Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on…). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest. More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).
A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you sometimes need one too!
la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop
vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
1. to pick or to harvest grapes
Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. –Jean Amadou
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
"Hostile"
In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron – or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.
I was once like that–back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.
Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them–along with all our dirty sheets–before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us…lunch and dinner…and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)
I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.
Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)
This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received. David writes:
Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.
Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.
IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)
When I am done pleading with God, I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?
Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago, that I would find another lump on my dog. I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.
WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART
I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt–or anyone she knows–is not reading):
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.
Kristin
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:
"Désolé pour hier soir."
xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)
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J’espere que tu profiteras bien de tes vacances avec ton ‘mec’- et ton cher cher Smokey. Laisse tomber les soucis dans l’eau et le sable et les nuages…
I vote for Kristi for ‘Best Use of F Word in a Blog’ Award 2015.
bisous et bisous et bisous
Oh Kristin…forget it, really. Perhaps some of what he says has merit but
who really knows, certainly not David. I believe he should spend his time looking
at his own hostility. In the end you have accomplished a long and very happy marriage
and raised two lovely, sensitive and loving children. Not many of us can say that!! You have overcome some very difficult personal issues, and still struggle
with others. You are one of the few I know who even know there are these
issues….. and is it not that this struggle is simply trying to be stronger and better for ourselves and our
family? My opinion is that you have created a wonderful life. One in which to be very, very proud.
Malibu, California
How dare he take his aggression out on you! If it’s any consolation, I find you’re posts to be inspiring and enlightening! As a 21-year-old in a small town, it’s nice to read your posts, and get out of my small town and immerse myself, if only for a little while, in your beautiful world on the other side of the globe. Take care, Kristin, I, and many more, look forward to your next post! A+
Blessings on you and yours. Bonne vacances. Glad to see that you’ve retained essential English. xo
Bonnes vacances! Hope you and your family enjoy some well-deserved time-off from wine making and blogging. Hey, everyone needs to drop the f-bomb now and then. Don’t sweat it or Mr. David’s comments. Profitez!
Kristie,
I love to read your blog. All of these people who responded
Are feeling you have been disrespected and no one has the right
To do that. I read somewhere that Hurt people hurt people….
This mean man is clearly hurt and needs help.
You treat people how to treat you and kudos to you
For doing it clearly, you have hopefully shown him that
You have boundaries and he needs to respect them!
Have a wonderful well deserved vacation
Peace and love to you and your family💗
You teach people how to treat you, I meant to say….
Sorry, I was writing too fast….
Well said Kristi. It makes me sad that people like David are out there, but I have met them too. You and God know the truth and the reality that is your family. I am so confused when people have such zeal for others personal decisions?
It’s all been said already… or has it?!
Reading through to the many comments I was nodding approvingly…
I was going to list David as having failed at being a human being….
Then I read Virginia’s post: “Be kind, for everyone you meet….” Here is a flawed human being, projecting his pain by trying to hurt someone else?
A definite fail on that point.
Bugger it: you have every right to be effed off!
And now, let us, your readers, move on, as you already have!!!
Power to self-expression and kindness and pity the Davids of this world.
Dearest Kristin,
Amen.
David,
A wise man once said
“Before you judge me,
Make sure you’re perfect!”
I have a quick joke that will hopefully put a smile on your face:
Toulouse Lautrec tries on his pants and they don’t fit. He goes to his tailor and says “Tailor, my pants don’t fit.”
The tailor asks, “Are they too tight Toulouse or are they too loose Toulouse?
Happy trails,
Marc
Woo Hoo Kristin! I just love it when you say exactly how you feel. More people should do just that. And I’m one of those who thinks THAT word was meant to be the most appropriate of them all.
never let those losers eat you out!
never forget you have a great pack of followers all over the world!!
alle~alleallealle~
To David and your judgemental bull…. SAPERLIPOPETTE.Bon vacance Kristin
there is nothing i can say that has not already been said and much much better! i agree with everyone who accurately labeled this jerk * (that is putting it mildly)
and thought your response was short, sweet and to the point!! sometimes that is the
only one that fits the moment!
BRAVA kristi !!!
Hey David,
As I read all these posts by people who have formed the opinion that you are a jerk and an asshole–or that you suffer from “rectocranial inversion”–my thought is, “Of course!”
Despite your conscious effort to shed light on the Espinasse family, readers can sense a poorly-disguised and sublimated hostility–perhaps towards someone who, unlike you, has managed to live what many would consider a dream life in France. Or perhaps towards women in general.
Your ambivalence towards the blog–putting yourself forth as a faithful reader on the one hand and acting as a rude and disrespectful troll on the other–is unfortunately not as interesting to observe as you evidently think.
You are too deep in the weeds to have any insight whatsoever into your own blatantly passive-aggressive behavior. One should perhaps pity you, but I’m afraid your attitude precludes it.
When I first read the words from the nasty person, I was quite confused as I thought what is he talking about anyway?
Well, it is best to move on! Using four letter words is not my idea of fun (although I confess to those words more times than I would like to admit under my breath) so do not despair dear Kristin, I do not intend to abandon you! Nor do all your other readers as the evidence shows above my post.
Loved adorable Smokey in the Kissing Booth. If I were closer, I would come over and give you both a hug! Have a Bon Voyage with your family!
P.S. I have now made the Tomato Tarte twice and will attempt Ratatouillaise soon! Thank you for those recipes!
Oh Kristi
There are so many good things about the net, but the really bad one is how some people set themselves up as commentators on other’s behaviour. The cruelty of some people’s responses, the cyber bullying in some comments is beyond belief.
I laughed at this pseudo psychological email from David…how on earth could he think to know or dare to conclude about your emotions and relationships.
I applaud your answer, it’s what he deserves. The sad thing is I find myself uttering the F word more frequently too these days, in utter despair at some of the things people think they have the right to say and do to perfectly nice people.
Don’t let it get you down, Kristi, and please keep sharing the ups and downs of your life without fear of our negative judgement. I am so grateful for your generosity and openness abut yourself and your life and feelings over so many years.
Spot on, Cindy. I’ve been a therapist for 34 years and can’t imagine myself or any colleague spewing such tripe.
As a lifelong Francophile, I love what and how you write and think and live, Kristin. Your blog always brightens my day and is one of only 2 or 3 that I take time to read all the way through. Your desire to make a beautiful, conscious life is palpable and brings to mind a line from a Mary Oliver poem: “Maybe the desire to make something beautiful/is the piece of God that is inside each of us.”
That picture of Smokey is just priceless, and I pray that all will be well. Bonne vacances!
Yes, well said Kristi, yours was an appropriate response and I am delighted to see how many supporters you have and loved reading their comments. Believe in yourself, you are doing fine!
Bonnes vacances and I do hope Smokey is OK. Xxx
Don’t waste one second of your time thinking about that ghastly man Kristen, he doesn’t deserve it. Hang in there, and have a wonderful holiday with your family. Love to you, and thinking positive thoughts for Smokey. xxTracy
Agreed absolutely Cynthia – well said!
Lots of love & hugs Kristin. Enjoy your break together.
Dear Kristi,
Lauren and I (and our good friends) HAVE met you, so we know how far off base this cretin really is when we writes fiction in his response to you. The most charitable thing I can say to him would be to continue writing fiction and leave biographical and psychological speculation to people who know what they are doing. David is not a shrink or an authentic psychiatrist (I know, my father was a very good one), because if her were, he would not be practicing on people he does not know with the intent to hurt feelings and undermine relationships. He is “mansplaining” from the usual patriarchal perspective that moves some men to pretend an understanding that they do not have. Perhaps a strong and successful woman is threatening to him, especially when she is married to a man who takes pleasure in her power!
Kristin, here’s an internet ((((hug)))) as an antidote for internet jerks who don’t know when to keep their thoughts to themselves. My favorite tee shirt saying is “My next husband will be normal.” One could substitute Perfect for Normal. If we say ANYTHING about our spouse’s imperfections, we do risk people interpreting them in their own way, responding through the lenses of their own insecurities etc. While they have a right to do that (though they waste emotional energy doing so), only a very unhappy soul would share that interpretation. The only second-best to your dismissive F word would to have ignored the guy. Hmm, perhaps you might have suggested professional help for him!
My best wishes for Smokey the Kisser and for an untroubled vacation for you. Clearly you have friends across the world. Bask in their friendship and have a lovely time.
Sally
Kudos Kristen!
I’ve always thought JM seemed like a wonderful person, same about you, your children, the entire family…. A kind, honest, loving family I would be happy to know. And do, if only just a bit, here!
First, I hope Smokey is ok. second, I hope you and J-M and famille enjoy a good vacation. Third, I hope you have cleared your head of this mans note. The internet and blogs are relatively new territory, but perhaps for many years all authors, and all artists, who expose themselves to the public, even to adoring fans, risk misinterpretation, unwanted and undeserved comments and analysis, correct and incorrect. Readers like myself, I think, know you in a certain way….I want to like you and I do. I am not searching for more than you intend to give, and I expect that is true of most readers. I know nothing of Ds intent. Perhaps he regrets a too quick finger on the keyboard, perhaps he does not. At best, he I s simply out of line with the etiquette of the group. You have the friendship of a large corps of readers.
I echo loving thoughts from above. Well put, succinct and from the heart.
So proud of you. Well done. xx
Dear Kristin – You go girl!
I have always thought, when reading your blog and your books, that your total adoration of you husband shines through and that your tongue-in-cheek writing style portrays family life as it REALLY is, not all sugar-coated and fake. That’s what makes your writings so fun and keeps so many of us coming back for every new installment in the family story!
P. s. My husband feels exactly the same way & loves your stories.
Hi Kristin, I just wanted to add my words of support to the others. How dare this person (or anyone) assume he “knows” you and your husband merely because he has read your posts. A pretty dangerous and inaccurate assumption! Don’t get where he’s coming from. I have only seen love between you and your husband through your posts, and his occasional posts and comments. As anyone who is in a relationship knows, love doesn’t mean the absence of frustration or even anger at times. I’m so glad you are always so real with your readers.
So go off on your holiday knowing that you are loved by many. Relax and enjoy each other. You deserve it!
Peter, you are absolutely correct. So glad you wrote a reply that is cogent, helpful, and kind. I second it and wish I had been the one to write it.
Kate
You go Girl!
Dear Kristen,
I love you,
I love your mind,
I love your heart,
You are very precious to me …
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Yey Kristin…that word is perfect in this context!
What a scum bag…good riddance is also perfect!
Well, one thing is very clear. Most of your readers believe you are on the side of the angels. David appears to be in the clutches of the other side. His note clearly rates a place in the poubelle. We believe in you and admire your many years of persistence, courage and love – for JM and your children and the beautiful dogs. A reminder to David: “judge not that you be not judged”. Especially when you are obviously unqualified to analyze someone else’s life. Vivent les vacances! Bonne sante for Smokey.
We have all said it (or at least thought it). We are only human, don’t beat yourself up!
Chere Kristin, Bravo to you! Ignore David! Your fans are with you all the way. Bonnes vacances! Marty
Kristen, Bravo and Amen. The only thing I would take issue with in this post is your statement that you lack courage. Anyone who exposes the details of her life as you do in your column is very brave–and responding to David in the way you have just proves it. Have a wonderful vacation, and rest assured that your readers love you all the more for your ability to stand up for yourself and your husband.
You said it perfectly!!! Direct and clear!!!!
Thank you 😀
Bravo!!!! Your too funny, David deserved it. If he does not like your blog, move on. I love your blog, your stories and your family! Bon voyage!
Yeah, Kristi! You go girl!
I second your reply! Good for you and you know your supporters will always be there for you. And…this guy has most likely taken just a few too many undergrad psych classes, most of which he failed…
And I will gladly stand in line for one of Smokey’s kisses!
Dear Kristen, I only subscribed to your blog a couple of weeks ago. The first was dear Smokey’s Grief. I have the emails sent to my work address, and read it last thing Friday before I head home (which is why my Comment is so late) Your blog is a wonderful end to my working week and fab start to my weekend. I could easily respond Agree Agree Agree to all the other comments. “David” is obviously a nasty bit of work, with issues that go Way beyond his comments to you. (Room Of Mirrors Time David!) You have the courage to live the dream that many only think about. Yes, that comes with all the ups and downs of life. But What A Life! And A Full & Fabulous Life is definitely what comes shining through in your writing. Please do know that for every Nutter that comes crashing on to your blog (can you imagine what sort of MISERABLE life David is wallowing in?), there are 100s – 1000s? 10,000s? – who adore reading all that you write, and to whose lives you add immeasurable joy.
Kirstin, I sat down yesterday in a coffee shop, with a few minutes to spare before my next meeting, and as I often do I opened your blog.
I have followed French Word a Day for years. Initially it was a way to keep up with my French. I’m not a great fan of social media. But something about you drew me in.
Your writing style, your beautiful photographs the very essence of yourself, your family and your life was laid out for me and I was beguiled by it all.
Your blog has enriched many dull moments. I have a house in France but the majority of the time I cannot be there. So to see your snippets of French life transports me from the dreary hum drum to somewhere that I would like to be. I suspect many of your readers feel the same. Some of them might feel a niggling, destructive sort of envy others, like me, are uplifted by your words.
It was with shock that I read your last post. I felt such a deep sympathy with you. We are women of a similar age and at a similar stage in our lives. I know a lot about you. You know nothing about me, except I can tell you this. Everything you have written resonates with me. I want the best possible outcome for you and your husband. This is a vulnerable stage for us both. We may act a little out of character but it will pass. This middle stage of life has been a shock to me, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional upheaval, the trauma the anxiety. I do believe that it will pass and my equilibrium will be restored.
You have shared so much, may I pass on this quote to you:-
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
All your readers have been granted, by you, a window into your soul. Take care. Measure what you reveal, trust those closest to you, like your husband, to offer honest support.
Your hurt was palpable to me when I read your words.
May I add that I think you are a writer. I think you might take all your ability and experiences and turn them into a novel. It is far more difficult and time consuming than a memoir but I think in the final analysis it would be best for you. And you can do it!
Thank you for the way you have enriched my life, and my French vocabulary.
God Bless you and yours,
Ali
Sacre bleue! the nerve of that guy…Kristi, I salute your courage in blogging. I’ve followed your adventures for years now, and have nothing but praise for your honest, poignant, and frequently moving posts.
Enjoy your hols, enjoy your husband, and I’ll continue to enjoy your posts when you return from vacances.
relationships are so difficult…and we all have fears and doubts. i’m so happy for you that you stand up for yourself, and told off your would-be internet psychologist. life is tough, no matter how heavenly the place we live, or how delicious our mate and our children are…it is a TEST. but you, my friend, are handling the struggles beautifully (even when you think you aren’t). look at your fabulous family and that splendid piece of heaven where you all live. i’m so glad to know you all through your wonderful writing and photographs. have a great vacation!
Ah, dear Kristin, I am très proud of you.
Love, Patty
You are a lovely person. There is something wrong with that man in being so vicious. Take him off your email list.
barbara
Hiya, Bill! Good to see you here…whoop! for our dearling, darling Kristin! Take care, still loving your posts and beautiful, inciteful poetry. Big hugs,
Patty in Roanoke
BRAVO!! for telling that obnoxious David off! Hope you can put your stress behind you and get some rest and relaxation on your trip. Praying for your precious Smokey.
what else could you have replied to that cruel creep?
have a super vacation!
Dorothy
oh and by the way, you still merit THE BEST BLOG prize!