Earlier this week, on Facebook, I posted Snoopy's message (even if I didn't believe a word of it): Chaque fois que tu trouves de l'humour dans une situation difficile, tu gagnes.
une broutille (broo-tee)
a trifle, a small matter, a little thing, nothing
Audio File: Listen to Max Download MP3 or Wav file
perdre son temps à des broutilles = to waste one's time on unimportant matters
se préoccuper de broutilles = to focus on insignificant details
s'inquiéter pour des broutilles = to worry about nothing
se disputer pour des (ou une) broutilles = to fight over nothing
A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse
On Monday morning I quietly packed an overnight bag and left it on the edge of my bed. Next, I drew a few deep breaths, clicked open my blog, and began searching the archives for a post to rerun. Though I have gone to work and written stories under more nerve-racking circumstances, this time the energy-fueling crisis could not be put to constructive use–not even for sentence construction (emotional turmoil can be an adept wordsmith).
As I searched for a story to repost, I stopped, now and again, to contemplate the packed bag. If it eventually disappeared from the edge of the bed, it would be the first time in 19-years of marriage that I dared employ Plan B (a night spent alone at a cheap hotel…to think things over). But what would a little room cost? I wondered. I'd spend 60, at least… Surely I could get an off-season room in Bandol for 60/65…? Maybe they'll offer a discount if I stay a week. Will I stay a week?
Don't think about that right now, I told myself. Wait for that "still small voice" inside to guide you. Meantime, one step in front of the other… Get your work done and then you can decide what to do.
I walked on in ignorant bliss until, suddenly, my smile fell and I froze in my tracks. The drain? He is not going to put that vacuum attachment down the drain!
Electricity is a big bone of contention in our household. Over the two decades that I have lived with Jean-Marc, I have watched him dabble in DIY work. He is no good at it, he admits, but that doesn't take away his enthusiasm–nor do the trips to ER when he slips! Lately, after long discussions with my mom, I have learned to see Jean-Marc's DIY adventures in a new light: not only is he extremely curious, but such projects are his way of expressing himself–unleashing his inner-artist! Thus, we have the velcro-taped GPS in our car and the duct-taped mop-spear. The perfectionist in me winces at each of my husband's latest "solution creations" which lack for visual esthetique. But, lately, thanks to Mom's help, I can smile at them and even begin to appreciate the quirky man-made fix-its. And I can almost overlook my husband's obsession with refitting all the electric cords (on the microwave, the TV, the lamps…he seems fascinated by the anatomy of the cord. He itches to reveal the wires within the black rubber conduit).
But I draw the line at electricity and water.
"There is a plastic bottle cap stuck in the drain and I am going to vacuum it out!" This, Jean-Marc states with intention, for he knows that I will go hoarse trying to talk him out of it. "The drain is dry," he adds. "There is no worry about water!"
I pause, knowing that if this conversation continues it will continue at a great expense. Listen, I want to say to my husband, I get it that you need to do your thing. I get it that I am to leave you alone with your projects and schemes. I get it. I get it. But I will never "get" electricity and I am asking you to wait for the plumber to arrive. He's scheduled to be here, anyway, and he can get the bottle cap out of the drain!
Realizing that I was not going to let up, Jean-Marc let go, losing his battle with self-control. This happened somewhere between his urging to, "Trust me that I know what I am doing," and his final desperate plea: "LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!"
I did trust him to know what he was doing and I did want him to live his life (obviously!). Only, as I so often tell our son, "It isn't you I worry about. It's the other drivers!" (Here, it isn't Jean-Marc I worry about. It is the water and the electricity!)
***
Back in my bedroom, having closed the door on the verbal gunfire that raged on, solo, back in the living room, I tell my daughter: "Get your bag, we are leaving for school now." Only, when I open the door, there stands my husband, goggle-eyed, arms rising up and down.
I stood completely silent and still before the stunning bottle cap-and-vacuum spectacle, not a single of my limbs in motion, yet inside my arms were flapping wildly and my mouth thundered just like his. I was just as riled as he was, only I managed to keep it all tucked neatly inside as I walked right on past the live wire and out the door.
I don't know how I happened onto the site of a photographer based in Memphis, but I stayed to study every single photo in her touching self-portrait exposition, in which she photographs people sneering or mocking her (seemingly unbeknownst to her) because of her weight. Artist Haley Morris-Cafiero writes:
For my series, Wait Watchers, I set up a camera in a heavy-traffic, public area and take hundreds of photographs as I perform mundane, everyday tasks as people pass by me. I then examine the images to see if any of the passersby had a critical or questioning element in their face or in their body language. I consider my photographs a social experiment and I travel the world in an attempt to photograph the reactions of a diverse pool of passersby.
I have always had a hard time controlling my weight. My uncontrollable exterior has determined my place in society and I have often felt left out and awkward.
The artist's words hit hard and for the first time I realized that, though we all have struggles and vices, some of us have the added humility of having to wear their uncontrollable sides on the outside–weight and temper being two examples. With this thought came a wave of compassion for all who suffer from outward expressions of their inner conflicts.
Jean-Marc calmed down in time to bring me wildflowers in an attempt to reconcile. Accepting them, I was unable to curb my impulse to point out HIS faults. (I didn't see it as humiliation at the time but–like using a blow torch to put out a lighted candle wick–such words were crushing and unnecessary… and only served to fuel the flame!)
By the third bouquet of wildflowers (it took days–and many bouquets–to reconcile…) I began to see some of my own vices, trickier for myself, or others, to identify as they are hidden on the inside: stubborness, self-righteousness, intolerance, perfectionism, the need to control, over-anxiousness–to name several. Unlike the overweight photographer or the short-tempered husband, I have the luxury of keeping my vices and sins to myself, though I endeavor to share most of them in the stories I write. Afterwards, I can't help but see the humor and the beauty and the value in the struggle of life.
"I'm uncomfortable when you talk about your struggles with alcoholism," one readers comments. Another writes, "Aren't you afraid you'll lose Jean-Marc–aren't you doing him a disservice by writing these very personal accounts). I worry some other woman will steal him away from you!"
Such notes make me cower back inside myself, and I think my writing days are over. If I cannot tell my story–through the lens of humor or whichever lens I'm using for a particular episode–then I might spend my time sorting socks (and some of you will agree yes, Kristin, this would be best!).
"But writing is your gift! Don't let intimidation silence your creativity!" my mom urges me (sure, she's my mom, Moms say that kind of thing… but I feel that kind of thing–not the gift but the words and sentences that will not stop filing across my mind, or chattering in my ears, until they are set down in story form. It is torture, but, three times each week, it is delivery).
Post note: Jean-Marc has always encouraged me to share my story. "If it is the truth," he says, "then tell it."
Thanks for visiting our sponsor:
LISTEN & READ-ALONG French/English mystery book & AUDIO CD! Vocabulary, grammar, & quizzes. Great French gift! $34.95
.
When you shop for any item at Amazon, using the highlighted links, you help to support this free French journal. Merci beaucoup!
- Check out Carla Bruni's Little French Songs.
- A Tour of the Heart: A Seductive Cycling Trip Through France.
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Books on co-dependency might be useful, eg. Melody Beatty, Harville Hendrix. Al-anon & Co-dependents Anon, 12-steps, in Marseille might be interesting; helpful for writer’s block too. You might appreciate Dalton Kehoe’s ‘effective communication skills.’
Books on co-dependency might be useful, eg. Melody Beatty, Harville Hendrix. Al-anon & Co-dependents Anon, 12-steps, in Marseille might be interesting; helpful for writer’s block too. You might appreciate Dalton Kehoe’s ‘effective communication skills.’
Be wary of those who paint doors for what appears colorful and full of light might reveal a more intense and twisted darkness hidden deep within the shadows beyond……
Be wary of those who paint doors for what appears colorful and full of light might reveal a more intense and twisted darkness hidden deep within the shadows beyond……
Kristin, you are an excellent writer and I really love to read your “slices of life”. Like you and your family, we just went through renovating a 100 year old house (yours is probably 300 years old) and for a time we only had one commode for me, my wife and four kids (16 to 7 years). Thankfully, their grandmother is about 6 blocks away for showers but it was a trial by fire. All renovations try ones soul and you will swear never to do it again but like childbirth, you will quickly forget the pain and appreciate the finer architectural points and better workmanship of an older home. And… eventually do it again. Thanks for your honest writings. Good to know that we are not alone in how difficult renovating can be. Lately, i’ve been referring back to my wife’s favorite childhood book; it is called “Frederick” its about a mouse in a den of mice preparing for winter. Frederick doesn’t collect seeds and insulation, he collects memories and senses so that when the mice are down and out in the winter with little to eat, Frederick helps bolster their spirtis by reminding them of sunnier, better days. sometimes that is all we can expect during these tough times. I also loved the photo of you and your Beau on your wedding day. Your smile was absolutely radiant. What a happy day!!!
Kristin, you are an excellent writer and I really love to read your “slices of life”. Like you and your family, we just went through renovating a 100 year old house (yours is probably 300 years old) and for a time we only had one commode for me, my wife and four kids (16 to 7 years). Thankfully, their grandmother is about 6 blocks away for showers but it was a trial by fire. All renovations try ones soul and you will swear never to do it again but like childbirth, you will quickly forget the pain and appreciate the finer architectural points and better workmanship of an older home. And… eventually do it again. Thanks for your honest writings. Good to know that we are not alone in how difficult renovating can be. Lately, i’ve been referring back to my wife’s favorite childhood book; it is called “Frederick” its about a mouse in a den of mice preparing for winter. Frederick doesn’t collect seeds and insulation, he collects memories and senses so that when the mice are down and out in the winter with little to eat, Frederick helps bolster their spirtis by reminding them of sunnier, better days. sometimes that is all we can expect during these tough times. I also loved the photo of you and your Beau on your wedding day. Your smile was absolutely radiant. What a happy day!!!
Dear Kristin,
I am a sporadic reader, who enjoys your occasional peeks into French life and countryside, and, of course, your family. I wanted to recommend to you Julia Cameron, a writer, playwrite, artist, and all-around creative soul, who has a website: http://www.juliacameronlive.com, as well as several books called “The Artist’s Way.” After reading some of your blogs about times when you’ve had meltdowns or have been beaten with self-doubt, I’m recommending The Artist’s Way because I think it has some great tools to grow both the woman and the writer in you. She has something she calls Morning Pages, which is what you handwrite the first thing before anything else, whatever comes to mind, scraps of conversation, disturbances, awareness, everything. To clear the pipes, so to speak. I know all her work is on Amazon. I have my own dark times and wanted to share something that helps.
Yours from California,
Gaye
Dear Kristin,
I am a sporadic reader, who enjoys your occasional peeks into French life and countryside, and, of course, your family. I wanted to recommend to you Julia Cameron, a writer, playwrite, artist, and all-around creative soul, who has a website: http://www.juliacameronlive.com, as well as several books called “The Artist’s Way.” After reading some of your blogs about times when you’ve had meltdowns or have been beaten with self-doubt, I’m recommending The Artist’s Way because I think it has some great tools to grow both the woman and the writer in you. She has something she calls Morning Pages, which is what you handwrite the first thing before anything else, whatever comes to mind, scraps of conversation, disturbances, awareness, everything. To clear the pipes, so to speak. I know all her work is on Amazon. I have my own dark times and wanted to share something that helps.
Yours from California,
Gaye
Dear Kristin — I am definitely of the ‘Write Your Own Heart’ persuasion. You may lose a friend or two on your journey, but you will surely gain some, as well.
By sharing your story honestly, you inspire all of us to be more brave. As a writer, I am more resolved than ever to speak in my own voice.
Blessings and all things good to you, Jean-Marc, Jules, Jackie, Max, Braise and Smokey, and to all who share your experiences with you.
Dear Kristin — I am definitely of the ‘Write Your Own Heart’ persuasion. You may lose a friend or two on your journey, but you will surely gain some, as well.
By sharing your story honestly, you inspire all of us to be more brave. As a writer, I am more resolved than ever to speak in my own voice.
Blessings and all things good to you, Jean-Marc, Jules, Jackie, Max, Braise and Smokey, and to all who share your experiences with you.
So how does one say Sarcastic Gambit in french? We can do without certain responses. So well said, Nancy from Indiana!
So how does one say Sarcastic Gambit in french? We can do without certain responses. So well said, Nancy from Indiana!
Does Sargam have a psychology degree? If so, it should be used on someone who really cares and asks what he/she thinks. Negatives never solve a problem, positives do. Maybe the way Sargam is writing is the real problem.
Kristin, you have heard the support from your fans. Just delete Sargam from this point on. There are more of us your true fans.
Does Sargam have a psychology degree? If so, it should be used on someone who really cares and asks what he/she thinks. Negatives never solve a problem, positives do. Maybe the way Sargam is writing is the real problem.
Kristin, you have heard the support from your fans. Just delete Sargam from this point on. There are more of us your true fans.
I have to echo many of the other comments. Your honesty and “real-ness” (is that a word?) is why we love your blog. Do NOT change a thing! If it makes a few poor souls uncomfortable, the problem is theirs, not yours. Let them go.
I have to echo many of the other comments. Your honesty and “real-ness” (is that a word?) is why we love your blog. Do NOT change a thing! If it makes a few poor souls uncomfortable, the problem is theirs, not yours. Let them go.
I have just began reading your blog and I truly enjoy it! Please do not quit being honest and true and ….human. We all are. I have been in your situation in my 19 years of marriage also, and realtionships aof all kinds have good times and bad. It is all good, as long as the relationship can grow and stretch and still be loving. Keep writing and being yourself. The truth is often hard to read or hear and some people simply cannot handle life without putting on a pair of rose coloured glasses. Listen to your Mom, she is wise in her years.
I have just began reading your blog and I truly enjoy it! Please do not quit being honest and true and ….human. We all are. I have been in your situation in my 19 years of marriage also, and realtionships aof all kinds have good times and bad. It is all good, as long as the relationship can grow and stretch and still be loving. Keep writing and being yourself. The truth is often hard to read or hear and some people simply cannot handle life without putting on a pair of rose coloured glasses. Listen to your Mom, she is wise in her years.
How easy it is to write, judge, whatever, on someone’s blog. Comments we would Never dream of saying to their face… Would it be judgemental to label this cowardice?!? Where does frank exchange of opinion turns to bullying?
Sigh.
Dear Dear Kristin
We all read your blog(or we wouldn’t be here!). The mix of emotions we experience on reading it must be as varied as there are readers! Interesting, thought provoking, amusing. And, for some, confronting.
That a reader may be uncomfortable with anything you write about, surely, is their prerogative; and in expressing this (politely) should not be “judged” any more than we judge your writings. It has caused you to pause and maybe feel a pang of insecurity that you might struggle with; but it is honest (it’s his/her truth). We don’t need to know why it makes this person uncomfortable…. It’s their struggle and may (ultimately) enrich you and your writing. Your own struggle is how it makes You feel. 🙂
I love your blog, whether the subject is serious or funny . You are to be respected and applauded for your courage. As so many of us here, I love you and your family as well, without knowing you personally. Your generosity and talent shine! When a post generates this amount of passion in its readers…. you know you have “arrived”.! 🙂
Let’s not judge the judgmental (!). But, we should know better than dumping our emotions on the writer… Before putting virtual pen to paper, let’s think on this: Les paroles s’envolent, mais les écrits restent. (Words fly away, but the written word is forever). And this saying my father was fond of quoting (which I too often forget to remember): Il faut tourner sept fois sa langue dans sa bouche avant de parler. (Turn your tongue in your mouth seven times before speaking).
I have written these words with love in my heart, but struggle with expressing my thoughts. I hope I have not offended anyone . One person’s discomfort is another ‘s pathway to understanding.
And, once again, Jules reveals her inner tigress! Good on ya, Jules… (I think that might be Aussie slang..).
Enjoy your togetherness.
Jacqueline in grey wintery Brisbane.
How easy it is to write, judge, whatever, on someone’s blog. Comments we would Never dream of saying to their face… Would it be judgemental to label this cowardice?!? Where does frank exchange of opinion turns to bullying?
Sigh.
Dear Dear Kristin
We all read your blog(or we wouldn’t be here!). The mix of emotions we experience on reading it must be as varied as there are readers! Interesting, thought provoking, amusing. And, for some, confronting.
That a reader may be uncomfortable with anything you write about, surely, is their prerogative; and in expressing this (politely) should not be “judged” any more than we judge your writings. It has caused you to pause and maybe feel a pang of insecurity that you might struggle with; but it is honest (it’s his/her truth). We don’t need to know why it makes this person uncomfortable…. It’s their struggle and may (ultimately) enrich you and your writing. Your own struggle is how it makes You feel. 🙂
I love your blog, whether the subject is serious or funny . You are to be respected and applauded for your courage. As so many of us here, I love you and your family as well, without knowing you personally. Your generosity and talent shine! When a post generates this amount of passion in its readers…. you know you have “arrived”.! 🙂
Let’s not judge the judgmental (!). But, we should know better than dumping our emotions on the writer… Before putting virtual pen to paper, let’s think on this: Les paroles s’envolent, mais les écrits restent. (Words fly away, but the written word is forever). And this saying my father was fond of quoting (which I too often forget to remember): Il faut tourner sept fois sa langue dans sa bouche avant de parler. (Turn your tongue in your mouth seven times before speaking).
I have written these words with love in my heart, but struggle with expressing my thoughts. I hope I have not offended anyone . One person’s discomfort is another ‘s pathway to understanding.
And, once again, Jules reveals her inner tigress! Good on ya, Jules… (I think that might be Aussie slang..).
Enjoy your togetherness.
Jacqueline in grey wintery Brisbane.
Kristin,
Listen to your mom’s advise, she knows best.
Readers who are uncomfortable with your honest writing, they have the freedom to stop reading your blog, nobody is forcing them to do so.
Love your stories and your life in my favorite country!! which I’ll be visiting soon, this time from Biarritz to Normandy.
Marti
Kristin,
Listen to your mom’s advise, she knows best.
Readers who are uncomfortable with your honest writing, they have the freedom to stop reading your blog, nobody is forcing them to do so.
Love your stories and your life in my favorite country!! which I’ll be visiting soon, this time from Biarritz to Normandy.
Marti
I very much agree with the sentiment of most people who have already commented here – tell the truth, whatever it is, and people will always respect you for it. The old saying springs to mind “a trouble shared is a trouble halved, an idea shared is an idea doubled”. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the stories and many great comments in some of your blog posts and this one in particular. It’s easy to see why your blog is so popular!
Joe
I very much agree with the sentiment of most people who have already commented here – tell the truth, whatever it is, and people will always respect you for it. The old saying springs to mind “a trouble shared is a trouble halved, an idea shared is an idea doubled”. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the stories and many great comments in some of your blog posts and this one in particular. It’s easy to see why your blog is so popular!
Joe
Hi Kristi,
I enjoy your posts so much, thank you for the efforts you put into your newsletter. I am forever grateful to a darling friend who shared your newsletter with me. You brighten my day. Have a wonderful visit with your mother,
leslie
Hi Kristi,
I enjoy your posts so much, thank you for the efforts you put into your newsletter. I am forever grateful to a darling friend who shared your newsletter with me. You brighten my day. Have a wonderful visit with your mother,
leslie
I happened upon your blog today and loved this post in particular. It’s not easy to give ourselves. This you know. But in the end, it’s the best gift we can give. Thank you for being courageous. Thank you for sharing what you learn. Thank you for sharing you.
I happened upon your blog today and loved this post in particular. It’s not easy to give ourselves. This you know. But in the end, it’s the best gift we can give. Thank you for being courageous. Thank you for sharing what you learn. Thank you for sharing you.
Kristi, I love the comments, I love your writing. Yes, it does make me a little uncomfortable – such honesty! Good going!
Kristi, I love the comments, I love your writing. Yes, it does make me a little uncomfortable – such honesty! Good going!
Kristi, NEVER stop sharing your honest and forthright stories of life in your lovely family! All of us who have been enjoying your website since forever love you, your writing, and your whole family. If someone is offended by your sharing your struggles with alcohol, then she is very unaware of the benefits gained from your kind honesty by those who face similar challenges. You are a lovely, warm person who cares deeply for others, and shows it. God bless the spirit you show. And kudos to your loving husband who appreciates you and your writing. Forget about the person who disparaged you. It’s their issue, not yours!
Kristi, NEVER stop sharing your honest and forthright stories of life in your lovely family! All of us who have been enjoying your website since forever love you, your writing, and your whole family. If someone is offended by your sharing your struggles with alcohol, then she is very unaware of the benefits gained from your kind honesty by those who face similar challenges. You are a lovely, warm person who cares deeply for others, and shows it. God bless the spirit you show. And kudos to your loving husband who appreciates you and your writing. Forget about the person who disparaged you. It’s their issue, not yours!
Dear Kristi,
I was late to finding your blog, but oh how much I have learned that people truly are people everywhere. I loved this story that you shared, and I love that you waited for the little voice that never came for God would not want you to leave your true love, and I love your trust in Him and your love for your husband and Jean-Marc’s for you.
Truly, I identify with many of the things you told about, especially stubbornness which I am realy working on with God. A bit come lately as I am 73, but it is never to late to take stock and see where one can become kind and gentle, loving and compassionate as Jesus is.
You are a wonderful woman and we are all so blessed with your sharings. When I want to criticize, all I have to do is look inside me and go Oops!! Well, I remember often, but moreso would be better.
God bless you both, always, C-Marie
Dear Kristi,
I was late to finding your blog, but oh how much I have learned that people truly are people everywhere. I loved this story that you shared, and I love that you waited for the little voice that never came for God would not want you to leave your true love, and I love your trust in Him and your love for your husband and Jean-Marc’s for you.
Truly, I identify with many of the things you told about, especially stubbornness which I am realy working on with God. A bit come lately as I am 73, but it is never to late to take stock and see where one can become kind and gentle, loving and compassionate as Jesus is.
You are a wonderful woman and we are all so blessed with your sharings. When I want to criticize, all I have to do is look inside me and go Oops!! Well, I remember often, but moreso would be better.
God bless you both, always, C-Marie