Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on…). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest. More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).
A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you sometimes need one too!
la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop
vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
1. to pick or to harvest grapes
Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. –Jean Amadou
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
"Hostile"
In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron – or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.
I was once like that–back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.
Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them–along with all our dirty sheets–before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us…lunch and dinner…and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)
I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.
Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)
This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received. David writes:
Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.
Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.
IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)
When I am done pleading with God, I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?
Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago, that I would find another lump on my dog. I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.
WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART
I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt–or anyone she knows–is not reading):
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.
Kristin
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:
"Désolé pour hier soir."
xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Poor David! Before I explain that exclamation, I must applaud your superbly terse f-word reply. It’s the perfect verbal dismissal of an unwarranted chunk of shite from a stranger, Kristi. To me, thanks to your always-openness, it shows how far you’ve come in self-compassion that this was your response to such venom. You did not turn it back upon yourself, hide it, let it pollute your spirit. I am paying attention to your victory here as a model of forthright courage.
As for poor snotty David, I find myself pitying his vulnerability and egoistic folly; as Lou observes, this oblivious David oozes envy for the rich authenticity of your marriage. At a deep level, he likely aches to be as aware, honest, expressive, and alive in each moment as you have come to be.
Maybe, just maybe — alongside our prayers for Smokey whom we so love — we might pray for David’s painful condition to begin to heal, and for his atrophied heart to soften and open? Then we can hand him over to HIS higher power and move right on!
~ with love and admiration for you, and full-on appreciation of this eloquent, wise community of souls who uphold and respect you so much! Feels like a spontaneous safety net for your daring leaps as you bless us with your truths. Love to laugh, ache, tremble, and triumph right along with you, learning all the way!
May your upcoming holiday be your best one ever!
Atta girl!
Who is this David-Prick, anyway? And, from where does he come??………..and why must he come from anywhere?
OOPS! Sorry. We love and respect YOU! Do not change, please.
I guess I missed something. From what I have read in this blog over the years, I have no memory of any episode where you and your husband were anything but supportive and happily married. We all have days when we don’t feel so loving with our spouse, or our children, or our parents. That’s part of life. I’m not crazy about the “F… ” word and don’t use it very often, but I think that in this situation your use of it perfectly expressed your feelings. God is blessing you, your husband, your children, and all your family (including your dogs.) Amen.
Kristin – I too am not one to let the F-bomb fly very often. It’s how I was raised, and how I want my kids (now 20+) to act, too. So I understand your dilemma. But a friend of mine pointed out how saving up and letting it fly once in awhile is reeeeally good for you. There now, didn’t that feel good? No really. “David” was taking huge privilege in spewing his own $#!t on you. Sounds like he could use some of his own introspection. And the internet is such a wonderful place to anonymously poop on others.
I can imagine how vulnerable you feel sharing your precious personal feelings and family situations. 99% of us truly appreciate your insights and honest revelations. Then there is the stinky 1%. Let go of Stinky David. Stick with us, we’re still here, and we hear you and love you and your family and your sweet dogs very much. Have a great vacation. Sending prayers to you, JM and Smokey. 🙂
I’ll let others castigate (heh) that David. I’d like to say that if you can ever (ever) get through the day or two before moving (even for a week) without going *nuts* !! you are a super-human super woman. It is the most (most) upsetting thing in the world for people (women) who are good managers. No matter how well you think you have thought things through ahead of time, everything gets floufed. Floufed, I tell you! Floufed! And you get that way, too. I find it helps (oh, yes, this happens to me) to tell everyone around you about the floufing that is probably going to occur. It’s amazing what putting a name on a phenomenon (especially a negative one) helps reduce its painful impact. HTH.
Good for you Kristi! Sometimes outrage is needed and very fitting. Thank you, and your family, for your blog–I enjoy reading it and looking at the lovely pictures.
You tell him, Kristi! (He sounds like some kind of psychological Peeping Tom–creepy!). Nona
By the time I roll out of bed in California and turn on the computer, so many good comments have been made that there is little left to say. My reaction to David’s comments was “you’ve got some nerve, a-hole,” and I exclaimed “YES!” with a fist pump to your response, the perfect tension diffuser. Good vacations to you.
Well done! I send a silent FY on to David who sounds like one who thinks he is very observant and erudite but falls short in his assessment of others. His loss. Perhaps he can just remove himself from your blog which would be no loss to us.
Keep up the good work! I love your writing and love hearing about your life in France.
Priscilla in La Nouvelle Orleans
BEST POST EVER! You did it, Kristin .. you’ve cut the vein and let your blood run onto the paper. Fantastic!
Oh, please do not give David a second thought; what a miserable excuse for a human being he is. Clearly, not married, what woman could put up with him.
Keep being courageous, keep being human, keep on sharing.
Most of all, relax and have a great vacation with your family. Praying for Smokey.
Tonya: You’re awesome. I laughed out loud. Joan L.
No one has a right to psychoanalyze you on line. That reader was cruel and inappropriate, and I thought your response to him was just what he deserved. Unfortunately, trolls like him don’t usually get driven away so easily.
Good for you Kristin! So proud of you. Have a lovely holiday. I am so, so sorry about your dear dog. I sympathise hugely, as I am facing the same with dear furry friend. With the warmest of hugs for you and the family and kiss on the nose for Smokey, Karen xxx
Kristin,
What he said was not an opinion, it was a judgement and who the hell is he to think he can judge anyone! I probably would have used a few more expletives.
All that said, just change the sheets, do a quick sweep in the kitchen and be done with it. Put both those great kids to work helping….send one into the garden to harvest goodies for your meal…the other to the market. Then on Friday, pile all into the car including Smokey and start the trip by everyone singing . Put away all electronic devices….to be used very sparingly while on vacation. Just soak in every minute of all of you being together……live,laugh, love.
hugs, Joie
I love your blog. And, I love your reply to the disgruntled and judgmental David. Your blog is honest and funny and real, and the love for your family is obvious. I also write a blog, though not as widely read or as funny as yours, and I understand what it takes to put yourself forward, and how sometimes the comments of others can be hurtful. I applaud you in addressing your upset directly and not keeping it to yourself. I would be concerned about all the same things you are in regard to leaving on your vacation. I hope you get to your destination safely and have a most wonderful week away. As always, I look forward to your next post.
Right on!!! I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time!
You are fantastic!
Have a great vacation!
Another way to look at it might be “poor David.” I’d guess he had no idea he’d receive such a group bashing for the unsolicited infringement. “Do unto others….” never meant more.
I love when a person can stand up for themselves and wondered “hmmm how do you say that in French?” : )
But finally, Smokey is and always will be…A ROCK STAR!
Bisou bisou to you! Now forget about it! Other’s opinions are not important.
I love all the great comments–I’ll add that, for me, the astonishing and telling thing that this David writes is his crazy early thought that “… maybe you just had contempt for Chief Grape’s being a dirt guy instead of city guy.” He sure is projecting some fantastical idiocy with that—yeah, do any of us remotely think you really wish you had a “city guy?” Does he think all of us gals want that? Some “subliminal hostility” of the misogynistic variety coming from him, I do believe–to throw back a little of his own language.
Thank you, again, for all your sharing, all your words and photos– I especially relate to all the “worrying” — you articulate it so well–very helpful and comforting. Enjoy vacation
Good for you, Kristi! And thank you so much for all the stories that you have been so brave to share with us. This story does end on an up-note, after all.
This guy David comes across as a woman-hater, to me.
Among your prayers, please ask the Lord to protect us from long-distance psychiatry. In our household you get high praise for your honesty and willingness to think our loud with your readers and, if you’ve got anything to apologize for it would be your tendency to underestimate your strong qualities and capacities. We have met and spent some time with Jean Marc in the states and our take-away was a man of enthusiasm and knowledge who adores his family.
Well done you! Have a great trip🌻
Alors, it’s all been said — I just agree that David was DEFINITELY out of place and you were, as usual, spot on! Have a REAL vacation and think only of your family. Treasure all those moments with Jean-Marc (that devil!) and sweet Smokey. See you in September!
Darling Kristin,
I haven’t posted for a long while, but your post today has moved me to action! BRAVA!!! BRAVISSIMA!!!! YAY YOU!
I haven’t yet read anyone else’s comments because I wanted to jump right to give you a huge virtual tribal high-five.
Wow! Whew!
Good for you for sharing this with us and your reaction. Particularly when you are one with many private fears, just know you are also one brave, brave woman. It takes great courage to be as public and as vulnerable as you are. That is why so many of us consider you a dear friend (even though we really “don’t know you or your family”.
But I also wanted to say, for what it is worth, not much as it is just another person’s opinion, that I have found nothing but deep and growing love and appreciation in your reflections about your husband and your life together. You share such warmth in the midst of the normal ups and downs of any good marriage, through the crises, the changes in a growing family, the moves and risks, the family members quirks and eccentricities. Never mind the culture gap!!! Everything I have read has been written from a human heart filled with love and the intention to grow in love. To be real and to allow change and room for the uncomfortable and the misunderstandings and the just plain “What were you thinkings????) of everyday life.
As for David, whatever part of him was compelled to project such crap onto you and Jean-Marc is crying for more love not less. But the part of me who feels like a Mother Bear protecting her own, I am just not ready to send it quite yet.
Have a lovely time on your vacation. It will all unfold perfectly. Even the meals!
Much ;love,
Ahulani
Beautifully said, Peter.
Agreed!
Wow. Those were hurtful words. And quite passive aggressive, too. Sorry you had that experience. And, not for nothing, I am still envious of your life. So there.
Big hugs from both of us!!
Beautiful reminder, Peter. I am so grateful to you, Kristin and your beautiful family and pets, for continually and generously lifting my spirits and giving me a life to dream of in Provance.
Kristin, I’ve been reading your blog for many years. I have always been impressed by your kindness, your love of your family, your gentleness and your faith. Your response to poor David is exactly right! Just keep on doing what you do — it’s really lovely.
Oh, dear Kristi, how I love you! Even in your most emotionally charged and sad stories you never fail to touch my heart and leave me with a smile. It is a gift God has graced you with.
I am still smiling over your eloquent response to someone who has no business placing his agenda smack in your inbox!
Sending hugs and kisses to you and Smokey. The kissing booth is such a sweet ending to today’s story. Have a lovely holiday, kick up your heels and soak in the relaxing rays of summer!
It is no surprise that Max and Jackie turned out to be such beautiful youths, inside and outside — they came from two amazingly humanly beautiful parents. This vieux man relates to you incredibly well and has a deep love for you, Kristy, and all your family. You were hurt because you care so much. No wonder your readers love you so.
I agree. Wonderfully articulated, Peter.
Hahahahaha!That’s the most authentic American thing a woman can say. Seriously well done.
Bravo, Kristin! You showed all the gumption of the female lead in a 1940s movie. I don’t understand why this amateur shrink felt the need to analyze your marriage rather than just stop reading you and moving on with his life. I have never seen anything that he described. I applaud you and your bravery for opening your life, your marriage, and your family to all of us strangers. And I’m grateful for your stories. Let’s hope that true jerk hasn’t been spying on my husband and me because he could probably say even worse about us. But my husband and I are still together for more than 30 years. A big boîte à bisous à toi.
Stay the course. Be brave. Good for you. Mary
I have neglected my own blog because of the nasty people online. Good for you to sticking up for yourself: you’re right, none of us knows you, your husband, or your family.
Courage!
Great response. I enjoy reading your blog immensely; don’t let Armchair PsychoBabblers like this get you down. Oh: I couldn’t find the offensive part that *you* wrote. Ah well; you’ll have to try harder next time. Bon vacances!
No need to debase yourself to “David’s” response. Throw it in the garbage. And realize he is a loony who just want’s attention. And he got it! Another lesson in life of the good guys and the bad guys. The responses of your readers says it all. They are as eloquent as you are. Unfortunately there are crazies out there . I am so sorry that this happened to you.
We all are on YOUR team.
Wow, I really don’t know where he got that. From what I’ve read, your husband is a wonderful man. You’re living an authentic, fabulous life, which of course isn’t perfect because no one’s is. That’s what is perfect–we all have our journeys, and I enjoy reading about yours. Don’t worry about yelling at him; he deserved it. That can be the problem with writing–people think that they know you and have the right to judge you. They don’t, on both counts.
Thank you for sharing honestly and inviting us to enjoy a glimpse of your life. It is worth reading. 🙂
Hugs to you all. It does not matter what anyone thinks of us. It only matters what we truthfully think of ourselves. Life is a strange and wonderful journey. On that I have found to be much more enjoyable now that I have discovered meditation. It has healed me in so many ways. I wish I had known about meditation when I was eight. It takes practice like so many things but it is worth every effort. Love yourself. And love David for showing us how easy it is to misplace words. Extra hugs to Smokey.
I can’t believe you received such a letter!
Forget about it and think of all the readers, including myself, that love your posts.
Bonnes vacances !!!!
Grosses bises
Well put.
Kristi,
My only disappointment was that you did not also say it in French!
Wow! I love all the supportive comments. I also love your succinct response to David. Kudos to you!
Believe it or not, your gutsy posting of that arrogant, presumptuous email from “David” taught me something positive. For fear of being mistaken for someone like him, I will never again sign a blog comment with my first name alone. Thank you, David Simmons
David appears to be a pompous ass! Prayers for all of you & especially Smokey.