Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted–not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels . I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess! …And if you believe that you will believe today's entirely fishy story:-) Click here to learn what the French do on April 1st.
COMMENTS
Were you fooled by today's story? At what point in the letter did you know this was a blague, or joke? I'd love to know! Click here to comment.
I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Join the discussion here in the comments section.
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
FRENCH CLASSIC NET SHOPPING BAG – made and knit in France!
PARIS METRO CUFF – bracelet and handy map!
TISANES – FRENCH HERBAL TEAS – My family drinks them every night, to help drift off to sleep.
LAGUIOLE STEAK KNIVES are for sale in many of the local French market stands.
FRENCH KITCHEN TOWELS by Garnier-Thiebaut.
PARIS PEACE T-SHIRT – "so many people have stopped to ask me where I got it" -Betty.
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Bahaha! You had me up to the olive oil and toothbrush. Nice one!
Too much, even for the French! But great story! The thought of wasting good olive oil on polishing skulls…….can’t get out of my head….crazy. Thanks…laughing is good for the soul!
Je me suis rendue compte de ce tu faisais au deuxième ligne; bien joué!
I was going with you till the end, relaying each unbelievable detail to my daughter Kelsie. Well done!
You had me until the toothbrush. Very clever blague!
Unlike the rest of your fans who have been duped into believing your day’s post is a joke, I hear the truth of it behind the joviality – shepherds: devious devils one and all. Anyone who has ever been to France knows that the shepherds and local police of each province conspire to clog roads and otherwise cause mayhem on a regular basis. However, this is the first I’ve heard of them extending their skullduggery into the realm of dusting old bones. But I am not surprised. So to help you cope with the injustice of being punished for feeding tender mustard greens and stems to churlish sheep, I am sending you a book to aid in your delicious revenge: “101 Recipes for Mutton” by Iona Gunn. Enjoy your day in Paris.
Wait a minute Kristin, I read this last year! An I was definitely fooled (last year) till the end! Have been following your blog for years (since my own kids were toddlers) and love getting it in the email box to brighten my week! Keep writing & thanks for sharing your life with us!
Got me as well.
OMG! Even though I know it is April Fools day, I was TOTALLY taken in! As I was reading I was thinking about how to send you some positive encouragement and a silver lining in your awful cloud…..and then I came to the end and BURST OUT LAUGHING!
I am forwarding this post to friends AND on facebook. Bravo, Kristin!!!!!!!
I believed every word I read until the bitter end LOL. I can think of worst places to do community service…
Never suspected a thing and was just thinking to myself that I might never visit France for fear of being arrested on a silly pretense. Tres drole!
This was hysterical. Living in the U.S. where everything is bizarre–I believed it completely!
Yes, I’ve been down into the Paris catacombs. It’s the kind of thing Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer would have liked. Intriguingly creepy with all the bones and skulls stacked with typical French flair.
Happy April Fools Day to you too, Kristen. Thoroughly believed you to the end!
Keep sending me French- word–a-day.. Love receiving it. Specially loved The Serenity Prayer in French( one of my favorites)
Mary-Audrey, Scottsdale, AZ
KRISTI,
YOU GOT ME TOTALLY OFF GUARD. JUST BACK FROM A TRIP AND NOT EVEN THINKING THAT, TODAY IS APRIL’S FOOLS DAY. WELL
DONE!!
MARTI
You stuck the poisson on my back! I was so worried about you until I got to the part of your story about the State purchasing your train ticket and it hit me: Poisson d’Avril! I so enjoy reading your books and your blog/emails. Happy Easter to you and your family.
Bisous,
Linda
You had me until you said the State was paying for the train ticket. Don’t think that would happen!
Vous m’a dupé! Bravo et merci pour le rire.
You have quite the imagination down to the fine details of one drop per skull! I was the complete “April Fool” and enjoyed every minute of it. However, I was beginning to worry that you might develop a cold from the dampness and mold surely to be found in a catacomb. (I have only been in a catacomb outside of Rome many, many years ago. We each were given a candle to light our way along the dim tunnels. No one worried much about safety in those days.) Mille mercis !
Totally fell for it and actually thought it might be kind of interesting and fun!Felt sad it wasn’t true– I thought the Catacombs were amazing. LOL.
Grace a Dieu, c’est la folie du jour du poisson!
Je l’ai cru jusqu’a la fin! Tous les gouvernements du monde sont fous.
Bonne blague.
Oh dear you had me. I don’t regularly read so I thought ‘wow French country life sure is exciting’
love you blog and your books!
viva le france!
THAT was the BEST April Fools tale I have ever heard! And yes, I am one of the many others, you had me until the very last word. Seriously. I can SO SEE the French doing this. xo me
Kristi! Didn’t know it was a joke until you came clean about the cleaning project. Lol! I was thinking, “Oh how cool is that? She’s going to love it.” I’ve been had… 🙂
Ok, you had me through to the end. I had the notion that the French had some oddities in their justice system and so I fell hook, line and sinker. Good one!
Dear Kristin McHoodwinker Espinasse!
You got me good!Touche! It recalls to mind an incident when I was in high school. On the bus ride home, I was surrounded by girls who were a year ahead of me.They convinced me that one of them, Julie, had false teeth. That she had had to get them so young because of an accident. Already in awe of them, and not wanting to appear uncompassionate, I was completely hooked- like today. I was only tipped off as I left the bus and heard their shrieks of laughter.
Good one!
You had me right to the end. Knowing the French it is not beyond belief 😉
You had me until you explained the community service, and I said to myself,
“But that would be SO COOL!” And then I thought, OMG. Well done. I read the rest with great pleasure. MERCI!
KRISTIN, WELL GULLABLE JOY, I BELIEVED IT , TIL THE END. I WAS READY TO FLY THERE AND DEFEND YOU, AS YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING ANY OF THOSE CREEPY THINGS. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS, GORGEOUS BLOND, WHO GIVES ME A LIFT EVERY DAY. WHEW, I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE IT WAS APRIL THE FIRST. SO, YOU FOOLED ME, GOOD. YOUR ADMIRER, JOY WOOD
Perfectly delicious! The background story so convincing that only tendrils of “…but … this is tooo surreal…??” crept into the corners of my half-believing mind UNTIL the toothbrush showed up on the list and made me laugh out loud! Aha!! — Le Poisson d’Avril flaps his scaly tail again. Still laughing, and still stuck with the image of you on your knees cleaning the catacombs-ossuary with toothbrush and olive oil. Not sure I can DISbeleive you now!
I’m so gullible that I believed it all the way to the end. I thought it was about the strangest ‘punishment’ I could imagine, but then, I’d not put anything past the delightful French. Good joke. I completely forgot it’s April Fool’s Day.
Aha, you got me; I was feeling sorry for you.
hahahaha Just as funny the second time around! I think you just wanted to find out who’s been reading for at LEAST two years now! Nice!
Really one of your best. You had me to the end.
I cringed a bit about the toothbrush.
But there ARE some bizarre legal things in France, donc, c’etait possible!
Ha ha ha! Completely taken in!!
You are good. I fell for it completely, thinking – only the French could come up with such a punishment.–Creepy. One drop of olive oil per head –indeed. Sure hope the sheep are alright now. Tee hee.
Excellent, funny– I thoroughly enjoyed being hoodwinked and could imagine you in a train to Pais with your brush and oil! Nancy
I hate to admit that you had me to the end also; I guess it comes naturally after the series of bizarre demands I’ve had from the French government. In France the administration can be more mystifying than science fiction! Well done, Kristi, you got us!
Oh you brat! You had me hook line and sinker! Loved every moment of laughing after you confessed to the mischevousness
🙂 I so enjoy your posts… You are the best….
.. OMG!!! What a little clever trickster you are! Bravo! You had me till the one drop par tete! Too funny. Actually, having lived in Paris for 3 years and been back to France 6 times , I can tell you nothing would surprise me about the French bureaucracy. It is very
complicated and intricate! Did anyone put a ‘fish ‘ on your dos yet??? Happy Avril Fools Day! J. Dunn, Tallahassee, Fl.
Good one Kristin!
I was thinking…”what a crazy punishment and what was Jean-Marc’s punishment. I was laughing so hard when you mentioned olive oil as a skull emollient. LOL
I remember one April Fool’s Day and I got my Dad really good by taking the cream filling out of his Twinkie and filling it with Barbasol shaving cream. I really had to run for my life! LOL
Oh Kristin
my stomach turned thinking of you in the catacombs.. I’ve been down there…. and omg I was so overwhelmed I could feel a panic attack rising..and begged to return to the open air.. so when reading that you must go down there.. tears streamed down my face.. and then searching my memory for any mention of sheep grazing on mustard grass or sick sheep..
well, all I can say, my dear.. is Happy April Fools Day.. haha
Warmly,
Barbara
You did GOOD! This had me! ha ha ha
April fool here in Michigan! Totally fooled. Was ready to pray for you etc…
Oh you got me good !!! what a sucker i was and i was very upset that this was happening. . .but i’m happy to know it is an April Fool’s hoax and i can smile.
I was completely fooled! And was laughing out loud at how extreme the community service was…when the animals and their owner were totally to blame 🙂
Got me!
Pas jusqu’à la fin! Et ça c’est après j’ai été bouleversé par le poisson d’avril que Hollande a annoncé le démantèlement de la tour Eiffel. Je suis vraiment jobard.
Je Le croyais jusqu’au bout! I am surprised that I have not yet in my life bought swampland in Florida!
That is some story, Kristin. Could you be part Irish? I love the creativity that goes with the Celtic spirituality of invent, re-invent,
and then invent again! I have been on the receiving end of some
pretty interesting April Fool’s Day jokes today and am enjoying
them all, but yours takes the prize for most outlandish! Joanne,
Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA.
Kristen, You had be until the end because I’m a bit leery anyway about the French legal system-property rights, etc. And yes, I have been in the catacombs. I took a group of students through them while we still all had jet lag. Unreal. After the visit, I wondered about how unhealthy that dusty dank air must be. I love your stories.