Random photo of Smokey and some lettuce as I don't have a politically-themed image for you!
On November 6, 250 million Americans are called to the polls. A portion of the senators, the totality of the representatives, a group of governors and local elected representatives will be renewed: the stakes are high. (translated from the French, below)
Today's phrase: être appelé aux urnes
= to be called to vote, called to the polls
Click here to listen to the following sentence:
Le 6 novembre, 250 millions d'Américains sont appelés aux urnes. Une partie des sénateurs, la totalité des représentants, une palanquée de gouverneurs et d'élus locaux seront renouvelés : l'enjeu est de taille. –Grazia
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
The day before yesterday, while Jean-Marc and the neighbor were felling a few fire-hazardous pines near our new house, I began to think about some longtime friends and to puzzle, once again, over our unexpected estrangement.
It happened over politics, though I suspect the break-up began with the tree we cut down in our backyard. I never wanted that tree to be felled, but when it was declared a hazard ("If a branch broke off of that tree," another neighbor warned, "it could kill a kid!"), that is all it took for me to agree to have the tree taken down.
My dear friends, a married couple, were physically ill over the tree-felling episode, which they witnessed from their back porch. A tree is a sacred entity, and it must have been heart-wrenching for them to see that one come crashing down. But it would have been even more traumatic to me to see one of its heavy branches come down on my children who played beneath it each day.
Around this time the French elections were underway and my dear friends, who are a married couple, were busy rallying for Ségolène Royal. These expats had even drafted a letter to the politician in which they proposed a detailed strategy that, should Mme. Royal heed the instructions, would help her win the upcoming election. When my friends forwarded me the letter via email, I read it, surprised by their moxie to go telling a French president-elect what to do! Next I thought, good on them! for exercising their freedom of expression and for believing that they had the ability to effect a change in this world. I should exercise such precious freedoms too!
Newly inspired, I tried to respond to their forwarded letter, only it was hard for me to put my thoughts to words. The truth was, I knew so little about politics, in spite of getting an earful each day from my husband (anti-Ségolène) and again from my friends (super-pro-Ségolène!).
I thought to keep my reply simple, hoping both to encourage my neighbor to exercise his rights (and his wife's)… while not drawing too much attention to my own ignorance vis-à-vis the political debate). Here's the entire word-for-word response that I wrote:
Dear A,
I think your letter was helpful to Madame Royal and you have given some very good ideas. (Next I quickly changed the subject…):
It was nice bumping into you the other day while out on a walk. I will miss walking along that scenic path and the scent of the garrigue here in the Var!
My best to Z.
Love,
Kristi
A few days later I received a surprising and disturbing response:
Dear Kristi,
I have received your email in which you try to give the impression that you support Ségolène.
Whom you support is your business. It is not my concern.
But when your daughter told us yesterday, when she and [name withheld] visited us, that both you and Jean-Marc support Sarkozy, it showed a certain double-faced nature, which didn’t come as a surprise.What really disappointed me greatly is when the two girls started arguing the case for waging wars. “Having wars is good, so long as it does not take place in France.” That is what my ears heard. When I heard that my heart fell. That someone so young can make such a statement shows that they have been badly brought up, lacking any ethical and moral sense, showing no lack of respect for life.
With kind regards,
A
Reading the letter I was amazed. So many strange accusations and untruths. No! My 9-year-old daughter was not out touting war! (She happened to be out looking for candy, which these neighbors and good friends took delight in giving her.) No, she would not have said both my husband and I were for Sarkozy (an impossibility!).
No, no! no! Rereading the letter I was struck by the sentence "that is what my ears heard…" Could it be that my neighbor was so caught up in current politics that when a couple of 9-year-olds stopped by… they sounded to him like a team of warmongers?
I had to respond to the accusations, but I could hardly type the first word, and the second word is completely missing as you'll see…
Dear A,
I disheartened by your email.
As for the other harsh words, I am speechless.
I am not a Sarkozy supporter, for the record.
Reading your email and the accusations, my heart has fallen as you say yours has.
Kristi
But the final words from my dear friend took my breath away:
Dear Kristi,
Please understand that I’m not angry with you.
The reason why I’m writing again is out of concern for your mental health and welfare generally.
Honestly, I don’t see one Kristi. There are two Kristis in one physical body, one Kristi who is totally unaware of what the other Kristi is thinking, feeling and doing. In medical jargon this condition is called schizophrenia. It affects thousands of people in varying degrees. If you don’t put the matter right now, it might get aggravated in the years to come. So I suggest you consulting with a reliable English-speaking psychoanalyst, I say English-speaking because that’s your parental language, not French, and all your earliest impressions are tied up with your first language. I realise that such psychoanalysts would be difficult to find in France, so you can try elsewhere.
Kind regards
A
No matter how many times I tried to find the words, I could not respond to my friend's letter. Sadly, I never spoke to the couple ever again.
The letter left me deeply thoughtful and somewhat agitated. Were there several Kristis? A tree-felling Lumberjack Kristi? A two-faced Sarkozy-Segolène Kristi? Or a multiple-mugged People-Pleaser Kristi?
I don't know that I know who I am any more than the next person does. Just who am I to know? I am both a very open and expressive public persona… and I am a fiercely private likes-to-live-in-her-own-room person, too. I leave off, ironically, with a well-known aphorism: Know thyself. Some say it means "to pay no attention to the multitude". This brings me a certain peace when it comes to hurtful name-calling.
* * *
(End photo: a sea urchin from our magnificent Mediterranean coastline. The interior of this "oursin" is protected by a delicate-yet-protective shell…a sea creatures version of "thick skin"!
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Kristi,
This is an event that must have occurred over 10-12 years ago – based on your daughter’s current age. But for some reason you have not presented it this way. Perhaps this emotional assault feels as if it is still currant. I hope that the sting of these comments are not still as intense as when they first were uttered.
Sadly, those emails appear to have been written to deliberately hurt your feelings. Someone who was perceptive enough to identify the issues that are important to you – not politics or religion, but being a good parent, being a genuine and kind friend, and also your apparent commitment to living within the French culture even though you were not raised French. It suggests that your neighbor had anger and jealousy and unfortunately some of it was misdirected towards you. Perhaps in her eyes, you appeared too happy, too comfortable, and too successful in your goals. My only “criticism” of you would be your assumption that this was a “dear friend,” as her venom is so apparent. Your actual “dear friends” are all over the world, thanks to the internet and your incredible blogs.
For me this is religion: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
I am appalled at the behavior of your erstwhile “friends.” It’s one thing to point out something such as great regret that a lovely tree must be felled. It’s quite another to tell a person she needs psychiatric help. What makes those neighbors such experts? It is no doubt for the best that you are no longer in contact with them.
I find that with certain people, I can talk only so much about an issue. It could be because we disagree, or occasionally, because they really won’t listen to me. Sometimes I think they are “off the wall,” but I don’t say so. There is great value, in many situations, to not always saying what one thinks, or all of what one thinks. And one can identify topics that are dead ends conversation-wise, and avoid them up to a point. I think people SHOULD be able to discuss religion or politics, in a reasonable, courteous way, or at least without name-calling. If I have an opinion (such as about our current president), I endeavor, if I’m asked what I think, to state why I think as I do. It seems that the former “friends” aren’t interested in your reasons, whatever they might be, only in expounding their own.
Sometimes you just have to move on. You did nothing that your readers would find unacceptable. As always, thanks for sharing. One of the values of the FWAD is our opportunity to hear about and comment on a great variety of topics.
Dawn posted about the books of “Anne Lamont.” Her last name is actually LAMOTT. The books are definitely worth reading.
I agree with you regarding the state that our country is in as to political expression and hate. I’ve never seen politics turn to physical violence over here and it doesn’t seem to be winding down even after the killings this weekend. I am hoping that after the mid-term elections the violence will stop!
Kristi…you are fortunate that just a couple emails between you and these people stopped everything…but I know it still stings…maybe they will read this and be enlightened!
LaRaine
I’d say you were much too kind in your responses. The audacity to accuse of horrible things and then to top it off by claiming you are a schizophrenic! You may have been trying to “go high” as Michelle Obama advised but they didn’t get it. The only thing that would have worked with them was to call them on their narrow mindedness and to affirmatively state that they were no longer people you wished to be associated with. In the end, it’s their loss not yours
Wow! You received MANY responses on this one, probably since political intolerance has turned into some very ugly behavior everywhere. After our last major election, some people I thought to be quite sane turned into hateful maniacs. Some friends of ours were “disinvited” by their daughter-in-law to their Thanksgiving dinner because she was “afraid they would discuss politics,” which they had never done before. Seems some sore losers can’t even stand to look at people they know think differently when things don’t go their way. All the talk of “tolerance”and “accepting diversity,” etc. goes right out the window. Too bad. Life is short. My political platform is simple: “Love one another” and “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If the goal of politics is to improve the world, that would be a great start!
John, I love it… Jooan
Je vais avoir besoin d’un autre chien pour en avoir assez pour votre porche!
Janet, I’m with you!
Kristi #1 and Kristi #2 –
After reading your post I am convinced that the world has suddenly divided into 2 groups of human beings. Sane ones and crazy ones. This has been made self-evident ever since the election of Donald Trump. There are sane Americans and then there are Trump supporting lunatics. Now I see the same may be happening in France. If so, then likely Germany, Holland and Spain will follow suite. In the future we will no longer inquire whether someone is liberal or conservative – but whether they are sane or bat-turd crazy…
Oh dear. It is difficult to understand why some people cannot simply disagree with another person’s opinions (political or otherwise) without having to resort to name calling, shaming, etc. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. It seems quite a leap for a person to go from disagreeing about your political stance (which they seem to have misinterpreted anyway) to jumping to armchair mental health diagnosis! It would appear you are better off without this “friendship” in your life.
Whoah! How thought provoking! I think variations on your experience happen all the time. Recently I was working with three female colleagues on a project- during the Supreme Court nomination proceedings. When I commented- mildly, I thought- at how difficult it was for me to listen to the painful testimony of Christine Blasey-Ford, these three women fiercely defended Kavanaugh. It started to escalate- not on my part, although I have VERY strong feelings- and I quickly shut it down and turned to other topics. I wanted to yelp :” Are you listening? Do you think she is making this up?”…and then a small voice- probably a weak voice- whispered to me: “You like these people and youhave to work with these people. If you really get into this, you will alter relationships in negative ways”. However, here is what altered: I feel wary about them and, regretably, I think less of them. I am not sure what to do. Politics is such a sore point for so many. However: I fear that your neighbors are carrying some rather heavy baggage that doesn’t reflect on you….but on them. chin up.
I totally agree with JJ – a friend would never treat you like that. One of the ways of looking at situations for me is “people are free to express their opinions of me but that’s all it is…..opinion not necessarily a fact. I am not your “opinion”.
I guess that’s another one to release with love.😳
Puis-je ajouter les excréments de mon chat dans votre sac?
Kristi’s neighbor’s reaction does not deserve anything other than puerility. Despite their lofty pronouncements, I doubt they’d understand anything more sophisticated. Schizophrenia? That is an insult to those who truly suffer from that insidious disease.
And, Margaret Atwood’s faux Latin in The Handmaid’s tale, “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, bitches!!
I just read somewhere that it doesn’t matter what people think of you. It’s what you think of them. Your colleagues’ loss that they fell out of esteem in your eyes. My heart breaks every time I think of Blasey-Ford saying what she remembered is their raucous laughter at her expense. You don’t make that s**t up.
Oui, c’est une idée merveilleuse! Surtout si votre chat ne se sent pas bien et a des “selles molles”!
Bravo! Formidable! Vraiment!
it terrifies me to see how close my country is to replicating the rise of Hitler. I see absolutely no difference between Hitler’s Brown Shirts and Trump’s Red Caps. I see absolutely no difference between Kristallnacht and the recent attacks in Pittsburgh, except in the number of fatalities.
In Germany the “sane” people said “this is just a passing fad … he’ll never take power” and then they sat back and watched (mostly silent) as he did, and then fell into line as he marched them to WWII.
In America the the “sane” people said “there is no way he can win this election … he’ll never take power” and then they sat back and watched as he did … and were astounded (and mostly silent) daily as he marched us toward the brink!
There may have never been an American election as important as the one coming next week! I hope that the “sane” people go to the polls and stop the insanity!
and the orange buffoon laughed at her and said “it doesn’t matter, we won.”
Notes from a man I truly respect, John Pavlovitz:
This week is an important one for our nation.
On 11/6 we’ll experience one of the pivotal elections in our lifetime. We’ll have a chance to allow our voices to be heard and to alter the planet we’re standing on—as well as the one we leave to people who will follow us. Next Tuesday, we’ll get to let our lives impact the lives of countless human beings. But the even better news, is that we have that opportunity before Tuesday and after Tuesday as well. We have it today. Every single moment, you and I get to be part of the renovation of this place as agents of hope.
In 1871, Unitarian minister Theodore Parker said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” These have been words spoken as solace in times of adversity. They are words we say as declaration or as aspiration—and in days like today they can feel more like the latter. This week, these words desperately need to be repeated again, though not as solace for weary spectators—but as battle cry for warriors for goodness.
Friends, this means that we are the arc benders. We are not passive victims of the difficult times in which we live, we are powerful participants in them; mighty co-authors of the story we find ourselves in, and together we can twist the plot. We can write something redemptive to mark our time on the planet.
As you move toward Tuesday, don’t miss the countless opportunities you have to choose (to elect) hope. This week is the most important week of your life.
It always is. Be encouraged.
I just read this post and I am shocked by the gall of the person who wrote such awful notes!!! That individual crossed a line when she launched personal attacks on you that were as as vicious as they were unwarranted. I am half French but was raised in an English-speaking environment in Canada. I experienced culture shock when I visited my French relatives. A friend gave me a book that really helped me understand the way French people think. She said that she had read it in a university sociology class and was going to donate it with a bunch of other books, but then she thought I might be interested. And I was! That book is Village in the Vaucluse by Laurence William Wylie. It is the work of an American anthropologist who moved, with his American wife and children, to a small village in France in 1950 where he lived for a year. I was fascinated by his observations and how he interpreted what he noticed. One final comment, I think that no one needs friends who write e-mails like the ones you received. I think that the writer must have been on the receiving end of some unacceptable comments herself and had anger that she didn’t know how to process.