Four years ago, I thought we had finally put down our anchor–that our grandkids would eat these figs that Smokey and I were harvesting here in the Land of Milk and Honey. Jean-Marc can better give you the reasons for wanting to move. Until then, today's letter answers some of those questions you may be having.
TODAY'S WORD: parvenir à une décision
: to come to a decision
ECOUTEZ – Listen to me pronounce today's word: Download Parvenir-decision
On n'est pas encore parvenu à une décision finale.
We have not yet come to a final decision.
Improve your spoken French. Try Pronounce it Perfectly in French or Exercises in French Phonetics
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
Ever since Jean-Marc admitted that he no longer had the energy to farm and that he wanted to sell our vineyard and turn the page–and ever since my first reaction (Non!!!) I have been struck by the number of coincidences in favor of a move.
First, our children's response. "This place is too big for you, Mom. You don't want to live all alone up in this secluded area. And Papa is tired…"
Their last point is the only reason I would consider moving. The other points can be argued: our home is 180 square meters, or 1800 square feet. That's not too big, is it? As far as being alone in a secluded area–I'm too busy learning about permaculture–or natural gardening–to notice the downside of too much land. I may also have been too busy to notice how behind I've fallen on weeding. When I look out over the wild garden and see how unruly everything has become…a greater realization comes to mind. Apart from several technical decisions to do with planting the vines, Jean-Marc and I now know what went wrong with our property and our home: we spread ourselves too thin. We never got the help we needed. And we are not in our 30s anymore.
Imagine two middle-aged people stepping out of their hillside farmhouse each morning. Jean-Marc heads down to the vines, spends hours watering amidst the heatwave. I grab my broom and begin emptying the house of so much trekked in dirt. Looking up, I get distracted by the spiderwebs (which somehow make their way back inside each week) until I see an overflowing bowl of kitchen scraps, pick them up and take them up to the orchard and vegetable garden, behind our mas….
There at the base of the forest, my eyes dart left and right, making sure a family of sangliers, or wild pigs with sharp horns, isn't noshing on our saffron ready to charge at me for surprising them all. Coast is clear. I begin to pull weeds, harvesting berries as I go for a "breakfast on the run". I've forgotten my pruning shears, way back at the house, so make a mental note to cut down the overgrown fennel–until I see a tree that desperately needs watering. But Jean-Marc has the main hose….
Off I go to another project, hanging out the laundry. I trek back down the hill, stopping inside the house and trekking in more dirt. Filling the laundry basket, I head back out to the line, and hang it all to dry. My eyes sweep over "Kristi's vineyard," planted on the terrace below my clothesline, by Jean-Marc and Max's friends two years ago. The ground is parched and several vines have shriveled up. I hurry to the house, grab a 10-liter watering can and return to the lower terrace to dart from one thirsty vine to the next. The sweaty effort is a drop in the bucket.
This brings us to our faulty planning and to biting off more than we could ever chew. If we were to start over again, I would have grown my own garden organically–from the front porch outwards. Instead, I have peppers down in Kristi's vineyard, blueberries over by the new deck, and–continuing up to the forest behind the house–a sprawl of other plants and pollinators–everything from avocado trees to honey bees (the hives, located higher up in the forest, are Jean-Marc's project).
My multi-level garden (sounds glorious but imagine a parched hillside) and our old farmhouse keep me busy with spurts of ineffective efforts, in spite of trying different schedules ("water and care for the front yard in the morning–and the back yard in the evening. And, for the farmhouse, thoroughly clean one room each day"). This all looks good on paper until things get into the way (or I get lazy).
A car with German license plates is slowly pulling up our driveway, attracted by the giant sign down by the side of the road ("Wine. Olive oil. Honey. CLOSED"). I already know the question: "Can we buy some honey?" (or wine or olive oil). And my answer still hasn't changed, We're not ready yet. On a bad day I want to scream: Can't you read the sign. FERME. CLOSED! Instead I smile, and watch as the car tries to back out of our driveway, zigzagging back and forth, running over the prickly pear cactus and taking a few branches of lilac with it. A familiar scene that is, when all is said and done, comical to see.
By now the illiterate visitors have mowed down the poor cactus and the lilac is but a shadow of what it once was. More help. Better planning. 30-year-old bodies. What else will it take to change Jean-Marc's mind and convince him to stay here ("The Land of Milk and Honey," as I called it when we moved here four years ago)? I'm no longer sure that convincing my husband is the answer. As for turning the page, Circumstance seems to be doing that for us.
First photo taken before the previous owner restored the mas, or farmhouse. Second photo taken at a wine-tasting here last year, when the lilac was in bloom.
RELATED POSTS: Click on the titles to read the posts
Is Jean-Marc Single? Can I Buy Your Home?
To Come to a Decision: On Turning the Page of our Vineyard dream. (Story here).
Moving to Mexico: To Fly with One's Own Wings. (Story here).
The Previous Move Which Brought us Here to The Sea near Bandol….
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Sounds like it’s time to move on and try something new. So how about opening a Gite on your property? Put in a pool, a nice deck , shade trees, probably already have those. We go to a Gite in southren France every summer. it’s near the town of Goudargues. It too was a remodeled farm, but so beautiful. The pool area looked out over the hills full of grape vines. All this I realize is easier said than done, and I wish you two good luck in your future endeavors.
Russ W. Livermore CA.
Dear Kristi,
Change, as well as aging, is inevitable. Life is a journey full of unexpected twists and turns. Follow where God leads! He promises green pastures. Looking forward to something not yet revealed is exciting! My husband has grown more tired this past year, too. I’m not sure how much longer he can keep being a landscaper here in Arizona. Hmm… Maybe you’ll decide to write another book about this next chapter of your lives!
Love & hugs to you!
My husband and I lived in Buenos Aires Argentina for several years. We went on a holiday, fell in love with the place and moved there within months, the 2 of us and our Standard Poodle. It was all wonderful and we loved it there .. we had friends, we owned a gorgeous home and all was well.
Then our son got married, moved to the US from where he had been living with a new wife and plans for babies in the future. My husband started wishing we were back in the US. I didn’t but he talked me into it.
Within the year, of being back in NY and having a house and not even knowing anyone yet, he died suddenly.
And there I was . Alone in the country , all my friends and everything I had known for years, was in Buenos Aires.
So while this does not mean that returning “home” will be tragic, it does mean you both have to want to go back, equally as much. Don’t do it in a half hearted way. Don’t do anything that you will regret because that will affect your relationship and you don’t want to lose that.
Good good luck to you …
Elizabeth, Bite the bullet and just do it. Know when it is time. You can practice what you preach. You can live on retirement. Your needs will be less. I know of someone who waited too long and then could’t appreciate retirement. Remember we only go around once. Life is good in retirement….trust me.
Sending you the very best wishes as you decide what to do, and what not to do, next. While it is very tempting to encourage you to find a way to continue living where you are, that would be folly unless you both want to find a way to do that. The watering is a huge challenge that will take more hands or some kind of automated watering system, or both (unless you two decide to switch to succulent raising). You two are in the prime (not the end) of life, and I know that together you will find ways to live that will give you abundant energy, satisfaction and good humor once again. Take heart, Leslie
Dear Kristi & Jean-Marc – I hope you both find peace with whatever decision you end up making. Your son & daughter are making new lives for themselves as young adults; perhaps it is time for both of you to forge a new life for yourselves. Jean-Marc can perhaps offer mentoring services to other vintners who are trying to get their business going, and of course Kristi, you have your writing. I’m sure in addition to the support you are getting from your so many unseen supporters (like me) through your blog, you have the firm support of your families. Bonne chance XXOO
Whatever you decide, wherever you go or perhaps not go, I feel confident that both of you will always build something beautiful together. Just look at the before and after photos you shared — to say nothing of your gorgeous and delightful children. Sending lots of prayers your way for wisdom and guidance as you plan your next step.
Dear Kristin,
It has been an honor to be invited into your adventures. I am not sad that you are leaving something glorious behind because you have both realized it had its time and place. Where ever you all land it will have the advantage of your’s and Marc’s creative energy.
I, as well, will me moving on and out of Yuma, AZ where I have been too long – 18 years. Must sell the house I am in at the moment and move where I can afford a Condo or Town house as I also do not want to spend the time, money or energy keeping up a place.
Before the divorce proceedings began almost 4 years ago at age 69 I had visions of moving out of the country. With no spousal maintenance coming my way for 2+years and unlikely to change ( he destroyed his law practice and was disbarred ) I must find a place where I can afford to move and buy. Will let you know where I end up. Never thought I would be starting my life over at 73, almost 74. And still in Court. He filed in the AZ Court of Appeals. It is a mess !
At least you and Marc and I all have choices. Some people don’t.
Blue Butterflies to you and Marc,
Sh’reen Morrison
I know well how much courage it takes to write such a post…it can be challenging enough to make major life decisions but when we write about our lives as well, especially when those reading can get quite attached to the dream behind the reality…it isn’t easy.
But there is so much wonderful support here, as there should be. I have nothing to add but will just send Love and Strength as you and JM move forward to the decision that will bring you the most happiness and peace.
xo
H
Both of you, and especially Jean-Marc, have always appeared to me as energetic and eager to do things. And although you (especially you, Kristin) have always seen the beauty in things that are somewhat abimes, you have both eagerly worked on creating, such as vineyards, beehives, gardens … and fixing up things that had seen better days. One has only to look at the before and after pictures of the mas to see how hard you have worked, and how lovely the home and grounds are now. If you sell them, you should get more than you paid for them. I can imagine how much work it is to take care of it all. Don’t let a feeling of obligation to the property keep you depressed or discouraged. One question to ask is, what will you do instead, if you move to an area with a small yard, or none? I’m sure you will make the best of your new situation, if you wind up somewhere else. In any case, I will pray for you, and hope that you will be at peace with your decision, whatever it is.
Sad to see you leave your beautiful home but it is very understandable.. We are much older and live on 5 acres in Northern California and we also have come to the decision to move not always an easy choice but in the long run the right thing to do.
There was so much in your posting today that touched me, not the least of which was the struggle followed by your honest revelation of how hard it is to come to terms with a decision one would rather not make. Yet, make it you some to be doing. I, too, have had my own struggles with a writing career lately and flounder, flounder, flounder, I have been floundering. Still, I can feel myself making my own way out of the morass. Thank you so much for your posting. It was truly a godsend for me this morning, reading it in California.
Rosalie
Kristi and Jean-Marc,you are a very strong couple and you will take your time and figure out how to move out of this situation and into something else, I have met you both and know how great you are, I will be in France next Sept to celebrate my 90th and have plans to have dinner with you both, sometime around the 20th, will keep in touch and see where we will get together, your LOVE of Family will see you thru,My Best to you and yours. LOU BOGUE
The watering alone! You are so lucky to have each other to continue with your new page…. I cannot wait to hear where you land. I love the attitude of your children… well done, you!
Kristi and Jean-Marc — you are AMAZING — and blessed. Trust that sense of self and inner-voice and best of luck, bon courage et bonne chance with the future that awaits you. And merci mille fois for all that you have so beautifully shared with so many people through your books and blogs.
You know it was the same for us! And alway hard to say good bye to a dream. But remember , We only have one life, and that is ver short and passes you by before you know. A new chapter, new dreams, enjoy your family and most of all each other, I wish you both all your wishes, courage and love, and Just Go For It. xx
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drip_irrigation
This system could be cheaper than labor, water saving, and save your spread- out garden plants.
love your blogs.
That certainly is a fine, slick young lady pulling down figs in your blog. Not the tired, aging one described in the prose. Suck it up, Ace, you are in heaven and don’t even know it! Warren
When I have a big decision to make, I say to myself “I wonder what I will have decided in six months?”. Somehow the decision makes itself and you find that you are going down a path, without realizing that you have made the big decision. So don’t worry about it. The decision will take care of itself. Bon courage! You never know what awaits around the corner. You and Jean-marc need to spend some time talking about what you might do next.
So many comments! Most of us can only dream about the amazing experiences you’ve had
A few years ago we sold our very large home and downsized. It was the best decision we have made.
It was easy for mre… But very difficult for my husband.
Simplify! You will have time to pursue your writing …and Jean Marc to pursue other dreams.
Kudos to you for taking on such an enormous challenge with the vineyard … But if it is taking too large a toll financially, emotionally, and physically ….preserve your health and sanity ….and let go.
Mary Liz
Kristi, when John and I drove away from your home this past spring after I lovely meal outside on your terrace we commented about the hard work and challenge that you and chief grape had in front of you. John reminded me that we only have 12 acres to tend to here in the states. We could never begin to handle the challenge that you two took on. We then commented that the two of you will find your way and that it will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right then it’s not the end. You both are so talented and you have a future of adventure and surprise yet to be enjoyed
Dearest Kristi – All things pass; when we no longer enjoy something it is a sure sign it is time to move on, to change. Never be afraid to start over. Thinking about a recent post about reframing I say: it is important to know the difference between ‘giving up’ (failure which can be a prison) and ‘letting go’ (success and liberation to embrace things anew. All will be well. Robyn x
the older l get the more l realize the beauty of living with less and living simply, with more time to spend with loved ones and
nurturing ourselves……life is short!
Blessings on your journey ; )
ps…….your children are very wise! Thanks for sharing the adventure XO
Bonjour Kristin,
I have read all the posts and they are mostly lovely. I have little to add.
I think this happens at different points in our lives. I truly believe we have to embrace these life changes and run with them.
Be well and bonne chance.
Do you have any inclination to run a b & b? It looks so lovely!
We were forced to sell the home of our dreams in 2009 and now I can only say that thank God we were forced to! I never would have given it up but finances forced the issue. Now we are in a small house, 1100 square feet and life is so much easier and affordable. But I admit I wept the entire time I was packing it up.
I am sure, as all of your readers are, you both will come out of this in a much better and easier place. We can only do so much.
Cate xoxoxo
I so clearly hear you. I have reached that time when I can’t keep up with the yard & the house. I wish you and Jean-Marc the very best wherever you find yourselves in the future. We readers have thoroughly enjoyed watching your lives unfold. Blessing to all.
I left Phoenix Arizona in 2003 for a small resort town on the south coast of Turkey called Çamyuva and later moved to another holiday resort named Dalyan in 2006. There I met my Dutch wife Ellis and we rented a village house overlooking the sea across the river from Dalyan. After a few years there we moved to northern France to assist her ageing parents that had bought a farmhouse in rural France and were getting too old to manage it by themselves. After several years in France and a serious heart attack we went to the United States to live on a family owned cattle ranch in Texas. But after only a year there we both knew that America had nothing to offer us so we returned to Turkey where last year we built a house in the same village we had lived in before.
But for all those major moves we can now look back on it and realize each destination was meant to be – each had taught us something about ourselves and was invalueable.
Maybe you and your husband could lease your property and strike out to new locales, but retain the possibility of returning after garnering new perspectives and life changing experiences. Life has its own ideas and we’re generally along for the ride – even though we may think we are in charge. But try to retain as many options as possible and not burn any proverbial bridges. After all, you may be a bit tired, but old you are not. I did all the above well into my sixties and since returning here have felt even more energized than when I left a decade before.
Just a little food for thought…
Hi Kristi
I love your blog and find it upbeat and encouraging. I’m sad for you that you are having to reassess things. Decisions are always hard to make and not always clear. I’m on a relationship, career and UK-based work break, trying to decide what I want to do in life, so my heart goes out to you.
Kristi-When I was in France this summer I met a few different people who were using a website called Workaway, it matches up hosts with people (usually young people) who want to do some work In exchange for room&board. I met a host who was renovating a property in Chalabre and had a young male and female living with her and helping her. She said they worked about 5 hours a day (or more or less if needed) and she fed them and provided a room. She loved having them and said they were super helpful. I also met a young American man who had lived and worked with 3 different hosts throughout the summer, all over Europe and he too had only positive things to say about his experiences and hosts. Maybe something like this could provide you with both some help (when you need it and want it in the harvest or planting seasons) and also a way to fill the empty nest occasionally.
Best of luck either way, your honest and heartfelt accounts of your life are a true gift to the reader. Merci!
I have truly treasured your insightful blog. There is a part of me that doesn’t want you to go, but totally understand all that this fabulous properties entails. Jean-Marc and eventually you . . . will tire of the enormous responsibility. My husband and I one were in the same shoes. We will never live in as beautiful place as we once did, but we needed to move on. May you choose to make peace with your decision and do what is best for the rest of your lives. What worked when you were in your 40s or 50s, may not work when you get older. It’s okay. You have fabulous memories and made friends along the way.
Have a wonderful life whatever you choose. It will be the right choice, period.
Fondly
“Tourner la page” in English is to put something behind you, to make a fresh start, to make a clean break, to achieve closure.
I was so saddened to read about your decision to move.
However, I realize that growing older means making life simpler and enjoying the activities you can really enjoy and giving up those that leave you in pain the next day.
I am praying for you and your family and know that your decisions will be the correct ones for you and your family.
If you move to the USA you will have so many stories to share …with both your neighbors and friends and your many devoted readers.
Hope you never stop writing because you are so gifted.
Big hugs to all of you…everything will be OK!
Kristi, first, my bona fides. I’ve been a silent but nonetheless avid reader for years now and even threatened to visit the vinyard 4 years ago when I and my wine-selling friend were, with our respective wives staying in province for 3 weeks. But it was an extremely hot summer and our house had a pool, so we wandered far less than anticipated.
I’m a bit disappointed that you’ve chosen to move. The life you and Jean-Marc chose seemed so perfect: an old farm house restored, gardens, fresh produce, and fresh french bread every day. The labor associated with raising grapes was unknown to me, so I simply imagined it couldn’t be that burdensome. Apparently it is as are the tasks of simply living in the mas with gardens and everything else. Ideally you’d have adult children for whom a simple, school-less life on a French farm is just what they’ve wanted and so for no money would do more than their share of all the labor. But you don’t. (And you’d not want that anyway.)
Colorado. In the aggregate statistics reveal that the women of Colorado are the healthiest women in the USA. Statistically. After having spent the past summer there (Acting in an outdoor drama festival in Steamboat Springs, CO), I can attest that the summer weather is far healthier than the weather where I live in far northeastern Pennsylvania. But then there’s winter. Unless you’re living in Denver, there’ll be lots of snow, but you know that. And it’ll be a tad colder than southern France, which is to say you’ve yet to discover what -30C feels like. Now not every day or even lots of days are that cold, but occasionally…… two years ago I got that at my house in PA. After two weeks plus recuperation time in a New York hospital, I returned home with instructions to walk every day, and the first day it was -30C.
California may be a more interesting place. San Diego reminds me of southern France, but it’s not suitable for growing stuff, grapes or otherwise. Too Dry. .Towns south of San Francisco remind me where you live now. And then, of course, there’s Napa so that Jean-Marc and you can start again with a vineyard. By the way, how many hectares is your vineyard and what might the value–the cost of your estate–be?
But before you decide to come back to the states, wait for the election. If Trump wins, there may be a wave of Americans clamoring to buy your house and vineyard. I’d sure think about it. ANd if you and Jean-Marc have already moved, you, too, may want to return to France.
Whatever decisions you make, best of luck. Hopefully you’ll maintain your blog.
Have you thought of incorporating the vineyard/farm and inviting investors, who could visit as house guests for a few days a year as part of the deal? That could allow for employing a manager and/ or workers to help. And give you time to travel back to the USA or elsewhere for extended breaks to be with family and friends.
Continue to be a big fan!
Amities
John
I am interested in renting your farmhouse. How much would the rent be?