My permaculture garden (photo taken in August 2014). A catfight almost happened here….
TODAY'S EXPRESSION Occupe-toi de tes oignons
: mind your own business
Literally: take care of your own onions!
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A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
Sometime last summer, a married man and his mistress visited our vineyard here in Bandol wine country. We had, earlier that day, been on a coastal walk along the Mediterranean sea, one in which I lagged behind the honey-haired vixen, whose skin-tight cutoffs hinted of a perfect, bikinied body just waiting to expose itself (later, when we reached the creek, I skipped the swim, opting to remain in long shorts and long-sleeved shirt–hat and sunglasses hiding my squinty spying eyes).
Any discouraging thoughts during that hike were about to rise to a new level when we returned home. Smokey, our 7-year-old golden retriever, bounded down the driveway, clearly on his way to greet the movie star who was now stepping out of her car. I followed, a few steps behind, watching my gullible dog who surprised me by looking past my guest and almost knocking me to the ground!
(Thank you, Smokey!)
Meantime, Jean-Marc motioned to the man to follow him down to the wine cellar, turning to offer a suggestion for the women: "Chérie, why don't you show CC (I'll call her "CC" for "Curvy Cutoffs") your garden?"
Oh yes! My jardin! It was encouraging to think that, while my guest had undeniably remarkable attributes, I had a remarkable secret garden!
Make that "somewhat" secret. On occasion, depending on my mood, I invite guests to visit my experimental garden, beginning the tour with a cutesie warning: "Please keep in mind," I giggle, "This is not Versailles!"
I don't know why I do this, as the word cutesie makes me cringe, but nothing like the way my guest would cringe when she saw mon jardin! The look on CC's face was more than bewilderment. The corners of her mouth turned up and she let out a laugh that ruffles my feathers to this very day.
"It's called permaculture," I said, naively believing this would shut her up in time to learn a thing or two.
"C'est moche! It's ugly!" CC snorted, holding her toned tummy for composure.
"Ugly" was a bit exaggerated. Sure, parts of my garden were covered with smashed cardboard (some of which still had packing tape dangling from the ends). Normally there would be straw covering that up, only I ran out (thus the upended chair, serving as weights). Looking around my garden, I wondered what it might be to see it with fresh, heavily mascaraed eyes….
Studying my long-lashed and long-legged critic, who was fit as a firecracker, I decided to appeal to her health-minded side: "But there are no chemicals used in this garden! It is organic!" I said, hopefully.
Having one last look around my Not Versailles garden, she snickered, "I would rather eat chemicals!!"
Shocked, I watched as Miss Unimpressed disappeared down the garden path, to join the boys in the orderly wine cellar. Smokey, hardly noticing her when they crossed on the path, came to join me.
We sat down on a choice sheet of cardboard, big enough for two gullible souls. My arm resting around Smokey's shoulders as we stared past heaps of compost. I thought about a lot of things, including all those previous garden visitors ("c'est moche!" CC was probably only saying what the other visitors were thinking!). Oh! And that stupid cutesie intro of mine, This is not Versailles.
No. This is Beverly Hillbillies! I grumbled, ripping off a stupid piece of packing tape and shoving it in my pocket (to be tossed in the trash later, if I remembered….). No wonder my butt is bigger than hers. My jeans are stuffed with crumpled up balls of packing tape!
For a time, I told myself that CC's comment didn't bother me at all. But you know it did. Eventually, I pulled myself up off the cardboard ground, kicked aside a rotting patch of straw, and planted a few more rows of beans.
It is only now, in writing about it, that I realize that I may finally have the last laugh. For someone whose initials sound like "see see", my garden critic sure lacks vision! Just look at the forest of dark green kale rising up among a motley crew–okay mottled bunch of mulch! Look at that bed of parsley (I may not be as sexy as you, CC, but you should taste my recipe called "Pesto in Bed")… and all that cardboard beneath the upended chairs, it will soon be replaced by rows and rows of thriving fava beans. On and on, in row after crooked row my little goofy garden grows!
According to a popular feel-good saying, It is none of my business what you think of me (or my garden!). The French say it another way, which is in keeping with the theme of our story: Occupe-toi de tes oignons. Mind your own business. And I notice, dear reader, that when I mind my own organic "onions" I am much more at peace with the world.
Kristi
My Mom took this snapshot in August 2014. It reminds me of how much stronger I am, emotionally and physically, after spending time in the garden.
The back yard where I garden. In my mulching frenzy, I accidentally covered up these beautiful (cornflowers?) with cardboard. Will they ever come back? Last night I planted more fava beans in (what I think was….) their place.
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That woman sounds awful. Her looks will fade in time, as they always do. Her unpleasant personality won’t though. So you’ll get the last laugh in the end.
Wonderful just wonderful
John
I am sure your garden is fabulous, cardboard, weeds and all, after all what is a weed? But a plant where you don’t want it to be! But I did laugh reading this, often I show guests around our garden here close to the coast in South West France, it’s a beautiful old garden, established long before we came here, but my opening line is always the same “These are not the manicured grounds of a chateau but the pesticide and herbicide free organic gardens that we love, so please do excuse the odd weed”. I’m going out to mow for the first time this year now, because it is looking rally Moche at the moment! This, by the way, according to my children is my favourite French word, I throw is into every English conversation I have with them!!!
She was the one who should have been ashamed, both for her rudeness to her hostess and for her affair with a married man. You were being kind to someone who was flaunting her sin, so clearly you have nothing to be ashamed of. I would love to see your garden one day.
Well, you know for certain that she was not a gardener. Else she would have been asking what permaculture means, and enjoying every stage of your garden. It is hard to be kind or polite to rude guests, is it not? .
Kristi, so well written! I adore your garden, and your story and photos make me a bit homesick — j’ai hâte de te revoir!
Love, love, love your garden! As Tina Turner sang: “Simply The Best”. . .!
Ignorance is bliss and your rude guest certainly sounded . . . well. So sorry for her manners. So happy it resulted in several photos of the garden shared with your readers! To my eyes, it is a wonderful garden! Enjoy it!
It truly shocks me at the way some people react to you and the things they feel that they can say….wow.
How à propos! Following the previous post and the discussion in the comments regarding the circumflex going away – you use the word “oignon”. Because Académie Française has also moved to eliminate the “i” in “oignon”, making it “ognon”. If anyone wishes to read about the changes, just Google ‘circumflex’ and look at any of several articles written in mid-February about these actions.
At the first use of the word VIXEN, you had me, and the entire piece was a wonderful satire. Let them eat their chemicals! Now I’ll go back to “m’occupant de mes oignons.” Tim
Oh, Kristi, I’m so sorry you had to put up with that nasty woman casting aspersions on your beautiful garden. But you are so much stronger now…..I could tell that it didn’t bug you as much as it might have in earlier years. You are so empowered by what you do and how you ‘ve become….A strong, confident bi-lingual woman….wife, mother, gardener, friend, writer, home-maker – and many other roles. What you do is perfect; we all admire you so much…And don’t forget: where there’s bright light, there’s shade…..has to be…..And you shine, gal, you shine!!!
Her loss. I’ve no patience for those like her. You are the big winner in this and all the better for it.
Hilarious…well written and well said!!! “Pesto in Bed”… PERFECT!!!
CC will fade and you and your garden will grow stronger every season! Keep up the good
work!
Hi Kristi,
What a funny story! Let’s hope all those chemicals “Curvy Cufoffs” ingests causes her to wrinkle early….especially her tight behind.
Kristy she was obviously envious the “real” life you lead: a beautiful, smart, independent woman w/ a wonderful home, job and family life-everything she wishes she had! Glad you didn’t allow her moche words to bring you down!
Kristi, your garden sounds perfectly wonderful. The love you put into it makes it so! CC did not deserve your time or hospitality. What a rude and, obviously, simple-minded person. Thanks for sharing “Occupe-toi de tes oignons.” I’ll use it!
You go girl! You are nurturing; she is the opposite. No question who’s the better human being!
And how awesome that it’s just the beginning of potager season – so much to look forward to!!!
Such a well written humorous post with more than one lesson. Her arrogance could be to cover her insecurities; a strong woman with self-esteem would most likely not settle for such an unsuitable mate … or chemicals on her veges. Your strength shows in your non-judgmental kindness.
By the way, I think a typo in your last italicized sentence. I think you meant “what you think” not was.
I love your garden!!! Keep up the Non Versailles look. It suits you & us, your readers!
Kristi, you were the gracious host, doing your best to be polite and welcoming to a guest whose insecurity is so great as to lead her to be that nasty. You are a beautiful woman whose kindness, compassion, intelligence, and a passion bring sparks magic to everyone and everything around her. Your garden looks HAPPY! I couldn’t care less about the pristine manicured Versailles, but I admire permaculture gardens. All your diligent work pays off. I have seen photos of your harvest and it’s gorgeous. Thank you for the reminder to ‘Occupe-toi de tes oignons.’ It’s very timely for me.
Il me semble qu’elle n’a seulement manqué de noter la beauté du jardin mais aussi celle de la jardinière.
… Dear Kristi… tho she may not have been ‘moche’, her personna was ‘tres moche’ and very hurtful to you. I chalk up insensitive people and their remarks to very bad upbringing ( the French have a saying for this) . People like this will drift in and out of our lives and we need to be aware that they are out to hurt someone..anyone. I think they are so used to doing it and so self absorbed they do not even know when they do it sometimes. She knew and was a complete bitch for acting that way.. She has nothing but someone elses man. Forget her and concentrate on your wonderful garden and family and your super writing… those are the important things in life. Judi, Tallahassee, Fl.
Quelle salope…. I would have wanted to let her have it but guess you can’t do that with guests coming to see the vineyard. You and your garden are the real beauties!
My Beautiful Kristi,
Thank you for the joy you bring into my life…and, ‘OH’ the power of the pen! I am happy to see that you are reaching back into your beautiful mind to share some of your very interesting and unloving experiences encountered along the path of life. Oh the stories we could all have if we had the courage…bring them on Kristi…you have made my day with this new chapter in your life. Life is so beautiful. xoxo Mom
I am so happy to have had the pleasure of being invited to see your lovely garden by its lovely gardener
Your garden looks like paradise to me! It is full of goodness & joy.
WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!
You need to re-examine your thinking:
In the first place, you are a beautiful woman with a spectacular figure. So, no comparisons, please…. she probably spends a gargantuan amount of time working on that abdomen and derriere. Who cares?
You, on the other hand, have an enviable organic garden. She probably doesn’t know the meaning of organic…. and would not know how to plant a garden if her life depended on it…
David is right: her looks will fade, as they always do, look at BB!!!
But her rude and crude personality will forever remain. Let’s see how Muche she is when she reaches old age.. and all that venom spouts from that mouth…
Shame? Shame on her for being so impolite and rude to her hostess… let her kiss your tiny American foot!!
LOL
xoxoxooxoxo
Cécile
Ah, but it is never the person in front of us that upsets us…it is what they represent! 😉
I agree with your comment under the photo of you in your garden (2014) that it makes you stronger in all ways. Many days I know I should go out in the garden and work. But I may be physically or emotionally so tired I can hardly move. Well, I make a deal with myself to go and just pick 10 weeds than I can come back in the house. But what happens? After going out side and pulling a few weeds I forget the deal with myself and I stay out there and actually feel better in all ways. Ah, the magic of the garden.
SO MUCH LIFE GROWING IN YOUR AMAZING GARDEN, INCLUDING YOU! CONGRATULATIONS, KRISTI!
Dear Kristi,
Loved David’s comment…succinct and so perceptive!
Oh to be young, rude, audacious, callow and shallow. Makes one wonder about the company she keeps.
Whether your story is humorous, satirical, filled with realities of life or heart-rendering thoughts, you often
bring everything together in the end with the very last well worded sentence…which causes me to pause…and then to smile.
Love this! I think you got the last word 🙂
PS. Just read Fred’s comment. He captured it!
As I read today’s column, I was struck by two thoughts: That you have every reason to be proud of the life you have created, filled with beauty, creativity, love and connection. My second thought was of how frightened your guest must have been to encounter someone so real and so authentically connected to her life. I believe her rudeness is a direct outgrowth of her insecurity. To constantly be valued only for your physical beauty is a zero sum game. Age and gravity will win in the end, and that poor soul doesn’t even have a pleasant personality to fall back on when her lover looks for the next pert derrière.
Kristin, the gifts you share with the world are glorious and yours alone. No need to ever compare yourself with anyone, just breathe and shine, friend. <3
Most of us envy your garden and all the flowers and vegetables you grow. I think you’re the one who’s blooming. “CC” lacks morals and manners. That’s a pitiful way to live.
Sounds like young “lady” is young and uneducated as well as ill mannered. What would you expect from a woman “dating” a married man. She cares nothing for other peoples feelings, especially her own. She obviously has no taste either. I LOVE your garden and would like to know more about this type of gardening.
I love the photo of you in your wild garden, with huge impressive blooming artichokes the color of royals (purple). Your strong arms showing, in your nice white shirt. We are always are own worse critic. Wait a few years you will look back on this photo and realize how alive, vibrant and healthy and beautiful that you are.
I agree, Barb. This is a gorgeous, deeply layered image. Your Mom really sees you, Kristi. And we do too. Isn’t it our wish for everyone that they see themselves with the eyes of Love? Maybe that is what we need each other for, because we find it so hard to see ourselves with tenderness and awe at our individual real beauty. This picture just knocks me out!!!!
I suspect this CC will look back on her life when she is old and still Platinum blond, and discover she is an empty shell of misplaced values. Laugh at her rudeness. Scoff at her shallowness. Feel sorry for her for the joys she will never know. Roll in your straw and plant your fava beans. You know the importance of your garden. I would love a tour…cardboard and all.
Versailles was built on a marsh, and I don’t think it ever fed anyone~!
Loved your story today, as always. I remember seeing your gardens almost 3 years ago, time flyes, when you were, I believe, just starting this type of gardening. It’s a fantastic idea, and you love doing it. Who cares what people think. If we cared about what everyone thought we would never get to do what we want.
I started getting spring fever last week, preparing my little gardens for planting. Then I ended up with the flu. But so many ideas come to mind this year and I can’t wait to get started.
Happy gardening to you!!
Okay, I’m wrong… but it was only for the pleasure of the king at first.
Just a few steps from the Palace of Versailles, near the Versailles gardens, Louis XIV’s vegetable garden called the “Potager du Roi” is open to visitors throughout the year and offers a fascinating insight into 17th century fruit and vegetable production.
But, right about the marsh…
In 1768, Louis XIV who wanted fresh fruit and vegetables on his table each day asked Jean-Baptiste La Quintinie, expert gardener and agronomist at the time, to create an orchard and vegetable garden on unwelcoming marshlands.
I think one could surmise that CC is a very shallow person. Not a whole lot going on in that pretty head! Also, it’s painfully obvious that she’d rather be with the men!
Hi to Jules! It’s been a while.
Our dear Kristi,
What a pitiful soul(and to quote one of our Southern friends,the word FLOOZY!comes roaring to mind).
What I suspect is that while she was cavorting around with a married man(with every likelihood of being dumped later–or sooner)
she was more than a little jeoulous of you….your beauty,sweet personality,happy mariage to JM,and the joyful life you have created.Smarty pants remarks are a way that some insecure people respond to feeling inferior.
We had a similar situation;the “lady” telling me that we lived in a crummy place,our car was lousy,and she had eaten better food than what I prepared.(she will never know how close I came to physically kicking her out)
I found out later that she was someone to truly be sorry for,full of complexes and a sordid marriage.
We encounter these people for reasons that only God knows and created.Perhaps to strengthen our inner spirit and make us grateful for what we are NOT.
You handled this unpleasant situation beautifully,Kristi,and once again,filled us with inspiration.
THANK YOU!!
Love
Natalia. xo
My thoughts are in accord with your mother’s: you are beautiful inside and out, creative, sensitive, loving and much more. My mouth dropped open when I read the remarks “CC” made while visiting your garden. Only an extremely insecure and thoughtless person could make such remarks. You handled them well and now can write about them in a comical vein. Bravo!
I do think the lovely blue cornflowers will reappear among the fave beans you planted this year and add “joie de vivre” to your special garden.
My best wishes.
All of the above plus the fact that CC probably has a story and should be pitied. She obviously has little self-worth but needs to de-value others. She’s a toxic person who one must avoid. Triste.
Kristi,
First of all that woman is a jerk who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, secondly, the garden is never ugly and thirdly, (a question actually), why do you keep denigrading your own looks? You refer to quite consistently negative things about your physical being. From what I see, you are a very attractive woman, in great shape, healthy and glowing. I’d like to hear you mention that occasionally.
Keep your lovely garden growing
Kristi, I’m sure her rude comments had nothing at all to do with your garden, which looks like a fairyland. Rather, she either sensed or feared that you disapproved of her, and was reacting to that. Being around you, sensing your values, and seeing your natural beauty, like that of your garden, felt like a put-down to her, even though you didn’t say an unkind word.
I would have been upset, too–who wouldn’t? But we don’t know what kind of life she’s had or what experiences led her to play the part of The Other Woman, in exaggerated, soap-opera style. Behind the makeup, the carefully toned physique that she feels she needs to maintain in order to succeed (or even to survive), behind the brazen demeanor and the rudeness is a very troubled woman who feels bad about herself and will do anything to push away reminders of her own inferiority. I’m not exactly saying you should feel sorry for her, just know that she’s a complex person and her remarks have everything to do with her, and nothing to do with you or your garden.