Not a new dress. But will this one pass? Mom says it could work (minus the belt. You need a silver belt!) She also suggested some new shoes–and why not buy a few new dresses, too? Read on….
le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur
: buyer's remorse
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
A few days ago, I began emailing photos of myself to my mom, in Mexico. The subject line read "cruise wardrobe. HELP!"
In two weeks, Jean-Marc and I will host that Paris-Normandy cruise I told you about. In a panic, I had bought two cheap dresses–and was now experiencing le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur, or buyer's remorse. But with any luck–and with a scarf thrown over the get-ups, maybe the dresses would faire l'affaire?
I knew I was putting Mom in a vise by asking, once again this week, for her critique. I'd just asked for her honest opinion on the 3-page book introduction I recently wrote–a solicitation that ended in a week of silent treatment (on my part) punctuated by a few desperate calls demanding that Mom reconsider her opinion. (I then put Mom through the torture of listening to me read and reread my book's unchanged introduction–a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.)
I ended up rewriting the intro, spitting and cursing through the first few drafts–until it smoothed itself out. While my poor mom took the brunt of my frustrations, she also won all my respect in the end.
When next I asked Mom to edit my wardrobe, she was understandably gun-shy. To shoot down this polyester façade would be to shatter an ill-fitting shell of conformism.
"Honey, what about Jackie's red leather jacket?" Mom suggested, careful to tiptoe around the previous email I'd sent her (the blue dress in question, I realize now, looked like it was made of airplane blanket material).
"Mom! Jackie doesn't have a red leather jacket!"
Cutting to the chase, my wardrobe editor offered another suggestion. "Honey, why don't you go out and buy yourself some nice dresses?"
"But, Mom!" I fired off a list of reasons to leave things well enough alone. Besides, going back to the drawing board meant going back to the dressing room. Why don't they just call them for what they are? "Humiliation chambers."
Something about florescent lighting makes the scars across my face appear as train tracks. And, when I look away from the reflection in the mirror, my eyes catch–like the strained zippers on the hip-hugger pants the 20-year-old salesgirl just gave me–on other unsightly details.
"You are trying too hard." Mom said, gently. "You need to let go and let God."
***
Driving back to the supermarket mall, I shook my head. I get it that I need to quit trying to control or force outcomes; that the more I struggle the less I accomplish. I get it that Mom is talking about grace—but what is she suggesting.. that I take God shopping with me?
I'm sure God has more important things to do than help me try on shoes, so I've taken my 16-year-old daughter along as a backup. Along the way I try to let go. Let go…..
I drive past the cheap boutique and park in front of Esprit. They are having 30% off everything in the shop today–a good chance to "change up" those cheap dresses for better quality versions.
Squeezing in and out of a dozen cocktail robes, I avoid the mirror, but another unsavory detail soon demands my attention. A sour scent fills my nose there in the cramped dressing room….
If I thought the mirrors were humiliating now it was my own body that was mortifying me! I realized that in my haste and hurry to get my errands done, I'd skipped a very important step: deodorant.
Jackie! Je pue! I stepped out of the dressing room to breathe.
My daughter did her best to reassure me, but I was worried about tainting the store's clothing. I'd better slip off this pretty dress–before I ruin it!–and get my stinky, stressed self out of this store.
Just as I was spinning around to hurry back into the dressing room, I heard them. The three angels.
"Oh là là," they said. "That dress is lovely on you!"
Standing before me was the most expressive trio I have ever seen. The women, who looked related, wore thick make-up in contrast to their fair, copper-toned hair. The French "sisters" looked to be my mom's age (mid-sixties) and their mom could have been their sister. This much I gathered. I also had a hunch they'd just enjoyed a three-martini lunch. Then again, some people are naturally high, playful, and free. Such were these colorful ladies who stood in the hall of the dressing room, showering me with encouragement.
"Thank you!" I said, clamping my arms to my sweaty sides–until I remembered Mom's gentle words: let go…. Let things unfold….
"That is a pretty dress, too," I offered, returning the compliment. (One of the women had a pretty green dress on her arm.)
"Here, try it on!" she offered, handing me the glittery robe.
"Yes, yes, try it on, dear!" their mother, in a flamboyant hat and high tops, cheered. (my own mom would have gone to town with these women! )
Each time I came out of the dressing room the fair-haired trio raved.
"But isn't it too… (big or small or this or that)" I questioned, each time. Again and again, any doubts and insecurities were hushed, and even my daughter validated the women's opinion.
By now I had two dresses, a jacket, and even a leather skirt to add to my cruise wardrobe. Oh là là indeed! How quickly my luck had turned around–and how effortlessly things came together!
A joyful rush came over me and I threw my arms around the strangers. And when I remembered my sweaty secret I clamped my arms, which only had the effect of squeezing those dear women even closer to me. Like Pepé LePew I could not help but show my emotion!
If they were put off by my scent, they didn't show it. I looked over at the three women, who beamed.
God—incarnate in a flamboyant hat and high tops—had indeed gone shopping with me.
That's when the truth behind Mom's words struck me. In the end, it's a matter of grace.
* * *
French vocabulary
le syndrome du remords de l'acheteur = buyer's remorse
faire l'affaire = work
je pue (puer) = I stink
Everybody has their own style, Mom says. (That's Jules, above).
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Hi Kristin, I’m new to your blog, which is fantastic. You mentioned your scars in the post so I clicked on “scar” and found out about your skin cancers. I, too, have had surgery for basal cell carcinomas, both on my face, one of which is on my cheek, which is almost invisible and the other on my upper lip, which is clearly visible. As a result of the surgery, I lost muscle in the lip so it droops a bit on the left side. I did, however, discover a way to get rid of the droop . . . a smile takes it away!
Hi Kristin, I’m new to your blog, which is fantastic. You mentioned your scars in the post so I clicked on “scar” and found out about your skin cancers. I, too, have had surgery for basal cell carcinomas, both on my face, one of which is on my cheek, which is almost invisible and the other on my upper lip, which is clearly visible. As a result of the surgery, I lost muscle in the lip so it droops a bit on the left side. I did, however, discover a way to get rid of the droop . . . a smile takes it away!
Kristi, it is a matter of grace, which you have in spades! I am smiling, touched by the beauty in your relatable (oh, so!) sweet story! You are simply gorgeous – a classic beauty- in a t-shirt and jeans or your ideal outfit. I understand the desire to have beautiful, comfortable outfits you feel good in for the upcoming cruise.
I love dresses and skirts, though I usually end up in my favorite denim (jeans or shorts depending on the temp) and a bohemian style top with my favorite boots or sandals. I just feel too fussy most of the time in a skirt or dress: must be the tomboy/cowgirl in me!
So grateful your angels spoke up for you on this shopping day, whatever you wear, I feel certain your kindness and beauty will be the star attraction.
Kristi, it is a matter of grace, which you have in spades! I am smiling, touched by the beauty in your relatable (oh, so!) sweet story! You are simply gorgeous – a classic beauty- in a t-shirt and jeans or your ideal outfit. I understand the desire to have beautiful, comfortable outfits you feel good in for the upcoming cruise.
I love dresses and skirts, though I usually end up in my favorite denim (jeans or shorts depending on the temp) and a bohemian style top with my favorite boots or sandals. I just feel too fussy most of the time in a skirt or dress: must be the tomboy/cowgirl in me!
So grateful your angels spoke up for you on this shopping day, whatever you wear, I feel certain your kindness and beauty will be the star attraction.
Kristi,
I liked the dress and boots but thought the belt was too narrow. You look great in a black turtleneck and jeans and boots. Your favorite outfit in camel colors sounds pretty and, let’s face it, you’ll look great in anything. I am a big fan of red tops with black pants and short boots or emerald green with black, but I’m an extrovert a la Jules. Also hard to beat a long sleeved white shirt and black pants. Most of all, have a great trip. Your smile will be your best accessory.
Kristi,
I liked the dress and boots but thought the belt was too narrow. You look great in a black turtleneck and jeans and boots. Your favorite outfit in camel colors sounds pretty and, let’s face it, you’ll look great in anything. I am a big fan of red tops with black pants and short boots or emerald green with black, but I’m an extrovert a la Jules. Also hard to beat a long sleeved white shirt and black pants. Most of all, have a great trip. Your smile will be your best accessory.
UGH. I hate shopping. Humiliation Chamber is right!
Trust yourself, though, Kristin. Even though Jules can manage to remain totally objective and honest, I think everyone will naturally have a different opinion because everyone has a different style. You look beautiful in anything because you are beautiful, period!
Your words reflect exactly what anyone of us with any shade of low self-esteem feels. I wish I could find ONE style or designer that reflects my desire for comfort always – plus a little artsy flair.
We all need a lady’s maid and a dresser!
Enjoy your cruise. Wish I was going. Bon Voyage!
UGH. I hate shopping. Humiliation Chamber is right!
Trust yourself, though, Kristin. Even though Jules can manage to remain totally objective and honest, I think everyone will naturally have a different opinion because everyone has a different style. You look beautiful in anything because you are beautiful, period!
Your words reflect exactly what anyone of us with any shade of low self-esteem feels. I wish I could find ONE style or designer that reflects my desire for comfort always – plus a little artsy flair.
We all need a lady’s maid and a dresser!
Enjoy your cruise. Wish I was going. Bon Voyage!
My hang around outfit is jeans and a sweater and in summer shorts, tee and Birkenstocks.
But when I dress up, I love to wear the funky, uneven hemmed skits or dresses, which I bought in France or some funky skirt I bought here and a tee or shirt with a belt. My favorite store for clothes that fit me is Chicos. Sometimes their prints a bit much, but I usually find something there. I love to shop for clothes,food, you name it . I am a shopaholic. I just love funky, unusual clothes,plus I love to wear boots, flats or sandals and of course the prerequisite scarf in the fall, winter and spring.
Another thing to think about is color….I look good in off white, warm browns, turquoise, blue, yellow green. I should not wear black or white (but I do) and gray is a color which takes color away from the wearer. It is a very difficult color to wear.
I love the seater which you are wearing. You could try the belt a little looser and lower down on the hips. But you look great in everything.
Have a great trip and I wish that we were going,but it did not fit into our schedule.
Kathleen
My hang around outfit is jeans and a sweater and in summer shorts, tee and Birkenstocks.
But when I dress up, I love to wear the funky, uneven hemmed skits or dresses, which I bought in France or some funky skirt I bought here and a tee or shirt with a belt. My favorite store for clothes that fit me is Chicos. Sometimes their prints a bit much, but I usually find something there. I love to shop for clothes,food, you name it . I am a shopaholic. I just love funky, unusual clothes,plus I love to wear boots, flats or sandals and of course the prerequisite scarf in the fall, winter and spring.
Another thing to think about is color….I look good in off white, warm browns, turquoise, blue, yellow green. I should not wear black or white (but I do) and gray is a color which takes color away from the wearer. It is a very difficult color to wear.
I love the seater which you are wearing. You could try the belt a little looser and lower down on the hips. But you look great in everything.
Have a great trip and I wish that we were going,but it did not fit into our schedule.
Kathleen
could not resist posting this here:
Audrey Hepburn Interviewed on French Current Affairs TV Show
A perfect example of Grace, kindness, perfect elegance, Beauty.. and ability to perfect spoken French. 🙂
She is still an example to strive for, isn’t she?
could not resist posting this here:
Audrey Hepburn Interviewed on French Current Affairs TV Show
A perfect example of Grace, kindness, perfect elegance, Beauty.. and ability to perfect spoken French. 🙂
She is still an example to strive for, isn’t she?
Francesca, that is a wonderful interview. Thanks!
Francesca, that is a wonderful interview. Thanks!