Sunrise here at our vineyard, and a new day. Make that a new year!
TODAY'S WORD: la bienveillance
: goodwill, kindness, loving-kindness
ECOUTEZ/LISTEN to Jean-Marc read this example sentence
Développe en toi l'indépendance à tout moment, avec bienveillance, simplicité et modestie. – Marc-Aurèle
Develop at every moment in yourself independence, loving-kindness, simplicity and modesty.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
"Independence in the Land of Coffee and Wine"
This may very well be my first coffee-free edition. I had not planned on this one-day-at-a-time coffee quittance–it just happened, surreptitiously (I admit I had to look up that word after first misspelling it).
surreptitious: done, made, or acquired by stealth.
I won't look up "stealth", but it sounds very much like what I thought giving up coffee would entail. Then again, all my preconceived notions about giving up coffee have been proved wrong–ever since writing a pseudo vow in my new agenda on December 31st at 1:46 pm. It was easy at the time (as it is easy to swear off booze having drank one too many).
The difference between giving up alcohol (this February 3rd marks 13 years!) is that I have no plans to give up coffee forever. I mean I'd like to, but I no longer see coffee abstinence as vital for me. In four days sans café, I've had no shakes, no irritability, no depression, no visions of coffee beans swirling around my head. Maybe those 4 cups a day (the last before bedtime) didn't equal dependence after all?
Dependence being key. I do not want to be dependent on anything, least of all a piddly cup of coffee! I don't want to be a slave to "I have to drive to the store for a pack of cigarettes at 11 pm" or "I can't make it through the morning without a pastry"–or a box of pastries (been there!).
Thinking about it, it is clear the "all" in my "all or nothing" personality is tied to my emotions. (And, thinking a little further, probably my "nothing" is equally tied to those same emotions.)
What gives me hope is what I have learned from experience: that the chains of dependency (on things or people) are not worth the temporary freedom that they manufacture. And that it IS possible to give up an addiction and to find "normalcy" again. Said in a different way, it is possible to give up a strong dependence on something and enjoy a newfound peace. The tricky part is knowing what to give up for good, what to give up for a time, and what to cut back on.
I don't know when I will have my next cup of coffee. Maybe after lunch? Nah! Maybe next time I see my sister… (coffee time with my sister!)…. But reading a list of what coffee does to me (aggravated teeth grinding, increased anxiety, exaggerated gestures, edginess, and palpitations), gives me pause. And such awareness is one thing I told you I wish for more of in the new year.
This, and the courage to continue tweaking the things inside that need tweaking.
Thank you for reading, and warmest wishes,
Kristi
A walk along the coastline with dear Smokey.
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Well, it’s great not to be dependent on such things, but coffee has wonderful side effects, too, and they could be considered along with the other things. Moderation is the key with coffee for me. I love my little espresso in the morn, and my 4pm pick-me-up tiny espresso again. Then I don’t want any after that and I can do without the 4 o’clock too. But I think we need to enjoy a little of everything we enjoy (booze is not included) and get on with it. Coffee is great for the brain!!!
Try Decaf!
Habit is different from dependence. Giving up a habit, even temporarily, can prevent it from becoming a dependence. Dependency. Whatever.
Bonne chance. Et bonne année!
I have read about the many positive effects of coffee, especially in staving off skin cancer. If only this one were true!
Yes, but then no coffee buzz! I think that is part of it!
Good point, Bruce!
How about half & half? It works for me.
I thought of giving up coffee until I learned now there are health benefits, too. However, I am tweaking … a cup of green tea now and then, and turning to herbal infusions (tea aficionados will say they are not tea) such as chamomile in the evening with the hopes that I sleep better.
Lovely places you have there for strolls with Smokey. Oh, to live in the country with loved ones … yet have access to a city (such as Paris) by train. Bliss!
Ron, that is worth considering! Thanks!
Trina, that is helping me, too : herbal teas… And hot chocolate for the velvety goodness! The tea replaces the morning coffee and the hot chocolate replaces the afternoon coffee.
Bonne Année Kristin!
I’m mostly a tea drinker, but I do like a vanilla latte once a week or so! I have a nice hot tea right now while I am reading your blog!
There are great benefits to coffee: http://authoritynutrition.com/top-13-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-coffee/
Thanks, Eileen. A vanilla latte sounds awfully good right now. Re benefits, sometimes the bad outweighs the good. But I am not giving up (and look forward to enjoying a latte with you one day!)
self control is the key Kristin, I have been drinking 4 to 5 cups a day since I began at 14, but never after 3 in the afternoon, that cup you had before bedtime was the culprit, one glass of wine with dinner and you know that I am 88 and looking forward to well past 100 and planning on having a cup with you in 2017 when I visit you and other friends in Europe to celebrate #90, there is no reason to give up coffee, it is a healthy drink, just not in the evening, Best to you and yours, Lou
Like you, Kristi, I think of myself as an all-or-nothing person, and my dependency on food/drink relates to my emotions. I became truly aware of this fact several years ago and have been working to be more mindful of *why* I experience those pesky cravings. After reading Gretchen Rubin’s Better than Before, I learned that there are abstainers and moderators. Some people can say that ‘everything in moderation’ is the way to go, but the challenge for some is in the actual moderation part. It appears I’m an abstainer. I do better when I give up sugar entirely than when I try to moderate my consumption of sweets. And yet, I enjoy dessert from time to time. I also gave up coffee twice, both times suffering from withdrawal headaches. I know that for me, two cups of coffee or black tea per day contribute to some anxiety and heart palpitations. So, I’m trying to only consume one cup of coffee/tea in the morning because I enjoy the ritual and the flavour. I have learned that the more I connect with how I want to feel, the more mindful I can be toward random cravings. So, I agree with you: awareness is the key.
Thanks, Katia. Good info about abstainers/moderators. First time Ive heard it put that way.
Lou, looking forward to seeing in in 2017. I so enjoy your comments. Thanks.
I gave up coffee almost thirty years ago!! I had to: it did terrible things to my stomach and digestion. So I took up strong black tea (Assam…) It took, oh, almost ten years to outgrow the desire but now? Well, I don’t even like the smell. Give me a lovely cuppa’ any day, with sugar and cream thank you. Let us know how you do!
Replacing and moderating for healthy alternatives is always a good thing. I did not think we ate poorly, yet when my husband got diabetes I looked at our diet and made major changes in quality and quantity of food and found that not only did we control his blood sugar readings, but we both lost weight and feel so much healthier. It is always good to evaluate (or re-evaluate) your life style choices from time to time in order to stay as healthy as possible. Congratulations to you for limiting your coffee intake if it does not make you feel healthy. It is always good to listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
I, also, drink half- caff.
Happy New Year, Kristin. May 2016 be full of all those delights–both edible, drinkable and otherwise–and in a semi-balanced way so as to enjoy life without the guilt and dependence that plague us. I am afraid a cold-turkey approach is the only way I can deal with SWEETS, my drug of choice. And I probably should abstain from alcohol and cheeseburgers as well, want them too much.
I just watched Michael Pollan’s latest documentary on PBS which inspired me to eat better in general.
Why You Should Be Excited About Michael Pollan’s New Documentary
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/michael-pollan-in-defense-of-food-documentary_56169a89e4b0dbb8000d6c50
Best wishes to la famille Espinasse in 2016 and many mercis for your blog. Big hugs to dear Smokey R Dokey. xxoo
Thanks, Libby! Good to hear your story. Sometimes tea really hits the spot. I like mine with milk and honey.
Lin, so good to read about your families healthy changes. Yes, we need to listen to our bodies.
Hi Kristi,
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Like you, I suffered from some of the same side effects from coffee… increased anxiety, edginess, and heart palpitations. As well, coffee made me talk too much and listen too little, which does not endear you to folks! It also affected my sleep if I had it after 2:00 in the afternoon. I have learned that many do no metabolize coffee/caffeine as well after the age of 40 so I have been successful with stopping regular coffee by replacing it with a lovely fermented black tea called Pu-Erh. Pu-Erh has lots of wonderful healing properties that you can read about online. Numi makes an organic Chocolate and Cardamom Pu-Erh that I like… I even often mix the two by steeping a bag of each for only 1-2 minutes. You can then make a second cup by infusing the bags again if you wish. This tea is caffeinated but I do not experience any of the unwanted side-effects that coffee had on me… only a gentle alertness and warmed comfort that I enjoy each morning. I drink my tea black so I’m also not getting the added calories from sweetener or cream that I used in coffee. I still enjoy a mocha infrequently (
Karen, I wonder if café-au-lait is the same as half caffeine? That is what I did, times 4 😉
Nutrition is a very important issue with me, eating and drinking better but not as well as my knowledge tells me. I eat too much while fully aware of the emotions behind such a habit (and food is so enjoyable!) Re coffee, it has OFTEN been reported that regular is healthier than decaf. I believe it is true. May you and JM be richly and abundantly blessed as our earth makes still another cruise around our closest star. Affectueusement
Patty, glad you mentioned sweets. So many are hooked on candy. Best wishes tweaking your intake. And thanks for the link!
I loved your writing today. But more than the coffee story, although again part of loving your message was reading about your wisdom: of what to give up quickly, easily, and even randomly as if you are running a great experiment with a personal hypothesis for your health and well being only. So one thing that I absolutely need in my life is getting closer to the earth. By this I mean gardening. Gardening helps me process great amounts of information sometimes quickly, slowly, or even randomly, but having to give up my gardens would be very difficult, at least for now, but I know that your move was successful leaving behind beauty only to attain a different version of beauty somewhere else. In ending, I would love to know the names of both flowers that were included in your caffeine free post…I would be grateful!
Janine Burge
I gave up tea due to heart palpitations. And I have also noted that chocolate can contribute to my heart palpitations so I only indulge sparingly. As a young person I never has these sensitivities to caffeine. Now water is my choice of drink but I still miss my tea.
Dearest Kristin,
I’m chuckling over my second cup of coffee as I read your missive. I was very ill a couple of days ago and unable to keep anything down — not water or water that had first poured over ground coffee beans. As a result, I had a terrible caffeine-withdrawal headache. What a blessing to once again brew up a cup (and keep it down).
I want to share my resolution for the new year with you. I’m sure you have seen the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The stark contrast between Bedford Falls and Pottersville recently came home to me as I drove through the neighborhood where I lived and went to school as a young teen. Gone are the lovely little houses, the brick Baptist church, the corner mom & pop grocery, and the drive thru dairy (yes, there really was such a thing). They have been replaced by shops selling sex toys, others selling marijuana and related paraphernalia, sleazy-looking motels advertising hourly rates, and lots of run down or abandoned buildings. It broke my heart.
So, my resolution is to do everything I can to turn Pottersville back into Bedford Falls. Now George Bailey didn’t create or destroy his home town, but it was how he lived his life that made the difference. He didn’t take the easy road, but always did the right thing. For instance, instead of taking his bride on their honeymoon, he used the money to save the old building and loan. Even when Mr. Potter tempted him to do wrong, he did right — to his own detriment.
So that’s my resolution … to be a George Bailey in a world of Mr. Potters.
I love you, my sweet friend. So proud of all you do in your own part of the world (and worldwide through your blog) to be surrounded by Bedford Falls.
I love your attitude. Some of my best growth…cleaning up my act…has been happening in my early 70s. Too many say, “I am too old to change.” Like you, I am also an “all or nothing” kind of person. Lucky you, that you asked the question of dependency earlier in life and you have the 13 years of success without alcohol to confirm that you can do coffee or whatever you set your mind to. We make “little gods” out of small things…so never stop asking about anything you think you HAVE TO HAVE. Those little thngs love to be pesky “can’t live with outs” Break up the habits and rituals….you will discover new thngs that may satisfy as much or more.
Bonne année, Kristin! May this be the best year yet for you and your family! Boring as it sounds, I try to live by the “everything in moderation” mantra … except laughter. When you feel you are ready for that coffee, go ahead and enjoy it! Perhaps we will make that visit happen in 2016 while I’m in France. I’m talking to Jacquie M. about it! 🙂
Loved your essay today. So important a reminder to everyone. I’m working on my food dependency, also tied to emotional stuff. Thanks
Janine, the bougainvillea was a gift from Max. And the heather, at the end of the post, was seen yesterday, along the coastline.
Try half espresso and half decaf. Espresso has less caffeine . And listen to your body. I was never a huge coffee drinker, but one cup a day in the am works just fine. And make the cups smaller, not a huge mug. I already have the small plate for food(I need it, you don’t!). I think one might call it discipline.
Jackie, interesting to read about tea and chocolate in relation to palpitations, as I have used these to replace coffee. I can still feel the effects of caffeine. Sorry you had to go to water, mostly! There are some good herbal teas out there.
Robin, thanks for the Pu–erh tea info! And I smiled about your Talks more Listens less response to coffee. I am guilty of that too, when wired! All the more reason to cut back.
Fred, I agree with you about decaf. I have heard that the way it is processed contributes to this. Thanks for the wonderful New Years wishes. Hugs to you and Nancy.
Mrs. George Bailey–I mean Jeanne–I love your new years resolution! A toast to you!
Kristen,
You might try using the sound-alike option of “benevolence” as a translation for “la bienveillance”, as it will be easier for some of us to remember.
We gave one of your books to our niece for Christmas as she is considering taking French starting in the 6th grade next year!
Happy new year!
Dave
In your search for greater awareness, I highly recommend “Waking Up To What You Do” by Diane Eshin Rizzetto. It’s a lovely book that is full of wisdom and help in drawing greater awareness to all the things we do in our lives.
Wishing you a glorious new year filled with joy and peace,
Ms. Kristin
An American friend is studying in Bordeaux for French Level One fluency certification, he will enjoy your carpenter’s story. Thank you. (looked up subrepticement almost too many syllables for an Oklahoman)
Richard
You have so much self-awareness, Kristi–it’s really admirable.
First, you decide to give up a habit, not mainly because it’s bad for you, but because you don’t want to be a slave to the habit. Then you realize that creating an all-or-nothing rule would make you a slave to the RULE. So you take Aristotle’s sensible middle ground of moderation.
But you don’t stop there, as most people would. You have the insight to realize that moderation itself can become a hard-and-fast rule, and that for some habits (in your case, alcohol), it’s better to give them up entirely.
All your actions and your words show you to be a wise woman, and all your posts show your exceptional humility and compassion. May God bless you and your family and bring you a peaceful and prosperous 2016.
Dave, Thank you for the benevolence translation. And mille mercis for giving my book to your niece. I hope she falls in love with the language and with France!
Lanier, looks like an interesting book! I will check it out. And thank you for the thoughtful wishes!
Hi, Kristi,
Thank you for being so vulnerable. It is very kind of you to share your reflections.This is a wonderful means of encouragement to others. I limit my coffee to about two small cups of black coffee in the morning. Once in awhile I will indulge in some Mariage Frères Paris Breakfast or French Blue tea as a special treat. Last July a coffee drinking friend visited and brought with her some organic coffee which I tried and liked so I’ve switched to that.
I thought I would mention that in Berkeley, CA there is a group called The Berkeley Path Wanderers’ Assn., BPWA, If you really want to celebrate an occasional coffee, look at the description of their “Coffee Constitutional” walk which they will
do this month. It is on their website.
For me, morning coffee or tea is a celebration of retirement since for many years I had to get up and get out the door to a job and the time for a leisurely cup of morning coffee just wasn’t de rigueur, or so I thought.
Bonne Année!
Joanne,
Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA, USA.
Hi Joie, I have heard espresso has less caffeine. This is good! Last year we switched to an Italian stove top coffeemaker, called a Moka pot: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moka_pot
Hi Kristin Espinasse,
joie (carmellynn@hotmail.com) has left you a comment:
Try half espresso and half decaf. Espresso has less caffeine . And listen to your body. I was never a huge coffee drinker, but one cup a day in the am works just fine. And make the cups smaller, not a huge mug. I already have the small plate for food(I need it, you dont!). I think one might call it discipline.
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Richard, thanks for sharing the carpenters story! And thanks for the smile re subrepticement =-)
Teresa, you give me too much credit! I am so touched by your thoughts, as always. Thank you 💛
Thanks, Joanne! I wonder what brand of organic coffee your friend brought you? I am glad you can enjoy a leisurely cup these days. Off to check out that walk you mentioned….
Haven’t commented in a while, but as a faithful reader, this post of yours necessitated that I tell you that you are a very inspiring person! This post, obviously, but the whole flavor of what you do — sharing very openly as you do, being so present not only with events but with our thinking process. You have earned the friendship and love of your readers by sharing with us, trusting us as friends. And we all become your friends. Thank you, dear Kristin!
susan in seattle