My permaculture garden (photo taken in August 2014). A catfight almost happened here….
TODAY'S EXPRESSION Occupe-toi de tes oignons
: mind your own business
Literally: take care of your own onions!
FRENCH PRONUNCIATION
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A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
Sometime last summer, a married man and his mistress visited our vineyard here in Bandol wine country. We had, earlier that day, been on a coastal walk along the Mediterranean sea, one in which I lagged behind the honey-haired vixen, whose skin-tight cutoffs hinted of a perfect, bikinied body just waiting to expose itself (later, when we reached the creek, I skipped the swim, opting to remain in long shorts and long-sleeved shirt–hat and sunglasses hiding my squinty spying eyes).
Any discouraging thoughts during that hike were about to rise to a new level when we returned home. Smokey, our 7-year-old golden retriever, bounded down the driveway, clearly on his way to greet the movie star who was now stepping out of her car. I followed, a few steps behind, watching my gullible dog who surprised me by looking past my guest and almost knocking me to the ground!
(Thank you, Smokey!)
Meantime, Jean-Marc motioned to the man to follow him down to the wine cellar, turning to offer a suggestion for the women: "Chérie, why don't you show CC (I'll call her "CC" for "Curvy Cutoffs") your garden?"
Oh yes! My jardin! It was encouraging to think that, while my guest had undeniably remarkable attributes, I had a remarkable secret garden!
Make that "somewhat" secret. On occasion, depending on my mood, I invite guests to visit my experimental garden, beginning the tour with a cutesie warning: "Please keep in mind," I giggle, "This is not Versailles!"
I don't know why I do this, as the word cutesie makes me cringe, but nothing like the way my guest would cringe when she saw mon jardin! The look on CC's face was more than bewilderment. The corners of her mouth turned up and she let out a laugh that ruffles my feathers to this very day.
"It's called permaculture," I said, naively believing this would shut her up in time to learn a thing or two.
"C'est moche! It's ugly!" CC snorted, holding her toned tummy for composure.
"Ugly" was a bit exaggerated. Sure, parts of my garden were covered with smashed cardboard (some of which still had packing tape dangling from the ends). Normally there would be straw covering that up, only I ran out (thus the upended chair, serving as weights). Looking around my garden, I wondered what it might be to see it with fresh, heavily mascaraed eyes….
Studying my long-lashed and long-legged critic, who was fit as a firecracker, I decided to appeal to her health-minded side: "But there are no chemicals used in this garden! It is organic!" I said, hopefully.
Having one last look around my Not Versailles garden, she snickered, "I would rather eat chemicals!!"
Shocked, I watched as Miss Unimpressed disappeared down the garden path, to join the boys in the orderly wine cellar. Smokey, hardly noticing her when they crossed on the path, came to join me.
We sat down on a choice sheet of cardboard, big enough for two gullible souls. My arm resting around Smokey's shoulders as we stared past heaps of compost. I thought about a lot of things, including all those previous garden visitors ("c'est moche!" CC was probably only saying what the other visitors were thinking!). Oh! And that stupid cutesie intro of mine, This is not Versailles.
No. This is Beverly Hillbillies! I grumbled, ripping off a stupid piece of packing tape and shoving it in my pocket (to be tossed in the trash later, if I remembered….). No wonder my butt is bigger than hers. My jeans are stuffed with crumpled up balls of packing tape!
For a time, I told myself that CC's comment didn't bother me at all. But you know it did. Eventually, I pulled myself up off the cardboard ground, kicked aside a rotting patch of straw, and planted a few more rows of beans.
It is only now, in writing about it, that I realize that I may finally have the last laugh. For someone whose initials sound like "see see", my garden critic sure lacks vision! Just look at the forest of dark green kale rising up among a motley crew–okay mottled bunch of mulch! Look at that bed of parsley (I may not be as sexy as you, CC, but you should taste my recipe called "Pesto in Bed")… and all that cardboard beneath the upended chairs, it will soon be replaced by rows and rows of thriving fava beans. On and on, in row after crooked row my little goofy garden grows!
According to a popular feel-good saying, It is none of my business what you think of me (or my garden!). The French say it another way, which is in keeping with the theme of our story: Occupe-toi de tes oignons. Mind your own business. And I notice, dear reader, that when I mind my own organic "onions" I am much more at peace with the world.
Kristi
My Mom took this snapshot in August 2014. It reminds me of how much stronger I am, emotionally and physically, after spending time in the garden.
The back yard where I garden. In my mulching frenzy, I accidentally covered up these beautiful (cornflowers?) with cardboard. Will they ever come back? Last night I planted more fava beans in (what I think was….) their place.
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Wow — what terrific telling of this anecdote, Kristi! I was right there with you, every breath of the way, seething and reacting to the pathetic cruelty of this childish visitor so envious of all you are. Of course Smokey sensed her falseness! I bet CC cried herself to sleep that very night, if her bitterness allowed. Perhaps one day she will emerge from her over-produced cocoon so that she can evolve and be valued for more than her looks. May the authenticity she encountered Chez Vous elicit the strength she needs to grow towards it herself. Meanwhile, through you, she has given us all a marvellously vivid treat! No wonder we love as well as admire you, Author Espinasse!
Kristi,
I’m not going to comment much on your rude, rude garden visitor. I am a devoted gardener, and I’ve had all types of garden visitors. Most enjoy it and are ready to learn about plants new to them. But a few come focussed on looking only for a plant that they don’t yet have, and only the new or unusual is of interest. Others are proud to tell me they also have a particular plant but theirs is larger, or older (or in some way superior). I’ve never had someone say the garden is ugly. HOWEVER, I know everyone sees a garden with their own knowledge and experience, and your visitor only brought her total ignorance and lack of curiosity to your garden. After she revealed them, how could anyone have expected more?
On another topic, I remember several years ago in your former location when you had no experience gardening and were just starting out with some plants gifted from neighbors. It is satisfying to learn that you now are someone who loves gardening and has undertaken a major garden project with your permaculture. Of course, gardening is something that so many of us love to do. Welcome to the ranks of dedicated gardeners.
Ditto that first line, how shallow and no class no matter how curvy she looks in her cut offs to be so rude to her hosts. Makes me not think too much of the guy hauling her around
Dear Kristi, And you are a dear, well on her way to the healing that you are looking for. I loved this story of yours, although the title truly had me wondering what it could be about, but then I remembered your gracious Christmas sharings and I knew all would be well.
Your garden is wonderful, and God’s gift to you of being so down to earth, even with the beauty He has given to you, is so beautifully shared with all of us. Thank you!!! with so many hearts!!
I feel very sorry for CC, and may she learn real life from God as soon as possible.
I am 72 years old and am asking for tour books for Mother’s Day as they will be ever such good reading, I am sure.
Jesus loves you, God bless you, and I could relate to all of this story, too!! C-Marie
I agree with everything folks have said before. Good story you told today. Love the French way of saying mind your own business, “take care of your own onions”. Remember that onions when they become old and rotten really stink. So if we think of CC and onions we can laugh at her future.
Oh my! There’s no accounting for what some people think is appropriate behavior. I wonder how she would have reacted if you would have had the gumption to say to her, “What a rude comment that was!” but alas, you are too polite to resort to such brutal honesty. I would have wanted to say something to that effect but would not have had the nerve. Although I’m sure I would have replayed the scenario over and over again in my mind with me putting her in her place!
Why would a respectable hard-working family like you and your husband have these kind of people as guests in your home in the first place? My European grandmother and mother wouldn’t have allowed them the honour. Maybe you and Smokey could have pled an urgent prior engagement elsewhere.
Here’s to your own onions, tend to them with care dear Kristi! I will gladly take a seat in your garden with you and Smokey, basking in your beauty as well as the beauty of your little “Versailles” where kindness reigns.
My experience with rude people has always been that they are that way because of deep insecurities. Your beautiful garden, your beautiful home, your handsome and caring husband (and your very cool dog) were all a threat to her and her ego. You come out way on top in any contest with a shrew like that. She was only trying to convince herself. You have one of the best lives and best gardens ever!
Oh my goodness – what a rude person! What I want to say Judy has said just before me. Gosh, i would love to see your garden. And I don’t much care for the over-the-top Versailles anyway!
Dear Kristin, I would think that CC was subconsciously envious of you. Envious of your life, your groundedness with nature, your spirit, your wisdom, your marriage. She may have external beauty but you have both external and internal. You get the last laugh!
I guess I’ll just go ahead and say it. What a bitch!
Hi Kristi, I love your blog and wish that I could be living a life not unlike your own in France. This was the first time I heard a sound bite of
you saying a phrase in french. It was wonderful to have a voice to go with the pictures. I feel uncertain if I should tell you that you mispronounced occupe. But I want you to know so that you can correct it for yourself, and then we will benefit also. Thank you for all
you do. Rachel in Long Beach, CA
Kristi . You don’t have to worry about her . I’m sure she didn’t match your attractive looks & lovely smile You provide good wholesome food for your family , which she cannot match .In fact her whole attitude smacks of ENVY to me !
Keep on digging & sowing & delighting us with your finds in your ‘secret’ garden
Audrey x
I love this story Kristi! Glad she went to yours instead of mine since it is full of weeds that I keep walking by but neglecting to pull until it warms up a bit and I can feel the sun on my back. Poor thing, she doesn’t have a clue about what a person gains by gardening (in addition to the flowers or food).
Ever heard the saying, “Mind your own Ps & Qs!”?
Do you know where that came from?
In Olde New England (or maybe Olde England), if someone was drinking a bit too much ale, and another person suggested that maybe they should ‘cut back a bit’ – the drinker might say, “Mind your own Pints and Quarts” – as in ‘worry about your own onions’!
Kristi,
You are a beautiful, gracious soul and I am so happy that you now are having the last laugh…..your garden is a work of art from the heart.
Sad that there still are people out there who cannot see past the surface. Thank you for sharing the joy and satisfaction your gardening brings you. We treasure your thoughts and photos. xx
Dear Kristi,
How funny – I always think how beautiful you are and envy you your classic bone structure and general blonde gorgeousness; I can’t imagine you being jealous of anyone! Elle était vache, c’est tout. She didn’t deserve either you or your time. She will certainly get her comeuppance. Such a mean spirit will not go unpunished. Your garden is lovely, especially since it has no chemicals. Ignore the whiners, Kristi. You’ve built a wonderful life for yourself and your family that you generously share with all of your readers. That shows a generosity of spirit that noodle-head will never understand – pearls before swine, etc. Don’t waste another bit of your precious energy thinking about her. Occupe-toi de tes onignons is very good – and restful – advice.
You and I would get along so well! What a shallow and empty life “CC” has. Love your blog.
I hate to be negative but she might have outer beauty, but certainly not inner beauty. She sounds rather ignorant, just a pretty face and body.
Now, you have both – beauty and intelligence and a great garden, children, husband and blog. What more can you ask for?
Kathleen
Kristi, I loved today’s story! Your garden makes me think of my own, and your ugly guest puts me in mind of certain colleagues who seem to relish ridiculing my choices of garden techniques when they overhear discussion of that or of my vegetarian diet. Realize that you are indeed the beautiful one, inside and out.
I love reading of what you’re growing and the techniques you use. When you grow old, you’ll have the peace of mind of knowing you’ve followed your heart again and again, and it’s my impression that guest will, in later years, only continue her desperate need to think herself superior (though she likely doesn’t see herself well at all, down deep).
My gosh, Kristi, I hope you realize that you are a solid, caring, lovely, open person – while poor cee cee has so far not evolved from being a snotty, rude high school brat. Good for you. You have real class!!
Hey, Kristi, she was just jealous of your great garden and marriage to a wonderful guy. Insecure people like her need to put other people down to make themselves feel better. You had it in the title….she is nothing but a mistress. That is a very insecure place to be. Mehh on her. You are darling.
The joy you derive from your own garden is what nourishes you. The mistress lost.
I loved your garden when I visited it last fall with Tessa. Everything about it was delightful.It inspired me to make a permaculture garden of my own which I will start on this spring.
How nearsighted your visitor was. I would be delighted to see your (or anyone’s) effort at an organic permaculture garden. I hope to see your garden and visit your winery sometime in my future. Keep gardening and carry on.
vixen mon œil, lets call a bitch a bitch. Sorry she ruined your gracious hospitable moment. She did give yu a great story! Bisous!
Sounds like she is likely as toxic as the chemical veggies she prefers. I wonder if she’ll ever have a clue that it was you that was the walking grace in your garden, and not her in her cut-offs… Cheers
Magical photo of you in your garden! You and your garden are perfect!
I couldn’t agree more with everything you have said – this woman has a very ugly soul indeed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..and I know who’s garden I’d rather be in!
Shame on her. A bit of advice from my dear mother…..Never let another rob you of your joy! Please dismiss her unkind words, perhaps offer up a prayer that she might be convicted of her ugly spirit. And go enjoy your beautiful garden!!
I imagine she lives her life as a mistress, as a very sad and empty soul. Underneath, Im sure she is envious of you and your family and lacks self esteem.
I’m going to bet that the mistress treats the married man in exactly the same way. When something isn’t perfect, or when she simply wants to remind him that she is the one in charge, she lets loose that whatever he’s done is terrible. Such a woman’s dissatisfaction with life, as apparent by her inability to graciously enjoy your garden, is going to make her miserable and rather unattractive in her dotage.
Next time, tell CC to go jump in the lake. Your garden is a wonderful thing, both for your family and the environment.
Peggy Wright
Et tant pis pour elle!
Your dog has good taste.
He went straight for you.
Still, the story is hilarious!
You should make a movie.
Smokey knows a rotten tomato (even a ‘hot’ one) when he sees it! I am so happy you are feeling so much stronger and confident about your garden and everything, as you have done an exceptional thing with permaculture. Your garden is fabulous. All your interest, integrity and hard work shows! Would love more pics.
I think your garden looks great, never mind her.
I was shared this earlier today on Facebook. You might like it.
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people my accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway. Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
Your quest’s “flavor of the day” sounds like a made up character for a movie- for how else could someone get to be of adult age and still act like a 10 year spoiled brat? Think of how unhappy she must be to never find beauty all around her!
Knew you would receive many words of support after that encounter; Wouldn’t change a thing about you, your home, your family. Aren’t you lucky, happy to be so surrounded by family, spirit, and garden?
Big Ditto for this comment!
Aw, c’mon, Christie, your garden IS “ugly!” So is ours! Cardboard and stuff all around until it matures and is in it’s prime.
And people are like gardens. it’s hard to know what’s under the surface. We can only hope something wonderful will be happening and the results will be fabulous!
I suspect your nervous little guest left with more than just a smile and an anecdote about her visit with you. Wouldn’t it be fun to know what develops under that perfect surface?
I couldn’t help thinking that the fact that she was so vile was saving you a lot of time!
There was nothing there to hold onto or work with.
In the end she ran off to join the men and you were free.
Too bad for them, but perfect for you!
She sounds like a perfectly awful bitch to me. Good riddance. Don’t give her another thought, and enjoy your garden.
Oh, quelle bimbo! How tres déclasée, the poor thing. I always feel sorry -after the initial WTF shock – for people like this. Clueless, classless, crude, their self-made air of superiority is generally so over-the-top as to be laughable. One wonders, “what rock, darling, did you crawl from beneath?”
This type of inappropriate behavior is, of course, a blaring, glaring sign of deep inferiority, and lack of guidance perhaps while growing up in how politeness is de rigueur in social interactions. The marvelous world we live in is chocked full of such types and it seems one Is never fully prepared for the encounter! Having grown in the true beauty of kindness and grace, it is always a bit of a shock to be subjected to these neanderthals of The Clueless Realm.
Fortunatly, you knew exactly what to do: parking yourself in the deep and vibrant beauty of yout permaculture garden! This the perfect antidote to this unfortunate encounter. Or, to look at it another way, one could also lift a wee prayer of thankfulness, thankful for the precious lifetime that has taught you what true beauty is and that compassion always trumps the rougher stuff of human nature. Also, at times like this, I am literally brought to my emotional knees with the thought, but for the grace of God…
May Maman Nature coninue to enfold you in her loving arms of her beauty and grace. Oh, and may I someday have the distinct pleasure of meandering through your garden and oohing and aahing all I see! Beaucoups hugs, love…toujours, dear Kristi.
Dagnabbit! Shoulda previewed a 2nd time…oh well!