Sunrise here at our vineyard, and a new day. Make that a new year!
TODAY'S WORD: la bienveillance
: goodwill, kindness, loving-kindness
ECOUTEZ/LISTEN to Jean-Marc read this example sentence
Développe en toi l'indépendance à tout moment, avec bienveillance, simplicité et modestie. – Marc-Aurèle
Develop at every moment in yourself independence, loving-kindness, simplicity and modesty.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
"Independence in the Land of Coffee and Wine"
This may very well be my first coffee-free edition. I had not planned on this one-day-at-a-time coffee quittance–it just happened, surreptitiously (I admit I had to look up that word after first misspelling it).
surreptitious: done, made, or acquired by stealth.
I won't look up "stealth", but it sounds very much like what I thought giving up coffee would entail. Then again, all my preconceived notions about giving up coffee have been proved wrong–ever since writing a pseudo vow in my new agenda on December 31st at 1:46 pm. It was easy at the time (as it is easy to swear off booze having drank one too many).
The difference between giving up alcohol (this February 3rd marks 13 years!) is that I have no plans to give up coffee forever. I mean I'd like to, but I no longer see coffee abstinence as vital for me. In four days sans café, I've had no shakes, no irritability, no depression, no visions of coffee beans swirling around my head. Maybe those 4 cups a day (the last before bedtime) didn't equal dependence after all?
Dependence being key. I do not want to be dependent on anything, least of all a piddly cup of coffee! I don't want to be a slave to "I have to drive to the store for a pack of cigarettes at 11 pm" or "I can't make it through the morning without a pastry"–or a box of pastries (been there!).
Thinking about it, it is clear the "all" in my "all or nothing" personality is tied to my emotions. (And, thinking a little further, probably my "nothing" is equally tied to those same emotions.)
What gives me hope is what I have learned from experience: that the chains of dependency (on things or people) are not worth the temporary freedom that they manufacture. And that it IS possible to give up an addiction and to find "normalcy" again. Said in a different way, it is possible to give up a strong dependence on something and enjoy a newfound peace. The tricky part is knowing what to give up for good, what to give up for a time, and what to cut back on.
I don't know when I will have my next cup of coffee. Maybe after lunch? Nah! Maybe next time I see my sister… (coffee time with my sister!)…. But reading a list of what coffee does to me (aggravated teeth grinding, increased anxiety, exaggerated gestures, edginess, and palpitations), gives me pause. And such awareness is one thing I told you I wish for more of in the new year.
This, and the courage to continue tweaking the things inside that need tweaking.
Thank you for reading, and warmest wishes,
Kristi
A walk along the coastline with dear Smokey.
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Have to add my “two bits worth ” here. I have never been much of a drinker (alcohol_ due to not liking that “out of control ” feeling (and indigestion) effects. (although , there have been problems with alcoholism in my family ) I was however a heavy smoker from age 15 (pack a day plus) and FINALLY managed to give it up at the age of 62 !(when i realized I may be pushing my luck with my otherwise good health)It was a horrendous time for both myself and my husband but after a few months life got back to normal (though I still feel the desire at times and love the smell )(almost 15 yrs later) Last yr my Dr suggested I give up coffee for a digestive problem …I have been a coffee drinker exclusively for the past 20 yrs (after realizing that tea actually made me feel ill (tannins ) I only drink instant as I find the real thing too strong…and I also use sugar and milk to its rather diluted) Well after a week I was feeling quite awful ..headache and even flu like symptoms. I persevered for a further 6 weeks and it made no difference to my digestive issues …so started back slowly . I drink about 5 cups per day (the last one being decaf)and feel “normal” again. I have been reading so much positive stuff lately about the benefits of coffee (including warding off dementia) that I now drink with no guilt whatsoever….
Dear Kristin,
My wishes for a very Happy and Healthy New Year … to you and to all of your family and those whom you hold dear.
All the discussion about beverages made me think of a little jingle called “Coffee and Tea” from the 1940’s, I think. A cup of hot water into which you squeeze fresh lemon juice makes a refreshing drink any time of day. I remember my great grandmother drinking this with breakfast out of a very thin glass.
I enjoyed your photos, especially the one taken at sunrise with your clothes already on the line!! Please tell me that you hung them out the evening before;)
Best wishes always,
Cynthia
Happy New Year Kristi! “Develop at every moment in yourself independence, loving-kindness, simplicity and modesty.” words to live by! It is good to hit the refresh button from time to time, especially when our well-being is concerned and with the opportunity of a new year, why not!? So thankful that your body is giving you encouragement to support your decision to refrain from coffee. I find moderation the trickiest practice in life. I can now maintain moderation with coffee after cutting back to one cup a day three years ago. I’m going to have to drink my words as I’ve fallen into the comfort of a peppermint breve a few times a week during the cold and cheer of December.
Best wishes, my friend, finding what works for you as one person’s potato chip is another person’s macaroon…ha ha or something like that! May the year hold much sweetness, inspiration, courage, and loving-kindness for you. You’re off to a great start!
Our dear Kristi,
What a(nother) wonderful,thought provoking post!
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on 13 years of being alcohol free!SO proud of you,Kristi,and really grateful for the example you set for so many who need someone to look up to who has done this!
MANY times your words are a beacon for us,your readers.
(THANK YOU!)
You also lead us in other ways to discovering what we need to tweak up(and out) within ourselves.
Dependency(real or potential) is an awful burden to carry around,no matter what the substance is.
And then if moderation is part of the question,is this forever?(people my age,more days behind than ahead).
For years I have been a heart patient;ditto for the diabetes we have in our family.
NO caffeine(goes for ANYTHING,including chocolate),and limited sugar and carbs(among other things).Not choices we would’ve made voluntarily at the time,but certainly not Promethian,either because we were directed on this path and guided what to do.
More grateful to still be around to be making those choices.
We each have our path,and must do what’s best for us and our family.
Blessings always in this New Year (and always!)
Love,
Natalia XO
Congratulations on your 13th!
Instead of coffee, I like ROMA, a barley drink. Or a good cup of either jasmine or Earl Grey tea. Postum isn’t made anymore or I’d like that. Years ago, I managed a coffeehouse in Greenwich Village and at that time I didn’t like or drink coffee. Today I limit myself to one cup in the morning. Earl Grey the rest of the day, Roma before bed. All the very best for the New Year!
Sometimes we just get in a routine because it felt so good last time, until it doesn’t make us feel good anymore. All lives need to be tweaked so that we can be the best we can be. Happy wise new year!
Hi Kristin, Happy New Year to you and your family.
I’m surprised that you didn’t get a headache as you withdrew from coffee. A few years ago, I was having daily tummy troubles and my doctor suggested switching to half decaf and half full strength coffee. It worked for me, but I must be careful not to drink coffee or even strong tea much later than 6 in the evening or I won’t sleep well. If you enjoy your coffee, it might be worth a try to switch from full strength to decaf or a mixture of the two.
I almost cannot believe the photos of the flowers there this time of the year. I have covered my flower beds to protect them from our freezing nights. It must be lovely there all year round.
Have you tried half decaf and half full strength brew? When I had tummy troubles a while back, my doctor recommended that mix and it worked for me. No tummy ache, no palpitations and no withdrawl from caffeine headache. However, I must avoid all caffeinated drinks after 7 or 8 in the evening.
I love the photos of flowers there this time of year! It’s well and truly winter here and I’m wondering if my azalea bushes will recover in the spring. I didn’t get out there to cover them soon enough, I fear.
Happy New Year to you and your family!
I just want to say thank you for your continued insight and self-awareness–but most of all your bravery for sharing it with the rest of us. No wonder that you have so many fans and followers. Happy New Year to you and your family.
Dear Kristi,
Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are beautiful both inside and out. Sending you a hug for 2016! Bonne Année !
Linda
Cynthia, enjoyed the image of your grandmother drinking the lemon water out of a tall thin cup. As for the laundry, I hung it out the day before (maybe even the day before that… Time to bring it in!
Thank you, Natalia! I feel for you for having to give up all caffeine – and sugar and carbs too. So true what you say about dependency being an awful burden to carry. Off to look up Promethian…
Merci, Kristin! Une telle sagesse! Et,d’accord. I gave up — or, rather, LET GO OF–coffee about five months ago. I was feeling anxious and asked myself what the problem was. A gentle idea wafted in…coffee is not good for you. My natural sleep cycle is back. I am not edgy and squichy (I think I made that world up).You are lovely and brave and sweet to share your journey with all of us. Thank you in every language.
Happy new year and happy birthday coming up on 13 years.
I know for me that when I relinquished my dependency on Alcohol, other addictions came to the surface, food, sex and gambling. And it took a few years to get those straightened out.
Of course the one addiction I haven’t lost is my coffee. I do enjoy hearing the perculator bubble away at 5 and the smell going through the house.
Your strong feelings about being “dependent” and yet you know that we are dependent on each other and nature fro our existence. I still have a independent attitude that sometimes doesn’t serve me well. I
The beauty of all of this sobriety is that I am still willing to learn and can better assess when my dependency no longer serves me.
Congrats, I have a b’day coming up at the end of this month, 27 years.
To you and your family happy and prosperous New Year.
Dear Kristi,
What an inciteful and thought provoking conversation you have had with your readers! Once again you have found a common thread that brings us all together. We all have our stories, so many of them the same. The open honesty with which everyone is willing to address the good, the bad, the ugly…and the beautiful, is refreshing and it is your own honesty that leads the way.
On those days when you are wondering what to write about or struggling with an idea, go with your heart, knowing that you will ultimately inspire…
A very large study of coffee drinking and its effects actually proved that moderate consumption is very healthy. Esp. the cup after lunch; counteracts CA of the pancreas…..Anyway…..I agree with you entirely about giving up dependencies. That was my driving force in quitting tobacco….not wanting to be dependent. My motto was: “Not smoking makes me free”…. NÓW however a new addiction has got me in its tangles: SCRABBLE!! Online Scrabble is my downfall…..I Forget everything……LOVE it!
Bravo! The sun will brighten the whites and they will all have the lovely fresh scent of Provence.
LOL! Wish I was hooked on Scrabble!
Susan, so happy to know you are still receiving this journal since meeting you all those years ago! Thanks for such lovely words about my writing. I appreciate the friendships I have made here. 💞
Anne, giving up cigarettes after all those years–that is inspiring to read! And I was interested in your severance story, and experience with tea. Glad you are enjoying coffee again!
What a treat to read your words, my dear Stacy. Loved your new years wishes. Thank you. The same and more to you 😘💞
Bette, Thanks for sharing what works for you. I am getting some good ideas for when I return to coffee =-) The flowers continue to blossom here, and the blueberry bush is budding….
Thank you, Jill! Happy New Year.
Thank you, Linda, and thanks for the hug! (((Here is one for you)))
Good to hear of your restored sleep, Jennifer. Thats motivating! And thank you for your sweet words.
Happy 27, Gerry! So true what you say about other addictions coming to the surface, and it taking time to straighten those out. Bon courage to all who try to do so! P. S. The smell of coffee wafting through the house in the early morning hours is one of my favorite things!
Thank you, chère Chris! And your writing encouragement is so helpful. I will try to remember this.
P.s. I fulfilled any longing for a second cup with teas. I’m enjoying all kinds of wonderful blends. Now it’s a pleasure to try a different tea (Smith Teas last year inspired by you and Max!)each day depending on what I’m feeling and add new goodness to my life ;)Oh, and organic hot cocoa from time to time! xoxo
Wonderful post, wonderful comments! This is your blog at its best, when it unites us in our commonalities and draws out the compassion that lies within us.
Interestingly, migraine medication contains caffeine.
In earlier times I got migraines when having to go without coffee.
Curriously, these days I don’t crave it anymore and fully enjoy my ritual 3 mugs of Fair Trade black coffee every morning.
Not so with munching nuts in the evening! (My digestive downfall!)
A wonderful version of tea for after dinner is the traditional Indian chai…. but with a lot less sweetening! Easy to brew on the stovetop, half water half milk, lots of spices and some black tea and honey.
Sugar, it now seems, is a far bigger villain. Considered a poison by some scientists. This brings me to your recipe for yoghurt cake; at least 3 times too much sugar! (IMHO).
I like baking and my friends like my baking (!); for over 10 years now I have halved the sweetener in most recipes and replaced white sugar by brown…. Once you are used to this, you end up really tasting what’s in the cake.
Of course, I only write this as ‘food for thought’.. 🙂
Much love, Jacq
Hello, Jacq, I woke up thinking about you, and then had the joy of reading your comment, which is full of goodies! Re thinking about you, I was appreciating the edits you have sent in, and, as in here in this comment, your helpful thoughts on this journal. Thank you! I am interested in learning more about Indian Chai tea, and will be trying more of it. Glad you mentioned sugar. I just made a yogurt cake yesterday and halved the sugar. Normally, I would use brown sugar or honey, but did not have enough. For those reading, please check out my latest yogurt cake. It was so so good https://www.instagram.com/p/BAKB20UJE9u/?taken-by=kristinespinasse
Hi Kristin Espinasse,
Jacqueline (jc.steffen@yahoo.com.au) has left you a comment:
Wonderful post, wonderful comments! This is your blog at its best, when it unites us in our commonalities and draws out the compassion that lies within us.
Interestingly, migraine medication contains caffeine.
In earlier times I got migraines when having to go without coffee.
Curriously, these days I dont crave it anymore and fully enjoy my ritual 3 mugs of Fair Trade black coffee every morning.
Not so with munching nuts in the evening! (My digestive downfall!)
A wonderful version of tea for after dinner is the traditional Indian chai…. but with a lot less sweetening! Easy to brew on the stovetop, half water half milk, lots of spices and some black tea and honey.
Sugar, it now seems, is a far bigger villain. Considered a poison by some scientists. This brings me to your recipe for yoghurt cake; at least 3 times too much sugar! (IMHO).
I like baking and my friends like my baking (!); for over 10 years now I have halved the sweetener in most recipes and replaced white sugar by brown…. Once you are used to this, you end up really tasting whats in the cake.
Of course, I only write this as food for thought.. 🙂
Much love, Jacq
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I enjoy all the different teas too, and have a new ritual of taking out my tea coffret (box) and opening it up to so many colorful possibilities. Love what you say: each tea adds a new goodness to my life. Right now I am having darjeeling. I think Ill look it up on the Internet, and so have an even better appreciation of it.
Chère Kristin, I am a long-time reader (starting originally with your first book!) who has never felt comfortable commenting. But this post’s topic spoke to me. For many years I had my daily mugs (no more than two) of “Joe” to start my day, as well as an occasional evening Espresso (aprés le dessert). Sometime last year, despite my protestations that coffee did not affect my sleep, I discovered that eliminating the post-prandial espresso as well as the morning coffee gave me much better night-time sleep. I love coffee … but good rest is more important. I allow myself a coffee treat each Sunday morning and find that this has not adversely affected my sleep. Though my coffee brewing habits are unchanged, I swear that Sunday morning cup of coffee tastes better than any I had before! Amicalement, Donna