Not a new dress. But will this one pass? Mom says it could work (minus the belt. You need a silver belt!) She also suggested some new shoes–and why not buy a few new dresses, too? Read on….
le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur
: buyer's remorse
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
A few days ago, I began emailing photos of myself to my mom, in Mexico. The subject line read "cruise wardrobe. HELP!"
In two weeks, Jean-Marc and I will host that Paris-Normandy cruise I told you about. In a panic, I had bought two cheap dresses–and was now experiencing le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur, or buyer's remorse. But with any luck–and with a scarf thrown over the get-ups, maybe the dresses would faire l'affaire?
I knew I was putting Mom in a vise by asking, once again this week, for her critique. I'd just asked for her honest opinion on the 3-page book introduction I recently wrote–a solicitation that ended in a week of silent treatment (on my part) punctuated by a few desperate calls demanding that Mom reconsider her opinion. (I then put Mom through the torture of listening to me read and reread my book's unchanged introduction–a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.)
I ended up rewriting the intro, spitting and cursing through the first few drafts–until it smoothed itself out. While my poor mom took the brunt of my frustrations, she also won all my respect in the end.
When next I asked Mom to edit my wardrobe, she was understandably gun-shy. To shoot down this polyester façade would be to shatter an ill-fitting shell of conformism.
"Honey, what about Jackie's red leather jacket?" Mom suggested, careful to tiptoe around the previous email I'd sent her (the blue dress in question, I realize now, looked like it was made of airplane blanket material).
"Mom! Jackie doesn't have a red leather jacket!"
Cutting to the chase, my wardrobe editor offered another suggestion. "Honey, why don't you go out and buy yourself some nice dresses?"
"But, Mom!" I fired off a list of reasons to leave things well enough alone. Besides, going back to the drawing board meant going back to the dressing room. Why don't they just call them for what they are? "Humiliation chambers."
Something about florescent lighting makes the scars across my face appear as train tracks. And, when I look away from the reflection in the mirror, my eyes catch–like the strained zippers on the hip-hugger pants the 20-year-old salesgirl just gave me–on other unsightly details.
"You are trying too hard." Mom said, gently. "You need to let go and let God."
***
Driving back to the supermarket mall, I shook my head. I get it that I need to quit trying to control or force outcomes; that the more I struggle the less I accomplish. I get it that Mom is talking about grace—but what is she suggesting.. that I take God shopping with me?
I'm sure God has more important things to do than help me try on shoes, so I've taken my 16-year-old daughter along as a backup. Along the way I try to let go. Let go…..
I drive past the cheap boutique and park in front of Esprit. They are having 30% off everything in the shop today–a good chance to "change up" those cheap dresses for better quality versions.
Squeezing in and out of a dozen cocktail robes, I avoid the mirror, but another unsavory detail soon demands my attention. A sour scent fills my nose there in the cramped dressing room….
If I thought the mirrors were humiliating now it was my own body that was mortifying me! I realized that in my haste and hurry to get my errands done, I'd skipped a very important step: deodorant.
Jackie! Je pue! I stepped out of the dressing room to breathe.
My daughter did her best to reassure me, but I was worried about tainting the store's clothing. I'd better slip off this pretty dress–before I ruin it!–and get my stinky, stressed self out of this store.
Just as I was spinning around to hurry back into the dressing room, I heard them. The three angels.
"Oh là là," they said. "That dress is lovely on you!"
Standing before me was the most expressive trio I have ever seen. The women, who looked related, wore thick make-up in contrast to their fair, copper-toned hair. The French "sisters" looked to be my mom's age (mid-sixties) and their mom could have been their sister. This much I gathered. I also had a hunch they'd just enjoyed a three-martini lunch. Then again, some people are naturally high, playful, and free. Such were these colorful ladies who stood in the hall of the dressing room, showering me with encouragement.
"Thank you!" I said, clamping my arms to my sweaty sides–until I remembered Mom's gentle words: let go…. Let things unfold….
"That is a pretty dress, too," I offered, returning the compliment. (One of the women had a pretty green dress on her arm.)
"Here, try it on!" she offered, handing me the glittery robe.
"Yes, yes, try it on, dear!" their mother, in a flamboyant hat and high tops, cheered. (my own mom would have gone to town with these women! )
Each time I came out of the dressing room the fair-haired trio raved.
"But isn't it too… (big or small or this or that)" I questioned, each time. Again and again, any doubts and insecurities were hushed, and even my daughter validated the women's opinion.
By now I had two dresses, a jacket, and even a leather skirt to add to my cruise wardrobe. Oh là là indeed! How quickly my luck had turned around–and how effortlessly things came together!
A joyful rush came over me and I threw my arms around the strangers. And when I remembered my sweaty secret I clamped my arms, which only had the effect of squeezing those dear women even closer to me. Like Pepé LePew I could not help but show my emotion!
If they were put off by my scent, they didn't show it. I looked over at the three women, who beamed.
God—incarnate in a flamboyant hat and high tops—had indeed gone shopping with me.
That's when the truth behind Mom's words struck me. In the end, it's a matter of grace.
* * *
French vocabulary
le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur = buyer's remorse
faire l'affaire = work
je pue (puer) = I stink
Everybody has their own style, Mom says. (That's Jules, above).
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Talk about angels. Whew. That was exactly the message I needed to hear today, so thank you and your beautiful Mom.
I have been cleaning out my closet and looking at everything with a stern eye of “does this make me happy?” plus (ouch) “does this fit me well?” And I can tell you that all of the stuff in the giveaway pile is cheapy. So hooray for your angels–you will look beautiful on the cruise, I know it. 🙂
PS. I love the Constance belt but that’s just me!
Talk about angels. Whew. That was exactly the message I needed to hear today, so thank you and your beautiful Mom.
I have been cleaning out my closet and looking at everything with a stern eye of “does this make me happy?” plus (ouch) “does this fit me well?” And I can tell you that all of the stuff in the giveaway pile is cheapy. So hooray for your angels–you will look beautiful on the cruise, I know it. 🙂
PS. I love the Constance belt but that’s just me!
There is not a woman reading this who did not relate! Oh, how we labor over clothing , especially for a special event. Loved your story of the Lord sending your French angels. The next time I am stressing in a dressing room here in Alabama I am going to look for them.
Thank you for your emails blessing my days. Your words make me want to add something else to that suitcase in my closet that I always have semi-packed to go back to the south of France again.
Blessings to you,
Judy
There is not a woman reading this who did not relate! Oh, how we labor over clothing , especially for a special event. Loved your story of the Lord sending your French angels. The next time I am stressing in a dressing room here in Alabama I am going to look for them.
Thank you for your emails blessing my days. Your words make me want to add something else to that suitcase in my closet that I always have semi-packed to go back to the south of France again.
Blessings to you,
Judy
The blue dress at the top of the page is wonderful, and I like the boots, too. (There’s something about a woman in boots.)
Is that you wearing the dress? Why did you cut off your face?
The blue dress at the top of the page is wonderful, and I like the boots, too. (There’s something about a woman in boots.)
Is that you wearing the dress? Why did you cut off your face?
You could wear a burlap sack and look g o r g e o u s! But that’s not the point here and it is wonderful your shopping angels appeared. Bon voyage– oh to be there and see your new ensembles in person!
You could wear a burlap sack and look g o r g e o u s! But that’s not the point here and it is wonderful your shopping angels appeared. Bon voyage– oh to be there and see your new ensembles in person!
Hi,
Crisp white shirt, pearls, slim jeans or black pants. With a blazer or a nifty coat, topped off with a requisite scarf. Pearls my all-time fav.
Cheryl
Hi,
Crisp white shirt, pearls, slim jeans or black pants. With a blazer or a nifty coat, topped off with a requisite scarf. Pearls my all-time fav.
Cheryl
We did that AMA cruise last year at the end of October from Paris. We wished we were going this year we you.
Do not fret over what to wear as everything is so casual. A good pair of pants some interesting tops and a good jacket will take you everywhere. Also lots of interesting scarves can change a outfit from casual to dressy.
Have a wonderful time and remember to enjoy yourselves!!!! It is going to be so much fun!!!!
We did that AMA cruise last year at the end of October from Paris. We wished we were going this year we you.
Do not fret over what to wear as everything is so casual. A good pair of pants some interesting tops and a good jacket will take you everywhere. Also lots of interesting scarves can change a outfit from casual to dressy.
Have a wonderful time and remember to enjoy yourselves!!!! It is going to be so much fun!!!!
Kristin,
You would look beautiful in anything!
Kristin,
You would look beautiful in anything!
I tend toward Santa Fe style. 😉
I tend toward Santa Fe style. 😉
Each person has a style all their own. I do like the dress above with the black belt – it ties in with your boots.
However, wear your personality – it looks amazing!
Each person has a style all their own. I do like the dress above with the black belt – it ties in with your boots.
However, wear your personality – it looks amazing!
Kristin,
Once again your beautiful stories find me wiping my eyes and lifting my spirits. Your reference to “humiliation chambers” had me laughing out loud. I think it’s high time that shops replace their morgue lighting with something more flattering.
I hope you all have a fantastic time on the cruise!
Kristin,
Once again your beautiful stories find me wiping my eyes and lifting my spirits. Your reference to “humiliation chambers” had me laughing out loud. I think it’s high time that shops replace their morgue lighting with something more flattering.
I hope you all have a fantastic time on the cruise!
I have been on one of those river cruises and they are very casual!! I bet you won’t see many dresses even in the evening. Great pants, a nice jacket and interesting tops will do it for you. And I bet you would look GREAT in a black turtle neck! Bon Voyage!!
I have been on one of those river cruises and they are very casual!! I bet you won’t see many dresses even in the evening. Great pants, a nice jacket and interesting tops will do it for you. And I bet you would look GREAT in a black turtle neck! Bon Voyage!!
I think you look great in the dress you posted, and are too hard on yourself. It is good to have objective help when shopping. But boy can I relate to the “humiliation chamber”!! I just went to look for a dress for an upcoming work event I will attend for my husband, and of course I can never find quite what I want, and all my flaws are amplified in those humiliation chambers. Shopping with my fit,beautiful daughter does not usually make me feel better. I realized that I am terrible at accessorizing, and that often makes the outfit. Maybe I need a personal shopper?? As for a favorite style, I am a jeans girl!! Nice jeans, a pretty sweater or blouse, boots (or other cute shoes) and I am happy.
I think you look great in the dress you posted, and are too hard on yourself. It is good to have objective help when shopping. But boy can I relate to the “humiliation chamber”!! I just went to look for a dress for an upcoming work event I will attend for my husband, and of course I can never find quite what I want, and all my flaws are amplified in those humiliation chambers. Shopping with my fit,beautiful daughter does not usually make me feel better. I realized that I am terrible at accessorizing, and that often makes the outfit. Maybe I need a personal shopper?? As for a favorite style, I am a jeans girl!! Nice jeans, a pretty sweater or blouse, boots (or other cute shoes) and I am happy.
Hello again,
The question was “what is your style”? Meaning the writer’s. Of course Kristin looks great!! But, I have overdressed at times in France, where I go every year, and regret it every time. Chic doesn’t have to be complicated. The French are MASTERS of chic. Trust me, a white shirt lends itself to dressing-up. (turtleneck is good too) White against the face is flattering. Anyway just a thought. And very often Carolina H. is in a white shirt and always looks perfectly attired.
Hello again,
The question was “what is your style”? Meaning the writer’s. Of course Kristin looks great!! But, I have overdressed at times in France, where I go every year, and regret it every time. Chic doesn’t have to be complicated. The French are MASTERS of chic. Trust me, a white shirt lends itself to dressing-up. (turtleneck is good too) White against the face is flattering. Anyway just a thought. And very often Carolina H. is in a white shirt and always looks perfectly attired.
Ditto, Cheryl !!
Ditto, Cheryl !!
Kristin, remember the cruise last year where we first met? You looked beautiful each and everyday I saw you.
Congrats on your new wardrobe! I know you will look lovely. It is your charming and sincere personality that always clothes you and contributes to your style.
Kristin, remember the cruise last year where we first met? You looked beautiful each and everyday I saw you.
Congrats on your new wardrobe! I know you will look lovely. It is your charming and sincere personality that always clothes you and contributes to your style.
Black, Black and then some..A fab white blouse,something gray, a little color, a cashmere over the shoulders, some scarves, a birkin and a warm coat.
Now using #3 turn it over as you don’t understand and HP will take care of the rest..
Black, Black and then some..A fab white blouse,something gray, a little color, a cashmere over the shoulders, some scarves, a birkin and a warm coat.
Now using #3 turn it over as you don’t understand and HP will take care of the rest..
Delightful post! Some corrections:
I’m sure you don’t want to put Jules in a VICE, but a VISE (which would be painful as well).
solicitation
WORST enemy (I assume you meant, rather than WORSE
…and let God… (do what?)
30% OFF, not OF
REASSURE, not ASSURE
Delightful post! Some corrections:
I’m sure you don’t want to put Jules in a VICE, but a VISE (which would be painful as well).
solicitation
WORST enemy (I assume you meant, rather than WORSE
…and let God… (do what?)
30% OFF, not OF
REASSURE, not ASSURE
Beautiful, beautiful story. I need those women to come shopping with me because I’m a boring nerd. LOL
Beautiful, beautiful story. I need those women to come shopping with me because I’m a boring nerd. LOL
Oh dear – is that REAL FUR on that blue dress?? I do hope not. They way fur is obtained is so terribly cruel, I can’t understand why anyone would want to be associated with it.
Oh dear – is that REAL FUR on that blue dress?? I do hope not. They way fur is obtained is so terribly cruel, I can’t understand why anyone would want to be associated with it.
Happiness is feeling good in your clothing ~!~ I agree that a tweedy jacket and great fitting pants, cords or jeans is my go to uniform. I do confess to being a Ralp Lauren fan. His look is so easy to wear city or country. Have a wonderful cruise. I hope you;ll post pictures. I was in Normandy in late May and it rained every day. I would love to do one of those river cruises. Thanks for your wonderful blogs..Kathy
Happiness is feeling good in your clothing ~!~ I agree that a tweedy jacket and great fitting pants, cords or jeans is my go to uniform. I do confess to being a Ralp Lauren fan. His look is so easy to wear city or country. Have a wonderful cruise. I hope you;ll post pictures. I was in Normandy in late May and it rained every day. I would love to do one of those river cruises. Thanks for your wonderful blogs..Kathy
You look wonderful in the blue dress. I think the black boots and belt are perfect. Quite frankly Kristin, you can wear anything and look lovely. I think that it is important that you feel comfortable in what you wear…that it flows with your life. I suspect that is why Jules dresses as she does.
My personal style is a little flamboyant… colorful scarves and shawls or artsy jewelry and earrings matched with black or brown. I guess it is the artist in me. I don’t have a lot of clothing at the moment, because I have lost a lot of weight, but find what I have works for now.
Enjoy your trip. I am sure once you are onboard you will worry less and just have a wonderful time!
You look wonderful in the blue dress. I think the black boots and belt are perfect. Quite frankly Kristin, you can wear anything and look lovely. I think that it is important that you feel comfortable in what you wear…that it flows with your life. I suspect that is why Jules dresses as she does.
My personal style is a little flamboyant… colorful scarves and shawls or artsy jewelry and earrings matched with black or brown. I guess it is the artist in me. I don’t have a lot of clothing at the moment, because I have lost a lot of weight, but find what I have works for now.
Enjoy your trip. I am sure once you are onboard you will worry less and just have a wonderful time!
I feel your pain. I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to update my own wardrobe for the very same cruise. Oh, the pain of being a woman. Brad bought two new white collared shirts for the trip and called it good. Can’t wait to see you and J-M again.
I feel your pain. I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to update my own wardrobe for the very same cruise. Oh, the pain of being a woman. Brad bought two new white collared shirts for the trip and called it good. Can’t wait to see you and J-M again.
Just back from more errands and am jumping into the comments. Thanks for your cheerful and very kind messages!
Jo, No worries–that is just fake fluff and not fur, and in no way do I wish to promote fur–but I liked the cape… and it came with the fluff!
Bruce, That is I, with a close-up of the dress (that is my excuse for why my head is out of the frame).
Cheryl, wish I had gotten that crisp white shirt, too. Great look, I agree.
Allen, many thanks for those corrections. Very glad to have them.
Cheryl Well, LOL! Me too, boring nerd 🙂
Just back from more errands and am jumping into the comments. Thanks for your cheerful and very kind messages!
Jo, No worries–that is just fake fluff and not fur, and in no way do I wish to promote fur–but I liked the cape… and it came with the fluff!
Bruce, That is I, with a close-up of the dress (that is my excuse for why my head is out of the frame).
Cheryl, wish I had gotten that crisp white shirt, too. Great look, I agree.
Allen, many thanks for those corrections. Very glad to have them.
Cheryl Well, LOL! Me too, boring nerd 🙂
Our dear Kristi,
Once again your descriptions are magic and made me laugh out loud!
Once again,too,you gave us all an insight on our own shortcomings,especially when it comes to clothes shopping and how we think we see ourselves.
The funniest part for my own self is realizing that everyone else is more worried about their appearance an d hardly notice mine!
How gifted you are!
Thank you!
Love, Natalia xo
Our dear Kristi,
Once again your descriptions are magic and made me laugh out loud!
Once again,too,you gave us all an insight on our own shortcomings,especially when it comes to clothes shopping and how we think we see ourselves.
The funniest part for my own self is realizing that everyone else is more worried about their appearance an d hardly notice mine!
How gifted you are!
Thank you!
Love, Natalia xo
Delightful post, Kristin. You always look great, so no need to stress about it. Looking forward to the stories that will accompany your cruise.
Delightful post, Kristin. You always look great, so no need to stress about it. Looking forward to the stories that will accompany your cruise.