Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted–not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels . I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess! …And if you believe that you will believe today's entirely fishy story:-) Click here to learn what the French do on April 1st.
COMMENTS
Were you fooled by today's story? At what point in the letter did you know this was a blague, or joke? I'd love to know! Click here to comment.
I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Join the discussion here in the comments section.
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
FRENCH CLASSIC NET SHOPPING BAG – made and knit in France!
PARIS METRO CUFF – bracelet and handy map!
TISANES – FRENCH HERBAL TEAS – My family drinks them every night, to help drift off to sleep.
LAGUIOLE STEAK KNIVES are for sale in many of the local French market stands.
FRENCH KITCHEN TOWELS by Garnier-Thiebaut.
PARIS PEACE T-SHIRT – "so many people have stopped to ask me where I got it" -Betty.
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
C’est Bon! I love the Avril Poisson thing the French do. Fun to find the old cartes postals with beautifully dressed people holding a salmon!
You took me in completely. I only thought it odd that you would have to go all the way to Paris.
I had no idea until you outed yourself! I thought, what a great adventure, she will have a great blog following that jaunt to Paris!
the community service was the give a way but since I am going to spend a week in Paris in Sept,. I will take in the Catacombs and then come down to Marseille for a few days and hopefully visit you again after several years, happy April fools day.Lou Bogue
As I have already been fooled today, I figured it out early on, when you mention being prosecuted for empoisennement! Godd story though!
WOW! I fell for it too all the way to the end! But I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only one who actually believed it. This was a good one and so well done!
I was fooled until you mentioned the Paris Catacombs. I couldn’t believe that one French municipality would cooperate with another!
Fantastique! You had me until you said the state was paying for the train ticket at which point I reread the rest and realized it was a poisson.
I’ve just found your blog recently and am loving it.
Immediately, as it was too similar to previous prank post. Very good none the less. Is community service a common punishment in France? And is it a phobia of yours?
Good job, Kristi — you had me until the first mention of the Catacombs! Thanks for lightening up my day.
I WENT FOR IT
HOOK
LINE
AND
SINKER
I THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT STORY
GOOD JOB
Good one Kristin. I was really looking forward to seeing you post some great photos of the catacombs with your always
ready camera.
Can I take the paper fish off my back now?
I totally believed you and was feeling quite a bit of sympathy for your plight. I’m pretty gullible.
LOLing! Got me until the toothbrush when I asked myself, “What day is it anyway!”. We have guests staying with us and I will share your story! I’ll see if I can pull the wool over their eyes.
Thanks for the fun to start my day!
This was SO funny! I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out until you gave it away! I lived in Paris for three years, and got to know some of the “peculiarities” of the French culture. Some of them I love and some of them I sort of shook my head and thought “Vive la différence”! I’m so glad you didn’t need to go down into those Catacombs and brush those skulls with your HUSBAND’S toothbrush!!! This was a cute joke you pulled on your readers!
Good one but sheeps getting le gastro sounded odd. As I continue reading it clicked: Poisson d’Avril…
You got me as well! Very good!!
As a very gullible American with total ignorance of French law, I was swallowing this tale. Granted, it got harder and harder to believe and I had just been reminded that today was indeed April Fools’ Day but, yes, I read on just shaking my head.
I was telling myself, while reading the blog today, that maybe I don’t want to visit France and perhaps make a public “sin” and end up in the catacombs like poor Kristen!
lol – you got me!
You had me until the end and I thought it quite an honor that the fovernment would pay your train ticket for you ts spend an hour in the catacombs! I have never been; but when I do go, I will think of you!
K,
Check Napoleonic Code Chapter 211, Section 4,243A/211. I do think you have some liability here for replication of a poisson d’Avril blag from previous years. Keep the toothbrush handy…
What a perfect poisson! I did have a frisson about cleaning the catacombs with a toothbrush, but even so you still had me. This was brilliant (and I am not. Sniff).
I was puzzled why Jean-Marc wasn’t joining you for this punishment. You did have me going up to the toothbrush remark. I have been to the catacombs. Fascinating…creepy, but oh so artistically creative. Who knew bones could be placed in such unique patterns rather than just dumped in piles. Wear a hat if you go…something wet drips from the ceilings!!!
Kristen – you had me all the way to the end! You are such a wonderful storyteller. Thank you for making me laugh on this cold day!
I was fooled hook line and sinker by your fishy story!!😊👍
You had me hook, line and sinker. Thanks for making my day! Of all the things you have taught in your blog, this lesson in French humor is one of the best! Keep making us smile = )
I picked up a wrinkle at “State is paying for my train ticket”
Ce ne est pas français.
Nice job, though.
Oh my goodness! I bet there will be a book out of this story! Best wishes to you and your public service.
I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one! You had me all the way to “today’s fishy story” which means I would’ve continued to believe it if you hadn’t fessed up!
Ok April Fools…I do have a fish on my back!
Poisson d’avril!
You are soooooooooo bad. I was panicking on your behalf! Best April Fool’s today! From Colorado hahahahahaha : )
You had me, too, Kristin! Even though I, too, wondered why they would have you serve so far away as to have to pay for a train ticket.
Good writing!
This was a prank where it was fun to be caught! I appreciated the laugh.
You had me, too! I will plead the “before my first cup of coffee” excuse, too. The only thing that seemed odd to me was that you were required to go all the way to Paris rather than work locally – and I did wonder how Jean-Marc got off the hook.
C’est un vrai poisson d’avril! You really had me convinced. However, what an experience it would be to clean the catacombs! Maybe not fun, but you would have had fodder for many columns!
Fooled me all the way. Thanks
…et Poisson d’avril à nous ! C’est formidable comme une galéjade, Kristin !
YOU GOT ME GOOD!WIll pass on to other PARISIANS………….
BRAVA!
Ya got me! I was with you till I hit the bit about the toothbrush……And I was actually thinking, well she’ll get some good essays going there…..Thanks for a good laugh, Eileen
nice imaginative story, but the part about the punk Shepard is false also? i hope you don’t have any actual neighbors who might take offense and really end you up in trouble
Best wishes!!!
I did actually think this was real but I also thought that the French government was trying to be funny and make you laugh! That is too good…bravo!
Merci Kristin pour votre poisson d’Avril 😉
At first, being French, I was outraged at the sheepherder’s claim.
Then, knowing the French system, I believed the “punishment”, although I found it weird that they would send you to Paris for that.
Typically, they do it locally. Ca m’a mis la puce a l’oreille (an expression you might have to explain or explore in a future missive).
I knew right away it was a joke when you claimed the trip was on the French government’s dime. No way Jose! That would never happen in real France.
I thought the olive oil touch was a nice one. I personally thought that butter would have been more appropriate in Paris 😉
Good one! You almost got me 🙂
Alain
you got me up until bringing your toothbrush. tres bien fait!
i’ve never been and have no desire to see the catacombs. super happy you will not be spending your day there.
Sucker, I am. You got me! I know France does some change things sometimes, but this was crazy! Happy April Fools to all!
Debi
LOL. I bought it to the end. Couldn’t wait for the follow-up posts. Good one!
The first two sentences gave you away. Very funny. Happy April fools Day.
Our dear Kristi,
My first inclination was to scream Eeewwww!
But then your wonderful storytelling techniques
Gave me an AHA!! moment,and I caught on!
Bonne poissons d’avril!!!!😊
Love
Natalia. Xo
As soon as I read “community service” I remembered what day it is. You are too funny!
We have been into the catacombs. Reaaly the most bizarre place we could imagine. Beyond description. And the smell is, well, bad.
And when we finally exited at the surface, the gendarmes were there making everyone empty their pockets. Now this is the really terrible part, people were being caught stealing bones as souvenirs!!!! The gendarmes just took the bones and let the thieves go.
Thhis is a true story! Not an April fools joke.
Embarrassed to say that you had me from beginning to end, every step of the way! At least I’m awake now, and laughing, and hopefully a little better prepared for other April Fool jokes that may be coming my way today.
Jane Parker, Tempe, Arizona