My one and only beau-père, John.
My step-father passed away on Sunday. We are all in shock and facing the reality of life without this tender and loving man who knew the power of gratitude.
"You and your sister are really nice," my mom said over the phone, as she tried to process the news. "But John–he was the kindest person I have ever met. He was an angel!" Mom's words hung in the air as another, familiar sound, began to fill my head.
Kristi, don't worry about a thing. I recognized John's voice, which was now echoing in my mind. Just enjoy life! How many times had my beau-père repeated this to me?
John exemplified this trust-the-universe attitude. Day after day he got up, fed the neighborhood cats (which were lined up at his front door), then carefully combed his hair and dressed his best before taking the rickety bus across down town Puerto Vallarta to go to work. In a beautiful resort by the Bay of Banderas, John shared his experience and knowledge with a sales force of young Mexicans. He loved his job! He turned 74 on July 4th, and continued his feed-the-homeless-head-to-work schedule up until Thursday. He died of heart failure, days later, in Javier hospital. He must have shared his trust-the-universe attitude with the nurses, too, as my mom heard laughter each time John called her from room 107. He dialed her up one more time before falling to sleep, to tell her he loved her.
"He told me he loved me 50 times a day!" Mom shared, in one of many fragmented conversations we would have over the next 24 hours–until my sister, Heidi, could fly in from Colorado, to help Mom put one foot in front of the other.
***
Before I went to Mexico, last March, I told my family that yes, I was going to see my Mom. But that I was really making the trip to see my step-dad! I had a feeling I needed to get over there and spend time with John.
My father-in-law picked me up from the airport, then returned an hour later to pick up Heidi and my niece and nephew when they flew in, from Denver. John cooked for us, entertained us, and asked us, often, "How are you doing? Can I get you anything? Is everything alright?"
And he always had the same, from-the-heart response. "I'm glad to hear that. Don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy life." He would then disappear, in his neatly-ironed shorts and bright blue golf shirt (the color of his eyes) and leave us to spend time with our mother.
On the telephone with the hospital reception, Sunday, I tried to locate my mom, who had rushed to the hospital a few hours before. As I repeated to the secretary who I was looking for, a light went off and she said, "Oh, yes. Mr. John."
Mr. John. I knew he had passed, but her words made it seem that he was present. And her adorable (accidental) name, "Mr John," let loose another flood of tender emotions and regrets. I could hear my beau-père's reassuring voice, once again. Don't worry about a thing! Enjoy life!
The day my father-in-law, "Mr John," passed away, I walked around in a haze until I found a better project. I hurried outside to rescue the neglected laurier, or bay leaf tree (bought months ago), and finally planted it–in honor of a man who loved to serve others and who was a great cook!
I knelt beside the little bay leaf tree and made a promise to a certain angel: "I will, once and for all, try my best not to worry about things! And I will enjoy life! Thank you. Thank you, Mr. John. I miss you so much."
My thoughts go out to John's family, and to my dear Mom who is lost right now and who has 50 stray cats pounding on her door each morning. And she is all out of cat food.
COMMENTS
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Dearest Jules, My heartfelt sympathy at your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family as you remember the wonderful times you spent with John. memories are forever…
While there are so many steps to take to get through what has happened please remember your great gift, your artistry, is can help work through empty moments.
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers….
Namaste
Betty Tuininga
Kristi, Jules, and family,
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about John. I was shocked and saddened when I saw the headline.
I think the planted tree is a perfect honor to John. As you noted, Kristi, the type of tree represents his love of cooking and you enjoyed the planting as he taught you to enjoy life. John’s, and Jules’, lifestyle is a legacy that will live on forever.
With deep sympathy,
Trina
Kristi! What a beautiful letter you wrote! He always did say “don’t worry! Just enjoy life” We miss him so much, he always loved animals and was so kind to them. We will be in touch with your mom a lot and hopefully we will all get to meet someday. 🙏🏻
Xoxo Laurie
I so very sorry for your loss. What a beautifully written account of John’s essence and his place in your heart.
Jules is such a favorite of all your readers, that I am sure everyone who reads this feels that we knew John personally, and are thinking of his grieving wife. May God give you, Jules, strength to find, remember, and enjoy something John did every day
I am so very sorry for you loss. Through Kristi’s column I feel like I know your family. I will pray for God to fill the void in your days.
Rest in peace John. You will not be forgotten. There are many memories
KRISTI AND JULES,
I AM SORRY YOU HAVE LOST MR. JOHN.
WHAT AN INSPIRATION HE IS.
THE ALL CAPS ARE IN HONOR OF JULES.
XO, LESLIE
I resolve to say this a lot to my loved ones going forward: just enjoy life !
I will be thinking of you and John when I say it.
Thank you for sharing this and all of your family stories – always from your heart.
Leslie
What a wonderful man!And your tribute to him was dignified and touching. I wish I had known him.
Jim Harris
Dearest Kristin:
My heart goes out to you and your family at this difficult time. I have a feeling how lost Jules must be, as we lost my mom in 2008 and my father was inconsolable. He wandered around the house and I would catch him standing in a room gazing out the window at some vignette that was playing out before his eyes.
I pray that in time Jules, and the rest of the family can focus on all the wonderful memories of John and not the pain that is so fresh in your lives now. In Judaism, when someone passes we say, “may their memory be a blessing.”
Thank you for sharing John with us over the years.
Again, my deepest sympathy for your loss and may John’s memory be a blessing.
Hugs, love, and prayers for your healing, ton amie, Deb.
I often think fondly of the time my husband and I spent with Jules and John during our trip to Puerto Vallarta several years ago. What a special couple to welcome strangers into their home and treat us like old friends! My heartfelt sympathy goes out to Jules, who has lost her rock, and to you and the family, Kristi. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you deal with the loss of one so dear.
Oh Kristi,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.
..and so John lives on in the place we are all meant to live forever. May God Bless his mighty spirit in heaven. May God let you know it is all okay and to live in and “consider the lilies of the field” they neither toil nor spin yet Solomon in all his glory ……John’s spirit is now a part of yours. With my deepest respect from North Carolina
Sheila
I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your step-father, John. My condolences to you and your family….and especially to your mom.
In sympathy,
Laraine
If we are lucky in our life to have that special person spend time with us, we count our selves lucky. I had my Mother and Father in law fill that space for me. They passed in the last three years, but they are in my heart, I practice the lessons in life they traught me, I believe we are all here to help each other through life. Just remember the good times and the Love he gave so freely, Marian
Quite simply, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My deepest sympathies.
Condolences to you and your family. So sorry for your lose.
Dear Kristi, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing and writing so poignantly with love and humor about your beau-pere. Love, Lana
Dearest Jules , My heartfelt sympathy to you at this painful time of the loss of your beloved husband John .. He sounded like such a special man , a gift from the Gods , so to speak . Reading about his kindness to men and to animals makes me think he was a kind of Saint .. How fortunate you both were to have shared a love for each other . I am sure , dear Jules , that you made him very happy .. 74 seems too young to go … I feel sadness for you and your and John’s family and friends .. Still , I feel you were all so blessed to have had A treasure like John in your lives .,I believe that John’s generous and altruistic spirit will live on .. In your hearts .. I hope you can find comfort in your wonderful memories … My sincere condolences ., Madelyn .. PS I think John Would want You to Go on And live , Not be sad …
So very sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man and remarkable person. My mind is picturing a lifetime of kind acts rippling across the universe, spreading forever. May you find peace and comfort in family, friends and memories.
Dear Kristi,
I’ve so enjoyed your Wednesday postings.My heart went out to you and your family when I read about your step father. Thank you for explaining the use of beau-pere. I was certain there was some error, but i’m so glad I was wrong. You’re very right in saying that beau-pere is a beautiful word for someone so important in your lives. My thought is that I would have loved to have had John sitting next to me at a dinner sometime, somewhere. What a lovely dinner companion he would have been.
Wishing you grace and strength,
Jean
Kristi:
So sorry for your lose. He must have been a wonderful and special person.
Edie from Savannah
Oh Kristi, I am so, so sorry to hear this…And you are so, so far away from your mom…All of my love to all of you. Eileen
I am terribly heartbroken for your family. A life of love and kindness was bestowed upon each of you with Mr. John’s presence in your life. He is in flight and we ask for a beautiful journey home for peace. My heart and my love are sent south, to Mama Jules. There is no way to truly comfort her right now, but just being present is such a big deal. I will be. I am at your side, thousands of miles away. You are each loved. May your heart find a way to honor John, as you did by your tree. I love you.
Vance, I am sorry to you also on the loss of your good friend, John. And to Kristie, you obviously had a great relationship with your step-dad which Isn’t always the case. In spite of this sad loss you have many sweet memories to be thankful for. You have my condolences.
Around the turn of the century, a pair of adventurers from Scottsdale, Ariz., John and Jules Greer, cut a large swath through Yelapa, a small Mexican pueblo, and now John has told their side of it in a scandalous tale of rum and rapacity, Barefoot in Yelapa. Never has the underside of Yelapa, the deals and the scams and the ever-present alcohol, been so thoroughly explored. John and Jules came to town with a few hundred dollars in their khaki shorts and the need to stretch it a long time. They did what they had to do and seemed to have a pretty good time doing it, although they were frequently in crisis and in the process many feathers were ruffled. John is still ruffling back.
They were refugees in Yelapa, victims, John writes, of a real estate deal gone sour and a mailing list adventure that bordered on fraud. They were suing and waiting for their ship to come in, and it was proving a long voyage. Yelapa, a dropout haven an hour south of Puerto Vallarta, offered a relatively cheap place to stay, though not quite cheap enough for John and Jules, who were constantly in difficulties over living quarters. They met these crises head-on with tequila; every time they were evicted, John’s first response was to sit down and pour them each a stiff one, or two, for, as he notes, you can’t walk on one leg.
Many people have written about Yelapa, but none so far has chosen to do so by telling such pungent tales and using the real names of the participants. Many of the stories Greer relates, such as the sub rosa renting of the Texas Towers, the dismantling of Casa Delfin, and Jules’s long-suffering hip, are part of the local lore, but they are told here from a much different angle and no small amount of accusation and self-justification. Greer is not about to go quietly, and he constantly portrays himself as a softy forever victimized by customs he doesn’t understand and people who do. To show his true heart he reveals himself as a doglover devastated by the death of a pet.
One has to take this book with a package of Muffin Tom’s crystalized sea salt. These events, or something like them, did occur, and yet…you had to be there. It is well to remember that the author saw them through an alcoholic haze and that his portraits of local residents are hopelessly partisan. With that in mind, the book is an outrageously funny read. It offers a view of Yelapa not often seen by outsiders, the underside of a tropical paradise. Greer even takes a stab at explaining Yelapa politics, something few outsiders (or even community members) can do lucidly. But Yelapa’s not a theme park, it’s a real place, as John and Jules found out the hard way.
Dear Jules, what a sad day and what a beautiful tribute Kristi has written. My sympathies and prayers, at his death. I think you are carrying on his joie de vivre (and yours), since I hear you are moving to Mexico. Bon courage and good luck with your new life. xxoo, Lynn
I’m very late in reading my French Word A Day, and so sad to read the loss for you and your family, my eyes filled and my heart is heavy because someone so dear, kind and loving is such a treasure. You, have all been very blessed to have shared such a very special person, keep Mr John in your heart’s always,
With love elizabeth