"This one's for you!" (pictured: that's me with the cake, my husband, right, gets all the wine around here–even when we lived on a vineyard, where wine all but flowed from the garden hose.)
A (Very Special) DAY IN A FRENCH …by Kristi Espinasse
Yesterday a delicate and meaningful milestone quietly passed. Waking up, I searched for a way to respectfully acknowledge the date, lest it pass as another ordinary day. Quietly walking out to the bedroom terrace, I looked around at the countryside. As far as the eye could see, there was greenery: olive and almond trees, the forest, and the sea.
It was a relief to wake with a clear head and no regrets. Breathing in the morning scent, I closed my eyes. Now was the time. I offered up the simple acknowledgment, and thanks. There was a moment of complete and utter silence, and then seagulls cried in the distance. A train passed, blowing its horn. The neighbor's dogs barked. My robe sagged, and I reached down to tighten the belt. It was both an ordinary and an extraordinary day.
"You can take me to lunch," I hinted to Jean-Marc, both reminding him of the important date—and suggesting how he might help me to mark the occasion.
"How about with a big glass of cognac?" he chuckled.
"That is NOT funny!" No matter how many times I tell him that such jokes, given the circumstance, are in bad taste, he cannot help himself.
"OK, then how about a six-pack?" my husband continued.
"T'es terrible!"
"I'm very proud of you," Jean-Marc assured me, planting a kiss on my lips. His tenderness provoked flashbacks of years ago, when I would discover little notes stuck in a book I was reading or in the pocket of my robe.
"Çela fait dix jours. Continue, Mon Amour… That makes ten days. Keep it up, My Love," the encouragements read, and "Trois semaines! Fier de toi, Ma Chérie! Three weeks now! So proud of you, My Dear!"
The scribbled notes were encouraging but had I foreseen the future, I might not have had the guts to continue on the new path, not knowing that some of the rockiest parts were just around the corner. The hand-written notes would stop. The sores would begin to open.
A decade has passed and I am still on that fragile path; despite all the setbacks, I have never once veered off track. And even if I wouldn't be celebrating the 10-year mark with a glass of champagne, I was looking forward to eating out with my husband.
Only, when my daughter ran up, asking to bring a friend home for lunch, plans changed. Five months at the new school, and she, too, had passed a delicate milestone: the courage to invite a new friend home!
Well, at least I no longer have to fret about what to wear to the restaurant! The positive thoughts continued as I set about tidying the house, and preparing for my daughter's special lunch.
But as I hurried to fix up the house for our important guest, I felt a familiar rush of panic. There won't be time to finish the cleaning AND to get the meal started. Recognizing the anxiety—that old foe that I could not cope with ten years ago—I was able to put a stop to it. No, there wouldn't be time if I insisted on a perfect outcome. But there was plenty of time otherwise!
What was important, after all, wasn't how the house looked or what we ate, it was how our guest would feel. I wanted Jackie's friend to experience that good and cozy and welcoming feeling and to leave with a desire to return!
"Promise to come back and see us?" I said, kissing my daughter's friend goodbye after lunch.
"Oui!" came the shy response.
Noticing the look in the young lady's eyes it seemed a guardian angel was smiling back at me. If I had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and be pampered, I would have missed this heavenly encounter.
At the end of the day Jean Marc presented me with a gift. Gently tapping on the door to the bedroom, where I had been putting away a stack of freshly folded clothes, he curled his finger several times, signaling to me to follow him.
I was a little leery of whatever he was dragging me out to see. After polyester pajamas, discount branch shredders, and T-shirts I could never wear in public, I never knew what kind of gift was up his sleeves.
"Will I like it?" I asked, nervously, letting my husband lead me by the sleeve.
Opening the front door, I saw the little cherry tree posed just beyond the welcome mat, like a gushing guest. I looked closely at the delicate, leafless branches. The tiny buds were burgeoning.
"Congratulations!" Jean-Marc said. "I'm so proud of you!"
The burgeoning continued, inside of me, as teardrops surfaced like the little buds of the cherry tree. Fragile as its branches, my sobriety continues.
Update: February 3rd, 2019, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety.
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Re your blog today -Oh! Kristin which of us can honestly say’ I have no skeletons in my cupboard.’ These ‘mistakes, errors, bad decisions ‘ are what make us what we become ; We learn from them & hopefully are all the better for these lessons.
My opinion of you (for what it is worth) is that you are a warm ,loving, thoughtful human being .
Re your blog today -Oh! Kristin which of us can honestly say’ I have no skeletons in my cupboard.’ These ‘mistakes, errors, bad decisions ‘ are what make us what we become ; We learn from them & hopefully are all the better for these lessons.
My opinion of you (for what it is worth) is that you are a warm ,loving, thoughtful human being .
As a 44 year old woman who just celebrated 20 years of sobriety I understand and applaud your accomplishment. It’s not easy, especially when you are surrounded by well meaning but misunderstanding people. I still get friends—really good ones—who tell me that they’d like to see me drink again. Or that I’m a totally different person than I was 20 years ago, so it’s safe to drink!! Congratulations on 10 years. Congratulations on getting the courage to find a new way of coping and of learning to love yourself one day at a time.
As a 44 year old woman who just celebrated 20 years of sobriety I understand and applaud your accomplishment. It’s not easy, especially when you are surrounded by well meaning but misunderstanding people. I still get friends—really good ones—who tell me that they’d like to see me drink again. Or that I’m a totally different person than I was 20 years ago, so it’s safe to drink!! Congratulations on 10 years. Congratulations on getting the courage to find a new way of coping and of learning to love yourself one day at a time.
wow. i have never posted. you have touched me today. Fly!
wow. i have never posted. you have touched me today. Fly!
ten is a wonderful number. After all you have been through, you remain beautiful.
You always look like the sunlight has kissed you
ten is a wonderful number. After all you have been through, you remain beautiful.
You always look like the sunlight has kissed you
Happy 10 Years! God bless you!
Happy 10 Years! God bless you!
Kristin, you are not only one of the most courageous woman I’ve known (even if to date I only know you through your blog) but you are gifted in making excellent choices! You moved to France to follow your heart, you knew you needed to stop drinking, and now you know that sharing your life will help so many others. BRAVA BEAUTIFUL!
Kristin, you are not only one of the most courageous woman I’ve known (even if to date I only know you through your blog) but you are gifted in making excellent choices! You moved to France to follow your heart, you knew you needed to stop drinking, and now you know that sharing your life will help so many others. BRAVA BEAUTIFUL!
Am I missing something?
Am I missing something?
I can’t say more than so many have said already. Thank you for sharing your life’s ups and downs with your readers. I have looked forward to reading your posts since I was a lonesome student in Paris in 2006. Thank you for the life and love that encourages us all. I will remember the image of that budding cherry tree for a long time. Thank you.
I can’t say more than so many have said already. Thank you for sharing your life’s ups and downs with your readers. I have looked forward to reading your posts since I was a lonesome student in Paris in 2006. Thank you for the life and love that encourages us all. I will remember the image of that budding cherry tree for a long time. Thank you.
I am reading this with huge respect for you Kristin
I am reading this with huge respect for you Kristin
Kristin:Since I have not too long been acquainted with you and am not sure what previously transpired and which matters not. Just please know that each day I look forward to hearing from you, enjoying every word. With best wishes, Vivian
Kristin:Since I have not too long been acquainted with you and am not sure what previously transpired and which matters not. Just please know that each day I look forward to hearing from you, enjoying every word. With best wishes, Vivian
Kristi, you are an amazing, brave woman. We are so proud of you and admire your strength. Keep up the good fight!! Your are an inspiration to so many people. <3!!!!!!!
Kristi, you are an amazing, brave woman. We are so proud of you and admire your strength. Keep up the good fight!! Your are an inspiration to so many people. <3!!!!!!!
Congratulations Kristi. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. You are to be so admired for your hard work at staying sober. What a gift you have given yourself, and your family.
I sure do enjoy all your stories. Keep it up.
Congratulations Kristi. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. You are to be so admired for your hard work at staying sober. What a gift you have given yourself, and your family.
I sure do enjoy all your stories. Keep it up.
Kristi, I read chapter 1 and identified, painfully and gratefully. Please do continue writing your story; it will help many who, like me, edit out the unappealing chapters of our lives and wear the happy face for our families and friends. You are a powerfully gifted writer and a courageous soul. Congratulations for your 10 year mark, and Thank You for for my own fragile 10 days. Marchons!
Kristi, I read chapter 1 and identified, painfully and gratefully. Please do continue writing your story; it will help many who, like me, edit out the unappealing chapters of our lives and wear the happy face for our families and friends. You are a powerfully gifted writer and a courageous soul. Congratulations for your 10 year mark, and Thank You for for my own fragile 10 days. Marchons!
I have no words of wisdom to impart, I’m not as good with words as you are. I support you and admire you for having great courage. Congratulations on 10 years and keep fighting the fight each day forward. Know that you are loved by family, friends and fans.
Deb
I have no words of wisdom to impart, I’m not as good with words as you are. I support you and admire you for having great courage. Congratulations on 10 years and keep fighting the fight each day forward. Know that you are loved by family, friends and fans.
Deb
Dear Kristi, Like you I write to discover what it is I do not know…write your memoir as boldly as you can…with it I think you will discover real lightness of being. It is a gift like sobriety you can only give yourself. And thank you for the blog and the photos. Jean Marc’s love for you shines in every photo.
Best to you, Anny
Dear Kristi, Like you I write to discover what it is I do not know…write your memoir as boldly as you can…with it I think you will discover real lightness of being. It is a gift like sobriety you can only give yourself. And thank you for the blog and the photos. Jean Marc’s love for you shines in every photo.
Best to you, Anny
I tried to resubscibe but can’t – it says I’m already subscribed. Could you please add me? I had stopped reading because it was too painful to read about France if we couldn’t go… but after my husband told me about your new book, I want back in!
God bless you.
I tried to resubscibe but can’t – it says I’m already subscribed. Could you please add me? I had stopped reading because it was too painful to read about France if we couldn’t go… but after my husband told me about your new book, I want back in!
God bless you.
Wow. Just now reading this. Very brave, Kristin. Felicitations.
Wow. Just now reading this. Very brave, Kristin. Felicitations.
Congrats Kristen!! Its a wonderful achievement and lovely of you to share it with us, lynne
Congrats Kristen!! Its a wonderful achievement and lovely of you to share it with us, lynne
So proud of you. You are an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work!
So proud of you. You are an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work!
Wow, it took along time to get to this box. Wow, I couldn’t be more shocked and surprised. Wow! I totally get how secrets stink and revelations work–quiet or not. I prefer being-out myself, but my lack of recovery from an eating disorder (Bulimia) almost killed me. I, literally, lost 10 years of my life and tried to live-in hiding, when I was clearly exposed and vulnerable everyday. Today, I am married and have two children, 16 and 12 years old. My older daughter will be leaving for France in two days, wow! For me, I am a college student, clearly focused on earning my degree and learning French too! HAPPY DAY!
Wow, it took along time to get to this box. Wow, I couldn’t be more shocked and surprised. Wow! I totally get how secrets stink and revelations work–quiet or not. I prefer being-out myself, but my lack of recovery from an eating disorder (Bulimia) almost killed me. I, literally, lost 10 years of my life and tried to live-in hiding, when I was clearly exposed and vulnerable everyday. Today, I am married and have two children, 16 and 12 years old. My older daughter will be leaving for France in two days, wow! For me, I am a college student, clearly focused on earning my degree and learning French too! HAPPY DAY!
I’m enjoying your recovery story and passing it on to others. Wonderful.
Thank you.
Persis
I’m enjoying your recovery story and passing it on to others. Wonderful.
Thank you.
Persis
Congratulations…. And thank you for you emails showing us interesting vocab and how to use it in context….. Best of luck in all that you do x
Congratulations…. And thank you for you emails showing us interesting vocab and how to use it in context….. Best of luck in all that you do x
You are both an amazing couple, you have shared your lives with us. Spending hours to write wonderful words, meanings and the understanding of French Life.
I could not have wished for such a welcome into the French Way of Life. The life of your family. ‘Bon Courage’
You are both an amazing couple, you have shared your lives with us. Spending hours to write wonderful words, meanings and the understanding of French Life.
I could not have wished for such a welcome into the French Way of Life. The life of your family. ‘Bon Courage’
Ouah! Félicitations. Mon beau frère vient de fêter ses 25 ans de sobriété. It can be done! Bravo.
Ouah! Félicitations. Mon beau frère vient de fêter ses 25 ans de sobriété. It can be done! Bravo.
Please don’t stop writing. I so enjoy being part of your journey. To tell the truth what would life be without the lumps and bumps, it can only make us stronger. And we all learn from each other. 10 years! Wow! I am so impressed.
Please don’t stop writing. I so enjoy being part of your journey. To tell the truth what would life be without the lumps and bumps, it can only make us stronger. And we all learn from each other. 10 years! Wow! I am so impressed.