for your sanity, any day of the week.
Joan
Dear Kristi,
I do not generally comment on your blog, although I read it with joy each time you post. Today I just had to say something. Have you ever read any of Anne Lamont’s books? I think you would really love her. She is a recovering addict who has found a wonderful relationship with God that is just so honest and real. I just heard her speak last week, and one thing I took away was the acronym WAIT. It stands for “Why am I talking?” It refers to trying to be rational with people that are not rational. It is very sad, but sometimes one just has to walk away. I am guessing that no amount of rational talk will sway these people. We who have been following you for more than a decade know the kind of person you are. And you know too. So sorry you had to experience this, because as a caring, loving person, it had to be painful. Take care –
Dawn
Your neighbor’s letters frightened me. Despite the recommendations of others on how to respond I think you used excellent judgment to not respond after the second letter. That, in my opinion, is the
path of peace. Stay the course!
Oh, boy, and Loulou is having the same problem with a reader who misinterprets her blog and sends fairly scathing comments to it! Loulou’s papa’s advice is to stay OUT of politics and stick to what one knows and feels and not get into discussions that can lead nowhere. Loulou’s reader is very anti-Macron, and that’s to be respected, but what Loulou should really do is simply stick to what she knows well and feels completely and what she knows about herself, as you mention.
Know theyself. And remeber one of the best adages from a 98-year-old sage that someone sent me: What other people think about you is none of your business! I love that.
I concur with your many other thoughtful readers comments above. I am a trained therapist. They seem indeed to have likely projected their negative views, sentiments upon you.
You are better off dear Kristi to have ended this friendship. Spend your energies and offer your generous heart to those you can trust and depend upon.
Kristi,
Here in Missouri we say “Illegitimi non carborundom”. This supposedly translates as “Don’t let the bastards wear you down”.
Love the photo of Smokey and the greens!!
We can only attempt to be kind and empathetic to our fellow human beings. Even so,
we will still offend people. Their anger and pain misinterpret our intentions and
our actions become the target of their pain. This is an unfortunate incident that
requires each of us to evaluate our emotions prior to acting.
Susan,
Very well said, a comfort to Kristi!
Just carry on being yourself, Kristi. To do anything else would betray all we who take so much succour from what you write.
Chère Kristi,
Ne vous inquiétez pas de cette lettre agressive et malveillante. Je vous lis depuis de longues années. Au contraire de vous, je suis française vivant aux US depuis plus de 30 ans. J’ai toujours plaisir à lire vos aventures et vous êtes une personne charmante, gentille, ouverte, vous moquant souvent de vous-même ce qui montre une modestie certaine, et, comme vous, j’adore les chiens, et donc c’est un point de plus que j’aime chez vous.
Continuez à nous écrire et à nous distraire.
Et en ce qui me concerne, je vous embrasse comme une amie.
Our dear Kristi,
Your words and pictures always wrap us in hugs–and now most especially today,we have a desire to give a huge “SHAME ON YOU” to your (former)friends and neighbors for their vile, uncalled for,and unfair comments directed against you.
What is equally distressing is the realization of our worldwide lack of communication,compassion,and understanding of one another.
No pointing of fingers in who is the most responsible for such an escalation;just a plea which has has been uttered so many,(too many!) times before:
Please!Can’t we all just somehow manage to get along??
Love
Natalia XO
Hi Kristi, in NY we say WTF, and Fugetaboutit! There is a certain tendency on the far right and left to make such awful “insights and recommendations” as they are true believers and have lost their sense of dignity and respect and basically thier moral compass in light of what they consider their truth. Thank you for sharing. Stephen
Hi Kristi, in NY we say WTF, and Fugetaboutit! There is a certain tendency on the far right and left to make such awful “insights and recommendations” as they are true believers and have lost their sense of dignity and respect and basically thier moral compass in light of what they consider their truth. Thank you for sharing. Stephen
Je commençais à m’inquiéter que personne ne voie l’humour … mais je pense toujours que c’est une solution merveilleuse au problème!
Je commençais à m’inquiéter que personne ne voie l’humour … mais je pense toujours que c’est une solution merveilleuse au problème!
Puéril? À 71 ans, ça fait longtemps que personne ne m’appelle comme ça! Je devrais peut-être prendre une collection pour votre porche?
“I don’t know that I know who I am any more than the next person does. Just who am I to know? I am both a very open and expressive public persona… and I am a fiercely private likes-to-live-in-her-own-room person, too. I leave off, ironically, with a well-known aphorism: Know thyself. Some say it means “to pay no attention to the multitude”. This brings me a certain peace when it comes to hurtful name-calling.”
Well written, Kristi!! I am that way, too. We are one with God. No worries!! So much love you give to others by being the real person that you are. God is blessing you, C-Marie
So I won’t be misunderstood should I make a mistake in my French, my reply to your comment is to say that you sound like a 12-year-old!